Marriage counseling...yes or no?

MrsWatson

MrsWatson

Well-Known Member
Last night my fiance and I had dinner with a couple of mutual friends that are also engaged.
We are getting married in June and the other couple has set a September wedding date.
Anyways, as we were eating dinner the other couple invited us out again next week Thursday. We had to decline the invitation because we have to go to our weekly counseling session.
To make a long story short, we ended up having a huge debate about whether marriage counseling is necessary.
They basically told us we were crazy and that no counseling session can teach us "how to love one another".
We politely told them that the purpose of our sessions wasn't to teach us to love one another, but to help us run our household in a manner where God is always first (among other things).
So, did you or did you not get counseling before walking down the aisle and what were the end results?
 
I believe it can be necessary and very beneficial.

What can it hurt?

I'd never tell a couple not to have counseling.

I'd say go for it, it seems as though you and SO want to do it, so don't let anyone stop you from getting your marriage off on a good start.
 
I think counseling before marriage is essential. My husband and I had minimal counseling, but we do seek God's word for how we are to love one another. It has made all the difference in the world for our marriage.

We are now so passionate about marriages being successful that we now speak at our church and meet one-on-one with couples to help them work out the issues in their relationships.

There are so many things engaged couples need to discuss prior to saying "I do" -- things that get missed in the midst of the dating relationship. The right pre-marital counseling can help you address some of these issues before-hand.
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
I believe it can be necessary and very beneficial.

What can it hurt?

I'd never tell a couple not to have counseling.

I'd say go for it, it seems as though you and SO want to do it, so don't let anyone stop you from getting your marriage off on a good start.
Click to expand...

Thats what I kept saying to the other couple last night.
They seem to think it is a waste of time though.
SO and I aren't going to stop going though, as a matter of fact our pastor won't perform our ceremony unless we successfully complete the marriage counseling.
 
neenzmj said:
I think counseling before marriage is essential. My husband and I had minimal counseling, but we do seek God's word for how we are to love one another. It has made all the difference in the world for our marriage.

We are now so passionate about marriages being successful that we now speak at our church and meet one-on-one with couples to help them work out the issues in their relationships.

There are so many things engaged couples need to discuss prior to saying "I do" -- things that get missed in the midst of the dating relationship. The right pre-marital counseling can help you address some of these issues before-hand.
Click to expand...

I am starting to feel this as well. So many of the issues addressed at our sessions are things that we would have never thought to discuss beforehand.
As for the second bolded, I commend you and your husband for doing so. There is an older couple at out church that has been married for 45 years. They have been really helpful to us in the past when we've had relationship issues and I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am to them for what they do.
 
I think it is very important.

It can help pinpoint areas of contention...teach you essential skills on how to resolve your disputes.

It can bring up issues the two of you had never considered/discussed before.

If you use the PREPARE model (I forget if that is what it is called), that test has been extremely accurate in predicting the success rates of people's marriages. It is this like 100 question test you and your fiance take separately and then your answers are compared.
 
i think it really depends on the state of your marriage, whether or not it will be beneficial.

i think for '' upkeep '' purposes, just to get good insight.. it's great. but, in terms of saving a marriage.. i think that it can be positive but, there can be a downside as well.

i was reading about it and i remember it saying that a high % of married couples get a divorce within a year of marriage counseling. i've done the counceling thing and honestly, it helped nothing in my marriage. all that happened.. was both parties still maintained the same habits.. we just cherry picked which parts of counseling we wanted to make an example of and when.. for instance, we would get in the same 'ol fights.. ignoring the calm down/relax methods that were spoken about.. but, using '' remember in counseling she said not to put your partner down! ''.. and then that would turn into an argument in itself. in my case, it only added another '' opinion '' into the marriage that we sometimes used against eachother. again, i think it could be a good thing for some marriages depending on the circumstances.. but, i think i'd perfer individual counseling. i think relationship issues usually have to deal with each as an individual.. coming together and practicing your bad habits that sometimes need to be tackled individually.
 
mxdchiq86 said:
i think it really depends on the state of your marriage, whether or not it will be beneficial.

i think for '' upkeep '' purposes, just to get good insight.. it's great. but, in terms of saving a marriage.. i think that it can be positive but, there can be a downside as well.

i was reading about it and i remember it saying that a high % of married couples get a divorce within a year of marriage counseling. i've done the counceling thing and honestly, it helped nothing in my marriage. all that happened.. was both parties still maintained the same habits.. we just cherry picked which parts of counseling we wanted to make an example of and when.. for instance, we would get in the same 'ol fights.. ignoring the calm down/relax methods that were spoken about.. but, using '' remember in counseling she said not to put your partner down! ''.. and then that would turn into an argument in itself. in my case, it only added another '' opinion '' into the marriage that we sometimes used against eachother. again, i think it could be a good thing for some marriages depending on the circumstances.. but, i think i'd perfer individual counseling. i think relationship issues usually have to deal with each as an individual.. coming together and practicing your bad habits that sometimes need to be tackled individually.
Click to expand...

Ahhh....you make good points, very good points. I can see that happening...picking and choosing to utilize only the advice and techniques that suit only you and not you AND your partner.
 
Ignore your friends. You and your fh are on the right track. I would not discuss this with them or anyone else again. This is a special, private thing between you and your future husband. Sending you blessings for your beautiful June wedding.
 
hopeful said:
Ignore your friends. You and your fh are on the right track. I would not discuss this with them or anyone else again. This is a special, private thing between you and your future husband. Sending you blessings for your beautiful June wedding.
Click to expand...

Good advice.

Negative talk from friend or family members can make you start questioning and doubting what you feel is a good thing.
 
hopeful said:
Ignore your friends. You and your fh are on the right track. I would not discuss this with them or anyone else again. This is a special, private thing between you and your future husband. Sending you blessings for your beautiful June wedding.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for this :bighug:. I have been thinking this a lot lately and I am definitely going to stop discussing and trying to explain my POV in regards to matters such as this.
 
MrsWatson said:
Last night my fiance and I had dinner with a couple of mutual friends that are also engaged.
We are getting married in June and the other couple has set a September wedding date.
Anyways, as we were eating dinner the other couple invited us out again next week Thursday. We had to decline the invitation because we have to go to our weekly counseling session.
To make a long story short, we ended up having a huge debate about whether marriage counseling is necessary.
They basically told us we were crazy and that no counseling session can teach us "how to love one another".
We politely told them that the purpose of our sessions wasn't to teach us to love one another, but to help us run our household in a manner where God is always first (among other things).
So, did you or did you not get counseling before walking down the aisle and what were the end results?
Click to expand...
I did get marriage counseling (called pre-marital counseling) before getting married and it was the best thing we did. It should be mandatory for all couples prior to marriage. You will find less divorces because of it. Guaranteed!
 
MrsWatson said:
Thats what I kept saying to the other couple last night.
They seem to think it is a waste of time though.
SO and I aren't going to stop going though, as a matter of fact our pastor won't perform our ceremony unless we successfully complete the marriage counseling.
Click to expand...
There will be a difference in your marriage and theirs.:yep:

Does your pastor have post marital workshops after couples get married? These are beneficial because it helps couples continue on the road to a successful marriage. Dh and I teach classes that are dynamic and there are 5 couples in each class. The classes last a little over 14 months. Each class is 7 weeks long and then on the 8th week, all the couples go out together and have a night out. Some of the classes include:

-Learning to Communicate
-Sex and Romance
-Roles of Husband and Wives

Etc.

It's wonderful and has helped so many couples. In the end of the classes, we have a Marriage Retreat where we go away and have a blast. It's wonderful. So many couples now teach classes to other couples.

If he doesn't have anything like that, ask your pastor about considering it. It will bless you and help so many others.

These classes aren't intent for couples who have serious problems in their marriage, but for those who have a good marriage, but want to make it better.

HTH
 
Nice & Wavy said:
I did get marriage counseling (called pre-marital counseling) before getting married and it was the best thing we did. It should be mandatory for all couples prior to marriage. You will find less divorces because of it. Guaranteed!
Click to expand...

LOL, thats what i meant. DF always corrects me on that too! I dont know why its so hard for me to say 'pre'.
 
Nice & Wavy said:
There will be a difference in your marriage and theirs.:yep:

Does your pastor have post marital workshops after couples get married? These are beneficial because it helps couples continue on the road to a successful marriage. Dh and I teach classes that are dynamic and there are 5 couples in each class. The classes last a little over 14 months. Each class is 7 weeks long and then on the 8th week, all the couples go out together and have a night out. Some of the classes include:

-Learning to Communicate
-Sex and Romance
-Roles of Husband and Wives

Etc.

It's wonderful and has helped so many couples. In the end of the classes, we have a Marriage Retreat where we go away and have a blast. It's wonderful. So many couples now teach classes to other couples.

If he doesn't have anything like that, ask your pastor about considering it. It will bless you and help so many others.

These classes aren't intent for couples who have serious problems in their marriage, but for those who have a good marriage, but want to make it better.

HTH
Click to expand...

Actually, our church has something very similar. Our church even has classes (or meetings rather) for dating couples and a good majority of the couples who attend eventually get married.
As for the bolded, we have had like four weeks of sessions on that one topic and I think it has been the most beneficial. A lot of what we discussed were things that I remember seeing in my grandparents marriage (which lasted 55 years).
 
I just told my mom today that I plan to have pre-marital counseling when the time comes. I think it is a wonderful choice.
 
MrsWatson said:
Actually, our church has something very similar. Our church even has classes (or meetings rather) for dating couples and a good majority of the couples who attend eventually get married.
As for the bolded, we have had like four weeks of sessions on that one topic and I think it has been the most beneficial. A lot of what we discussed were things that I remember seeing in my grandparents marriage (which lasted 55 years).
Click to expand...
Sounds wonderful!

All the best to you!
 
I am a big fan of pre-marital counseling. We did it and it really helped us. We did Myers-Briggs and learned more about our individual personality traits and how they would work together in a relationship. We learned about each other's communication styles and how to be more effective with our partner.

We even did some post-marital counseling during the 1st year to follow up on what we began during the pre-marital counseling. It was very, very helpful to us. I am so thankful that we did it.

We are Christians and did it all through our church. Even having been married for a while, we still do couples seminars and retreats and it has helped us to grow together and be very joyful in our marriage.
 
Last edited:
MrsWatson,

First...Cograts on your upcoming wedding. I am not married but hope to be in the future, yet I completely agree with the majority in this thread. I believe that you and your fiancee made a good choice with continuing with your pre-marriage counseling. One thing I realized through being in a truly committed relationship with my SO is that, besides God, we are the only ones making the rules for our relationship...no one else. Not family, friends, co-workers, etc.

There are many books, websites, chat rooms, and blogs dedicated to telling people how to run their relationship. And while some of these resources are helpful, they can only do so much because they are written from a broad point-of-view, and contain many generalizations and sterotypes. Relationships are like fingerprints...no two are the same. Each couple must tailor their relationship to create a perfect fit, and counseling is a perfect way to do this.

Discussing your relationship/marriage, and seeking advice is only cool if you have a true advocate/friend/advisor that will look out for the best interest of you, your husband, and your marriage. Otherwise there are certain things that should be kept private, and sacred.

Unless you are making decisions that are harmful to you or your future family, your friends should be the first ones encouraging you in this very personal decision that you made. The fact that they are discouraging you from counseling does not sit well with me, and if I were you, I would take any advice they give with a grain of salt.
 
I think it's beneficial and especially necessary if one or both parties are becoming step-parents.
 
yes def green light on marriage counseling--its a great decision--as well as me and fh know each other we need it--when two ppl from different backgrounds come together to create a union that is to last for forever--counseling is a positive step to ensuring that--everything is out in the open and obvisouly the notion of open communication is presented/established

your friends need to get a clue--what planet are they on---
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Marriage counseling
Replies
2
Views
204
Farida
Farida
B
Help! My husband wants a divorce but I want to go to counseling first
2
Replies
50
Views
4K
preciouslove0x
preciouslove0x
angaliquew
Is it really worth it?
Replies
23
Views
2K
SweetCaramel1
SweetCaramel1
brg240
Would you say yes?
Replies
4
Views
389
EbonyTresses
EbonyTresses
Champ
Married for 10 years but I think its OVER
2
Replies
50
Views
2K
cmw45
cmw45
Back
Top