Mr Right, the I.B.M. & Prince Charming

[Syrah]

...are we dreaming??

I'm not gonna front. I have my list - my list of the qualities that Mr. Right will possess. It's not written down, and I don't sleep with it under my pillow, but its in my head...and damnit, when that 5'5" brother steps to me at the club and asks for my number - I can't lie, sometimes I do think "but my IBM is 6'2".

Have I ever met Mr. Right? Nope.
Prince Charming? Only when I'm sleeping.
The I.B.M. (Ideal Black Man)? Sure. But he was happily married with 2.5 kids AND the white picket fence. And according to his wife, he was not her Mr. Right until she took the time to get to know HIM.

Are we dreaming??

Here's why I ask: All the happy couples I've ever met - when I ask him about HER or her about HIM, it's never "he was everything I wanted and more" but "he had a few things that I wanted and so many other things that I'd never even considered".

Maybe we're missing the point. Maybe our lists and criteria have us passing on the good ones while we're holding out for something that isn't so perfect after all (or maybe doesn't exist/is unavailable). Maybe the 6'4", brown skinned, with lips like Boris Kodjoe, and the intellect of Edward Norton is not the god-fearing, BMW driving man with a good relationship with his mother that we want him to be. Maybe that man is 5'8" with a bald head, and didn't attend Howard but instead started a computer repair business that he's been managing ever since.

So I'm wondering - By holding out for "Mr. Right" are we setting ourselves up for failure?? Are we missing the good ones because right off the bat they don't match our preconceived notions of perfection?

Do we have "Prince Charming" all mixed up?!?

 

[audacious1]

...are we dreaming??

I'm not gonna front. I have my list - my list of the qualities that Mr. Right will possess. It's not written down, and I don't sleep with it under my pillow, but its in my head...and damnit, when that 5'5" brother steps to me at the club and asks for my number - I can't lie, sometimes I do think "but my IBM is 6'2".

Have I ever met Mr. Right? Nope.
Prince Charming? Only when I'm sleeping.
The I.B.M. (Ideal Black Man)? Sure. But he was happily married with 2.5 kids AND the white picket fence. And according to his wife, he was not her Mr. Right until she took the time to get to know HIM.

Are we dreaming??

Here's why I ask: All the happy couples I've ever met - when I ask him about HER or her about HIM, it's never "he was everything I wanted and more" but "he had a few things that I wanted and so many other things that I'd never even considered".

Maybe we're missing the point. Maybe our lists and criteria have us passing on the good ones while we're holding out for something that isn't so perfect after all (or maybe doesn't exist/is unavailable). Maybe the 6'4", brown skinned, with lips like Boris Kodjoe, and the intellect of Edward Norton is not the god-fearing, BMW driving man with a good relationship with his mother that we want him to be. Maybe that man is 5'8" with a bald head, and didn't attend Howard but instead started a computer repair business that he's been managing ever since.

So I'm wondering - By holding out for "Mr. Right" are we setting ourselves up for failure?? Are we missing the good ones because right off the bat they don't match our preconceived notions of perfection?

Do we have "Prince Charming" all mixed up?!?

You know, I've never built a Mr. Right list because I have no idea want I think I want. And if I don't know what I think I want, how do I know what I really want?

My immediate response after seeing the title of your thread was "Mr Right, the IBM and Prince Charming are all figures of the imagination"

Although, I do believe there is a Mr. Right-For- Audacios1. I just gotta find him

 

[Syrah]

Oh I do too.

However, it's a matter of finding HIM rather than figuring out what he should be and then finding someone who comes closes to meeting the requirements.

..and find him we will.

 

[ichephren]

weirdly enough, i was thinking about this today as well..what if your list is not really complete and the things you want, you don't really need and the things you need you don't know you want. now i think it's good to have a foundation of values that you feel are important, but the details and some non-negotiables can be squared away with chemistry.

 

[queen_t]

Oh I do too.

However, it's a matter of finding HIM rather than figuring out what he should be and then finding someone who comes closes to meeting the requirements.

..and find him we will.

Focus on meeting your own requirements first, then you'll attract what you desire. Love yourself first so no man has to fill that void with his money, BMW, or mansion. We've been brainwashed with plenty of fairy tales for way too long!

ETA: No one is perfect, it comes down to what makes you happy.

 

[Laginappe]

Focus on meeting your own requirements first, then you'll attract what you desire. Love yourself first so no man has to fill that void with his money, BMW, or mansion. We've been brainwashed with plenty of fairy tales for way too long!

ETA: No one is perfect, it comes down to what makes you happy.

Co-sign emphatically with the bolded.

We also have to calculate the "Look what I got!" element into the equation. A lot of the points on our lists are about what "Him" looks like in front of our friends and family. Its easier to step into a room with the 6'4", multi-degreed, BMW driving guy than the one who's an inch shorter, less educated and left a 6yr old Hyundai at the valet.

 

[reena]

I think its good to have an idea of what you want on a more personality level, but be open. If somebody doesnt fit your list, but you still like him why not give him a chance. I met someone that had everything(I thought I wanted) but one physical characteristic on my list and I was not happy with him. So I now have a free flowing idea of what I know is compatiable with me(personalities and basic interaction),but I give a person who I mesh well with a chance most of the time. I gave up on physical characteristics several years ago, b/c I always contradict what I say I want.

 

[Much2much41]

Call me overly optimistic, but I think it's very possible. Why shouldn't it be? I.B.M. exist, and they're marrying SOMEBODY, so why not us?

 

[Lindy]

Co-sign emphatically with the bolded.

We also have to calculate the "Look what I got!" element into the equation. A lot of the points on our lists are about what "Him" looks like in front of our friends and family. Its easier to step into a room with the 6'4", multi-degreed, BMW driving guy than the one who's an inch shorter, less educated and left a 6yr old Hyundai at the valet.

HEY LAG!!

This is so true... a lot of times we're trying to impress other people (family, friends) so we will quickly overlook someone who doesn't fit that "ideal" catch category... I have to admit that I am guilty of this myself... I guess there's nothing wrong with "wanting what you want" but we have to be prepared for some long and lonely nights because it isn't so easy to find the "total package" these days.

 

[cocoberry10]

You know, I've never built a Mr. Right list because I have no idea want I think I want. And if I don't know what I think I want, how do I know what I really want?

My immediate response after seeing the title of your thread was "Mr Right, the IBM and Prince Charming are all figures of the imagination"

Although, I do believe there is a Mr. Right-For- Audacios1. I just gotta find him

I agree with this. At the same time, I think that some women try to trick themselves into accepting what they absolutely don’t want b/c he’s a good man. Just because someone is a good man, doesn’t mean he’s a good match for you. What it should teach you is that there are a lot of good men out there (contrary to what the media or your “girls” tell you). And that when you find one you are compatible with, then it’s on! Since I’m only 5’2, the 5’8 brother would be okay for me. Although I often attract men that are 5’10 or taller, so it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

 

[cocoberry10]

Oh I do too.

However, it's a matter of finding HIM rather than figuring out what he should be and then finding someone who comes closes to meeting the requirements.

..and find him we will.

And a word of advice (just my opinion)…Let Him find you! It’s always better that way!

 

[Laginappe]

HEY LAG!!

This is so true... a lot of times we're trying to impress other people (family, friends) so we will quickly overlook someone who doesn't fit that "ideal" catch category... I have to admit that I am guilty of this myself... I guess there's nothing wrong with "wanting what you want" but we have to be prepared for some long and lonely nights because it isn't so easy to find the "total package" these days.

Hey Lindy!!

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't have any sort of laundry list of requirements, am not looking for perfection(doesn't exist anyway), and I'm more than willing to make some concessions. However, physical attraction is something that I will never compromise on. I don't care how good a man looks on paper, I'm not lying next to anyone every night that I'm repulsed by!

 

[Syrah]

Co-sign emphatically with the bolded.

We also have to calculate the "Look what I got!" element into the equation. A lot of the points on our lists are about what "Him" looks like in front of our friends and family. Its easier to step into a room with the 6'4", multi-degreed, BMW driving guy than the one who's an inch shorter, less educated and left a 6yr old Hyundai at the valet.

I'm so glad you brought this up cuz I'm wondering how many people are willing to admit that a tiny piece of what drives them is the reaction that they will get from friends, family etc. AND ITS NORMAL.

 

[Ms Red]

I love this thread. Bump.