Married women - a question for you!

[phynestone]

Is it important for singles to consider the type of family that produced your husband? I know all families have their issues and some are a bit dysfunctional, but where does one draw the line?

Disclaimer: I am not engaged or even in a relationship, but I do have a lot of questions about this subject. Discuss away!

 

[MizAvalon]

This should be a great thread. I'm looking forward to the responses.

 

[awhyley]

Is it important for singles to consider the type of family that produced your husband?

Yes! YEs! YES!!!

Both the family and environment in which they were raised.
Their primary influences make them who they are, so they should be at the top of the consideration heap.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I don't think you should cut a guy just because he came from a dysfunctional family, but if he is NOT AWARE that his family is dysfuntional... THAT's a problem!

Some people know their family situation was not ideal, and they make it a priority to have a better life. Those people deserve a chance.

 

[dlewis]

I don't think you should cut a guy just because he came from a dysfunctional family, but if he is NOT AWARE that his family is dysfuntional... THAT's a problem!

Some people know their family situation was not ideal, and they make it a priority to have a better life. Those people deserve a chance.

This is where we both came from.

 

[dlewis]

I'm not quite sure how to answer the question. Let me finish my work and I'll answer when I get home.

 

[panamoni]

YES, it can make a big difference. I should have paid more attention.
They say that in response to family background, people either emulate or go the opposite way.
People can change and do things differently then how they grew up, but, my recommendation would be to look for concrete evidence of that change.

 

[Almaz]

Oh yes it is important to know what kind of family your husband comes from just as it is important that he knows what kind of family you came from too. So it goes both ways for sure

 

[phynestone]

I'm not trying to instigate anything in this thread, but I've been thinking about the kind of life I want to have along with the type of family I want to build with my husband, and I'm just trying to get advice from those who are married and/or seasoned in life. Just trying to learn from others, that's all.

More responses, please. Don't be afraid to share.

 

[dlewis]

I believe you should look at a mans family. And be honest with yourself. Do you see any of those negative traits in your man? Is he different? Is he really that different?

I remember my parents asking me if I really wanted to marry into a family like this (dh family). And I was offended. Had I really thought about it and had I been honest with myself I could have avoided alot of what has happened.

You should seriously look at the men in a family, look at the women in that family, look at the standards the family set? Are they trifflin? Do they believe in holding down a job, is education important, is everyone shackin up? Is that the life you want to live?

My husband is a good man and has overcome alot. BUT who really wants to deal with this type of family? I lifetime of dealing and fighting? After awhile you feel worn down and disgusted.

You should think about your kids. Will you want your kids around his family, are you ok with your son making 50-11 kids with different women because cousin Bootyhead and Jayboy does it? The list does on.

My parents didn't break it down to me like they should have. They KNEW, I didn't, because I had not seen that side of these people yet. They should have made sure I understood what I was walking into.

My family ain't prefect and I have to deal with them at times. So I guess the same could be said for my family.

 

[meecee]

I think it is important to consider a man's family before you marry. His immediate family is most important. Certain family behaviors/traits is considered imperative information (incest, abuse, additions, disease) to me. If his dad is a pedophile, I need to know that. Mom a verbal assain? I need to know that too. For my own protection, and the protection of our potential children.

People tend to mimic their family life as adults. My husband's family is very stable, loving, kind, and financially sucessful. His parents, aunts, and uncles set a very good example for him. He strives to do the same for our new family unit.

 

[Chriselle83]

Yes. You marry a man you marry his family.

 

[Radianthealth]

Yes it is important. I saw how my dad's family caused strife in my parent's marriage.

DHs family is great! They aren't perfect but they are good people and they mind their business for the most part

 

[lotusdream]

I think it is a good thing to know what kind of environment that your husband or potential mate was raised in to understand how they function especially in relationships. Upbringing plays a big role in a person's development.

 

[phynestone]

See, I had this same discussion with my mom the other day. She's says it's important, but if you have God, you can make the marriage work, no matter what the in-laws try to do. I've heard of in-laws tearing apart marriages, giving the spouse a hard time for whatever reason and I don't want that to be me. I think it's important to marry into a family that shares the same values as mine.

I do realize that some people may not like me for any reasons, but I do appreciate the wisdom in this thread.