"Make Me A Plate!"

[Enyo]

Ok, Ladies. Ya'll are the only cyber community I can tell something like this. I put this in the relationship area for reasons that will become clear shortly.

A guy in my office is newly divorced. We all knew his wife and not a single one of us liked her. As soon as he left her, his mood started to get so much better and he became so much more fun to be around. Now he's showing signs of loneliness but admits that it's not a good time to start dating again.

Now, this guy is obsessed with food. He always wants to know what we're eating and loves to talk about restaurants and cooking shows. He misses having a woman cook for him, and that's understandable, but I can't figure out for the life of me why he is always pestering me to "go and make me a plate!". He says it a very impish way and loves to sidle up and ask me what's for dinner tonight. He doesn't do it to anyone else and I find that weird. It doesn't bother me because he's so silly and sweet about it, but it almost feels like he's flirting with me. I guess because he goes right from, "I miss having a woman to cook for me" to, "Enyo, are you gonna do it?" with almost no words in between.

Seriously, I need opinions. I'm laughing as I type this because the situation is so silly, but I am wondering if I should be more alert. Playfulness is fine, but I have to change my approach if he's looking for a jump off.

 

[hopeful]

I don't like it when men focus on what they want from the woman. I would be much more impressed if he was saying he would like to take you to one of the restaurants you guys talk about. It's almost like he's trying to get you to audition to be his next wife.

 

[chelseatiara]

Ok, Ladies. Ya'll are the only cyber community I can something like this. I put this in the relationship area for reasons that will become clear shortly.

A guy in my office is newly divorced. We all knew his wife and not a single one of us liked her. As soon as he left her, his mood started to get so much better and he became so much more fun to be around. Now he's showing signs of loneliness but admits that it's not a good time to start dating again.

Now, this guy is obsessed with food. He always wants to know what we're eating and loves to talk about restaurants and cooking shows. He misses having a woman cook for him, and that's understandable, but I can't figure out for the life of me why he is always pestering me to "go and make me a plate!". He says it a very impish way and loves to sidle up and ask me what's for dinner tonight. He doesn't do it to anyone else and I find that weird. It doesn't bother me because he's so silly and sweet about it, but it almost feels like he's flirting with me. I guess because he goes right from, "I miss having a woman to cook for me" to, "Enyo, are you gonna do it?" with almost no words in between.

Seriously, I need opinions. I'm laughing as I type this because the situation is so silly, but I am wondering if I should be more alert. Playfulness is fine, but I have to change my approach if he's looking for a jump off.

erplexed He would get a "No but you can cook for me." (If I liked him); If I didn't - "It's a new day and age sweetie. I suggest you put some of those cooking shows to good use."

 

[Enyo]

I don't like it when men focus on what they want from the woman. I would be much more impressed if he was saying he would like to take you to one of the restaurants you guys talk about. It's almost like he's trying to get you to audition to be his next wife.

Oh, this man is sweet at the core, but we (the women, at least) all know that he's incredibly selfish and self-centered. I straight up told him that the reason he keeps attracting these crazy women is because he loves how they are always wanting to be around him until he pisses them off and they start hiding in the bushes of his apartment.

 

[*CherryPie*]

He sounds like a creep to me. Selfish, self-centered, pissing off all of his women, and cunningly persuading women to serve him.....or, bring him food.

 

[firecracker]

If he keeps begging for food make his greedy butt a mylanta laced cherry creme cheese pie. LOL

 

[Evolving78]

girl he is interested in you and looking for his next maid, i say tell him he needs to cook and fix you a plate! that will throw him off to the point he might leave you alone, or accept it as a challenge to change. some men need a woman to keep them in their place! lol

 

[Browndilocks]

He's sweet at the core but incredibly self centered and selfish? And yall didn't like the wife? erplexed

 

[Enyo]

He's sweet at the core but incredibly self centered and selfish? And yall didn't like the wife? erplexed

Yup! He's sweet in the way that he does worry about people and is always trying to make sure we are laughing and having a good time with each other. Whenever people are treated unfairly, it's clear that it bothers him a lot. He's really a good person who honestly tries to do the right thing whenever he can. But he's also emotionally stunted which causes him to be self-centered and selfish regarding certain things.

Oh, his wife. She was just mean and rude. When I first started working there we had a department party and I went over to say "hi". I reached out my hand so we could shake but she looked me dead in my face and walked away like I hadn't been trying to talk to her. Once he went to lunch and his wife showed up in our office looking for him. One of my co-workers was heavily pregnant at the time, but she made the effort to waddle out to the waiting area to inform wifey that he went to lunch (she was very sweet about it too considering who she was talking to). The wife then proceeded to dangerously shove past my preggo co-worker, stomped down to his office, and went inside without saying anything. Seeing that he wasn't there, she stomped out without saying anything to us. It got to the point where if she showed up, people would actually make themselves scarce so they didn't have to deal with her. Office doors were shut and many of us found reasons to need to "use the bathroom" down the hall. If she was mad at him, that's fine, but how are you going to treat innocent people like that? For real?

 

[sunnieb]

On topic: he sounds a bit manipulative. Trying to see which woman is going to take the bait and take care of him.

Off topic: I've seen many instances where the guy appears "sweet" to outsiders, but his wife (or ex-wife) had to deal with the real a&&hole personality. I wonder if she is doing better and is nicer since the divorce?

 

[Enyo]

On topic: he sounds a bit manipulative. Trying to see which woman is going to take the bait and take care of him.

Yeah, I agree.

I wonder if she is doing better and is nicer since the divorce?

Nope. She calls and screams at him at least once a day. She's so loud that I can hear every word as clear as a bell over 10 feet away. I only see him getting upset when she calls. The rest of the day he goes between being normal to being really cheerful.

OT: The office has pretty much decided that he's a cheater. From what we gather, he cheated, she tried to forgive him, couldn't do it fully, he left.

 

[blac_quarian]

On topic: he sounds a bit manipulative. Trying to see which woman is going to take the bait and take care of him.

Off topic: I've seen many instances where the guy appears "sweet" to outsiders, but his wife (or ex-wife) had to deal with the real a&&hole personality. I wonder if she is doing better and is nicer since the divorce?

PREACH! This is something I always keep in mind when observing or hearing about problems within a relationships and particularly the woman's side. I know this phenomenon is real because I've experienced it with my daughter's father. It was a real eye opener for me.

 

[SelahOco]

I wouldn't be surprised if he did cheat. I was gonna say he's a user type of dude. They can be fun and funny, but your utility to him can be compartmentalized.

People are raised to be that way. Alot of times they don't realize that it's selfish or offensive. You have to tell them or just be super short and make it clear that you won't be useful to him. He'll just find someone else to do it.

 

[ThickHair]

OT: The office has pretty much decided that he's a cheater. From what we gather, he cheated, she tried to forgive him, couldn't do it fully, he left.

And yall are surprised that she is angry? Dang what is up with sisterhood? I can't believe all of you consider a cheater a nice sweet guy. I suppose it is her fault he cheated? Geez ya serious?. I don't get it. No where in my book is a cheater a sweet nice guy.

Ok, wife screaming, busting up in the office (I am not excusing her rudeness) and women in the bushes, seems like he might be playing Jedi mind tricks.

 

[Enyo]

And yall are surprised that she is angry? Dang what is up with sisterhood? I can't believe all of you consider a cheater a nice sweet guy. I suppose it is her fault he cheated? Geez ya serious?. I don't get it. No where in my book is a cheater a sweet nice guy.

Ok, wife screaming, busting up in the office (I am not excusing her rudeness) and women in the bushes, seems like he might be playing Jedi mind tricks.

Shockingly, I do believe nice/sweet people can also be cheaters. Cheating doesn't make them mean and nasty - it just makes them terrible partners. I've been friends with a few men and women who have cheated and they were always good friends, but like I said, they were horrible partners. Shoot, my best friend's boyfriend cheated and both of us still really like him. Sure, they are not together anymore, but he's really not a bad guy. People who do hurtful things are not always bad people.

Re: "Jedi mind tricks". I've been a relationship where they guy couldn't accept that I didn't want to see him anymore. I didn't take his calls, didn't open then the door when he dropped by, and told my co-workers than if they saw him on the property, to please call the police immediately. Still, he kept trying to contact me and got increasingly angry, abusive, and threatening every time I ignored him. My only "mind trick" was standing by my statement that it was over and I wanted nothing to do with him. I'm not saying this is their case because I don't know, but I do think it's interesting how you blame the male for causing this women's behavior, but then you accuse us of blaming her for the cheating.

Ironically enough, Jedi mind tricks mainly work on people who are weak and easily influenced. People who are trained to have strong minds and strong will can easily resist it. Allowing someone to drive us to stalking and harassment means we have to find that weak link within ourselves that's causing us to be off the chain.

 

[firecracker]

Thickhair I don't think just because someone cheats that makes them an all around bad person or scumbag. We all make mistakes and/or sin so I wouldn't say someone is all bad. Hopefully we all learn from mistakes and don't repeat them.

I know for some cheating is totally unacceptable and a deal breaker. If that is how someone feels they should leave pronto because to stay would be putting themselves in their own personal hell. For some cheating is hard to forgive.

 

[onyxdreams]

It's the saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. He is testing you to see if you are wifey material. He probably likes everything else about you but wonders if you can cook. Next time he asks you to cook share a recipe with him. Keep it moving.

IMO, women that are that mean towards their husband usually has a reason. Men are great as appearing sweet in public but to be married to them is another issues.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I wouldn't say he's looking for a jump off. But like someone else said, he may be auditioning you for his next wife. I've noticed that when men become single after a death or divorce, women start showing up on droves with all manner of food. It's like they ARE auditioning. So you should tread carefully but I don't think it's a jump off issue. He's a man. I think most of them expect women to be willing to jump through hoops and such when a newly single man is on the horizon.

 

[ThickHair]

Shockingly, I do believe nice/sweet people can also be cheaters. Cheating doesn't make them mean and nasty - it just makes them terrible partners. I've been friends with a few men and women who have cheated and they were always good friends, but like I said, they were horrible partners. Shoot, my best friend's boyfriend cheated and both of us still really like him. Sure, they are not together anymore, but he's really not a bad guy. People who do hurtful things are not always bad people.

Thickhair I don't think just because someone cheats that makes them an all around bad person or scumbag. We all make mistakes and/or sin so I wouldn't say someone is all bad. Hopefully we all learn from mistakes and don't repeat them.

I know for some cheating is totally unacceptable and a deal breaker. If that is how someone feels they should leave pronto because to stay would be putting themselves in their own personal hell. For some cheating is hard to forgive.

Ok, yall got me a little, but it seems like the OP is trying to make dude out to be the bees knees and I don't think he is.

 

[Enyo]

Ok, yall got me a little, but it seems like the OP is trying to make dude out to be the bees knees and I don't think he is.[/QUOTE]

No, he certainly isn't. Far from it as we can see by his desire to find a mother rather than a partner and his apparent inability to be a faithful partner (*side eye to him*). But I don't like to talk about bad things someone has done without mentioning one or two things that are good.

 

[ThickHair]

Ok, yall got me a little, but it seems like the OP is trying to make dude out to be the bees knees and I don't think he is.[/QUOTE]

No, he certainly isn't. Far from it as we can see by his desire to find a mother rather than a partner and his apparent inability to be a faithful partner (*side eye to him*). But I don't like to talk about bad things someone has done without mentioning one or two things that are good.

Understood and noted. Good luck for him, but I feel sorry for a woman going into a relationship with him, without her eyes wide open. He is just looking for a replacement player.

 

[Enyo]

Understood and noted. Good luck for him, but I feel sorry for a woman going into a relationship with him, without her eyes wide open. He is just looking for a replacement player.

It's so funny you say that because the running joke is that Lover Boy is sexy until he opens his mouth. He's an administrator, and one the technicians that works with him said, "Don't nobody here want you! We know you too damn well!". Even the chief of our branch fell out laughing.

 

[LoveisYou]

Wow hold on... This guy is a self-centered cheater but he's a good man????????

 

[Enyo]

Wow hold on... This guy is a self-centered cheater but he's a good man????????

There is a whole dialogue about it on page one.

 

[LoveisYou]

There is a whole dialogue about it on page one.

I read the thread (I don't ask questions unless I've read a thread), and I still don't see it. Maybe my expectations are just different......