Men who admit that they know the #s are in their favor...

[mango387]

I went on an out-of-town professional workshop recently. Three of my colleagues and I were having a conversation about relationships on the way back from the workshop. One of the statements that the man in the group stated was that black men KNOW that they have their choice of women because ambitious, whether college-educated or not, decent-looking black women are more numerous then men. Now, I know the statistics, but I am meeting more men who have this "I'm a catch-you're one of a million" mentaility and will actually say it even in casual conversations (Three of us partipating in the conversation met in high school, and two of my colleagues are married and/or in a committed relationship). What has been your experience with this? For people who are in committed relationships and/or marriages, how did you avoid letting that affect you?

To me, it's one thing to read articles or anonymous posts about this, but it is something else to hear men admit it w/ smirks on their faces.

 

[calmsensual1]

LOL this always get on my nerves...maybe cause it's true, lol

But if a guy tells me this with a smirk on his face, then that lets me know he's not ready to settle down yet. If he's into #'s like THAT, then good.bye!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I don't let that "affect me" (what you mentioned), because it doesn't affect me. I chose a man, my fh, who doesn't have that mindset and just happens to be black. I did not seek out a black guy as I date guys of all races but he was just too wonderful to ignore. I basically seek out guys based on personality and other traits and ethics, not race. But for these types of men that you mention, you can almost smell the smugness on guys like that. I wouldn't date a black guy with that mindset, only ones who know how to treat and value a woman and think that she is just as much of a catch as they are (for the right reasons). A catch to me isn't just on paper it's other stuff too including treating someone right, having a good heart, and ethics (among other requirements).

I think the only reason to feel bummed is if you think you're stuck with these men. But there are plenty of wonderful men out there without this attitude, and also men of other races that I'm sure would be happy to be with you and think that you also bring something wonderful to a relationship without your having to grovel and say "I'm not worthy!"

 

[Bunny77]

What has been your experience with this? For people who are in committed relationships and/or marriages, how did you avoid letting that affect you?

It didn't affect me because I knew that my options weren't limited to black men, and I more than took advantage of ALL of my options.

So at least in my case, the number issue didn't have any affect on my dating life.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

It's annoying but to me it's a sign of arrogance. I don't know if I'd want to be with a brother like that anyway. I live in town surrounded by schools and my friends always complain that the brothers at the business schools, med schools or getting doctorates can have this "you must bow to me, the educated well to do black man" type mentality. fortunately, i'm not limited to someone based on their career or the letters behind their name so i won't act a fool for a man just because of his degree. i just wish the other guys (sweet, down to earth, yet ambitious) weren't intimidated by me 'cause of a perception that I may be arrogant due to my level of education.

 

[locabouthair]

I dont know anyone with that mindset but it wouldnt surprise me if I met someone who felt that way. If you meet a man like that just keep it moving...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

It's annoying but to me it's a sign of arrogance. I don't know if I'd want to be with a brother like that anyway. I live in town surrounded by schools and my friends always complain that the brothers at the business schools, med schools or getting doctorates can have this "you must bow to me, the educated well to do black man" type mentality. fortunately, i'm not limited to someone based on their career or the letters behind their name so i won't act a fool for a man just because of his degree. i just wish the other guys (sweet, down to earth, yet ambitious) weren't intimidated by me 'cause of a perception that I may be arrogant due to my level of education.

They're out there I hope you find what you're looking for (sending out blessings to you in your journey...hey! Every little bit helps right?)!

 

[YankeeCandle]

From a purely self-serving standpoint...

I'd be pleased I heard them say that.

Their uncontrollable "need" to air every offensive and stupid opinion on their minds immediately bespeaks unsavory things about their character.

They did me a favor. Now I can mentally cross them off my checklist of people I'd agree to go out on a date with.

 

[Duchesse]

I had a guy say once, "Ya know...I'm a big deal"...whilst making that I think I'm all that face

pssshh....***** please! You ain't nobody!

I have faith that there are still non arrogant professional black men out there. I actually had a convo with my sister yesterday about this exact same mentality of several men I've come across. But if a man has that type of attitude and if you don't want to deal with it, there are plenty more who don't (I pray).

 

[Syrah]

Facial expressions and context aside, whats wrong with a man knowing that he's a big deal??Many white collar careers instill, if not require this level of confidence - shoot, when's the last time you talked to a surgery, cardiology or anisthesiology resident?? An investment banking or private equity intern? A Silicon Valley start-up employee number 5? These folks don't even have JOBS yet, but the attitude is there. And at some point, some jobs require this level of confidence - I don't want you operating on my heart, or telling me why I should loan someone else a MILLIONs of dollars without you having COMPLETE confidence in your analysis and skills. Black men aren't the only ones who say this. Successful men in general KNOW they are a big deal.

Knowing you're a big deal doesn't necessarily have to translate to cockiness "big pimping" attitudes in a relationship. Some of the "worst men" in the business world are some of the most devoted family men outside of work.

One of the sexiest things I've ever seen is my DID preparing for a meeting after he made me breakfast - the swagger CHANGED. We went from lying around playing games to him getting ready - he put on the tie and the cufflinks, his voice changed, his walk changed. He's getting mentally and physically prepared. And I swear if he didn't have time restraints...nevermind.

I just say it's time we start KNOWING we're a big deal.

Look at Luda and Eudoxie - you think he's unaware of the fact that she is a big deal?!

If a man is truly primed for a relationship, a Big Deal will act right for the right girl...

 

[Sosoothing]

I have never had a racial preference when it came to dating and hearing some statements from black men these days, I am very glad I still don't.

But I wonder how thought out this whole " I have my pick of women" theory is because I too have heard men saying they feel they don't have to work hard to find and properly court a woman.

Now one of the simple rules of life is that you get what you give. If you are going to be lack-luster and make meager efforts because you think women are almost falling in your lap, what kind of woman will you eventually end up with as a man? My guess it the one who will settle for your meager efforts and I am willing to bet she is settling in other areas of her life. Who really wants such a woman as a mate? It could make for a relationship lacking fulfillment.
I think even though available marriageable men out number women, men shouldn't get too complacent about it.

 

[Keen]

If they are such a catch, why are they also complaining about finding a good woman?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Facial expressions and context aside, whats wrong with a man knowing that he's a big deal??Many white collar careers instill, if not require this level of confidence - shoot, when's the last time you talked to a surgery, cardiology or anisthesiology resident?? An investment banking or private equity intern? A Silicon Valley start-up employee number 5? These folks don't even have JOBS yet, but the attitude is there. And at some point, some jobs require this level of confidence - I don't want you operating on my heart, or telling me why I should loan someone else a MILLIONs of dollars without you having COMPLETE confidence in your analysis and skills. Black men aren't the only ones who say this. Successful men in general KNOW they are a big deal.

Knowing you're a big deal doesn't necessarily have to translate to cockiness "big pimping" attitudes in a relationship. Some of the "worst men" in the business world are some of the most devoted family men outside of work.

One of the sexiest things I've ever seen is my DID preparing for a meeting after he made me breakfast - the swagger CHANGED. We went from lying around playing games to him getting ready - he put on the tie and the cufflinks, his voice changed, his walk changed. He's getting mentally and physically prepared. And I swear if he didn't have time restraints...nevermind.

I just say it's time we start KNOWING we're a big deal.

Look at Luda and Eudoxie - you think he's unaware of the fact that she is a big deal?!

If a man is truly primed for a relationship, a Big Deal will act right for the right girl...

I think what you're talking about is confidence. I think what the OP was referring to are men who expect women to fall over themselves with the whole "I'm not worthy!" thing. Guys who constantly try to remind you YOUR place. Meaning that you are LUCKY to be with them because there aren't MANY of them. That is NOT sexy. Meaning if you have to knock me down to feel good about yourself and/or run through women or miss treat me because you think you look good on paper...then really you are NOT that great.

Now if you're talking about a confident alpha dog that is another question...Confidence IS sexy. I believe you're right also when you mention women...we should ALL know our worth (men and women). But just because we have worth, does not mean we should use it to establish a superiority (for lack of a better word) over some one else by trying to play on insecurities (that every magazine seems to be promoting lately: poor black women! There just aren't any men everywhere ga! What are we to do? Sob Sob...oh look a black man who looks good on paper. We better bend over backwards and sacrifice our beliefs, and self worth just to keep him because he is the end all be all! Whatever. There are more men out there (of all colors). He is not the only successful guy in the history of the world. NEXT). I remember talking to my fh about one of his collegues that does have this attitude (pretty much told my fiance that he is at the top of the world because he is black and a doctor. That they can and should have any woman they want. This was after my fh announced our engagement. My fh reminded him of this and he said to my sweetie "I never said leave her" with a grin. Needless to say my fiance was livid and set him in his place. Pretty much told him that they are what is expected EVERYWHERE in every culture. And they've done what millions have done before them and will do after and that doesn't make them exceptional. What makes them exceptional is how they treat people. I pretty much found this out because I was going to invite him out to dinner with us and a bunch of his other collegues and he said "NOT him". When I pressed he gave me this answer).

So anyways my response was to this type of guy. I think it's sad. No one goes around congratulating a white or Indian doctor just for being a doctor. Don't get me wrong are people impressed? Sure. But it's not like WOW really OH WOW! That is AMAZING good for you! But we see a black doctor, black lawyer, etc and we're like GASP! And I realize there are less of them, but it really should be a standard as my fh was saying. Meaning we should reach for higher education. Just as a comedian...can't remember who...made a joke that some black men are like "I take care of my kids" and then people clap but then he said "THAT's what you're SUPPOSED to do!" lol! It's the same way I feel about black people putting their noses in the books. That's what human beings are supposed to do! So is it great that you've excelled? Yes. Should I build a statue in your honor and lay on the ground for you to walk over me? Nah. NEXT.

 

[awhyley]

Facial expressions and context aside, whats wrong with a man knowing that he's a big deal?? Successful men in general KNOW they are a big deal.

Which is fine, but the ones who expect you @ss kiss 'just because' are horrendous, and usually they're not even the 'real' successes. Sure, they may be on the brink or something, but when you dig deeper, he's just overcompensating and expecting you to fall for it. Humility is more attractive imho.

Now one of the simple rules of life is that you get what you give. If you are going to be lack-luster and make meager efforts because you think women are almost falling in your lap, what kind of woman will you eventually end up with as a man? My guess it the one who will settle for your meager efforts and I am willing to bet she is settling in other areas of her life. Who really wants such a woman as a mate? It could make for a relationship lacking fulfillment.

Excellent post! Those type of men don't realize that you reap what you sow in every aspect of life. Then they get resentful because they didn't get what they wanted, and start blaming the female for not being what they set out for.

If they are such a catch, why are they also complaining about finding a good woman?

See above.

 

[mst1908]

You said a mouth full & I agree 100%! Bottom line we do not have 2 settle but many women "choose" to do so! I don't 'limit' myself 2 black men because their are so many other amazing men out there. Me personally I know what qualities & traits I'm looking for in a mate and I will not settle! Like my Bishop told us he said "if the man doesn't have one of the qualitiea we're looking for then let him keep moving; because we serve a God who said he will give us the desires of our heart. He also said if you're willing to wait forever on God to send you someone, you will not have to wait long! Keep your heads up ladies because we're royality so act like it.

I don't let that "affect me" (what you mentioned), because it doesn't affect me. I chose a man, my fh, who doesn't have that mindset and just happens to be black. I did not seek out a black guy as I date guys of all races but he was just too wonderful to ignore. I basically seek out guys based on personality and other traits and ethics, not race. But for these types of men that you mention, you can almost smell the smugness on guys like that. I wouldn't date a black guy with that mindset, only ones who know how to treat and value a woman and think that she is just as much of a catch as they are (for the right reasons). A catch to me isn't just on paper it's other stuff too including treating someone right, having a good heart, and ethics (among other requirements).

I think the only reason to feel bummed is if you think you're stuck with these men. But there are plenty of wonderful men out there without this attitude, and also men of other races that I'm sure would be happy to be with you and think that you also bring something wonderful to a relationship without your having to grovel and say "I'm not worthy!"

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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