MARRIED LADIES: Men Know Their Wives As Soon As They Meet?

[SvelteVelvet]

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you pray for. Before anyone says I do or you become engaged, or you are choosing a move in stage please know that marriage/relationship takes more than love.

Make sure you both know basic information about each other like these for example?

How is your credit? Pull reports for each of you to discuss.
How do you handle your money?
Can I see your checkbook, savings, IRA, 401K?
Are you going back to school?
Do you want children? If so how many?
Do either of you have children from previous relationships?
How is the relationship with the other parent?
If their are no children and the other person does not want any children, can the other handle that? Because no means no forever.
Who will handle the finances in the home or paying the bills?
What faith will we both be under?
What are our goals as a couple?
What are our goals as individuals?
How infuential are the family members on each of you?

If you are serious about each other then all these discussons and discovery should be included. None of these areas as well as others should be off limits for discussion.

Wishing you happiness and blessings.

Thanks! We've discussed the bulk of all those things already, with exception of a few that are on my list of things to discuss before any major steps are made. I've lived with a man before and being much older and wiser now, there is no way I'd jump into another situation like that blind and I'll be sure he knows where I stand on everything before those steps too.

 

[gn1g]

Whoa Nelly.

My X-Dh told me within a week he knew, I asked how he said it just feels right. we were married 10 years and could've been married a life time IF I HAD NOT CHANGED MY MIND.

You should also know.

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

I'm sorry I cannot add any advice. SvelteVelvet, I can only extend my best wishes and prayers.

Thanks for starting this thread. Lots of good information surfacing.

 

[DarkHair]

Congratulations on this Svelte!!!

My DH said that he knew. For two months, this man 'chased' me. He'd ask me everday 'When are you going to let me be your man?' To make a long story short, he was just supposed to be a fling. Someone to go out with. After 7 yrs and a week of dating we got married. I can't believe time has flown like it has. Some may say that time span is too long. I had the opportunity to see him at his highs/lows, and gains/losses. I've had the 'its too good to be true' feeling. It would be so good that I just KNEW that something would go wrong. I've been in heaven. We are fools for each other.

Do know that there WILL be bumps in the road. You have the choice to go over, around, or walk away from them. Do what is best for YOU in the long run though. Take your time, and pray as well. Congrats again.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Thanks for all the encouragement guys! These stories were what I was looking for. So far so good, just keeps getting better day by day. And I'm posting on his computer from his living room right now and he's playing video games with his brother. I think I might let him in on my LHCF obsession. One thing he says he loves about me is my good hair All I could do was smile AND shake my head lol. But I'll keep ya'll posted.

 

[SelahOco]

Good advice so far. The good thing is if he's the right man for you, and he's not nuts, he will wait for you to be comfortable. He won't rush you. If he rushes you, keep waiting and watch...and pray.

Either way, you have to be okay. And if he's a good guy, he'll be confident enough to let you come to your own conclusions.

ETA: I just saw your update. God bless you girl! Good for you. Follow the peace of God and enjoy the ride!!!

 

[krysstyle1]

What she said.

"So ladies share your experiences with getting caught up with man who knows he going to wife you before he knows your last name"

My experience is that I confused all his attention and possessiveness with love. He was an incomplete and troubled man who overtook my world like a virus. The things that just didn't seem right that I overlooked because the attention and words were so nice and he was everything on my 'list', grew into him being a crazy, VERY possessive and emotionally damaged man. He was an incomplete human and needed me, my presence, my time, my whereabouts, to feel okay. NUTS I tell ya!

I hope this will not be your experience.

Take. It. Slow. and Good Luck!

I had the same experience and it wasn't pleasant. I ended up having to get a restraining order. I believe there is nothing wrong with falling hard for someone, but you definitely want to take it slow and feel out the relationship. Go through a few things together to see how he REALLY is.

 

[Zaynab]

I agree with the taking it slow.

DH said he wanted to marry me about two weeks after I met himerplexed I thought he was crazy but by week six, I was all about it. We didn't get married until 2 years later. We "knew it" but we still didnt' jump into anything.

 

[scorpio70]

I think men meet and date many women in their lives that could be 'the one' - meaning she meets his wife requirements.

I think that what makes him marry 'the one' is that he meets her when he is actually ready to settle down.

I remember an episode of sex and the city where miranda said that men are like taxi cabs and you have to catch one when his light says 'on duty'. i agree with this. when a man is ready to settle down, he will settle down with the next woman that comes along that meets his requirements.

For women, its different. For the most part, we'll wisen up, even when we aren't looking for 'him', when we meet and date a 'good man'. Whereas a man will let the good woman go (or let her languish in limbo) because he knows he's not ready.

 

[Bunny77]

I often seek advice from other women but I'm learning to trust my gut more when it comes to men, and guts don't just give you warnings of bad things, they can give you conviction of good things. Of course most women hearing of this situation it's like "whoa! nelly" and I know because reading my OP if that was even a day before meeting this man I would have been saying the same thing. Advice to take your time and take it slow is typical great advice but I think alot of the problem in romance and relationships these days comes from trying to be so textbook with it and zapping out all the 'magic' by looking for something to be wrong because it's just 'too good to be true'. That attitude is self-fulfilling and it should not exist on my quest to marry happily and start a family.

I wouldn't have pictured it to happen this way. In my "plans" I would know the person for a while and we'd be dating for a few years before the talk of it even came up.

Hi!

I think when folks are saying "take it slow," they're not necessarily meaning that you should drag things out. Shoot, I'm like you... I know what I want, I'm not 18 years old and there are men who also know what they want as well... if we're all on the same page about marriage and family, then let's just get on with it!

But, I think the main thing is -- as you well know -- is to continue to watch how he treats you and see how he leads the relationship. This man very well could be the one and I do believe that people "know" and when they "know," they can marry very quickly and have strong marriages. But we always have to make sure that we maintain some sense of discernment so that we don't get too caught up just in case a person talks a good game early and then backs off later. I've had that happen to me before, but recently, I've met a guy who is pretty focused on marrying (and the sooner the better) and starting a family. I respect and appreciate that and I wish more men were as focused as he was instead of doing this "going with the flow" business.

My plans have never involved knowing the person for a while before we started dating and then dating for a few years before anyone even talks about marriage. Unless you're really young, I often think that's a recipe for disaster and a waste of time. But again, you can still "take it slow" while making sure that your relationship is constantly moving forward. (does that make sense).

So be careful... but don't be afraid either!

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I agree with the bold 110%. It's when the MAN is READY..and if you meet him at that time then it would be good for both of you. Most women are ready to be..well I shouldn't say that..but society has us thinking we need to be.

Bottom line your quote is bang on.

I think men meet and date many women in their lives that could be 'the one' - meaning she meets his wife requirements.

I think that what makes him marry 'the one' is that he meets her when he is actually ready to settle down.

I remember an episode of sex and the city where miranda said that men are like taxi cabs and you have to catch one when his light says 'on duty'. i agree with this. when a man is ready to settle down, he will settle down with the next woman that comes along that meets his requirements.

For women, its different. For the most part, we'll wisen up, even when we aren't looking for 'him', when we meet and date a 'good man'. Whereas a man will let the good woman go (or let her languish in limbo) because he knows he's not ready.

 

[Bunny77]

I think men meet and date many women in their lives that could be 'the one' - meaning she meets his wife requirements.

I think that what makes him marry 'the one' is that he meets her when he is actually ready to settle down.

I remember an episode of sex and the city where miranda said that men are like taxi cabs and you have to catch one when his light says 'on duty'. i agree with this. when a man is ready to settle down, he will settle down with the next woman that comes along that meets his requirements.

For women, its different. For the most part, we'll wisen up, even when we aren't looking for 'him', when we meet and date a 'good man'. Whereas a man will let the good woman go (or let her languish in limbo) because he knows he's not ready.

You know, it's funny because I have often met guys when they were "not ready." As in, they just got divorced or something like that or were starting a new degree program or something. Now they pursued me, but after a while it was clear that they just wanted to date (and slightly more, lol), but weren't looking to settle down.

I had to learn to avoid those things.

Now... I met a guy last year and we had an instant connection, but he never followed through after that, although we kept in touch on a low-key level by e-mail and all that (like every few months). I found out through the grapevine that he has a GF, but they've been together forever and he's ready to get out. (I hope this girl knows this.)

Dude happened to randomly call me a few weeks ago after NEVER calling me before. I'm playing it cool and not pushing 'cause I don't know his status, but it's one of those things where I wonder if his cab light (lol) is about to come on...

(Of course, I'm so not going to wait on that... if I catch another cab in the mean time, tough luck for him! But it is intriguing!)

 

[scorpio70]

You know, it's funny because I have often met guys when they were "not ready." As in, they just got divorced or something like that or were starting a new degree program or something. Now they pursued me, but after a while it was clear that they just wanted to date (and slightly more, lol), but weren't looking to settle down.

I had to learn to avoid those things.

I had to learn it too! As far as Mr. Out The Blue calling you, he probably always wanted to pursue you but, had a complicated situation. You were a shiny penny that he found and put in the drawer...sounds like he's going through his drawer of finds now and dusting stuff off. This will be interesting to see play out.

 

[Bunny77]

I had to learn it too! As far as Mr. Out The Blue calling you, he probably always wanted to pursue you but, had a complicated situation. You were a shiny penny that he found and put in the drawer...sounds like he's going through his drawer of finds now and dusting stuff off. This will be interesting to see play out.

Oh, and FYI, I was in a relationship last year too (got into it a month after meeting this guy), so I guess I had Out-of-the-Blue guy in the drawer as well... if he had been ready then, I would not have been available.

So like you said, we'll see! I'm still dating plenty of other folks though and not waiting on that guy!

 

[Ms Red]

This is a great thread. Makes me wonder if the guy I'm dating now could be 'the one' ??

We are taking it as slow (friends and a lil' more ) as we possibly can... which isn't saying much

 

[TrendySocialite]

Yes I think men know pretty quickly if someone is the one (or at least in serious running for the one).

As for the OP, I see a couple of red flags that make me cautiously optimistic about this. I don't like words like possessive. Steve Harvey says that real men are about the 3 Ps: Profess, Provide and Protect. Please know there is a major difference between protection and possessiveness. The latter is something you do not want...

If you have peace, then I say proceed. But the minute the peace lessens or dissipates, you need to stop and regroup.

I especially agree with Bunny's assessment...

 

[cicilypayne]

My husband saw me across a crowded Gymnasium and told his brother I was his future wife..This was before meeting me.. we became friends 4 months later. Started dating 2 weeks later and was in love 2 weeks after that..I mean it cupid bow and arrow...fireworks..thunder and rain ..goofy smiling all over each other in love..I was feeling him and he was feeling me..We got engaged 2 years later but I don't think the wait was necessary for us waiting is what we did to make our love ones feel better about it..We have been together for 11 years now..I think sometimes truly the heart just knows

 

[TrendySocialite]

My husband saw me across a crowded Gymnasium and told his brother I was his future wife..This was before meeting me.. we became friends 4 months later. Started dating 2 weeks later and was in love 2 weeks after that..I mean it cupid bow and arrow...fireworks..thunder and rain ..goofy smiling all over each other in love..I was feeling him and he was feeling me..We got engaged 2 years later but I don't think the wait was necessary for us waiting is what we did to make our love ones feel better about it..We have been together for 11 years now..I think sometimes truly the heart just knows

I agree with the bolded. Waiting is often based on other people's expectations, not on your own. When a couple is on the same page at the same time and for the same reasons, waiting is not necessary. But in the case that they do have to or decide to wait, their relationship won't suffer because they know that delay does not mean denied...

 

[ART11]

We knew on the first date. We were engaged six weeks later and married a year later. Sometimes it is RIGHT and you both know it! Now we are fat old folks with 4 kids. I am so happy for you. All the best and I hope everything turns out perfectly.

 

[Windsy]

I have one question, maybe 2.

1. How do you know that the feeling you are feeling is that he is the one and not that you are in love with being in love? I hope this makes sense, it may not have came out right.

2. How do you know if he is feeling the same way that quick? What are the signs so early?

TIA
Signed: Seriously Confused lachen

 

[spelmanlocks]

My husband asked me to be his girlfriend the first day we met. He was always open with how much he liked from day one. I went on study abroad in college one week after we met and he sent me hundreds of dollars to buy phone cards so we could talk to each other every day. When I returned 6 months later, all his friends said thank God you're back this boy is crazy over you. Even so, we didn't marry until almost 5 years later, mainly because we met in college.

I will say don't move so fast that you don't have fun. Learning about another person can be fun, its how you grow together.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I have one question, maybe 2.

1. How do you know that the feeling you are feeling is that he is the one and not that you are in love with being in love? I hope this makes sense, it may not have came out right.

Basically all of the qualities that he has and the way he makes me feel let's me know that I wouldn't be feeling this with just any old shell of a man. I've never been the type in love with love where I'll overlook something that I don't like about a person just for the sake of being in love. I've been alone for a while, and I'll stay alone until I find what I feel I'm looking for in a mate. I wrote down almost a few years back all the qualities that I'd want my husband to have and he meets those and then some.

2. How do you know if he is feeling the same way that quick? What are the signs so early?

He's just been very open about his feelings from day 1. But not only from what he says but from his actions. He doesn't go a day without calling. He wants my company whenever his and my schedule allows and it's been daily except for one night where I just felt like I wanted to step back but I was missing him and he let me know he was missing me too. He's told friends and family about me, including me in his plans..just everything.

TIA
Signed: Seriously Confused lachen

Answers in the bold. Also, yesterday I asked him if he was rebounding. And he told me no, because that would mean he just got out of a relationship and he's been alone for a while. Of course he asked what made me ask that question. And I told him I was concerned because of how fast we're moving. He just said "That's understandable" and left it at that, not wavering on the fact that he knows what he feels regardless of how long we've known each other.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Yes I think men know pretty quickly if someone is the one (or at least in serious running for the one).

As for the OP, I see a couple of red flags that make me cautiously optimistic about this. I don't like words like possessive. Steve Harvey says that real men are about the 3 Ps: Profess, Provide and Protect. Please know there is a major difference between protection and possessiveness. The latter is something you do not want...

If you have peace, then I say proceed. But the minute the peace lessens or dissipates, you need to stop and regroup.

I especially agree with Bunny's assessment...

I don't know if I can accurately describe what I meant about the possessiveness. It's not the type that would make me want to run away, it's the type that makes me feel stable and safe, those 3 P's you mentioned are there. Maybe there is a better word to describe it but all I can say is it's not a stifling caustrophobic type thing, I feel as though I'll be able to grow with him in more ways than one.

Oh and I definately take heed to my feelings, especially if I need to stop and regroup if I'm feeling like I'm on autopilot with this thing too much. And I even did that one night this week, I felt like I needed to step back and regroup and I let the doubt slip in a little but when I saw him again it just continued to get stronger. But I'm remaining aware. Even if we do decide very soon that we will be married one day, I want to be engaged for at least a year before even planning the wedding.

 

[Windsy]

Answers in the bold. Also, yesterday I asked him if he was rebounding. And he told me no, because that would mean he just got out of a relationship and he's been alone for a while. Of course he asked what made me ask that question. And I told him I was concerned because of how fast we're moving. He just said "That's understandable" and left it at that, not wavering on the fact that he knows what he feels regardless of how long we've known each other.

Thanks for the response SvelteVelvet.