Little Black girls & hair - What's the deal?

[darlingdiva]

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...

And this is a pony puff on her...

She's a little beauty!!! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with her pony puff. The people who are saying rude things about it are idiots.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I completely understand what everyone (or most) is saying about how black children's hair should be left out to be in its natural state, etc. How black children's hair does not always have to be "done". I completely understand this viewpoint. But here's how I see it and the only reason why I'm saying this is because many of you who come across people who don't agree with leaving their child's hair out doesn't necessarily mean that they always want the child's hair to be "done". For instance, Sweetspirit86, your child has beautiful hair; her hairstyle is very cute. However, upon seeing those pictures, I kinda cringed only because from where I come from....that's not healthy for the hair...or leaving the ends out like that isn't necessarily healthy for the hair. That's all. I'm not critcizing or cringing because her hair isn't "done".

Her hair isn't constantly out like that, so no, it's not unhealthy for her hair. I don't know if you've seen the other pictures I posted in the past, but she usually has her hair twisted, or in some other style simply for, as another mom put it, my sanity. Her hair can become tangled easily if left in an all out fro. You notice the pictures were taken in my house? That's because that's as far as a fro will go on her until she can take care of it herself. However, her pony puff is a once a month thing, and I don't feel it's unhealthy at all. That's like saying anyone with hair should constantly have their hair braided/bunned/pinned-up, and never EVER wear a loose ponytail or wear their hair down. Not even once. Because it's unhealthy.

I respect your opinion, but I'll have to politely disagree here.

 

[lovedone_24]

For me "done" is not about the barrettes and definitely not the "gelled up, weaved up" look it's about healthy looking moisturized hair that's COMBED. I see plenty of white children with unkempt hair too by this definition and I SMDH @ them as well.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Her hair isn't constantly out like that, so no, it's not unhealthy for her hair. I don't know if you've seen the other pictures I posted in the past, but she usually has her hair twisted, or in some other style simply for, as another mom put it, my sanity. Her hair can become tangled easily if left in an all out fro. You notice the pictures were taken in my house? That's because that's as far as a fro will go on her until she can take care of it herself. However, her pony puff is a once a month thing, and I don't feel it's unhealthy at all. That's like saying anyone with hair should constantly have their hair braided/bunned/pinned-up, and never EVER wear a loose ponytail or wear their hair down. Not even once. Because it's unhealthy.

I respect your opinion, but I'll have to politely disagree here.

Right. I completely understand your explanation and agree with your reasons in styling your child's hair. Let's assume that I didn't hear this long explanation. The point I'm trying to make here is that - for some people that would have maybe looked twice when they saw your child's hair doesn't necessarily mean that they think it needs to be "done" - it's just from a "healthy" or "unhealthy" standpoint (and clearly - this is understandably subjective). I used my reaction to my your child's hair as an example since it was posted here. Nothing personal.

I think Rosa Praeclara said it best....that there are two issues here; I'm referring to the first one.

 

[yellow08]

I'm not sure of the reasons, but I think it's unnecessary. My own personal philosophy is that kids don't need to look "done". They can have wild hair, play in the dirt and get messy, whatever. They are supposed to be free of the all the hefty beauty complexes that plague us adults.

I think maintenance is good, though. Keeping it clean and relatively detangled, if only because letting it get really tangled will cause more pain later on (ime). A little moisturizer or oil or whatever and that seems sufficient to me.

ITA...I don't have kids yet, but I was telling my hubby that if we were to have a girl, I was going to let her hair just do it's own thing. I'm not big on a bunch of ponytails, bows, beads, etc...no matter how much time my mother spent of doing my hair by the middle of the day, it looked liked she didn't even touch it. So, I have the attitude of why fuss of little girls hair.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I agree with the poster who says its cultural because in South Africa we believe keeping your hair braided makes it grow faster actually I still have a hard time shaking that tradition off LOL Sweetspirit your dd's hair is gorgeous

 

[naturalmanenyc]

She is adorable. There is nothing wrong with her hair at all. You are so not a terrible mom.

My friend had her eldest daughter's hair (4 years old next week) in a pony puff yesterday. She had a bang though since she insisted I give her a bang after demonstrating to her mom how to flat twist her hair.

I usually get the "what's wrong with her!" or "terrible mom!" looks when I let my daughter wear her hair in a pony puff. It's not messy at all imo...but people see it that way and assume I don't take care of her or something. They completely ignore her cute, clean clothes, and shoes...and look at her puff and say things like she "looks like a wild child." It used to hurt my feelings, or pi$$ me off, but now it goes in one ear and out the other.

Sorry the pics are so big...but this is what my daughter's hair looks like if I just comb it out and leave it...

And this is a pony puff on her...

 

[GreenD]

I, too don't have any kids, but I do have nieces that all range in age and in hair types. I think as long as it looks together it's fine. My sister didn't always have the time to keep up with my nieces hair (see the oldest one's hair below= not done hair, more like about to get done), so she ended up locking it, and they LOVE their hair more now than before.

**SweetSpirit, my sister used to whip my nieces hair up like your daughter's with the quickness, but she couldn't rock it long as it would start tangling up really bad. It was a nightmare!! But you're little one is so cute regardless of how she wears her hair.**

As for me growing up, we weren't allowed to wear our hair "out" like in a puff. That was considered being grown to my grandmother. Y'all know how you used to be, fingers all in it, playing and swinging it!! LOL!! So we always had 3-4 plaits or twists. We only got to wear our hair out for Easter and/or someone's wedding. But you gotta understand my grandmother and mother are obviously from very different generations, and we got our hair done EVERY day with ribbons!!! And no I didn't have a million bows and barretts in my hair. They just believed that little girls should look like little girls, and we were to look our best as we were a reflection of them at ALL times.

I wish they did allow us to play in our hair and get to know it, but that was out of the question until you were too old to sit in between grandma's legs to get your hair done. So by the time I started doing my own hair I was in jr. high and knew nothing about hair care. Ugh, the memories!!

**Please don't take me saying looking like little girls to mean you have to have ribbons in barrets in your hair. It's a new era, I'm just referring to my life in the early '80's.**

 

[naturalsunshine]

My goodfriend was out of town for a week for work and my twin God daughters were left with her husband. He didn't really do anything to their hair (they usually only have one bow) & dropped them off at daycare. Why did he pick them up and their hair was "done" with several bows & ponytails?

My other friend also has twin girls and when they were younger & going to daycare (before she could braid) she also dropped them off with their hair "undone" and came back to kids with a zillion braids & bows in their hair.

I just had a flashback while reading your post. When my child was little, the daycare provider would always crack on my styling ability b/c of the way I did her hair. All she had was a little afro and I would give her a little braid across the front and just pick out the afro. I thought she looked so cute.

A couple of times, I went to pick her up her hair was totally braided. I mean designs and all.

It cracked me up. I was not offended b/c in their eyes, they were helping me. In a way they were, b/c I didn't have to do her hair for a week or so. Plus, I've known the daycare providers all my life, so there was a relationship there.

 

[GreenD]

My goodfriend was out of town for a week for work and my twin God daughters were left with her husband. He didn't really do anything to their hair (they usually only have one bow) & dropped them off at daycare. Why did he pick them up and their hair was "done" with several bows & ponytails?

My other friend also has twin girls and when they were younger & going to daycare (before she could braid) she also dropped them off with their hair "undone" and came back to kids with a zillion braids & bows in their hair.

I just had a flashback while reading your post. When my child was little, the daycare provider would always crack on my styling ability b/c of the way I did her hair. All she had was a little afro and I would give her a little braid across the front and just pick out the afro. I thought she looked so cute.

A couple of times, I went to pick her up her hair was totally braided. I mean designs and all.

It cracked me up. I was not offended b/c in their eyes, they were helping me. In a way they were, b/c I didn't have to do her hair for a week or so. Plus, I've known the daycare providers all my life, so there was a relationship there.

Girl that's what you call getting your money's worth!! Heck yeah you can watch them, feed them, play with them and braid their hair!! LOL, that's what's up!!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I recall being in pigtails, braids, cornrows & beads for most of my childhood. The only time that my hair was "out" was when it was pressed for school pictures.

 

[doll-baby]

I think it's a cultural thing for us to want our children's hair to be done. I don't agree with a lot of bows , but I do believe that the hair should be kept out of the way of the child and prevented from tangling and matting. My daughter's hair has to be braided or in pony tails. If I let her wear it loose it will be matted, tangled, and unkept looking by the time I pick her up from daycare. Children should look like they have someone at home that takes pride in their appearance and not just let them leave the house looking any kind of way.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I, too don't have any kids, but I do have nieces that all range in age and in hair types. I think as long as it looks together it's fine. My sister didn't always have the time to keep up with my nieces hair (see the oldest one's hair below= not done hair, more like about to get done), so she ended up locking it, and they LOVE their hair more now than before.

**SweetSpirit, my sister used to whip my nieces hair up like your daughter's with the quickness, but she couldn't rock it long as it would start tangling up really bad. It was a nightmare!! But you're little one is so cute regardless of how she wears her hair.**

As for me growing up, we weren't allowed to wear our hair "out" like in a puff. That was considered being grown to my grandmother. Y'all know how you used to be, fingers all in it, playing and swinging it!! LOL!! So we always had 3-4 plaits or twists. We only got to wear our hair out for Easter and/or someone's wedding. But you gotta understand my grandmother and mother are obviously from very different generations, and we got our hair done EVERY day with ribbons!!! And no I didn't have a million bows and barretts in my hair. They just believed that little girls should look like little girls, and we were to look our best as we were a reflection of them at ALL times.

I wish they did allow us to play in our hair and get to know it, but that was out of the question until you were too old to sit in between grandma's legs to get your hair done. So by the time I started doing my own hair I was in jr. high and knew nothing about hair care. Ugh, the memories!!

**Please don't take me saying looking like little girls to mean you have to have ribbons in barrets in your hair. It's a new era, I'm just referring to my life in the early '80's.**

I get what you're saying. That's how my mom used to do my hair back in the day, lol. Do you remember those yarn ribbons? Yeaaahhhh...she had a whole box full of them for my hair, so when I had my own, she was expecting me to do like she did with me. As a kid...those bobbles, barrettes, and ribbons got on my ever-loving nerves!!! I try to keep my DD cute, but I also think about comfort. In this case...barrettes not trying to beat up her face.

 

[GreenD]

I get what you're saying. That's how my mom used to do my hair back in the day, lol. Do you remember those yarn ribbons? Yeaaahhhh...she had a whole box full of them for my hair, so when I had my own, she was expecting me to do like she did with me. As a kid...those bobbles, barrettes, and ribbons got on my ever-loving nerves!!! I try to keep my DD cute, but I also think about comfort. In this case...barrettes not trying to beat up her face.

LOL, oh yeah we had the ribbon box and used to have to wash them out before church and school, and even iron those things!! It was so serious!!! Yeah I hated those hair balls, and you would get popped in the face with those bad boys if you turn your head too quick!! LOL!! My grandma used to put them on too tight and I'd get those little bumps around my edges. Ugh, I definitely don't miss those at all. Well all that helped us to be the lovely ladies we are today. Keep up the good work momma. You're little one is adorable.

 

[robot.]

I don't have a child, so I don't really have much of an opinion, but I agree with the poster who said it was a cultural thing. I was used to having my hair done. And not to offend, but we can't just let our hair "do its own thing." I cut down to a TWA almost two months ago, and I have to let my hair do its own thing, and I've got dryness, breakage, single strand knots, tons of string and fluff love getting caught in it too... can you imagine a child at play with "free hair"? I think puffs are okay, but I agree, you don't need 50-11 bow-rats and little clicky-clackers and beads.

I applaud mothers who can stay on top of their child's hair. I think it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it shows good grooming and I think offers time for the mother and daughter to bond. Like this woman: http://njoicreations.blogspot.com/2009/07/my-daughters-regimen.html. She does her thing when it comes to her baby's hurr.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Great blog. Her daughter's hair is gorgeous!

I applaud mothers who can stay on top of their child's hair. I think it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it shows good grooming and I think offers time for the mother and daughter to bond. Like this woman: http://njoicreations.blogspot.com/2009/07/my-daughters-regimen.html. She does her thing when it comes to her baby's hurr.

 

[mswoman]

I'm just going to be honest..
Alot of people don't think "black hair" is "done" unless its slicked back and locked down without the hair being out and free (unless its straight...)

I agree with your statement 100% THINK is the key. I never put more than four ponytails in my daughters hair. Usually she does two in front and the back is kinky/tightly coiled natural... EVERY time I went to my grandmothers church someone would put the back into rubberbands!!!

I hated her hair being restrained! Ever since she was little I let her wear a a head band and let her natural hair flow... Now many other little girls around do too. But I get comments from her school pictures that she will not be able to wear that look once she gets older. Why????

 

[JayAnn0513]

Yes, you will be judged if you let your daughter wear her hair like this every day.

Even if it's clean, moisturized, and tangle free. In the above case, it wasnt because I was about to wash it but it drives my family and my inlaws CRAZY when I let Addy wear her hair in an afro. Even when it was tiny, see below.

My mom was actually angry that I didnt "comb it" before the shoot. But that's how I wanted her to look. She was only 3 month old for goodness sake.


Now she usually wears plats. Right now she's rocking 2 strand twist. Mostly for my sanity, it gets a tangled knotted mess when it's loose. She hates having it combed already I dont see the benefit to her or me to let her go to daycare with it loose, when I know it was be a HAWT mess by the time I picked her up.

It really pissed me off though that people think a child's hair must be relaxed and/or styled to within an inch of it's life or the mom isn't doing her job. My mom likes to make cracks about relaxing Addy's hair, or that she needs a texture softener (and my mom is NATURAL!) because Addy's hair is super thik and very very coily. I guess that's why she relaxed me at 4....yep...4

 

[mswoman]

Yes, you will be judged if you let your daughter wear her hair like this every day.



Even if it's clean, moisturized, and tangle free. In the above case, it wasnt because I was about to wash it but it drives my family and my inlaws CRAZY when I let Addy wear her hair in an afro. Even when it was tiny, see below.



My mom was actually angry that I didnt "comb it" before the shoot. But that's how I wanted her to look. She was only 3 month old for goodness sake.


Now she usually wears plats. Right now she's rocking 2 strand twist. Mostly for my sanity, it gets a tangled knotted mess when it's loose. She hates having it combed already I dont see the benefit to her or me to let her go to daycare with it loose, when I know it was be a HAWT mess by the time I picked her up.

It really pissed me off though that people think a child's hair must be relaxed and/or styled to within an inch of it's life or the mom isn't doing her job. My mom likes to make cracks about relaxing Addy's hair, or that she needs a texture softener (and my mom is NATURAL!) because Addy's hair is super thik and very very coily. I guess that's why she relaxed me at 4....yep...4

Awww she is too cute!!! Keep letting her wear her hair in a fro when you want to trust me.... you will inspire others!!! Relaxed at 4??? OMG and your mom still doesn't get it. Make sure she does not touch that babies head with any no lye anything!!!

Also for those who don't realize most 4b hair if picked out WILL NOT get all matted or messed up in a day... if you take care of your child's hair like you take care of yours. At least me and my daughters hair doesn't. It is OK it really is for the natural hardly curly thick hair like the baby above to be up and out.

I realize that many people take care of their hair better than their child's or figure that they don't have time..... well that sister is the real problem.

 

[jerseygurl]

Yes, you will be judged if you let your daughter wear her hair like this every day.

Even if it's clean, moisturized, and tangle free. In the above case, it wasnt because I was about to wash it but it drives my family and my inlaws CRAZY when I let Addy wear her hair in an afro. Even when it was tiny, see below.

My mom was actually angry that I didnt "comb it" before the shoot. But that's how I wanted her to look. She was only 3 month old for goodness sake.


Now she usually wears plats. Right now she's rocking 2 strand twist. Mostly for my sanity, it gets a tangled knotted mess when it's loose. She hates having it combed already I dont see the benefit to her or me to let her go to daycare with it loose, when I know it was be a HAWT mess by the time I picked her up.

It really pissed me off though that people think a child's hair must be relaxed and/or styled to within an inch of it's life or the mom isn't doing her job. My mom likes to make cracks about relaxing Addy's hair, or that she needs a texture softener (and my mom is NATURAL!) because Addy's hair is super thik and very very coily. I guess that's why she relaxed me at 4....yep...4

Her hair is soooo thick. It's GAWJUS!!!

 

[Southernbella.]

For me "done" is not about the barrettes and definitely not the "gelled up, weaved up" look it's about healthy looking moisturized hair that's COMBED. I see plenty of white children with unkempt hair too by this definition and I SMDH @ them as well.

With some type 4 hair, combs mean nothing. How does one know if it's been combed if it curls right back on itself afterward?

My dd usually has either twists, pony puffs, or 2 afro puffs. I gives a you-know-what about anyone's opinion on it. My concern is the health of her hair and her self-esteem. As long as those are intact, we're good.

I'm so glad I've already drilled it into her head that her hair is perfect the way it is. It's funny because sometimes I'll tell her to sit down so I can do her it, and she'll say, "But Mommy, my hair is already beautiful."

 

[JayAnn0513]

Awww she is too cute!!! Keep letting her wear her hair in a fro when you want to trust me.... you will inspire others!!! Relaxed at 4??? OMG and your mom still doesn't get it. Make sure she does not touch that babies head with any no lye anything!!!

Also for those who don't realize most 4b hair if picked out WILL NOT get all matted or messed up in a day... if you take care of your child's hair like you take care of yours. At least me and my daughters hair doesn't. It is OK it really is for the natural hardly curly thick hair like the baby above to be up and out.

I realize that many people take care of their hair better than their child's or figure that they don't have time..... well that sister is the real problem.

Thank You! I think she may rock a fro tomorrow in honor of this thread, lol.

I really love taking the time to take care of Addy's hair even though she hates it. Pre-poo, detangle, wash, DC, detangle, moisturize, style - all that takes hours, but it's our bonding time.

 

[JayAnn0513]

I'm so glad I've already drilled it into her head that her hair is perfect the way it is. It's funny because sometimes I'll tell her to sit down so I can do her it, and she'll say, "But Mommy, my hair is already beautiful."

That's too funny!

 

[ladysaraii]

I think there is a time and a place. Chilling out, I dont care. But in public, their hair should be done. Done doesn't require a bunch of ponytails or bows, a cute afro or ponytail is fine, but it should look presentable. I feel that if you are goign to take the time to take care of your hair and make sure it looks good....spend some time on your kid.

 

[Junebug D]

With some type 4 hair, combs mean nothing. How does one know if it's been combed if it curls right back on itself afterward?

PREACH! I could comb & spritz & Qhemet Heavy Creme & gel my hair 3 times during a day and people will still be asking me why don't I comb it or moisturize it. It's still gonna frizz and stick straight up in no pattern whatsoever.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

Yes, you will be judged if you let your daughter wear her hair like this every day.

Even if it's clean, moisturized, and tangle free. In the above case, it wasnt because I was about to wash it but it drives my family and my inlaws CRAZY when I let Addy wear her hair in an afro. Even when it was tiny, see below.

My mom was actually angry that I didnt "comb it" before the shoot. But that's how I wanted her to look. She was only 3 month old for goodness sake.


Now she usually wears plats. Right now she's rocking 2 strand twist. Mostly for my sanity, it gets a tangled knotted mess when it's loose. She hates having it combed already I dont see the benefit to her or me to let her go to daycare with it loose, when I know it was be a HAWT mess by the time I picked her up.

It really pissed me off though that people think a child's hair must be relaxed and/or styled to within an inch of it's life or the mom isn't doing her job. My mom likes to make cracks about relaxing Addy's hair, or that she needs a texture softener (and my mom is NATURAL!) because Addy's hair is super thik and very very coily. I guess that's why she relaxed me at 4....yep...4

Aww!!! Look at the pretty baby!!!

I'm so glad I've already drilled it into her head that her hair is perfect the way it is. It's funny because sometimes I'll tell her to sit down so I can do her it, and she'll say, "But Mommy, my hair is already beautiful."

That is too cute!

 

[2inspireU]

I believe it has to do with a belief that has been passed down generation after generation since slavery, which is looking presentable in front of white people. It's the same reason why some people have a problem accepting natural hair or going natural.