Little Black girls & hair - What's the deal?

[naturalmanenyc]

This is sort of a spin off from the Angie & Brad post in the ET forum about Zahara's hair but also a take off to a discussion with friends yesterday at a cookout.

What is it about a little Black girl's hair being "done" or "not done" that sends people into a frenzy?

My goodfriend was out of town for a week for work and my twin God daughters were left with her husband. He didn't really do anything to their hair (they usually only have one bow) & dropped them off at daycare. Why did he pick them up and their hair was "done" with several bows & ponytails?

My other friend also has twin girls and when they were younger & going to daycare (before she could braid) she also dropped them off with their hair "undone" and came back to kids with a zillion braids & bows in their hair.

My niece, who is grown now, had a zillion white bows in her hair as a baby when she had maybe 20 strands of hair. I still have the photo.

There was also a post about a father who adopted a baby girl from Ethiopia and learned to braid her hair lest he be judged by the other Black mothers for leaving her hair "undone".

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=383064

The little girl is a bit older here
http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=204763

I don't have kids but if I do have a little girl and cannot do her hair well or if I choose to not put a zillion bows or braids in her hair, will that make me a terrible mother?

Why so much judgment over a kids hair?

 

[Geminigirl]

I didn't read your whole post but for me it's like being black is already one strike. I think our kids should always look presentable and be well behaved because believe it or not people do look at that. Also I don't know about anyone else but I like my children to be presentable in public.

 

[Geminigirl]

Ok read your post. I don't think a zillion bows constitutes a childs hair being "done" What is done is running a comb and brush through the hair and making it as presentable as you can. I mean atleast try. Some water, oil, SOMETHING. So it's not a tangled dry mess cause that just makes it worse for mom and baby when the time comes to really do something to it.

All I can say is that is how most blacks were raised. I see tons of bows in lil girls hair all extra tight and I feel for them but that's all their moms know obviously. What can ya do?

 

[Anew]

When my daughter was a baby my grandmother kept her and when she did her hair she put them in big plaits, no big deal. By the end of the day it looked barely brushed or combed through, but I was coming from school to get her so it didn't matter much since I was on my way home. SOme days I'd stop by my friends' dorm rooms and I found out they had much to say behind my back about the upkeep of her hair...

 

[clever]

I'm just going to be honest..
Alot of people don't think "black hair" is "done" unless its slicked back and locked down without the hair being out and free (unless its straight...)

 

[Natural Glow]

I don't know why people feel like little black girls need to have 150 braids in their hair for it to be "done" All I know is i would have WENT OFF if I dropped my daughter off at daycare with her hair one way and picked her up and it was a totally different way. I mean who's brush and comb did they use to fix this girls hair?

On another note I can't stand when people insist on putting a baby girls hair in like 3 ponytails when she only has 5 strands of hair to begin with. That goes for white and black kids.

 

[Geminigirl]

that's true I agree with Clever.


Shoot Anew *** em. We know how it is. Kids do some things to their hair. Hair is the last thing on their mind when it comes to fun. All you can do it try. I gave up on stressing about my DD hair being done when she cut it. I just do my best now and make sure if we or she is going somewhere it looks as presentable as possible.


Yes Natural...the infamous thin blonde ponytail or pigtail atop the thin baby fine hair. Can't stand it. I know I didn't start doing my babies hair til she was over one really. It was too fine and soft and too much stress and she barely had any hair in the back.

 

[topnotch1010]

Kids need to look presentable just like adults. I don't agree with zillions of bows in a little girl's hair either, but I think it's all the mother knows. My daughter is in box braids now because someone (she) got hold to the scissorserplexed, but I used to put it in just two french braids or two ponytails. When she was an infant, I would just let her go with an afro and maybe one barrette in the top and I caught a lot of flack about that too. People were asking me why I didn't comb her hair and that it looks "nappy" in the back. I just rolled my eyes and K.I.M.

 

[Sonye93]

I don't know what it is either, but when I was younger I hated to have my hair done, because well.....it hurt. BUT when it was done, I'd walk around like a princess. In the morning my mom had to do my hair before school, but I didn't give her the time of day, she tried to be gentle but it didn't work. So she just put a headband in my hair and let me go sometimes.

I remember one day I came to school late because of my hair AND I arrived crying. My teacher saw why I was crying and during rug time (where she read us a story on the rug) she braided my hair. Now get this, my teacher was WHITE!!! Her name was Ms. Stark, I can't believe I still remember this, it was in kindergarten. She was sooo gentle too.

 

[anon123]

I'm not sure of the reasons, but I think it's unnecessary. My own personal philosophy is that kids don't need to look "done". They can have wild hair, play in the dirt and get messy, whatever. They are supposed to be free of the all the hefty beauty complexes that plague us adults.

I think maintenance is good, though. Keeping it clean and relatively detangled, if only because letting it get really tangled will cause more pain later on (ime). A little moisturizer or oil or whatever and that seems sufficient to me.

 

[Geminigirl]

I don't think that is going to fly cause i know i like to get READY when i go out. I like to look good. I can't be fly and my kids are looking carefree just cause they are kids. They need to look as good or better than me and that's how I feel about that.

Now while we are out and about and they get messy then that's different.

 

[Neith]

I'm just going to be honest..
Alot of people don't think "black hair" is "done" unless its slicked back and locked down without the hair being out and free (unless its straight...)

Exactly. Kinky hair left out is seen as "not done" even if it is combed and moisturized.

Although, children are mostly expected to be natural... unlike adults.

It's a sick, sad world.

However, I would probably keep my child's hair "done" a good portion of the time.

Children run, play and sweat all over the place... Keeping it in a more protective style helps keep tangles and dry hair away. A wash n go tends not to be a good style for the typical little kid. Lots of work for mommies at the end of the day when its time to detangle.

 

[Geminigirl]

I agree Neith. Protective styles are better all around. Saves time for mommy makes it easier for baby too because they won't have to get their hair done as much cause kids do not like to sit still for hair time. Bless their hearts I know they try though.

 

[JinaRicci]

Actually I don't like seeing kids with their hair squeezed so tight into little braids or lots of ponytails- what qualifies as 'done' to some. I always feel so bad for them... not only do they have to endure the pain now- they might have to deal with hair loss when they're older.

I also agree with mwedi-maintenance is key. Having fuzzy old braids or hairstyles is not cute and not good for building a little girl's self-esteem or teaching her good grooming.

 

[clever]

Exactly. Kinky hair left out is seen as "not done" even if it is combed and moisturized.

Although, children are mostly expected to be natural... unlike adults.

It's a sick, sad world.

However, I would probably keep my child's hair "done" a good portion of the time.

Children run, play and sweat all over the place... Keeping it in a more protective style helps keep tangles and dry hair away. A wash n go tends not to be a good style for the typical little kid. Lots of work for mommies at the end of the day when its time to detangle.

yep!Despite the hair being well taken care of,most people still have alot of problems with natural hair worn out in all of its glory.

Its more acceptable to people when its twisted/braided/in uniform ponytails.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I think its cause braids and puffs are cute but too much of anything just looks dumb, when i was a child my hair was kept in french braids or cornrowed during the school week then taken down at the weekend for wash condition lil free time then get re braided again. This is cause I did sports on top of the running around and getting messy that all kids do and it was a way to look presentable and tidy at school without my mum having to do my hair everyday.

The white kids in my class also came with braided ponytails or french braids. The kids who came with 'free' hair looked like hobos by the end of the day cause they would pull at it wet it, have jam in it and do all kinds of stuff to it and that goes for both races. I dont think a child hair should be overly styled with too many bows and barettes but also when its let loose it can get in the way for a child which can lead to cutting or other types of damage.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...

And this is a pony puff on her...

 

[Esq.2B]

^^^ Awwww she's so cute!

 

[LaBelleLL]

Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but my Haitian mother always kept our hair braided or in other protective styles. As I got older, she would explain that this was to ensure the health of our hair as she'd say our hair would become "seché" and/or "raide" - dry and/or stiff- if she were to leave it out to the climate. This would then lead to tangling and breakage. Needless to say, I had extremely healthy hair as a child and well into my teen years.

Granted, my hair might have always looked "done" but in my household, it was much more about healthy hair than appearance; this idea is something I will maintain with my own future child's hair.

ETA: I never had a million little braids, etc. or even tightly pulled back hair b/c according to my mom - this wasn't healthy for the hair either (i agree and those many braids & bands are unnecessary!). I usually had box braids, french braids, cornrows + bun, etc.

 

[Neith]

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...

And this is a pony puff on her...

Aaaaaaawwwww. Such a sweetie! Makes me want one.

That puff is so neat and pretty. Not wild at all imo! And I'm jealous of her fro too!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Sweetspirit your daughter is so cute and I Love her Puff and her hair out her hair looks good to me either way!!! Tell her I am JEALOUS!!!

 

[jennboo]

Here's my issue...
Folks are saying to run a comb or brush through Z's hair (or any other little black girls hair) and to oil it or moisturize it.
How does everyone know that these things aren't being done?
Certain hair textures may be as moist as can be, and brushed, and still look like mine in my siggie (i.e. not shiny, or slicked back straight, or with defined waves )
I think people are forgetting that.

 

[jennboo]

SweetSpirit86, your daughter is adorable! and her hair is AWESOME. I want that pony puff!

 

[1QTPie]

Let's be honest, the children that you usually see with 40 ponytails in their hair usually do not have the thickest, longest hair by far. I don't know if the parents think that all those barrettes and bobbles are some sort of optical illusion to make us THINK that there is a ton of hair or what. It has to stop though. I cry for the scalps of those babies. And I think all of that foolishness is what is stunting their retention in the first place.

I think it's better for a child's self-esteem when you instill confidence in them about their appearance even when they are not overly groomed.

I understand protective styling and if I were to ever have a girl child, I know that I would keep the child's hair in some sort of restrictive style just to keep my sanity.

With that said, I have asked this before. Why does our hair have to be slicked down or smoothed out or constantly restrained? What's wrong with having "rebellious" edges? I think that's what makes us so unique, we have the option to just be sometimes.

There's no rule that says my wash and go is any more offensive than a woman with looser/more straight hair. That's how my hair is. It's big, fuzzy and it reaches for the stars even when I don't want it to.

That doesn't mean that it's not groomed or unprofessional. It is how it's supposed to be.

 

[Neith]

Here's is my issue...
Folks are saying to run a comb or brush through Z's hair (or any other little black girls hair) and to oil it or moisturize it.
How does everyone know that these things aren't being done?
Certain hair textures may be as moist as can be, and brushed, and still look like mine in my siggie (i.e. not shiny, or slicked back straight, or with defined waves )
I think people are forgetting that.

Anyone with functioning eyes can see that your hair is very healthy

They don't care though. It's not the health of the hair, it's the texture that's unacceptable to some people.

This rule doesn't apply to loose textures. Of course you expect the hair to be clean and healthy, but it can be left out in it's natural state without "offending" anyone.

Grrrr.

 

[Geminigirl]

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...




And this is a pony puff on her...

Her puff is too cute. Looks nice to me. Not unkempt at all.

Here's is my issue...
Folks are saying to run a comb or brush through Z's hair (or any other little black girls hair) and to oil it or moisturize it.
How does everyone know that these things aren't being done?
Certain hair textures may be as moist as can be, and brushed, and still look like mine in my siggie (i.e. not shiny, or slicked back straight, or with defined waves )
I think people are forgetting that.

Your hair looks shiny/sheeny to me and I always thought your waves looks defined. Healthy too. but that's just me.

All I was saying was people should atlest try. Not that they aren't trying but in general you should atleast try yo do your child's hair especially when going out in public.

 

[Tafa01]

Your dd is so cute!
I totally love this style on her and I don't think it looks unkept at all.
Actually my daughter (7) wears this one week per month. the rest of the time she has cornrows or 2 braided ponytails. Not because I do not like this, but she is tenderheaded and when her hair is loose it is drama in the house every morning. No matter how gentle I try to be. So I wash, condition and braid/cornrow once a week.

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...

And this is a pony puff on her...

 

[andromeda]

I think there are two issues at play here:

- hair that looks unkempt and unhealthy: this seems to be what most people complain about regarding Brad and Angeina's child and some AA children with non-AA, or even AA, mothers. People take issue with these situations bc the child's hair often looks dry and unhealthy and it seems as though the parent is not aware of or cares about the fact that afro-textured AA hair requires different handling than typical white hair

- restrained hairstyles: as others have noted, for some people unrestrained hairstyles on AA girls are frowned upon. Some of this is superficially based on texture bias, while some of it is based on the apprehension toward the knots, tangles, moisture and retention issues that can come from "out" hairstyles, esp on kids.

My mom usually put my hair in 4-8 large twists or braids with barettes/bubbles (sp?), small twists/braids, braid outs or an afro/afro puff with a barrette or banana clip. "Out" hairstyles were mostly confined to weekends. She also made sure that my hair was moisturized. When my hair-ignorant dad would do my hair, he would keep it simple - 1 or 2 large twists with barrettes - but he always made sure my hair looked presentable and healthy.


Yesterday I saw a little girl on the Parkway whose hair was in 6 ponytails but was soooooooooooooooooooooooo dry. IMO, even though it was in a "style", it was not done. It looked unkempt, uncared for and unhealthy - so much so that I felt bad for her and resented whoever her caretaker was.

 

[LaBelleLL]

I completely understand what everyone (or most) is saying about how black children's hair should be left out to be in its natural state, etc. How black children's hair does not always have to be "done". I completely understand this viewpoint. But here's how I see it and the only reason why I'm saying this is because many of you who come across people who don't agree with leaving their child's hair out doesn't necessarily mean that they always want the child's hair to be "done". For instance, Sweetspirit86, your child has beautiful hair; her hairstyle is very cute. However, upon seeing those pictures, I kinda cringed only because from where I come from....that's not healthy for the hair...or leaving the ends out like that isn't necessarily healthy for the hair. That's all. I'm not critcizing or cringing because her hair isn't "done".

To see a child with her hair in a protective style with rebellious edges or frizzy hair is completely fine. They're children and their hair will be disrupted at times.

In response to how our black hair just falls after a wash-n-go...I do agree that it should not be viewed as unprofessional or unkempt. For myself, it's been a process. I guess i've been overly conditioned by society because it's very difficult for me to wear my curly hair out mainly because it's so big; I also think it draws a lot of unnecessary attention on these NYC streets. Wearing it out doesn't make me feel as if i'm unkempt or anything, but i'm much more self-concious about my hair. I'm more concerned with how it's falling, etc. In an ideal world, i'd just let it be, right? However, for a job interview, I'd never wear it out. My hair would precede me! IMO, I would fear it would come off as unprofessional and it would draw too much attention to the unimportant stuff - my hair and its abundance...as oppposed to my credentials or experience.

 

[mzsophisticated26]

I don't think that is going to fly cause i know i like to get READY when i go out. I like to look good. I can't be fly and my kids are looking carefree just cause they are kids. They need to look as good or better than me and that's how I feel about that.

Now while we are out and about and they get messy then that's different.

Yes I totally agree with this. I don't think they need a million barettes but It should be atleast brushed. It's just like looking at a well put together mom in a restaurant and the child hair is sticking up on their head and clothes looking a mess. Everyone would talk about them being a bad mom for letting the child leave the house like that.