Have you ever been with someone and as soon as the relationship ended, either you or that person ended up doing better in all aspects of your/their personal life? Do you ever wonder why things couldn't have been that way while the two of you were together? What do you think it was that caused that change after the end of the relationship?
Moving Up After Moving On
- Thread starter blaqbarb
- Start date
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
No, no, no
I have a problem with someone doing the same thing they were doing 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. I tell my husband about his.........that there is no way that person should be going the same thing they were doing 35 years ago. The result has not changed and you think they would realize that.
Lord, Yes!!! After separating from my ex-husband. I woke up the next morning so relieved. The pressure was literally 'off' of me. I felt so free and I was able to 'think' more clearly about my future.
My father helped me pack up and come live with him until my divorce was final. It was for 'safety' reasons from my ex. My ex was a drug addict and abusive. He was also not taking care of me and our children.
I married as a 'teenager' and did not finiish school, so I obtained my GED (passed the first time I tested without taking any preparation courses for it). Then went to college; straight A student, made the Dean's List, and from there only the best has been in my life; the best of all, receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior and living solely for Him.
So..... my former marriage was a toxic relationship that had to come to an end. I'm so glad that it did. I am truly all the better for it and so are my children. All the Glory to God!
My father helped me pack up and come live with him until my divorce was final. It was for 'safety' reasons from my ex. My ex was a drug addict and abusive. He was also not taking care of me and our children.
I married as a 'teenager' and did not finiish school, so I obtained my GED (passed the first time I tested without taking any preparation courses for it). Then went to college; straight A student, made the Dean's List, and from there only the best has been in my life; the best of all, receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior and living solely for Him.
So..... my former marriage was a toxic relationship that had to come to an end. I'm so glad that it did. I am truly all the better for it and so are my children. All the Glory to God!
I consider myself somewhat ambitious. However, when I was with this guy for a year and a half, I did absolutely NOTHING. I think he had some self-doubt issues he projected on to me and I never was able to do anything.
After we broke up, I left a job I hated, started my non-profit and got into nursing school. I don't think I would be doing any of things if I were with him.
It's just a negative energy that keeps you down.
After we broke up, I left a job I hated, started my non-profit and got into nursing school. I don't think I would be doing any of things if I were with him.
It's just a negative energy that keeps you down.
Blackoutzangel05
New Member
Yes, after I ended a 3 year relationship with someone that wasn't good for me, I met my husband. I don't ever wonder that because I don't believe that we were meant to be together. I believe that I was forcing something that wasn't.
CurleeDST
Well-Known Member
foxxymami
Well-Known Member
Yes....after we parted ways, I became stronger, I became a better me. I was more focused and able to learn myself (strengths, weakness, wants or needs, and desires). Living through it and learning from it helped the next man...my current SO. 
I think situations like that are always for the best, no matter how much love was once there.
ETA: I also agree with what dlewis said:
I think situations like that are always for the best, no matter how much love was once there.
ETA: I also agree with what dlewis said:
caltron
Well-Known Member
This is such a good thread and I've SO enjoyed reading everyone's experiences. I can really identify with so many of you. I've also gotten out of a long term, bad relationship, and for the first time I feel that a weight's been lifted off of me. I'm going out more, I'm having fun--things I hadn't done all the while I was stuck with him. I didn't realize how much energy I was expending just in keeping that sham of a relationship going. I would have thought I would have been down and depressed about the end of this relationship, but I feel so optimistic about my future.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Lord, Yes!!! After separating from my ex-husband. I woke up the next morning so relieved. The pressure was literally 'off' of me. I felt so free and I was able to 'think' more clearly about my future.
My father helped me pack up and come live with him until my divorce was final. It was for 'safety' reasons from my ex. My ex was a drug addict and abusive. He was also not taking care of me and our children.
I married as a 'teenager' and did not finiish school, so I obtained my GED (passed the first time I tested without taking any preparation courses for it). Then went to college; straight A student, made the Dean's List, and from there only the best has been in my life; the best of all, receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior and living solely for Him.
So..... my former marriage was a toxic relationship that had to come to an end. I'm so glad that it did. I am truly all the better for it and so are my children. All the Glory to God!
SHIMMIE!!!!!
I missed you, lady!!!!!
(I'll be back to respond to the topic, but I had to say that first, LOL).
I agree with you on this. I ran into different people that were still stuck on things from almost 10 years ago and had the same mentality they had back then. It's sad that some people don't grow in any way and what's sadder is that they don't care or can't see it.
JFemme
Well-Known Member
This is exactly why people grow out of relationships or grow apart, and end up separating..
Relationship dynamics/ systems are keenly intriquing to me...
*great topic* & interesting takes on the OP's question...
CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
yes,
I have realized over and over that I just couldn't be my true self with that person.
I still did some good things and am trying to improve certain aspects of my life (not because of him or anything)
but with my personal self, I just wasn't "me" when I was with him.
I have realized over and over that I just couldn't be my true self with that person.
I still did some good things and am trying to improve certain aspects of my life (not because of him or anything)
but with my personal self, I just wasn't "me" when I was with him.
antoine
New Member
absolutely! I'm not even divorced yet, but as soon as I mentally divorced I became much more focused. Bad relationships are a distraction - they fill your brain with confusion and clutter. Once you resolve that the relationship is over the clutter is gone, and you are able to focus on all of those dreams and turn them into tangible goals.
I can't speak for all women, but for me I get real driven and all that energy I put into making the relationship work, now gets redirected into making up for lost time. Its theraputic to look back after a year and have so many things to cross off your list. I believe if you cant accomplish those same goals with the person you are with, then chances are youre with the wrong person. Again, this is just my perspective.
I can't speak for all women, but for me I get real driven and all that energy I put into making the relationship work, now gets redirected into making up for lost time. Its theraputic to look back after a year and have so many things to cross off your list. I believe if you cant accomplish those same goals with the person you are with, then chances are youre with the wrong person. Again, this is just my perspective.
Much2much41
Well-Known Member
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. I think it's because I have a habit of "fattening frogs for snakes", and they were better men afterwards because I helped them improve in their job choices, decision making, etc. I'm honestly a bit annoyed about two of them in particular, so I've decided I'll be taking a much more laid back approach when dating in the future. They need to come "ready made" already, gift wrapped in a box, and "perfect" from the get go. No more putting all the work in and let some other heifer reap the benefits of my hard work
1. Yes
2. Yes
3. I think it's because I have a habit of "fattening frogs for snakes", and they were better men afterwards because I helped them improve in their job choices, decision making, etc. I'm honestly a bit annoyed about two of them in particular, so I've decided I'll be taking a much more laid back approach when dating in the future. They need to come "ready made" already, gift wrapped in a box, and "perfect" from the get go. No more putting all the work in and let some other heifer reap the benefits of my hard work
This is exactly how I'm feeling now!!!! When i was with this one guy, he was trying to finish up school and everytime I turned around, he needed money to help pay some bill. I have a soft heart when it comes to people in need, so I helped him, fed him, let him use my things to do stuff for school and dealt with him when he got on my last nerves. As soon as I moved away, he wants to buys 2 cars (neither of which are cheap) and get a house built. I'm sitting here like wth and some other chick is chilling with him. I'm up here like she's benefiting off of all the help I gave him. Luckily, he really likes me and hasn't gotten over me, so he still wants to be with me and is willing to try a ld relationship until I move back next year (hopefully). finally got my vent out...whew
caltron
Well-Known Member
blaqbarb, I know several women in a similar situation. One woman help her man through four years of college by doing all this math, english and science work. Her father helped him get his first job. He found out she was cheating but waited until he grad before he dumped her. Now he has a GREAT JOB and his wife doesn't have to work, the wife is driving a Benz, one kid, they have a 6,000 sq home, three vacations a year and are really living the life.
She is a military wife, works as a teacher, two kids, just making ends met. And she always says that b1tch is living my life. But she messed up by cheating and getting caught.
She is a military wife, works as a teacher, two kids, just making ends met. And she always says that b1tch is living my life. But she messed up by cheating and getting caught.
Did you date my ex??
Girlllllll...is he in ATL somwhere?
blaqbarb, I know several women in a similar situation. One woman help her man through four years of college by doing all this math, english and science work. Her father helped him get his first job. He found out she was cheating but waited until he grad before he dumped her. Now he has a GREAT JOB and his wife doesn't have to work, the wife is driving a Benz, one kid, they have a 6,000 sq home, three vacations a year and are really living the life.
She is a military wife, works as a teacher, two kids, just making ends met. And she always says that b1tch is living my life. But she messed up by cheating and getting caught.
Yeah....she really did mess that up. She should have been able to see that he was working hard towards something and stuck in there (with no cheating invloved of course). Fortunately, I haven't messed things up with this person. I just moved away and he's willing to wait just to try things out between us again on a more exclusive level. He always comments on how good a person I am and that I'd be good for someone, so I think he would be willing to hold out to see if he is that person. He even waited out me putting an end to my relationship I just ended not to long ago.
caltron
Well-Known Member
Yup.
LOL. Don't play. This is has actually happened with two guys I know (I keep in touch with both of them since we're still friends).What school did your guy go to?
sunnydaze
Well-Known Member
1.Yes
2.Somewhat
3.Yes
The year and a half I was under the same roof with my husband was the unluckiest, most stressful period of my life. So many ridiculous things happened, at times I truly felt like we were cursed or something. Coupling that with his nervous breakdown and depression and subsequent abusive tendancies, it was the most miserable time of my life. I swear, all the bad luck I seemed to have when I was with my husband seemed to mysteriously vanish within 2 months of me leaving him for good. I got a job paying me about 30% more than I previously made, was able to really start saving money and was introduced to LOA which changed my mindset forever.
2.Somewhat
3.Yes
The year and a half I was under the same roof with my husband was the unluckiest, most stressful period of my life. So many ridiculous things happened, at times I truly felt like we were cursed or something. Coupling that with his nervous breakdown and depression and subsequent abusive tendancies, it was the most miserable time of my life. I swear, all the bad luck I seemed to have when I was with my husband seemed to mysteriously vanish within 2 months of me leaving him for good. I got a job paying me about 30% more than I previously made, was able to really start saving money and was introduced to LOA which changed my mindset forever.
caltron
Well-Known Member
LadyPaniolo
New Member
YES, yes indeed!!!!
When I was with this violent abusive individual, my life was horrible. I even developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome real bad. I was always broke, literally going hungry at work all day cuz I gave this :Clown: all my money and I can't even afford a snickers out of the machine! I was exhausted, stressed, sick, getting headaches all the time.
I dumped the :Clown: and felt like a million bucks! Literally a few days later my Irritable Bowel Syndrom stopped. It just disappeared. Never came back, either!
I had much more energy, and much more :dollar: since I wasn't giving this fool money all the time. I felt like I had just come back from a Carribean vacation!!!!!!!!!!
When I was with this violent abusive individual, my life was horrible. I even developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome real bad. I was always broke, literally going hungry at work all day cuz I gave this :Clown: all my money and I can't even afford a snickers out of the machine!
I was exhausted, stressed, sick, getting headaches all the time. I dumped the :Clown: and felt like a million bucks! Literally a few days later my Irritable Bowel Syndrom stopped. It just disappeared. Never came back, either!
I had much more energy, and much more :dollar: since I wasn't giving this fool money all the time. I felt like I had just come back from a Carribean vacation!!!!!!!!!!Georgia Tech. There must be an abundance of broke dudes in the ATL!
I totally agree with you on this. It was pissing me off when I was there. Now I'm rushing to get back. LOL. The guys may get on my nerves there (always want someone to take care of them), but I love ATL to the fullest.
Edited entry: Forgot to say you're talking about a different guy. LOL.
YES, yes indeed!!!!
When I was with this violent abusive individual, my life was horrible. I even developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome real bad. I was always broke, literally going hungry at work all day cuz I gave this :Clown: all my money and I can't even afford a snickers out of the machine!
I dumped the :Clown: and felt like a million bucks! Literally a few days later my Irritable Bowel Syndrom stopped. It just disappeared. Never came back, either!
I'm glad you got rid of this guy.
Obviously his wellbeing was more important to him than you were if he was willing to let you go hungry while he stayed well fed. You should never let your health suffer due to someone who doesn't care for or really love you (not saying you should let your health go downhill for someone who does).Similar threads
