Mr. Intellect or Mr. Affectionate?

[GreenD]

I learned in life to accept that things that are constants, meaning things that don't change. Who you are as a person at this age probably won't change much. You are who you are. So Mr. Affectionate (fingers crossed) is genuinely affectionate. That's the constant. His level of intelligence can change, meaning he can go to school, he can get a bomb job that will propel him into different social and political circles. Art and politics can be learned. All of that material stuff can change, but who you are as a person stays the same.

Mr. Intelligent is aware of his "status", but who he is as a person sucks. He can lose his job in a blink, as well as his assests, money and friends that come along with it all. At the end of the day, he'll just be a man with a degree!

Try to sift through to the root of a person, and by pass the fluffy stuff, because that's all it is...jsut fluff!! Everything that glitters aint gold!! Good luck!!

 

[lux10023]

i know the mr intellect types---they r who they r becuz we as woman put up with their cold *** hearts--*** him

u should be treated liek the queen u r...meh.

 

[tiara76]

Maybe it is.

But I think I'll follow your example and cut ties. Just don't know how to approach it because he will give me the "oh great, another woman who could not accept me for who I am" pity cry and knowing the person that I am, I will feel bad. I feel bad for him. He has everything in place but no woman at all. Never married. No kids. I guess that was a sign that something wasn't right somewhere. Now I know why.

you can accept him and not want to be with him

let him know he is perfectly fine the way he is

people who compromise themselves for another usually feel like crap, because if you were on the same page with him who he is would be a great match at this point in time.... yet its one of our notions of "love" to compromise on some things that are easily crushing us.....and its one of the manipulation tactics used to keep people feeling guilty and to make them feel bad when they don't adhere to who they are

he isn't considerate of your needs and feelings yet he wants you to be of his, and you aren't okay with his...if you both were in modes of consideration you'd be okay with his lack of emotion and tell him he's fine the way he is you just want to be with him because you love him (but you don't thats why its a big problem, you have other external reasons for staying with him and you think its him making you feel lonely...its not him) and he would be like i know i dont show alot of emotion but i want to for you and you'd have a resolution vs a compromise where he wasn't forced to be emotional but he does so because he wants to and just the fact you would be okay with his lack of emotion instead of feeling miserable about it would be the love that would inspire him to want to give you emotion..alot of people who call themselves compromising aren't okay with their compromises and they don't compromise for reasons of love

love does inspire people to change, love isn't what isn't the driving force in this relationship so he will most likely stay the same and if you can't deal with that leave him alone

if he tries to make you feel guilty about it tell him he deserves to have somebody who is a match for him as you deserve it as well....and you guys arent that match

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

oh wow didn't see that coming. But yeah some of the most intelligent people tend to have the worst people skills. Tis' a shame.

LOL... That was not meant as harsh as it came out, I guess.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Never married, no kids....that is all you needed to say. Dude has attachment issues, probably has issues with women and sounds cold and possibly narcissistic. Keep it moving. You will be glad you did.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Leave Mr.I alone in the unlabled relationship area..keep him as a friend..no more coloring..Mr.A needs to get it together..once you see he isnt just talk and goes to school then money can be made..

 

[Eritreladiee]

Ok, Mr Intellect is out of the question, so Imma talk about Mr Affectionate

IMO, I think you need to decide whether or not you believe in Mr. A. If you do, I'd suggest going for him ASAP, and offering your support and encouragement while he's on the come-up.

If he's really a great guy, you cannot wait until after he's ("established") obtained his degree and is pulling in his salary. He is who he is before he even gets to that stage. And if you or others cannot see it in him, please believe another woman will see the potential, believe in him, and swoop him up quick time.

I know I would.

 

[Twix]

I had a Mr. Intellect. I am now with a Mr. Affectionate. I dumped Mr. Intellect, and no matter how much he continues to profess that he has changed, has realized that he loves me, etc., the way that he treated me when I gave him my world pretty much sealed the door on him. Do I encourage him to blossom into an even more successful person emotionally? Yes. Do I think that things with Mr. Affectionate are perfect? No. Sometimes I even wonder of Mr. Affectionate and I are meant to stay together forever, though I hope so. But even if we don't, I could never crawl back to Mr. Intellect, because that's what it would be: crawling back to someone who no matter how much money or clout he has treated me badly when I treated him wonderfully.

Show Mr. Intellect the door and change the locks on it, dear.

 

[Twix]

I learned in life to accept that things that are constants, meaning things that don't change. Who you are as a person at this age probably won't change much. You are who you are. So Mr. Affectionate (fingers crossed) is genuinely affectionate. That's the constant. His level of intelligence can change, meaning he can go to school, he can get a bomb job that will propel him into different social and political circles. Art and politics can be learned. All of that material stuff can change, but who you are as a person stays the same.

Mr. Intelligent is aware of his "status", but who he is as a person sucks. He can lose his job in a blink, as well as his assests, money and friends that come along with it all. At the end of the day, he'll just be a man with a degree!

Try to sift through to the root of a person, and by pass the fluffy stuff, because that's all it is...jsut fluff!! Everything that glitters aint gold!! Good luck!!

Thanks; I needed to read this. Reaffirms to me what I feel in my heart about my own Mr. Affectionate.

 

[LoveisYou]

Mr. Intellect - I've been there. First he lied about his age, then he lied about his lady "friends", then he lied about everything else. Run as fast as you can, it's not worth it.

He sounds like a cold manipulative person.