Loving His Imperfections??

[Simply_elle]

Hey all

I'm doing some thinking, We have endless threads about why a guy won't love us for this...or this. What about loving Him despite his quirks and/or flaws???

We would happily e-flog a gentleman if he said that he's disqualify a mate because of:

Weight
Education
Looks
Money (or lack thereof)
Clothing
Culture
Ect.

With that said I see women all the time breaking men DOWN

This breaks my heart honestly. I've loved all kinds of men and find that I'm deeply satisfied in my pursuits. Part of this I believe is my "Love as you are" philosophy. The guy has a degree,job,teeth,politeness, and everything else under the sun. What else do we want?!

*disclaimer aka dont e-shoot me*

I think sometimes we don't realize men have emotions and feelings that are just as sensitive as ours. They want to be loved and accepted soo much by women too. It's too often over looked as out society loves man bashing Stop being so hateful and picky and LOVE already as we claim most men are incapable of(seems alot of us are)...Maybe they need us to show them!?!

I have set criteria but I'm definitively a go with the flow chica. Has this helped or hindered anyone?? Does having a prescribed man help you?? Have you found this "perfect one?

I welcome ALL feedback and views!!

 

[mischka]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=560659

Good luck with that.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I say this is as humble as I can because I know Im in no position to be cocky but as a woman we often times always take me for who they are.At times we aren't selective enough.I find that the qualities that are important should not be abandoned just to date.I really wish men did the same but they don't unless your amazing in something such as looks or something.If a man was to take me as I am now I would be elated but this isn't my reality..maybe for some ladies.I see a few ladies here who were courageous enough to say their testimony about abuse,whoreish backgrounds,etc and are able to find a man who loves them unconditional in spite of.This is a novel idea OP but not always so.

For me I want to date someone that I can be really attracted to not just physical but in other areas.I use to be the type who just takes any guy but that got me a miscarriage,a demolished heart and egg on my face.I love to see the other ladies responses.

 

[Syrah]

To care about and love someone is to learn to appreciate and embrace imperfections. Its just a matter of determining, on an individual basis, those you can tolerate and those you can not.

And don't let the eFronting fool you...

 

[Sosoothing]

I think it depends on how valuable certain qualities are to you. I have set criteria too and it has helped my dating experience. I have no regrets. There are qualities/imperfections I look for that I will absolutely not compromise on such as smoking, offspring and level of stability, abusive tendencies etc. But the less important qualities like if he eats meat or likes sports aren't a big deal to me even though I'm a meat lover and don't care much for sports.

 

[mischka]

I think the really pathetic thing about this is in all the OOW threads, women are whining about "how was I supposed to KNOW?" and "no one lays down with a man expecting him to be a kang."

Yes you do. If from the very start you can't convince yourself to date a man unless you acknowledge you need to overlook his "imperfections" (a fcking euphemism if I ever saw one) you're setting yourself up for epic fail.

There is no "maybe" in relationships. If you have to maybe yourself about a man, the answer is NO. This is one of the most foolish things I've ever read on this forum.

 

[lux10023]

dont wanna get to deep with it..but OP i agree with you and much of your POV in regards to men and rlps..kudos..and ditto!

 

[Simply_elle]

I think the really pathetic thing about this is in all the OOW threads, women are whining about "how was I supposed to KNOW?" and "no one lays down with a man expecting him to be a kang."

Yes you do. If from the very start you can't convince yourself to date a man unless you acknowledge you need to overlook his "imperfections" (a fcking euphemism if I ever saw one) you're setting yourself up for epic fail.

There is no "maybe" in relationships. If you have to maybe yourself about a man, the answer is NO. This is one of the most foolish things I've ever read on this forum.

Your single right?

 

[ellegantelle]

I for one do not believe in such thing as the "perfect man". I know that I have my own list of personal "deal breakers" when it comes to men. If they do not have what is on my list, then there is no point in me talking to them. These deal breakers would be things like he doesn't have a car, he doesn't have his own place, he doesn't have any money to pay for our dates, is a cheater, is a liar, stinks (lol, ew)...I, for one, at my age cannot put up with that.

But then there are certain qualities that I am willing to chalk as imperfections and live with. I have dated people in the past that did not go to church as often as I would like a partner to, they did not have a Bachelor degree, they listened to mainly rap music, had more tattoos than I preferred (none on the face), etc. Some of these things I learned about them upfront, other things I learned while being around the person. I did not flip my hair over my shoulder and make a shocked face then storm away forever because of it. For example, with the guy that didn't go to church as often as I preferred....I simply invited him to my church whenever I went. Some of the things that we see as imperfections can be fixed. Others cannot. It is up to the woman in the relationship to determine what she can live with and put up with though. As long as it doesn't get in the way of her loving her man, then it should not be a problem.

 

[Simply_elle]

I'm reading that people are shooting guys down for language barriers, money(not work ethic), physical quirks ect...With all respect...

You'll be single for awhile.


I have the basics covered:

Employed
Respect
Attractive
Good (Or Trainable) in bed

Now- Past that I say all is fair game, and let me tell you I've had some awesome male companions...

Flaws does not necessarily make a KANG, if thats true we're all QUAINS. Not running because mister has a stutter or cleft chin doesn't mean I'm settling for less. Just loving another human

Now If some of your personalities transcend through text... I'm sure that the arrogance,overweight,shyness,overpowering,lack of employment,low self esteem, and other persona maladies that you peg on men wholeheartedly applies to you as well.

Some of ya'll act like your hsit don't stink...and It's puzzling because we're nowhere near perfect.

Anyway...

I love my SO's skinny,neat freak, insomniac,eat-everything-on-your-and-my-plate, Darling self

 

[Imani]

Most of the threads I see on here are the opposite; women talking to men who are trifling, cheating, obvious losers, etc. I can't really think of a post where I've seen a woman say she won't date a guy bc of some simple things. (whatever the male equivalent of wedges are for example, lol).

I've gotten sh*tted on by men who weren't exactly what I wanted (attractiveness, weight, different views/interests, self esteem issues, momma's boys, etc). I figure if I'ma get sh*tted on, it may as well be with someone on point.

My last bf had really bad self esteem issues. I was like, whatever, I love him anyway, I'm not perfect myself, so hey I'll look past that. Those issues manifested into major problems in our relationship and was very emotionally draining (trust issues, verbal abuse in the form of manipulation and mind games, him going thru my personal belongings/violating my privacy etc). I don't know if you were including emotional issues in your OP. Next time I run into someone with emotional issues like that, I will refer them to a shrink and KIM.

 

[Simply_elle]

Most of the threads I see on here are the opposite; women talking to men who are trifling, cheating, obvious losers, etc. I can't really think of a post where I've seen a woman say she won't date a guy bc of some simple things. (whatever the male equivalent of wedges are for example, lol).

I've gotten sh*tted on by men who weren't exactly what I wanted (attractiveness, weight, different views/interests, self esteem issues, momma's boys, etc). I figure if I'ma get sh*tted on, it may as well be with someone on point.

My last bf had really bad self esteem issues. I was like, whatever, I love him anyway, I'm not perfect myself, so hey I'll look past that. Those issues manifested into major problems in our relationship and was very emotionally draining (trust issues, verbal abuse in the form of manipulation and mind games, him going thru my personal belongings/violating my privacy etc). I don't know if you were including emotional issues in your OP. Next time I run into someone with emotional issues like that, I will refer them to a shrink and KIM.

Imani

Great point!!!!

No... more so personality and physical quirks you know?? Nothing dealbreaker..unless your dating a LHCF lady LOL

 

[mischka]

Your single right?

Your [sic] a single mom, right?

 

[cheryl26]

I only see unnaturally high criteria on here, never in real life. I think a lot of ladies here just post about their dream man. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing. Maybe some women figure since 9/10 times a man has it easier than a woman (easier to get a job, higher salary, doesn't get pregnant, after divorce doesn't usually get stuck with the kids, looks/weight aren't as important) he SHOULD be perfect in everything else .

 

[Okay]

Depends on the "imperfection"

 

[anon123]

I'm reading that people are shooting guys down for language barriers, money(not work ethic), physical quirks ect...With all respect...

You'll be single for awhile.


I have the basics covered:

Employed
Respect
Attractive
Good (Or Trainable) in bed

Now- Past that I say all is fair game, and let me tell you I've had some awesome male companions...

Wait, what is a language barrier? We gotta date guys we can't talk to?!

But no, I get you. Nobody's perfect. I'm not, you're not, nobody posting in this thread is, and no man is. But some stuff just isn't that important. For me, some of those things would be:
doesn't dress the coolest (as long as not super nerdy)
can't dance
can't cook

Those things don't bother me much. Some non-negotiables would be:
irresponsible
untrustworthy
broke
illogical

Everybody's got their list, I suppose. I don't tend to love things I see as imperfections, but little things don't stress me none. And I feel the same way about my own imperfections.

 

[lushcoils]

I don't know. I got the sense here that women are harder on ourselves than we are on men. From the posts you read on here, women have to have the perfect hourglass/waist to hip ratio, serious curves, glowing skin, APL+ hair, white straight teeth, impeccable fashion sense, college educated, and an infectious always positive and happy bubbly personality to get a man.

Other than having an average sized to large peen and being a certain height, I haven't seen too many harsh requirements on here for men. I've seen a variety in what women here would accept in a man in terms of looks, education, job type, etc etc...

 

[NYAmicas]

I'm a go with the flow type of person and will accept reasonable imperfections because Lord knows I have plenty of my own. What I wont accept is dishonesty & trifflingness in any capacity nor some miserable man trying to take my joy. I will throw the deuces before I have to entertain a bunch of BS.

 

[Simply_elle]

Your [sic] a single mom, right?

Yep.

Me, my Bastard, and my Kang.


Life is good

 

[PinkyRang]

Wait, what is a language barrier? We gotta date guys we can't talk to?!

But no, I get you. Nobody's perfect. I'm not, you're not, nobody posting in this thread is, and no man is. But some stuff just isn't that important. For me, some of those things would be:
doesn't dress the coolest (as long as not super nerdy)
can't dance
can't cook

Those things don't bother me much. Some non-negotiables would be:
irresponsible
untrustworthy
broke
illogical

Everybody's got their list, I suppose. I don't tend to love things I see as imperfections, but little things don't stress me none. And I feel the same way about my own imperfections.

I guess I'm wondering how everyone defines broke (this may be a silly question)

- not having a lot of cash for leisure spending even if he takes care of all of his financial responsibilities and doesn't need your cash?

- having no money at all, unemployed and not looking (your cash is his cash)

- frugal because he's saving for
something valuable (like a reasonable down payment for a mortgage)

- a person who lives virtually debt free (so doesn't spend or charge to make an impression)

These are just a few things that came to mind that people could interpret as broke, so I'm curious.

But my opinion is everyone is different, a deal breaker for me may not be one for you, or a deal breaker for one guy may be something that is easier to deal with with the next guy because he handles it differently. I have seen women settle and they're miserable because they loved the man more than they respected their own values and guess what they would be better off single because being in an incomplete relationship is worse than being alone.

sent from my HTC EVO using LHCF

 

[anon123]

I guess I'm wondering how everyone defines broke (this may be a silly question)

- not having a lot of cash for leisure spending even if he takes care of all of his financial responsibilities and doesn't need your cash?

- having no money at all, unemployed and not looking (your cash is his cash)

- frugal because he's saving for
something valuable (like a reasonable down payment for a mortgage)

- a person who lives virtually debt free (so doesn't spend or charge to make an impression)

These are just a few things that came to mind that people could interpret as broke, so I'm curious.

But my opinion is everyone is different, a deal breaker for me may not be one for you, or a deal breaker for one guy may be something that is easier to deal with with the next guy because he handles it differently. I have seen women settle and they're miserable because they loved the man more than they respected their own values and guess what they would be better off single because being in an incomplete relationship is worse than being alone.

sent from my HTC EVO using LHCF

It's a good question. The answer will probably be different for different women. For me, broke would mean he:
doesn't make enough to pay his bills even though they are basic bills and nothing extravagant
doesn't make enough to do the above and still have money left over for something else

That something else may be putting it toward a big purchase like a home or going out to have fun. But I like going out and being honest, not really interested in a guy who can't afford to take me out for whatever reason. Doesn't have to be super expensive, but if he can't afford to at least take me out, buy me gifts on the appropriate holidays, and still have a little left over to save for his own cushion, that is not my ideal at all.

 

[ellegantelle]

I guess I'm wondering how everyone defines broke (this may be a silly question)

For me, a man is dead broke if he has no job, nothing to call his own, not even a pot to pi$$ in and is just living life similar to that of a bum. :Run:

A man is plain broke to me if he does not know how to manage his money. If he makes money whether it is from McDonalds or from being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company BUT spends it on materialistic things and it leaves him with two pennies in his pocket a whole week before his next check every... single... time...then in my book he's a broke ninja.

I'm not a hard to please woman though. I don't require $500.00 dates and a new Tiffany's necklace each and every time I go out with a guy. If he can afford to take me out once or twice a month and still have enough money for himself to play with...then he's not broke.

But then we are also probably not considering some men are CHEAP, and this can quickly be mistaken as broke if we do not have access to their bank account. Either way broke or cheap, it's not a good look

 

[Simply_elle]

Maybe a better question:

What are your basic standards?

Dealbreakers ect.???

 

[weaveadiva]

no you didn't put teeth on the checklist

 

[Syrah]

Maybe a better question:

What are your basic standards?

Dealbreakers ect.???

Why do you want to know about other people's basic standards; Are you trying to re-evaluate your own?

Basic standards IMO are solely character driven. They have everything to do with who a person is at their core and the expectations they place on themselves. Everything else is a reflection of that character.

I expect ambition/motivation, adventure, commitment, dependability, humor (at himself and life) and loyalty. If a man doesn't possess and take pride in these things, its not going to work.

The rest is circumstantial...

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

This thread is heading in a similar direction as the non-negotiables/negotiables thread. I'm not going to re-post what I said there, except that I keep hearing that women on this forum and other black women have unrealistic expectations but I never hear exactly what those are. Based on what I read here, I'd say some women's standards are not high enough, or they're not based on the right things.

Everyone has non-negotiables unique to them.

 

[Okay]

Yep.

Me, my Bastard, and my Kang.


Life is good

 

[Simply_elle]

Why do you want to know about other people's basic standards; Are you trying to re-evaluate your own?

Basic standards IMO are solely character driven. They have everything to do with who a person is at their core and the expectations they place on themselves. Everything else is a reflection of that character. ITA!!

I expect ambition/motivation, adventure, commitment, dependability, humor (at himself and life) and loyalty. If a man doesn't possess and take pride in these things, its not going to work.

The rest is circumstantial...

No,

It was more on WHAT more/else do you want...I'm hearing oh he's great and whatever! But he has a gap in his teeth so I wont call him back.

I'm in a relationship and happy...so It's nice to hear how the other half thinks

 

[PinkyRang]

For me, a man is dead broke if he has no job, nothing to call his own, not even a pot to pi$$ in and is just living life similar to that of a bum. :Run:

A man is plain broke to me if he does not know how to manage his money. If he makes money whether it is from McDonalds or from being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company BUT spends it on materialistic things and it leaves him with two pennies in his pocket a whole week before his next check every... single... time...then in my book he's a broke ninja.

I'm not a hard to please woman though. I don't require $500.00 dates and a new Tiffany's necklace each and every time I go out with a guy. If he can afford to take me out once or twice a month and still have enough money for himself to play with...then he's not broke.

But then we are also probably not considering some men are CHEAP, and this can quickly be mistaken as broke if we do not have access to their bank account. Either way broke or cheap, it's not a good look

This is exactly what I mean, sometimes women mistake broke with a cheap man, its important to distinguish the truth. But if a man does not have his own money, its a deal breaker for me. How can I expect you to provide for our family if you can't provide for yourself as a single man.

I once read about things that define a Taurus woman and financial stability was at the top of the list. It made me lol as soon as I read it because it was so true.

If you want to break up with a Taurus woman tell her you're filing for bankruptcy. Financial stability is a plus for me and probably tops having his own car. I live in Chicago and we have a pretty decent public transportation and I have my own.

sent from my HTC EVO using LHCF

 

[Renewed1]

Everyone has non-negotiables unique to them.

And that's all that really matters......