Men who have racial fetishes?

[runwaydream]

Oh, how understanding you all are. I do wonder though, where was all this understanding and open-mindedness when I stated my preference for asian and LS black men. Hmm..yeah thats right, no where to be found. You all slay me.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Oh, how understanding you all are. I do wonder though, where was all this understanding and open-mindedness when I stated my preference for asian and LS black men. Hmm..yeah thats right, no where to be found. You all slay me.

I support you in that.

I dated a Chinese guy for about six months prior to meeting DH. I could have seen myself with him long term. He was very smart, played several instruments, hard worker and handsome. He was 6 ft 6 in. But he turned out to be very controlling...paid my neighbor to tell him if she saw any other guy come in or out of my house. I was an EO dater. I could care less about race...except that I never have found one East Indian guy in person that I found attractive.

 

[RocStar]

Oh, how understanding you all are. I do wonder though, where was all this understanding and open-mindedness when I stated my preference for asian and LS black men. Hmm..yeah thats right, no where to be found. You all slay me.

 

[runwaydream]

I support you in that.

I dated a Chinese guy for about six months prior to meeting DH. I could have seen myself with him long term. He was very smart, played several instruments, hard worker and handsome. He was 6 ft 6 in. But he turned out to be very controlling...paid my neighbor to tell him if she saw any other guy come in or out of my house. I was an EO dater. I could care less about race...except that I never have found one East Indian guy in person that I found attractive.

I tried to be EO but that doesnt work out for me. I think hispanic men are too metro and controlling...and a few other things. Middle eastern ppl usually smell funny and the majority of white men age badly, plus I think they're all racist. Yep, EO im not

 

[runwaydream]

Thou annoyed as hell at lhcf hypocrites. Lol, funny how it was YOU that answered

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Being that I'm from the Bay Area and now live in Portland, I've dated men of different races and never gave it (their preference) much thought. The guy I'm seeing right now has a preference for BW and has since he was child when he first saw BW on TV in the '60-70s. He thought The Ronettes visually blew every white girl he saw out of the water. He grew up in an all white rural town so he wasn't exposed to POC until he moved to the city to go to college.

His ex-wife was white, but he dated women of (almost) all races even though his attraction is to BW. There is no 'hot jungle lovin' stereotype, just racial preference just as he has preferences in personality, mannerisms, etc. I don't think its that deep.

I am cautions of guys who make a big damn deal out of it though. The ones who have to mention it every 10 minutes during a date, has a million IR dating related questions, overly intrigued, etc.

This all day. It's a red flag to me if the person has tooooo much invested interested in your being black and not enough about you being...well you.

 

[greenandchic]

I support you in that.

I dated a Chinese guy for about six months prior to meeting DH. I could have seen myself with him long term. He was very smart, played several instruments, hard worker and handsome. He was 6 ft 6 in. But he turned out to be very controlling...paid my neighbor to tell him if she saw any other guy come in or out of my house. I was an EO dater. I could care less about race...except that I never have found one East Indian guy in person that I found attractive.

Wow! (to the bold)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I know I said this many times before.
Just imagine the situation reversed,a bm/am tells a ww that he only dates ww would she or most other ww really question his reasons?
No they probably would be understanding and see it as completely normal even expected.
I've met more ww baffled (in the US) at any race men not solely interested in them then anything else.

That's how I approach my appeal, I'm genuinely confused if a men does not find me attractive based on my race.
I expect men to find me attractive and so it is.

Lol yea I asked a question similar to this a few posts back on this thread because I honestly wonder the very same thing!


I honestly don't think they would view it as a fetish! With the quickness that some ww date aa men, I really don't see them questioning their intentions all that much , but then again the historical experiences have been a little different.

 

[runwaydream]

I support you in that.

I dated a Chinese guy for about six months prior to meeting DH. I could have seen myself with him long term. He was very smart, played several instruments, hard worker and handsome. He was 6 ft 6 in. But he turned out to be very controlling...paid my neighbor to tell him if she saw any other guy come in or out of my house. I was an EO dater. I could care less about race...except that I never have found one East Indian guy in person that I found attractive.

he sounds cray. how did you find out about that?

 

[Blyss_curls]

The bolded for sure. Race do come up, but its usually in context of a particular discussion such as politics, education or family. He just so happen to have worked in an innercity school so we've had many discussions about that. Ironically the discussions are rarely about the two of us when it comes to race...

It's like that for us, too (my dh and I)....race doesn't come up, unless others bring it up. Or in the cases when we discuss politics, etc. Also in a few rare occasions when someone outside of us, was being an ignoramus.

I love Shonda Rimes (Scandal, Grey's Anatomy) quote regarding why the characters on her show are in interracial relationships, but they don't ever seem to talk about that:

"I think that issues of race are a larger conversation that people project on a relationship, but for the two people in it, that's not the primary thing on their minds."

--Shonda Rimes, Marie Claire, April 2007

 

[Blyss_curls]

There's nothing wrong with being a WM's first BW. I'm SO's first BW and I'm the longest and most serious relationship he's ever had. How about you just go out with him, and if you like him and he likes you, and it feels genuine, go for it.

@BGT

Good point, BGT...nothing wrong w/being the first. My sincere apologies on being overly general in my comment.

My co-sign w/that comment was more about if you have a massive fear of there being an issue of fetish. But others have offered really good tips, that can help to avoid such a guy....

For example, guys who seem obsessed w/your race, ethnicity, color, etc. and talk about that ad nauseum, and seemingly nothing but that....may be a tell tale tip off, that he's got some possible fetish issues.

But it does not sound like any of that is going on.

So op, If you like him and are interested...go for it! Hope you have fun!

 

[TrueBeliever]

so true.

There was a thread about beta/alpha males once, an article was posted and barbie posted some link about the writer..one of his blog post was about how he decided one day to get with a BW..how easy it was and then he went on about how his jizz looked against her skin..all sorts of mess. Ish was so disgusting while I know not all are like that, esp not the oines Ive dated..psychos like that so exist.

anyway OP let us know how it goes.

I think I've seen that one. Dude was a creep and I'm mad at that sister for doing him.

 

[StarScream35]

Oh, how understanding you all are. I do wonder though, where was all this understanding and open-mindedness when I stated my preference for asian and LS black men. Hmm..yeah thats right, no where to be found. You all slay me.

runwaydream

Interesting you brought this up. I remember when I was in college I actually had a preference for light skinned black men and got so much GRIEF about it from sistas. They told me I had a fetish and that something was wrong with me. I'm like, huh??? Like I told Fela, I think when its socially acceptable, its a preference but when its not socially acceptable its a fetish.

 

[runwaydream]

@runwaydream

Interesting you brought this up. I remember when I was in college I actually had a preference for light skinned black men and got so much GRIEF about it from sistas. They told me I had a fetish and that something was wrong with me. I'm like, huh??? Like I told Fela, I think when its socially acceptable, its a preference but when its not socially acceptable its a fetish.

agreed.

i think BW need to get some major advice from BM to find out how they were able to get BW to feel guilty when having a preference that isn't them or different from what the majority of them are, while able to get a pass for doing the same things they condemn. i swear BM stay winning.

 

[ambergirl]

I would give any white guy who told me he only dated black women the side eye. Just as I give the side eye to black people who only date people of other races or of a certain skin tone.

I think the line between preference and fetish is pretty clear. Preference is just a prediliction for choosing partners with certain traits. Whereas fetishes are more about people who can't experience sexual desire/interest in a person unless they have certain traits or agree to engage in certain behaviors.

Personally, I have no interest in being in relationship with a person who's sexuality is that limited.

 

[FelaShrine]

I would give any white guy who told me he only dated black women the side eye. Just as I give the side eye to black people who only date people of other races or of a certain skin tone.
.

Pretty much.

Any BM or BW who claim they only like men of a certain tone will get the side eye. Crying about it wont change ish

 

[classoohfive]

Oh, how understanding you all are. I do wonder though, where was all this understanding and open-mindedness when I stated my preference for asian and LS black men. Hmm..yeah thats right, no where to be found. You all slay me.

Are you doing the "A bunch of people in this thread said something, and people who may not be the same group said something different in another thread" thing or are you actually going to name names?

 

[runwaydream]

oh please

Pretty much.

Any BM or BW who claim they only like men of a certain tone will get the side eye. Crying about it wont change ish

 

[runwaydream]

Are you doing the "A bunch of people in this thread said something, and people who may not be the same group said something different in another thread" thing or are you actually going to name names?

Nope, same hypocrites as always

 

[FelaShrine]

You'll be alright

 

[runwaydream]

but will you?

 

[Oasis]

Any BM or BW who claim they only like men of a certain tone will get the side eye. Crying about it wont change ish

will they still get the side eye if the preference is dark skin?

i, luckily, can't think of one group of people (other than men with titties) that i don't find attractive but i've noticed that i tend to find guys with my skin tone more attractive on average, race irrelevant.

 

[FelaShrine]

will they still get the side eye if the preference is dark skin?
.

No lightskinned is closer to whiteness. The irony is it's usually really light women that swoon over dark skinned men.

.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I remember meeting a very young white boy (maybe 11 years old) who was amazed by black girls/women women. He never mentioned anything sexual, or body wise (don't think he was thinking about that at that point), but he mentioned natural hair styles, features, skin tones, dark eyes and what not.

Thought Lauryn Hill was the most beautiful woman in the world. He still found white girls pretty, but less often.

Didn't seem to hate himself or have a bad relationship with women in his family. I have a feeling the fact the family were quite open and praising of black women/people/culture might have had an effect though.

Wouldn't give him a side eye if he still feels that way as an adult.

I think many men mildly fetishize all types of women, but they also take them seriously and get married etc... Don't see much of a problem in that. Heavy fetishes where things are presumed and the person is nothing, but an object of sexual fascination I don't like.

 

[Miss AJ]

No lightskinned is closer to whiteness. The irony is it's usually really light women that swoon over dark skinned men.

.

I have defeated that stereotype cuz I love me some yella bones and caramel delights lmao!

 

[greenandchic]

I have defeated that stereotype cuz I love me some yella bones and caramel delights lmao!

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

he sounds cray. how did you find out about that?

My neighbor he paid told me. She was never very loyal or quiet.

 

[runwaydream]

will they still get the side eye if the preference is dark skin?

i, luckily, can't think of one group of people (other than men with titties) that i don't find attractive but i've noticed that i tend to find guys with my skin tone more attractive on average, race irrelevant.

of course not. black men have trained black women well..

 

[ambergirl]

will they still get the side eye if the preference is dark skin?

i, luckily, can't think of one group of people (other than men with titties) that i don't find attractive but i've noticed that i tend to find guys with my skin tone more attractive on average, race irrelevant.

Given racial politics in this country, there's a subtext for preferring light skin over dark skin so it is different.

Still a person with a preference is different then a person with a fetish or some ironclad rule about what a person has to look like in order to be dateable.

If some dude, white or black made a point of saying they only dated women who were a certain color - light or dark - I would find that weird. Suggest some weird rigidity that I'm sure would show up in other parts of their life and that would drive me straight up the wall.

 

[Raine054]

I think all this preference nonsense is just a way to conceal racism, colorism, and self-hating issues. It's such a stupid and lazy ideology. Utter crap.

As far as the OP, I side eye ANYONE who excludes members of their own race as a dating/relationship option. I wouldn't date him.