Men Don't Date Down

[janiebaby]

Shock title I know but I was having a convo the other day and I really can't remember how it was brought up. Basically my opinion was that in my real life observations...Young never been married men already in successful positions (this is relative and I couldn't find a diff way to word it) looking to start a family don't tend to "seriously" date down. I really was thinking of it in a why do women always get told to date down sort of way but I have my opinions on that too and you know what they say about opinions...

 

[CaraWalker]

they do when they have low self esteem. but i get your point. for the most part it is extremely true.

 

[MochaMooch]

What do you define as dating down? I don't think many men particularly look for or settle down with women who are equal to them in career status.

 

[LiftedUp]

I do believe this regarding men and physical attraction, not with other characteristics such as career and intelligence.

 

[LivingInPeace]

What do you define as dating down? I don't think many men particularly look for or settle down with women who are equal to them in career status.

Yeah, but you don't see black male doctors and lawyers dating women who work at gas stations or Wal-Mart.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

It depends. I know a black male chiropractor whose wife works at Costco. I think she's a manager though. *shrug*

My boss' wife is a housewife.

 

[SheenaVee]

What? But what about all the rich successful older men with the young hot bimbo wives?

Those wives would probably be working in retail or whatever if they weren't married to those men.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Dating down for men is defined in completely different terms than dating down for women. I think men only date down when they have self esteem issues or huge insecurities. The average man is going to go for equal or better, and not really trying to work with women they don't feel meet their criteria.

 

[Kindheart]

Dating down for men is defined in completely different terms than dating down for women. I think men only date down when they have self esteem issues or huge insecurities. The average man is going to go for equal or better, and not really trying to work with women they don't feel meet their criteria.

In terms of what ? Career ? Looks ?
Most of the wealthy people I know have married women who were far below their husbands career status. For instance ,Captain - Flight attendant . (Uber rich ) Investor - average looking housewife .
Lawyer -Starbucks manager . Surgeon - flight attendant .
Oh yeah and the hedge fund manager with the Romanian Club dancer

 

[SurferBabe]

Status seems to matter a lot more to black men dating black women than it does to white men dating white women. I've seen plenty of average-earning white women snag high-earning white men. I have also noticed that these same white men suddenly have higher standards when dating a non-white woman. This is why I refuse to date an average-earning or broke white man.

Status also seems to matter a lot more to men who are earning a high salary vs. men who are independently wealthy. The latter seem to be more open to women of all income brackets. These are the types you find marrying cocktail waitresses and hostesses.

 

[hothair]

Too bored to be polite. So I'll just say yes they do.

 

[janiebaby]

I'm open to different opinions we all have one. I was more interested in sticking to "Young never been married men already in successful positions (this is relative and I couldn't find a diff way to word it) looking to start a family."

I can tell some of the responses are outside of this realm

And "already in successful positions" means they didn't meet their spouse in high school, college, or before they got their big break...but do I believe anything can happen? Yes I do!

 

[CaraWalker]

matt damon married a waitress who had like three kids or something

and one actor married a chick from the real world

 

[LiftedUp]

I'm open to different opinions we all have one. I was more interested in sticking to "Young never been married men already in successful positions (this is relative and I couldn't find a diff way to word it) looking to start a family."

A childhood friend who is an engineer and is steadily progressing in his career, married a girl who didn't finish college and doesn't have a job. She is pretty by his standards I guess, she's Indian and I think that is what matters to him.

Another guy who is also an engineer married a girl back in the day when black engineers weren't as popular. She is Latina, which again, I think what matters. She doesn't work and doesn't take care of the household (think I mentioned this before) and siphons money to her family. She grew up poor. Actually the first girl grew up poor as well.

It's not much of an anomaly.

I should add that I do not want to marry a man who I am career equals with, I prefer him to be more successfully career wise.

 

[DayStar]

I agree. The men I know go after what they want and do not settle, period.

Men and women date for different reasons and have different requirements. A womans profession is rarley what men look at as being suitable for a mate.

 

[janiebaby]

Status seems to matter a lot more to black men dating black women than it does to white men dating white women.

A childhood friend who is an engineer and is steadily progressing in his career, married a girl who didn't finish college and doesn't have a job. She is pretty by his standards I guess, she's Indian and I think that is what matters to him.

Another guy who is also an engineer married a girl back in the day when black engineers weren't as popular. She is Latina, which again, I think what matters. She doesn't work and doesn't take care of the household (think I mentioned this before) and siphons money to her family. She grew up poor. Actually the first girl grew up poor as well.

I would agree that a woman's nationality can be as important as profession in terms of status for some men.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I usually date and get involved with men from traditional backgrounds (financially secure so Moms work was optional). They don't curr. They have cosy middle class, two parent backgrounds, established career, assets etc.. Opposite to me, but I don't think they see it as dating down as long as minimum requirements are met. I would note I started dating "above my status" after starting my degree.

My SO will seriously date any woman attractive to him with a decent level of intelligence. Professor, lawyer, shop assistant lol. Career level and pay grade isn't a priority since his default upbringing is to be sole breadwinner anyway. He is supportive of my career goals though and generally doesn't mind which direction I go in (SAHM/career woman) as long as I'm happy.

 

[Country gal]

I agree settling down is different for men. Nationality and looks seem more important than career status.

 

[CurlyMoo]

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[CurlyMoo]

matt damon married a waitress who had like three kids or something

and one actor married a chick from the real world

She had one kid from previous marriage, and 3 with Matt.

 

[Layluh]

I know a black woman in Corpus Christi who had 4 children and ended up marrying a rich white guy. I dated one of her sons and they're very good friends of my family.

On another note... I thought water always seeks its own level?

 

[CarLiTa]

I don't understand the nationality argument.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

In terms of what ? Career ? Looks ?
Most of the wealthy people I know have married women who were far below their husbands career status. For instance ,Captain - Flight attendant . (Uber rich ) Investor - average looking housewife .
Lawyer -Starbucks manager . Surgeon - flight attendant .
Oh yeah and the hedge fund manager with the Romanian Club dancer

I'm thinking this statement is more true for men when it comes to LOOKS. Honestly, most men don't really care about where you work or what you do when it comes to choosing a WIFE. Sure, they probably don't want you being a stripper lol, but when it comes to career, MOST men aren't as focused on the career thing like women are. WOMEN care the most about what a man does for a living....Men couldn't care less.

Look, if you're attractive you can be a cocktail waitress, a preschool teacher, a hair stylist, etc. and he won't care. In fact, I think men probably prefer women in less demanding, beat the corporate ladder type roles...

Men are very needy. IF they feel that a woman's career takes up so much of her time that she's doesn't have time for him, or if her job makes her a "ball buster", then this can probably turn a man OFF with a quickness if a woman doesn't know how to turn that "corporate side" OFF when she's around him.

But yes, in LOOKS....men do NOT settle. I don't think I've ever heard of a man marrying a woman he was NOT attracted to. They don't settle on attraction....whereas women will marry a man they aren't attracted to as long as he provides, has financial security, and treats her well.

It's all in what the sexes find most important I think.

I agree. The men I know go after what they want and do not settle, period.

Men and women date for different reasons and have different requirements. A womans profession is rarley what men look at as being suitable for a mate.

YES....and YES.....to both.

 

[coolsista-paris]

She had one kid from previous marriage, and 3 with Matt.

lucky woman

 

[CoilyFields]

I think the perceived "class" of the woman matters.

I know someone who is a single mom who was "dating" this college graduate who had no kids. Dating in quotes because they were approaching the time when titles should have been given but he was reluctant so they were still just "friends". Well she got pregnant and he ran. It took a while but I pieced together that he thought she was too low class for him. Someone he would mess with but wouldn't consider marrying because she wasn't "good enough" for him. And yes, she was a tad hood (not in a wild or off-putting way).

So I do agree with the OP. I think Dating down for men is not about a womans career choice but more her overall presentation of class. It's more acceptable for a white collar career young man with no kids to date/marry a girl who works at an upscale boutique (regardless of her pay) than someone whose a cashier as the super market. I'm particularly thinking of black men in this dynamic, but I think this applies to white men as well.

 

[SmileyNY]

Successful men may not settle for anyone they don't want... but that's not the same as not dating down. Men are some of the most dating downest people on earth

 

[LaBelleLL]

I don't understand the nationality argument.

Marrying someone from their own country is more important than anything else.

 

[Godyssey]

I think the perceived "class" of the woman matters.

It's more acceptable for a white collar career young man with no kids to date/marry a girl who works at an upscale boutique (regardless of her pay) than someone whose a cashier as the super market. I'm particularly thinking of black men in this dynamic, but I think this applies to white men as well.

I worked in retail when I was in high school and for a bit after. Mid range stores & high end boutiques. It's a GREAT way go meet white collar business men (not just black), depending on the location.

You are right. They don't care about how much money you make, they just want a presentable package. The girls that I worked with all dated established, professional men or local professional athletes.