Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

[FluffyRed]

How this can affect the female:

Remoteness
Male feels sex is disgusting
Male prefers prostitutes, since sex is so "nasty"
Male withholds or avoid sex
"Zoning out" during sex
Push others away to avoid intimacy
Partner feels "Lonely" and "rejected"

There is an article in the current O magazine on this topic. It also talks about the recovery process, and how many relationships don't survive, but some can become stronger.

With one statistic being that 1 in 6 boys will be the victim of sexual abuse (and knowing how underreported those stats are for women) this is something many of us may deal with at some point.

It was very sad to read the stories, but the article also included things to look for in relationships and ways that couples have overcome what can be a huge roadblock to intimacy, considering how men are not always encouraged to express their emotions.

It's good to get this out in the open, just so we ladies can be helpful, as we would want our partner to be helpful if the shoe were on the other foot.

The entire article (it's long) is available online: http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/200810_omag_sexual_abuse/1

What are your thoughts?

http://www.malesurvivor.org/default.html

 

[FluffyRed]

Has anyone experienced these symptoms and wondered what was going on?

 

[tiara76]

I know a few guys who were sexually abused by men growing up and they are emotional wrecks....very abusive and angry and view sex very negatively, engage in homosexual activities in a destructive manner.....I have been able to talk to a few and helped a few seek out professional health....these guys were very extreme cases as well and most of the time the man of somebody I knew and they were on the receiving end of all that pent up anger and emotional distress and had no clue how to deal with these dudes....


One guy I used to date and care about a great deal... I think had alot of emotional issues due to his childhood, mother and I think forms of abuse may have went down but as of yet he hasn't opened up about it but he's been reaching out more and more lately to talk about himself and wanting to change....so it may come out..when we were together he was good for shutting down completely whenever things got too serious

 

[DragonPearl]

I am glad you posted this. Sexual abuse of males is more common than people think, and very few men will come forward as adults and admit to having been sexually abused as children, especially if it was done by another male.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I am glad you posted this. Sexual abuse of males is more common than people think, and very few men will come forward as adults and admit to having been sexually abused as children, especially if it was done by another male.

True, and it makes them feel like less of a man, and perhaps question their sexuality, so it's a constant struggle in their lives

 

[FluffyRed]

That's why I'm glad these guys were brave enough to be open about it.

I personally have been so vested in men being "strong" and the "protector" that I have avoided this whole train of thought.

Logically, someone I have dated has probably been abused. I know about 5 women who have been assaulted.

 

[tiara76]

I am glad you posted this. Sexual abuse of males is more common than people think, and very few men will come forward as adults and admit to having been sexually abused as children, especially if it was done by another male.

i concur mama

its done more frequently than we think and way more frequently by another male....alot of these dudes are complete psychological messes over it....we've got to stop attaching negative stigmas to our men, especially black men....the one thing that stops them from seeking help or trying to deal with it in a healthy way is the stigma and labels associated with homosexual sex...regardless if it was consensual or not.....or if they were powerless of having it happen to them

 

[FluffyRed]

i concur mama

its done more frequently than we think and way more frequently by another male....alot of these dudes are complete psychological messes over it....we've got to stop attaching negative stigmas to our men, especially black men....the one thing that stops them from seeking help or trying to deal with it in a healthy way is the stigma and labels associated with homosexual sex...regardless if it was consensual or not.....or if they were powerless of having it happen to them

ITA, especially with the bolded

 

[BlueNile]

I have a close friend and her husband (as well as herself) were sexually abused. Her husband is an alcoholic and verbally and mentally abuses her. He is addicted to porn and sex. He won't give her a rest even during her monthly cycle. He comes on to (and inappropriately touches) her family members and friends (including me, and even when I told her, she shrugged it off). He talks her into doing sexual things that I really don't think she wants to do. He is not there for their children.

She continues to stay with him.

 

[delp]

I know three males it happen to:
one became a serial killer
one is educated DL brother who you would never suspect. I found out b/c he got drunk one night
and the last one became overly sexual...could not control his sexual desires.

 

[BlueNile]

Delp, I wanted to be a forensic psychologist and work with the serial killers because I wanted to know what made them tick. Your friend....is he a well known serial killer?

 

[delp]

Delp, I wanted to be a forensic psychologist and work with the serial killers because I wanted to know what made them tick. Your friend....is he a well known serial killer?

A high school and elementary school associate. He committed the murders after highschool. Was not caught for the murders but caught on rape. Although he was sentenced to life I think he might get out. I have not seen him in over 20 years.I would not call him a friend. I hate that I ever knew him. Believe your mom when they tell you something is wrong with someone. He is not well known b/c he was stopped at his third "Known" victim....His crime was incredible bad ....Not just slash or shooting ....real sick stuff. That is as much as I would like to say. I am still pissed b/c I knew one of the victims who was a child. I am upset b/c the police knows he did it but b/c he came back to the crime scene when the body was found to help out it provided him with an excuse.

 

[BlueNile]

A high school and elementary school associate. He committed the murders after highschool. Was not caught for the murders but caught on rape. Although he was sentenced to life I think he might get out. I have not seen him in over 20 years.I would not call him a friend. I hate that I ever knew him. Believe your mom when they tell you something is wrong with someone. He is not well known b/c he was stopped at his third "Known" victim....His crime was incredible bad ....Not just slash or shooting ....real sick stuff. That is as much as I would like to say. I am still pissed b/c I knew one of the victims who was a child. I am upset b/c the police knows he did it but b/c he came back to the crime scene when the body was found to help out it provided him with an excuse.

This stuff runs really deep. When you think about how many people are victims of abuse and the after effects it causes, it's no wonder we have a world of sick, crazy people.

 

[FluffyRed]

I always had a feeling some of this was related, but, this is really disturbing. I'm so sorry that you know a child who was killed. I am so scared for children these days.

 

[cocoberry10]

I am glad you posted this. Sexual abuse of males is more common than people think, and very few men will come forward as adults and admit to having been sexually abused as children, especially if it was done by another male.

I agree with you. Out of the guys that are complete manwhores, I think many of them were probably sexually abused in some way: whether they were physically touched, or allowed to view porn at a young age (this is sex abuse), encouraged to perform sexually on a woman at a young age (I know guys who lost their virginity at like 12 and the female was like 20--that's sex abuse), encouraged by their fathers to sleep around (people don't think this is sex abuse, but sex is like a drug, and it does have its damaging effects)

 

[cocoberry10]

I know three males it happen to:
one became a serial killer
one is educated DL brother who you would never suspect. I found out b/c he got drunk one night
and the last one became overly sexual...could not control his sexual desires.

This makes me so sad to read

 

[FluffyRed]

This makes me so sad to read

Me too.

And we accept overt sexuality as being "typical male" behavior.

Is this more widespread than we ever could imagine?