Loving His Imperfections??

[Kimgirl50]

(generally)
Women aren't picky enough in my opinion.

They just Front because they think it makes them look good to others (if they think they deserve the best maybe they can convice everyone else). But out of the million qualities on that list they'll pretty much settle for the local smooth talking janitor at ihop.

 

[Honey Bee]

Hey all

I have set criteria but I'm definitively a go with the flow chica. Has this helped or hindered anyone?? Does having a prescribed man help you?? Have you found this "perfect one?

I welcome ALL feedback and views!!

@Simply_elle, I had a (long ) list, I wrote it down early and started looking. I found him in college, which isn't to say it was easy, I kissed a lot of frogs. I made a list because the purpose of my generation, in my family, is to move forward, not backward. I couldn't afford to allow the stupidity of lust to make important decisions for me and mine, and so, in a moment of clarity, surrounded by like-minded friends, I listed the attributes of the partner I thought would help me accomplish my goals. I dated other people in the meantime, of course, to help me identify the non-negotiables, but I was pretty single-minded. The list kept me focused.


eta: In case anybody was wondering, cuz I know y'all are, lol, I'm not married yet because, shortly after we met, I became physically disabled, like, bad, to the point that I couldn't plan a few days out, much less a wedding. Anyway, I recently figured out how to curb it with herbs, so now I'm just trynna get back on track with my life, etc. It's me holding things off and it always has been.

 

[MD_Lady]

I see plenty of imperfect husbands so I think it's safe to say that a fair number of women are letting their demands for "perfection" slide (assuming they ever had them in the first place). DH has several "flaws" that are OK with me, but have resulted in other women not being interested. Accepting those flaws has worked for me because they weren't an issue for me in the first place but, IMO, a woman who had an issue and pretended otherwise would have only made herself AND DH miserable. Different people have different dealbreakers and I think people have to do what works best for them.

 

[topnotch1010]

To care about and love someone is to learn to appreciate and embrace imperfections. Its just a matter of determining, on an individual basis, those you can tolerate and those you can not.

And don't let the eFronting fool you...

I can't "thanks" because I'm mobile but ITA with this philosophy. You have to determine what's important to you and what you can learn to live with.


Sent from TopNotch1010's iPhone using LHCF

 

[MD_Lady]

...I think sometimes we don't realize men have emotions and feelings that are just as sensitive as ours. They want to be loved and accepted soo much by women too. It's too often over looked as out society loves man bashing Stop being so hateful and picky and LOVE already as we claim most men are incapable of(seems alot of us are)...Maybe they need us to show them!?!...

Really? Considering all of the discussions I've heard about coddling/accommodating the "male ego" IRL and on LHCF, I think a fair number of women share your point of view on the bold. Shoot, this board has me thinking men are made of glass.

 

[hothair]

I think when you love someone (or even are plain old peen whupped) you make excuses/overlook his imperfections. If you're very aware of your man's imperfections, he's really not hitting it right.

 

[Syrah]

No,

It was more on WHAT more/else do you want...I'm hearing oh he's great and whatever! But he has a gap in his teeth so I wont call him back.

I'm in a relationship and happy...so It's nice to hear how the other half thinks

You want to talk about the superficial stuff? Yea, there are some superficial chicks on LHCF. I was one and in some respects still can be. Some of it is efronting, and some of it is based on the men these women are dating. Its easy to say "he must have all his teeth" when you've got toothless men asking you for your number.

Example: I've always dated tall men and used to run around with my 6'0" minimum. My SO is 5'10" and it used to kill me. I deleted a lot because I found myself ebragging about my man. I still LOVE tall men because height is sexy to me. But I'd be silly to give up what I've got over 2".

Real talk: to girls who run around with stupid superficial "criteria" I say grow the *** up and find better men to date. 2" of height and a gap etc won't matter when you find yourself with someone you're attracted to who makes you feel like a queen daily.

 

[Windsy]

You want to talk about the superficial stuff? (obvious bait) Yea, there are some superficial chicks on LHCF. I was one and in some respects still can be. Some of it is efronting, and some of it is based on the men these women are dating.

I've always dated tall men and used to run around with my 6'0" minimum. My SO is 5'10" and it used to kill me. I deleted a lot because I found myself ebragging about my man. I still LOVE tall men because height is sexy to me. But I'd be silly to give up what I've got over 2".

Real talk: to girls who run around with stupid superficial "criteria" I say grow the *** up and find better men to date. 2" of height and a gap etc won't matter when yourself with someone you're attracted to who makes you feel like a queen daily.

wants vs needs. most lists are based on wants and very little on needs...hell I'll bet most don't even know what they need but they sure do know what they want!!!

 

[Syrah]

wants vs needs. most lists are based on wants and very little on needs...hell I'll bet most don't even know what they need but they sure do know what they want!!!

Exactly. I want a tall man. I need a dependable man. His being 6'3", having an 830 FICO score, a paid for pad and car or a graduate degree from Harvard does nothing for me if I can't depend on him.

 

[MD_Lady]

This thread is heading in a similar direction as the non-negotiables/negotiables thread. I'm not going to re-post what I said there, except that I keep hearing that women on this forum and other black women have unrealistic expectations but I never hear exactly what those are. Based on what I read here, I'd say some women's standards are not high enough, or they're not based on the right things.

Everyone has non-negotiables unique to them.

Exactly. And not only is the definition of "picky" SUPER subjective, I think it gets tossed around WAY too much. I was talking to a guy friend a while back about an bedroom-related requirement and he called me picky because of it. So wait, I didn't have a height requirement, a level of education requirement, or a salary requirement and (depending on the reason and what's being done to correct it) would accept financial imperfection, but I was placed in the "picky" category because of ONE preference? Yeah, whatever.

 

[Renewed1]

Exactly. And not only is the definition of "picky" SUPER subjective, I think it gets tossed around WAY too much. I was talking to a guy friend a while back about an bedroom-related requirement and he called me picky because of it. So wait, I didn't have a height requirement, a level of education requirement, or a salary requirement and (depending on the reason and what's being done to correct it) would accept financial imperfection, but I was placed in the "picky" category because of ONE preference? Yeah, whatever.

MD_Lady I have been blasted for not compromising on my height requirement by some friends and women on this site. I won't compromise on that; considering I adjusted the education, income, peen size, etc. I don't feel I should, physical attraction is important to me (amongst other things).

It's amazing how people try to dictate what should be important to you; regarding the opposite sex. Like they know you well enough to know the type of guy you need....

 

[JayAnn0513]

Some imperfections are ok: gap in teeth, never puts his cup in the sink, etc. I'm talking small stuff.

But there is a difference between imperfections and major character flaws. Many women take something that is a glaring character flaw and blow it off as a imperfection. That is where you get screwed.

I agree with the previous poster that said if you are noticing the minor imperfections enough to tick you off then he's not hitting it right.

 

[MD_Lady]

@MD_Lady I have been blasted for not compromising on my height requirement by some friends and women on this site. I won't compromise on that; considering I adjusted the education, income, peen size, etc. I don't feel I should, physical attraction is important to me (amongst other things).

It's amazing how people try to dictate what should be important to you; regarding the opposite sex. Like they know you well enough to know the type of guy you need....

Isn't it?!? And you know the kicker with the situation I referenced earlier? The same person who called me picky because of my unwillingness to compromise on a particular aspect of "coloring" STAYED with his (then) SO (now DW) about it and sulked on a REGULAR basis while DH and I rarely argue.

 

[Avaya]

I think it is one thing to accept another person's imperfections and it is quite another to make excuses for them. Acknowledging he has x, y, z imperfections and feeling as if you can live with them is okay. Pretending as if x, y, z imperfections don't exist or trying to diminishing them is what gets people into trouble, IMO.

You (gen.) didn't address and resolve the issues at the beginning. They just got packed away, waiting to rear their ugly head after all the falala and newness of the relationship wears off. I've seen this sooooo many times .

 

[Renewed1]

You (gen.) didn't address and resolve the issues at the beginning. They just got packed away, waiting to rear their ugly head after all the falala and newness of the relationship wears off. I've seen this sooooo many times .

A friend of mine is going through this now. She is constantly making excuses for xyz attitude. SHAME!

 

[Renewed1]

Isn't it?!? And you know the kicker with the situation I referenced earlier? The same person who called me picky because of my unwillingness to compromise on a particular aspect of "coloring" STAYED with his (then) SO (now DW) about it and sulked on a REGULAR basis while DH and I rarely argue.

MD_Lady That is so sad. So your male friend isn't pleasing his wife. You may need to send him that second link from the coloring thread.

 

[lushcoils]

Anyone mind sharing some acceptable "imperfections" that you have looked over in a mate?

 

[MD_Lady]

Anyone mind sharing some acceptable "imperfections" that you have looked over in a mate?

Before we got married, DH and I had an honest discussion about our finances. During the course of this discussion, he revealed he’d had/was having some issues. He also 1) disclosed the circumstances that resulted in these issues, 2) shared his plan for resolving them, and 3) a communicated a STRONG desire to avoid having similar problems in the future by changing his approach handling certain situations. Even though his issues would impact us, I accepted them and chose to move forward in our relationship because of the information he presented.

In the above scenario, please notice I said I "accepted and moved forward" not "looked over" those issues. IMO, "looking over" something implies that you almost pretend it doesn’t exist and/or minimize your concerns in the hope that everything will magically resolve itself. What I did, on the other hand, was to think honestly about what I could and could not tolerate given the present reality of the situation. This was not about cutting an otherwise "good man" some slack as much as it was evaluating my own priorities and needs and determining how and where DH would fit in. DH and I have been married for several years and, even though resolving the above issues is still a work in progress, things are going extremely well between us. Why? Not because I over looked an "imperfection", but because I established and evaluated my own priorities and chose someone who was a good fit for me.​

 

[MD_Lady]

@MD_Lady That is so sad. So your male friend isn't pleasing his wife. You may need to send him that second link from the coloring thread.

Uh oh... I'm afraid to ask...