Little Black Girls feeling inferior because of hair...

[tthreat08]

Good call. And very take charge on your part - i know what a pain it can be to move a child to another school, but it was definitely worth it.

Thanks. Gotta do what'cha gotta do.

 

[shynessqueen]

God bless you, I think you are doing the right thing and I love that you are proactive. A lot of parents give their kids lip service "oh but of course your hair is pretty" and then do nothing to reinforce the words. How many black mothers like their own hair? How many black parents give their kids black dolls to play with instead of buying white, often blond, straight-haired dolls? How many black women stop in their tracks to admire a nice fro they way they point and gasp and stare at long, straight hair? If you (not anyone here, just "you" in the general sense) crave "bouncy", "silky" straight hair then why be surprised or "sad" when your daughter craves straight hair and feels less than for not having straight hair? More black women need to start asking themselves honest questions instead of pretending they don't understand where their daughters' self-hatred comes from.

I do . My DD only has black dolls. One day she told me, mommy do you realize you keep buying me the same bratz dolls. I went in her room and took out all her dolls. They where the same dolls lol. I'm going to see if I can get a doll made of herself.

MY DD has 3c/BSL hair. I put her hair in braids most of the time so it looks like it's only SL. Last year for picture day I put her hair in small ponytails. When I drop her off at school, a teacher from another class stopped us in the hallway to tell my DD she didn't know that she had long hair. It's always pretty buy I didn't know it was that long. Y'all don't know how angry this made me. I'm trying to teach her one thing and once she step out the door others are teaching her something else. It's not easy keep our kids head on straight.

 

[fivetimestwo]

I had this problem not only with my daughter but my son as well. We live in a relatively mixed area, but it's still mostly white people here. My daughter has not only had hair issues, but also skin complexion issues (which really hurt me and had me wanting to hurt somebody ). It's crazy but my son gets made fun of because, as he puts it, he's "bald".
I don't know how to explain it to him that he can't have his hair cut like all his little friends-the have the Abercrombie & Fitch hair cuts with the hair swooping over one eye almost like a comb-over. I have even considered (still considering actually) moving somewhere else where there are more of "us". I just think kids have so much to deal with already. But I also feel like they're going to encounter this kind of adversity at some point so maybe if they deal with it now, they'll develop a thicker skin that will help them deal with it much easier later in life.

 

[cinnamin316]

When i was younger my mother only bought me black dolls. My father's side of that family (they are puerto rican) bought me white dolls all the time. I remember not playing with those dolls at all. I always enjoyed the dolls that looked like me. I never really had a problem with my hair when i was younger. I do remember asking my mom to put my hair in one ponytail and she would always respond that my hair was too thick for that. I also remember wanting my hair out all the time. All my friends would compliment me on my hair too lol. Not to mention all of my friends were white with dead straight hair. I think when i started disliking my texture was when i saw my neice who was about 4 at the time with very loose riglets down to her waist. I had to be around 10 or 11, i was soo jealous of her. I didnt understand how she was so little and had such long hair.

My cousin who was visiting me last year asked me why she was so dark, why her hair was short, and why her hair was so "kinky". She compared herself to a few other family members who were lighter with longer hair. She told me that she didn't feel pretty at all. I was kind of disappointed in her because she was 15 and we (my whole family) always tell her how beautiful she is.

 

[mscocoface]

I understand a lot of this unfortunately. I have had to battle it. Not only did I not buy my nieces black dolls but any other child that I bought gifts for.

Even when I gave gifts to the needy for Christmas, and the girls ask for dolls guess what color they got? Did not matter to me what color the family was that we were getting the doll for.

My sisters daughter from when she could start talking and raise her first for the black power stance we always said and say to her. Who are you?!! She would yell and raise her fist and say. I am a strong black woman"!!!! Even today she will say I want to be like nana (that is me!) she wanted her hair cut off because she no longer wanted the relaxer my sister kept putting in her hair. The girl wanted a BC. Yes, she got it but not before we had a loooong talk and explained that people were going to give their opinions family and strangers alike, but it did not matter because this is what she wanted and ........"She was a strong black woman!"

The girl has a lot of confidence to be only 11 and she will hold her opinion and give it with the best of them. Not in an arrogant fashion but you best believe you will know what she is thinking.

We talk about everything and anything and she will even call me now that she no longer lives with me to just talk about things in general. She is coming upon the months of womanhood (menstural) and nothing is off topic. She will ask questions or want answers to things that from a cultural standpoint for other races she may not understand. The girl is loved by her non black friends because she treats them like everybody else but they know she won't take no mess from them if they want to go racial or start doing the comparison stuff about hair, skin color, etc..

It has been a long road but this is one little lady that I am not worried about because inferiority about her hair is not an issue nor her skin color we determined that at a young age the girls in our family we had any influence over were not going to be dealing with issues such as this because life was going to be difficult enough. We tell her all the time she is ours, she is beautiful and she is.....A Strong Black Woman!!!

 

[tthreat08]

My father bought black dolls ONLY. My grandmother was white, and the dolls she bought were the only white dolls I had. Those were the ONLY white dolls I was allowed. She was my mother's mother.

 

[atlien]

I have experienced this with my daughters. They have two different textures (same two parents-just different textures between the two of the them). The youngest one is 3b while the older one is more like 4a maybe. Well, when the youngest one would get her hair wet, it would go down and curly. The older one's hair when wet goes OUT and curly. The older one had problems with this. THEN after my constant coaching and kudos on how beautiful BOTH heads of hair were, the oldest one came home from her suburban predominately white school and SAID,

"Mommy I want BLONDE hair and BLUE eyes, and I want my hair straight".....so I did not wait to pass go, did no wait to collect $200, I dis-enrolled her from the school she was in (only chocolate love drop in her class) and placed her in a more DIVERSE school sprinkled with ALL different ethnicities. NOW, she sees other kids like herself at school and has her own confidence. Every child is different. She's the only one of my children that had this issue. She now loves her hair, and when her little friends want to dress alike or what not....she doesn't ask for BLONDE hair, only "make it into one ponytail with bangs mommy" or something like that. Incidently her group of frineds is diverse but she still is confident in herself. I thank God for revealing to me the change she needed.

Good call!!!!! I would have done the same.

Personally, I think kids suffer self esteem issues when parents enroll them in predominately white schools ( and brag about it) . I never understood this behavior. There are good predominately black schools or diverse schools that our kids will feel more comfortable in. Why subject your child to this type of torture? It's just not worth it. I have to say good call to you again.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Question for the folks who have posted thus far in this thread...

Do you think wanting to have straight hair is symptomatic of self hatred? Or is it only self hatred in a certain context?

Personally, I think it's self hatred if you want straight hair BECAUSE you think your natural hair just isn't as good. And I think that that's what's going on with a lot of little Black girls. It's not just that they like the look of straight hair and enjoy having it, but that they think that they are less than for not having it.

I prefer to have my hair relaxed/texlaxed. Not because I don't like my natural hair (I've seen my curl pattern, it's really quite lovely), but because I love having the current length and don't want to whack it off!!!

However, I realize that if I do make a choice to wear my hair straight, I'll have to do some explaining to my future daughter for sure. And that's going to be tough. How do you explain to a child that you should love what you have but how you wear it is a personal choice of expression?

I guess it's about making sure that they understand that they don't HAVE to look one certain way to be considered beautiful.

 

[chichibean]

Question for the folks who have posted thus far in this thread...

Do you think wanting to have straight hair is symptomatic of self hatred? Or is it only self hatred in a certain context?

Personally, I think it's self hatred if you want straight hair BECAUSE you think your natural hair just isn't as good. And I think that that's what's going on with a lot of little Black girls. It's not just that they like the look of straight hair and enjoy having it, but that they think that they are less than for not having it.

I prefer to have my hair relaxed/texlaxed. Not because I don't like my natural hair (I've seen my curl pattern, it's really quite lovely), but because I love having the current length and don't want to whack it off!!!

However, I realize that if I do make a choice to wear my hair straight, I'll have to do some explaining to my future daughter for sure. And that's going to be tough. How do you explain to a child that you should love what you have but how you wear it is a personal choice of expression?

I guess it's about making sure that they understand that they don't HAVE to look one certain way to be considered beautiful.

In many ways you're right. As adults, we hopefully have been able to learn to separate our appearance from our self worth and therefore wanting relaxed hair cause it is easier to manage does not mean that you do not LOVE your race or your natural texture.
Children are different because they don't have the maturity to separate body image and self-worth so often times they feel inferior because of superficial things like hair.
And that is why it is so great to see the women who have posted already showing their daughters the importance of being "strong black women" and that their hair does not and will never define who they are inside and what they have to offer to the world.

 

[girlyprincess23]

Let me tell you I am seriously considering sending my daughter back to VA with my family while I finish school. I'm tired of her coming home telling me she wants "white" hair. She means blond and straight I think. Up here in upstate NY there is like only 10 black people in my town, half being my family members!So in daycare she's surrounded by little white girls and I believe is developing a complex! Now my daughter's dad is guatemalan so she looks like I don't know but not black and definately NOT white. Everyone tells me she looks just like her father(hispanic) and nothing like me (black). One dominican lady who used to babysit her just came out wit it like mmmm mommy she dont look black she look spanish. I'm beginning to understand the dominicans have a complex with black features but I digress. I said this to say she has B-E-A-Utiful waist length (when stretched), jet black, 2b (i think) hair (it's curly). So me and my mother are dumbfounded why she would want straight limp blond hair!!! And her dad told me to tell her she didn't want white hair because white people have lice! I'll miss her but I think I would rather her grow up being "affirmed" as my mother calls it with my dark family (except for my nephew who is lily white, dad is from el salvador) than forever trying to attain "whiteness" here in upstate NY. Everyday she'scoming with some nonsense about hair from that daycare, is that what they're learning there? I wonder. I also feel VERY bad the little black girl in her 4 year old room. Stereotypical black girl, cornrows with weave, thick little shape I just feel bad and I wonder who her mother is and what she's thinking, because I know if my daughter is developing a complex her daughter has to be developing one!!!

 

[shynessqueen]

Question for the folks who have posted thus far in this thread...

Do you think wanting to have straight hair is symptomatic of self hatred? Or is it only self hatred in a certain context?

Personally, I think it's self hatred if you want straight hair BECAUSE you think your natural hair just isn't as good. And I think that that's what's going on with a lot of little Black girls. It's not just that they like the look of straight hair and enjoy having it, but that they think that they are less than for not having it.

I prefer to have my hair relaxed/texlaxed. Not because I don't like my natural hair (I've seen my curl pattern, it's really quite lovely), but because I love having the current length and don't want to whack it off!!!

However, I realize that if I do make a choice to wear my hair straight, I'll have to do some explaining to my future daughter for sure. And that's going to be tough. How do you explain to a child that you should love what you have but how you wear it is a personal choice of expression?

I guess it's about making sure that they understand that they don't HAVE to look one certain way to be considered beautiful.

I go back and fourth all the time. I'm natural one min and then I'm TeX. I don't have a problem cutting off all my hair then letting it grow long.
It shows my DD I love my hair no matter if it straight, puffy, long or short.

MY DD is coming in to her own. She hates fake hair with a passion. She always asking me when I'm going to take my fake hair out. But me I love fake hair.

 

[girlyprincess23]

I understand a lot of this unfortunately. I have had to battle it. Not only did I not buy my nieces black dolls but any other child that I bought gifts for.

Even when I gave gifts to the needy for Christmas, and the girls ask for dolls guess what color they got? Did not matter to me what color the family was that we were getting the doll for.

My sisters daughter from when she could start talking and raise her first for the black power stance we always said and say to her. Who are you?!! She would yell and raise her fist and say. I am a strong black woman"!!!! Even today she will say I want to be like nana (that is me!) she wanted her hair cut off because she no longer wanted the relaxer my sister kept putting in her hair. The girl wanted a BC. Yes, she got it but not before we had a loooong talk and explained that people were going to give their opinions family and strangers alike, but it did not matter because this is what she wanted and ........"She was a strong black woman!"

The girl has a lot of confidence to be only 11 and she will hold her opinion and give it with the best of them. Not in an arrogant fashion but you best believe you will know what she is thinking.

We talk about everything and anything and she will even call me now that she no longer lives with me to just talk about things in general. She is coming upon the months of womanhood (menstural) and nothing is off topic. She will ask questions or want answers to things that from a cultural standpoint for other races she may not understand. The girl is loved by her non black friends because she treats them like everybody else but they know she won't take no mess from them if they want to go racial or start doing the comparison stuff about hair, skin color, etc..

It has been a long road but this is one little lady that I am not worried about because inferiority about her hair is not an issue nor her skin color we determined that at a young age the girls in our family we had any influence over were not going to be dealing with issues such as this because life was going to be difficult enough. We tell her all the time she is ours, she is beautiful and she is.....A Strong Black Woman!!!

That's beautiful. My daughter knows when I say "say it LOUD" she screams "IM BLACK AND IM BROWN!!!" I taught it to her one day when she was babbling something about white. Oh yeah on the train she had just come back from seeing her dad and she looked at me like I was an alien and said "mommy you're black!" Im like you just noticed?

 

[HAIRapy]

Question for the folks who have posted thus far in this thread...

Do you think wanting to have straight hair is symptomatic of self hatred? Or is it only self hatred in a certain context?

Personally, I think it's self hatred if you want straight hair BECAUSE you think your natural hair just isn't as good. And I think that that's what's going on with a lot of little Black girls. It's not just that they like the look of straight hair and enjoy having it, but that they think that they are less than for not having it.

I prefer to have my hair relaxed/texlaxed. Not because I don't like my natural hair (I've seen my curl pattern, it's really quite lovely), but because I love having the current length and don't want to whack it off!!!

However, I realize that if I do make a choice to wear my hair straight, I'll have to do some explaining to my future daughter for sure. And that's going to be tough. How do you explain to a child that you should love what you have but how you wear it is a personal choice of expression?

I guess it's about making sure that they understand that they don't HAVE to look one certain way to be considered beautiful.

The way I will answer that is, yes. It is self hatred because at the age of a young child, they don't have to do their hair. All they're doing is looking around and seeing what's around them and wanting to be like what they think is better than themselves. So it has nothing to do with ease of hair because they don't know what it's like to have to do their hair at that point.

 

[Nightingale]

That's beautiful. My daughter knows when I say "say it LOUD" she screams "IM BLACK AND IM BROWN!!!" I taught it to her one day when she was babbling something about white. Oh yeah on the train she had just come back from seeing her dad and she looked at me like I was an alien and said "mommy you're black!" Im like you just noticed?

Too funny!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

The way I will answer that is, yes. It is self hatred because at the age of a young child, they don't have to do their hair. All they're doing is looking around and seeing what's around them and wanting to be like what they think is better than themselves. So it has nothing to do with ease of hair because they don't know what it's like to have to do their hair at that point.

Okay, so what you're actually saying is when a child gets her hair relaxed, then it is a form of self hatred because, unlike an adult, they can't make a choice for themselves?

If that's what you're saying, then I definitely agree. My mom always used words like "nappy" in a negative way. She had me getting relaxers by the time I was in 2nd grade! My virgin hair was great. I love my hair the way it is now, but, when all is said and done, I do wish she wouldn't have made me get relaxers

So, then, is the corollary of what you said before that it's not always self hatred when an adult chooses to relax their hair because they can choose how they want to style their hair?

 

[mona_cherie]

One of my nieces is seven, a beautiful little girl. She's not jealous of white girls, but she does get jealous of other little girls with long hair, primarily my other nieces. When she was just 18 months old her wicked grandmother (not from my side of the family) relaxed her hair. She had the thickest, curliest most beautiful hair, and this woman.... I have no words. Their whole family has jacked up hair, except one little girl who does not live with their family. Needless to say now, at seven, she has a head of ate up, overprocessed, damaged hair that is a little longer than her chin at the longest layer/strand.
Anywhoo, this weekend, I was washing my 10 yr. old niece's hair (she has thick mid-back length hair), and the seven year old asked me why her hair was not as long as the 10 year olds. I started to say "Because your stupid a** grandmother relaxed your hair when you were a baby." But, I stopped myself, and told her it was because the other niece was older and had more time to let her hair grow, blah, blah. It's sad though, her whole mood changes whenever they get their hair combed together, and we tell her how beautiful she is, etc. She has incredibly high self-esteem, ecept for that one thing. I don't know what to do because even though I see her once a week, she goes home to these ignorant people who use her like a human Barbie doll head for hair experiments. I've got a plan to rehab her hair by deep conditioning it weekly and then braiding it up so they won't bother it. I'm just afraid (if it was up to me she'd be going natural, but that will never happen, so I'd like her to start getting very very mid relaxers/texlaxes) they will slap some cheap relaxer on her head.

 

[InJesusName]

This is an interesting thread. I feel for our young sistas beacuse I have often felt the same way about my hair growing up. However, lots of ladies have commented that their daughters are coming home from school with these "I want their hair" mentalities.

Cruel kids come from cruel families unfortunately. No matter how many black dolls we give our daughters or how many all black schools we place them in, it is inevitable that at some point someone just as dark or kinky haired will say something negative about our hair in its natural state because lots of "us" still carry around these ideals.

What happens when the nubian goddess with the chocolate skin and natural curls gets passed over by her love interest for the light, bright almost whitegirl with the "good hair" or she gets that wide eyed look from a supervisor later in life for wearing her hair natural to the office?

Unfortunately, this is an ongoing problem with SOCIETY. At some point our ancestors were taught that our blackness made us ugly and it stuck throughout time. Now so many are capitalizing on it (count how many weaves you see in a day). It's just heartbreaking.

Much applause to you ladies who are teaching black self esteem at an early age. I hope that we can again educate our race on how beautiful we are and remind our little sistas that in many cases hatred is just FEAR with a mask. Many hate what they can't have themselves (white women getting collagen shots to get our lips). The truth is, the haters really inwardly find us beautiful and are threatened by it.

I don't have children yet, but I plan on instilling pride in EVERYTHING that makes us black and beautiful.

 

[melissa-bee]

The op was sad but cute.

 

[Geminigirl]

Someone point me in the direction of the black dolls with curly hair, cause if they aren't bald, their hair is straight. My daugther won't have white babies in our household. Her toys will look like her.

My daugther likes her hair, but she does lihe when it is wet and hangs down,she likes it out bot she doesn't have the kind of hair for that right now.

Droid typing leads to typos for me

 

[bunnie82]

awww...the babies should watch this...

http://youtu.be/enpFde5rgmw

 

[howyoudoin]

im not a mother yet, but i have a bunch of nieces. My sisters dont allhow them to wear weaves, ponytails or relaxers, they just always keep them looking cute in all sorts braided syles , twists and puffs etc. For me, the key to good hair self esteem is to always be well kept, i find that you will alway feel good about yourself if your well groomed, no matter how long or straight your hair is. I cant stand when black mothers send their kids out in month old fuzzy *** cornrows or matting look pony tails and hair that is all dried out and desperately needing to be washed and moisturized, i seriously think this a form of neglect, and leads to low self esteem . Its up to the mother to keep their kids looking good. I know the media plays a part in telling black people that their features arent as nice as others, but we cant fight this by keeping ourselves up at all times . If you have children you should make it a priority to learn how to keep our them looking good because they are not the ones who are in charge of dressing themselves and doing their hair so it they look a mess, its on you.

 

[My Friend]

Say it ain't so.....

 

[Spongebob]

Nappy hair isn't 'cool', it's 'ugly' and you need to permanently change it's texture, so you can have 'gud' hair. This mentality right here, is passed down generations, until someone asks whats wrong with how God created our texture. Why should we be ashamed? It very sad, but OP you made it very light hearted to read

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

My daughter is 3 and is going through this right now. It's very hard for her not to notice when she is the only black girl EVERYWHERE. She's noticing that she's different and although she sees me and daddy and my mom and her aunts and uncles it still seems to bother her that she's not white. She tells me "Mommy, I want to look like her on the tv" (pointing to a white girl). I tell her "Honey, you're beautiful just the way you are and complement her skin and hair, etc. She started crying and saying she wanted to look like the girl. She also says she wants to have straight hair like Grandma (My MIL is white) I tell her her hair is curly like mine and beautiful. Perfect just the way it is. My MIL tells her that grandma is the only one in the house with straight hair and she wishes she had curly hair like everyone else because curly hair is so beautiful.

My child has mostly white dolls. Not by choice but because we can't find any black dolls where we live. It's sad. My MIL found a black Barbie (DD's new favorite thing) with beautiful curly hair just like my daughter and bought it for her. She gets it because she went through this with her own children that are biracial.

My child is the only black child in her whole dance class. Our first day there we were saying hello to some of the parents and children. DD has a Brobee backpack that she brings he ballet shoes in. A little girl was admiring it and then turns to her mother and says "Mommy, is she a black?". I think that might be where it all started. My daughter is very smart and very observant and since then (This happened her first day) we've had a lot of talks about skin and hair. All of her cousins are white (we only see MIL's side of the family. FIL's is in a different state) and while they adore each other, I think it gets to her a bit.

My child can also be a bit concieted and will say "Mommy, don't I look cute? Look my hair is curly, like yours" (this is why I went natural) but I don't care.DH and I complement her all the time about her beautiful her hair is and gorgeous her skin is. I rather have my child be overly confident than to have low self esteem. She still has moments when she says she wants to be white but I'm building her confidence in her own looks as much as I can.

This is why I wished we were back in NY. Here in MN there's not much diversity (atleast where we live. and the neighborhoods that have people of color tend to be pretty bad neighborhoods).I figured we'd have this conversation eventually but not at 3 years old.

Sorry, this is a jumbled mess of thoughts. It's just been a really hot topic in our house recently.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

My daughter is 3 and is going through this right now. It's very hard for her not to notice when she is the only black girl EVERYWHERE. She's noticing that she's different and although she sees me and daddy and my mom and her aunts and uncles it still seems to bother her that she's not white. She tells me "Mommy, I want to look like her on the tv" (pointing to a white girl). I tell her "Honey, you're beautiful just the way you are and complement her skin and hair, etc. She started crying and saying she wanted to look like the girl. She also says she wants to have straight hair like Grandma (My MIL is white) I tell her her hair is curly like mine and beautiful. Perfect just the way it is. My MIL tells her that grandma is the only one in the house with straight hair and she wishes she had curly hair like everyone else because curly hair is so beautiful.

My child has mostly white dolls. Not by choice but because we can't find any black dolls where we live. It's sad. My MIL found a black Barbie (DD's new favorite thing) with beautiful curly hair just like my daughter and bought it for her. She gets it because she went through this with her own children that are biracial.

My child is the only black child in her whole dance class. Our first day there we were saying hello to some of the parents and children. DD has a Brobee backpack that she brings he ballet shoes in. A little girl was admiring it and then turns to her mother and says "Mommy, is she a black?". I think that might be where it all started. My daughter is very smart and very observant and since then (This happened her first day) we've had a lot of talks about skin and hair. All of her cousins are white (we only see MIL's side of the family. FIL's is in a different state) and while they adore each other, I think it gets to her a bit.

My child can also be a bit concieted and will say "Mommy, don't I look cute? Look my hair is curly, like yours" (this is why I went natural) but I don't care.DH and I complement her all the time about her beautiful her hair is and gorgeous her skin is. I rather have my child be overly confident than to have low self esteem. She still has moments when she says she wants to be white but I'm building her confidence in her own looks as much as I can.

This is why I wished we were back in NY. Here in MN there's not much diversity (atleast where we live. and the neighborhoods that have people of color tend to be pretty bad neighborhoods).I figured we'd have this conversation eventually but not at 3 years old.

Sorry, this is a jumbled mess of thoughts. It's just been a really hot topic in our house recently.

I hate to say this, but mom, you need to seek out more black images for her. In the days of the internet, you have no excuse. I couldn't find the black holiday barbie for DD, so what did I do? I ordered it online directly from Mattel. I asked ladies on this board for book recommendations with black characters. When I couldn't find them, I ordered directly from barnes & noble online.

I also think you should be more diligent about finding at least one other black child for her to play with. DD might be the only black girl in her class at school, but she goes to Sunday school and plays with other black children. I know that may be challenging for you based on your location, but you have to try.

I've heard these stories from moms here and IRL, and I think that as mothers, we have to be more proactive.

 

[GoodMernin]

Of course little black girls are going to have hair complex issues.

This site alone has grown women talking about how they can't stand their "shrinkage".

And the flat iron turned into the holy grail.

For a while I had to stop going into the heat training and "Thinking of texlaxing" threads because they started to eat at my psyche and I started thinking the same way.

I eventually stopped entertaining those discussions and have been embracing my hair and I love it just the way it grows out of my scalp.

 

[Mariaat40]

I hate to say this, but mom, you need to seek out more black images for her. In the days of the internet, you have no excuse. I couldn't find the black holiday barbie for DD, so what did I do? I ordered it online directly from Mattel. I asked ladies on this board for book recommendations with black characters. When I couldn't find them, I ordered directly from barnes & noble online.

I also think you should be more diligent about finding at least one other black child for her to play with. DD might be the only black girl in her class at school, but she goes to Sunday school and plays with other black children. I know that may be challenging for you based on your location, but you have to try.

I've heard these stories from moms here and IRL, and I think that as mothers, we have to be more proactive.

I live in Minnesota, as well, and there are definitely opportunities to expose your child to other African Americans, African American culture, etc. You just have to be more proactive here in seeking them out.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

I hate to say this, but mom, you need to seek out more black images for her. In the days of the internet, you have no excuse. I couldn't find the black holiday barbie for DD, so what did I do? I ordered it online directly from Mattel. I asked ladies on this board for book recommendations with black characters. When I couldn't find them, I ordered directly from barnes & noble online.

I also think you should be more diligent about finding at least one other black child for her to play with. DD might be the only black girl in her class at school, but she goes to Sunday school and plays with other black children. I know that may be challenging for you based on your location, but you have to try.

I've heard these stories from moms here and IRL, and I think that as mothers, we have to be more proactive.

I agree. That's what I've been doing, ordering instead. I've been looking into black books and have found a few through Beads, Braids and Beyond that I've ordered. Where we live there are NO other black children. I mean NONE. DH was 1 of 5 biracial children here as a child.Of the other 4 2 were his siblings. We plan on moving before she starts school so that there's more diversity.

She does play with Somalian children at my moms house but that doesn't seem to faze her. We just moved back to DH's hometown this past year but it's only temporary.

I live in Minnesota, as well, and there are definitely opportunities to expose your child to other African Americans, African American culture, etc. You just have to be more proactive here in seeking them out.

Where? We're no where near the cities and that's the only place that I know there's a lot of diversity.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Until HS my schools weren't predominantly white but I was one of a handful of black students. I was also the only one with natural hair. So I'd have braids and twists and most of the time I liked them but I went through a brief phase when I was obsessed with having long, flowing hair although a lot of that was because when I'd get my hair done I'd spend all day in the salon and I hated it.

My youngest sister is 12 now but she went through a phase about 2 years ago when she hated her hair and she's at a predominantly black school. It was mostly because she hated how short and frizzy her hair was. My mom (and I) are teaching her how to care for it and it's been growing like crazy lately and as that's happened she's come to love her hair.

As a kid my mom only let me and my sisters play with black dolls and made sure to read us stories with black characters and I appreciate that soooooo much looking back. When I become a parent if I have daughters I will do the same and restrict what TV shows they watch. There's a lot less diversity/more racial stereotyping on the screen than there was when I grew up.

 

[Mariaat40]

Where? We're no where near the cities and that's the only place that I know there's a lot of diversity.

That makes it more difficult for sure. I live in the Twin Cities. I hope you can change your living circumstances so that your kids have opportunities to interact with other African American kids. My husband is a professor and many of his students of color who grew up in all white areas have racial identity issues.