Living Together Before The Ring...

movingforward13

movingforward13

I do what I want...
Would you live with your boyfriend before getting engaged if you knew he was thinking of proposing but you have no idea when it will happen? Or do you think living with him will lessen his motivation to propose?

Would your answer change if he gave you a timeline (example in the next six months, by the end of next year, etc.)
 
movingforward13 said:
Lol ok you wouldn't do it- religious reasons?
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Not specifically religious reasons. I would not make a major life decision on someone "thinking about it." I feel like it is just playing house and a way for the man not to make a commitment, but to have all of the benefits of a fiance/wife. But that is just me. Lots of people have done it successfully, with no issues....and there are others who can tell you horror stories.
 
I'm not opposed to living together before being engaged, but if I recall your posts correctly, you have a child. I would not move in together until very close to the wedding. The planned wedding with a set date. Where invitations were sent. And it was happening. Maybe the next week.

ETA: this is going to be a life altering moment for your child, and my advice comes from the thought that if you don't marry this man, his moving out will be another life altering moment for the family you already have. Seems like a huge risk, in my opinion. (And yes, you could eventually get divorced and he would move out anyway, but at least there was a real commitment first.)
 
No.
But I wouldn't even live with someone until we were married. Maybe if we were engaged, the wedding was planned, and we had purchased a home or something and there was a month or two of overlap.
Living together rarely has benefits for women IMO. I wouldn't do anything that didn't benefit me.
 
It was a DEFINITE no-go for ME. :nono: As far as other folks go, I've seen cohabitating couples get married and I've seen them remain single (and break up so one of them can marry someone else :look: ). I used to be vehemently opposed to cohabitation, but as I've gotten older, I've seen that the real issue is people not being up front about their relationship goals and assuming that their partner is on the same page (read: women deluding themselves into thinking that marriage is the next "logical" step when their SO has said nothing of the sort). Be honest with yourself and your partner and go with your gut.
 
Do what works for you and your relationship. I think you both should be comfortable enough discussing a clear path for your relationship. I don't see an issue if you both are on the same page when it comes to marriage, your engagement, his role in your son's life, etc.

Speaking form a perspective of a single mom, I personally wouldn't move in together unless he proposed. I would also make sure we set a date a year or less from the engagement date.
 
toaster said:
I'm not opposed to living together before being engaged, but if I recall your posts correctly, you have a child. I would not move in together until very close to the wedding. The planned wedding with a set date. Where invitations were sent. And it was happening. Maybe the next week.

ETA: this is going to be a life altering moment for your child, and my advice comes from the thought that if you don't marry this man, his moving out will be another life altering moment for the family you already have. Seems like a huge risk, in my opinion. (And yes, you could eventually get divorced and he would move out anyway, but at least there was a real commitment first.)
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Oh- I am not asking for advice on my situation. I am curious how other people feel about the topic in regards to themselves, etc.
 
Hmm I lived with my ex and we weren't engaged. But we hadn't had any serious talks about getting engaged. I mean I was able to max out my 401k while living with him cuz I wasnt paying for anything. And save a lot of money. And invest in some things I wanted to invest in. He ended up cheating on me, so I ended things and we moved out. But I mean I saved and made a lot of money :look: and got an entire new living and dining room set out of it, so :look: AND I got to find out hes a cheater? I mean I feel like I benefitted greatly :look:

I wouldn't do it again tho. I'm honestly just tired of living with people...anyone. The only way id want to live with someone again is if they die I get all their money. Other than that, I'll live by myself.
 
I'm not opposed to it. I've done it in the past and I believe living together is what ruined our 2 1/2 year relationship. His TRUE colors showed once we were around each other 24/7. It was unbelievable how he changed. I moved out and we broke up a week later. I guess I'm grateful for the experience because I saw him for who he really was.

My new boo and I live in our own separate places and he spends the night once a week. Every Saturday lol. He tells me how much he loves waking up next to me and blah blah blah so I'm probably going to wait until we are married to live together. I might get the ring faster since he loves waking up to me lol. But this Atlanta rent would be super cheap if we had a one bedroom together. If he lived with me we'd both be paying $440 a month lol.
 
NaturallyBri87 said:
I'm not opposed to it. I've done it in the past and I believe living together is what ruined our 2 1/2 year relationship. His TRUE colors showed once we were around each other 24/7. It was unbelievable how he changed. I moved out and we broke up a week later. I guess I'm grateful for the experience because I saw him for who he really was.

My new boo and I live in our own separate places and he spends the night once a week. Every Saturday lol. He tells me how much he loves waking up next to me and blah blah blah so I'm probably going to wait until we are married to live together. I might get the ring faster since he loves waking up to me lol. But this Atlanta rent would be super cheap if we had a one bedroom together. If he lived with me we'd both be paying $440 a month lol.
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Since you experienced it before, you're not worried about that happening again? (The guys true colors coming out and being bad) or you'd be ok with it if you're married? Or you think the cause of your ex's bad true colors coming out was a result of living together before you're married?
 
qchelle said:
Since you experienced it before, you're not worried about that happening again? (The guys true colors coming out and being bad) or you'd be ok with it if you're married? Or you think the cause of your ex's bad true colors coming out was a result of living together before you're married?
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It was a result of us living together before HE was actually ready to. He initially wanted to do it to save money so I moved into his place. and looking back I don't think it was because he actually for real wanted to live together. It was all about saving money. And that eventually came out cuz he treated me horribly once I moved in. Like I would wake up in the morning and roll over to lay on him and he would push me off of him. Or like if he was watching tv and I sat next to him and like rested my hand on his lap he would move my hand. He did this all the time. So I knew It wasn't about me. I was simply a roommate. So I packed my belongings and got the hell on. Had we not lived together we may have lasted a little longer...but he stopped going to church so that was eventually going to be a deal breaker for me.

Not really worried about it with the new guy. He's such a good guy. Like a legit God fearing man who talks about wanting to do things God's way. In church every Sunday Lifting his hands and singing during praise
And worship. Taking sermon notes. The whole nine. When we went to church together for the first time I seriously couldn't believe what I was seeing lolol.

We've talked about living together and I'd be open to it but since he's all "I love waking up to you" I feel like I might get the ring faster if I just stick with the Saturday night sleepovers. Cuz then he's gonna wanna marry me so he can for real wake up me to every morning and not once a week.

Idk tho. I'm young and have only been in two serious relationships so maybe this approach doesn't really matter.
 
gimbap said:
I used to be against it, but now I would do it if we were on the road to getting engaged/marriage. The rent is too damn high
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This is where I am at and the only reason why I am/was so against it is because when I lived with my now ex husband- he got comfortable and I had to "nag" him to propose- even though we were living like a married couple. Now that I have lived it once- I am real hesitant to live with anyone before engagement.

However, in some instances, it makes sense- like saving money/splitting bills, if you two are on the same page.
 
In theory I'd be okay with living together once we are engaged and in the planning stages, but my living situation complicates the issue. One of the benefits of my job is that I have my own 2BR apartment that is rent free that includes utilities and free cable/internet. So, on paper, allowing someone to move in does not benefit me financially. There are no bills to split except for maybe groceries. I've thought about this a lot though since we are almost at the 2-year mark. :scratchchin:
 
Mische said:
In theory I'd be okay with living together once we are engaged and in the planning stages, but my living situation complicates the issue. One of the benefits of my job is that I have my own 2BR apartment that is rent free that includes utilities and free cable/internet. So, on paper, allowing someone to move in does not benefit me financially. There are no bills to split except for maybe groceries. I've thought about this a lot though since we are almost at the 2-year mark. :scratchchin:
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Don't you ever leave that job. :drunk:
 
Mische said:
In theory I'd be okay with living together once we are engaged and in the planning stages, but my living situation complicates the issue. One of the benefits of my job is that I have my own 2BR apartment that is rent free that includes utilities and free cable/internet. So, on paper, allowing someone to move in does not benefit me financially. There are no bills to split except for maybe groceries. I've thought about this a lot though since we are almost at the 2-year mark. :scratchchin:
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Out of curiosity what do you do? Are you a lawyer? Trying to find out what type of job offers the free apt. Either way good for you that you are offered this perk.
 
I wouldn't unless we're buying property together. but my first feeling is to waiting until we're married and then we buy a new residence together.
One friend of mine was engaged to marry in a few weeks and the guy changed his mind & he had moved in to her place but has now moved out.
Another friend recently married & they both still live in their own condos with plans to sell & buy a house. So you can win and lose either way.
 
NaturallyBri87 said:
It was a result of us living together before HE was actually ready to. He initially wanted to do it to save money so I moved into his place. and looking back I don't think it was because he actually for real wanted to live together. It was all about saving money. And that eventually came out cuz he treated me horribly once I moved in. Like I would wake up in the morning and roll over to lay on him and he would push me off of him. Or like if he was watching tv and I sat next to him and like rested my hand on his lap he would move my hand. He did this all the time. So I knew It wasn't about me. I was simply a roommate. So I packed my belongings and got the hell on. Had we not lived together we may have lasted a little longer...but he stopped going to church so that was eventually going to be a deal breaker for me.

Not really worried about it with the new guy. He's such a good guy. Like a legit God fearing man who talks about wanting to do things God's way. In church every Sunday Lifting his hands and singing during praise
And worship. Taking sermon notes. The whole nine. When we went to church together for the first time I seriously couldn't believe what I was seeing lolol.

We've talked about living together and I'd be open to it but since he's all "I love waking up to you" I feel like I might get the ring faster if I just stick with the Saturday night sleepovers. Cuz then he's gonna wanna marry me so he can for real wake up me to every morning and not once a week.

Idk tho. I'm young and have only been in two serious relationships so maybe this approach doesn't really matter.
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Be careful. A family member meets a lot of his women in church. He's even a deacon. Married a few times now.
 
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