You dont have to let him go. Be honest and tell him what you're going through and that you need his support. He won't know unless you tell him. If he truly love you, then he will wait for marriage, but that doesn't mean you can't commit to him.
In all fairness to him, you have to tell me what's going on before u break it off with him. Its not fair to you because ur cutting urself short without giving it a chance.
I hope that helps and I wish u the best of luck. It will get better.
I didn't tell him what I'm going through because there's just too much, and some of the things I just don't feel comfortable to tell anyone. I made the mistake of telling other 'trusted' ppl (my mother/sister) before him and they trivialized them and told me to get married. So I didn't tell him, but I explained to him that I have some issues, and that I don't can't marry at this time. He did not decide to wait, and as I said in my OP he didn't want anything less than marriage, so he's cut all communication with me. I feel extremely upset about that.
If it's meant to be and he really loves you, he will give you some time to heal and work through things. What's the big hurry? If it's his way or the highway then I'd KIM. You can't make a huge commitment like that right now, you need time to heal and get your ducks in order. He doesn't understand that? If he doesn't you shouldn't waste much time and energy on explaining that. You seem to be pretty good communicator to me.
He didn't give me time. In fact I haven't heard a single word of him. I've been calling and texting him, and even asked other people to talk to him, he's willing to talk to others but not me. He's extremely angry, angry is not the word actually. He's furious and I think it'll take months before he'll ever even decide to respond to a text of mine. What do you call those ppl who are extremely nice when they're nice, but are extreme in their negative emotions as well. It's like I've killed his mother. I don't know what to do.
A man that wants to be there for you during a rough time in your life and you're willing to skip out on having that support?
Not saying you need to wed tomorrow but genuinely working towards something is what you can offer right now and what he should be able to accept if he really loves you and foresees a future w/ you.
I see this as a major opportunity to build character w/in your relationship/partnership and see if he really can be there during the rough times.
This is an easy one to me.
Well I did tell him that it's not that i don't want to get married to him, but that i don't want to get married now. I also don't know what he would have done if I did go ahead. You can never know how a person will respond in a situation unless they have been in that situation already. I'm too scared to enter marriage in a vulnerable condition. Especially with someone who shows zero understanding. Which is how he is acting now
Have you told him what you're telling us here? I'm sure if he loves you as he says he does and knows your situation, he should be willing to give you the time to work your life out (and support you where he can).
Well as I said he vanished. He's upset, he's angry. He probably needs time himself. I'm being selfish here, he has every right to be angry, i agreed to marry but changed my mind. I don't even know whether I have the right to demand understanding from him. I suppose he's feeling hurt and I should show understanding for that myself.
If he is mature & truly loves you he will be supportive & patient with you.
I don't really know how he will act when exposed fully and continuously to my issues. I have babied him and protected him all this time from any mess or issues that I'm in. Is it wise for me to step into something like this not knowing how he will respond.
Why do you have to "let go"? Did he give you an ultimatum or something?
Does he not know about what happened at all? If you two are close enough to be ready to get married, then I would be honest with him. That doesn't mean you have to get all nitty gritty with all the details and try to drive him away. Just be honest about some of the challenges and how you're overcoming them. The basic facts.
I can't tell whether you are trying to punish yourself, but it almost sounds like that to me. You are so used to bad things happening that you'd rather "let him go" than see if it can work.
I don't think you should hide it all (because if a mood swing strikes, he won't know where it's coming from and it can drive a wedge in the relationship). But you shouldn't just "let him go" without trying for your own sake.
I also don't think it's pathetic to get outsider advice. Sometimes objective advice better than people who know you and try to insert their own feelings and opinions in the mix.
I explained things to him without elaborating too much. Because I feel some of things are private to me, and I really don't feel comfortable to tell him. But his response until now has been utter silence. I know he's angry, he is very angry. He doesn't even talk to me. i remember clearly telling him in the past that all i want from him is understanding, and that we can work things out if we have that.
Ita with all the advice given here. This is sorta of an easy one.
Perhaps you're not thinking straight because you're going through some things. If that's the case, take the space you need.
I took it, perhaps without considering the consequences (i.e. him leaving). I really don't know what he will do. Whether he'll get back to me when he's calmed down, or whether he'll continue to just ignore me. He's stubborn, I know he is, but who knows maybe he'll come round after some time
you don't have to let anything go...let him know how you feel and what you're going through..if he truly loves you,h he will be there with you and support you through it all
I didn't tell him the nitty gritty of what i'm going through but I told him i'm going through some things that I need to deal with before marriage, but he didn't even ask for explanation, nothing zilch. He's very upset.
OP, do what's best for you. We can all offer advice but
you are the one that truly knows the situation you are in. Step back and evaluation the pros and cons of each decision, pray about it and then act. If he is truly someone that cares about your well being, he will support you with whatever decision you make.
All the best OP.
Sorry your post made me a bit teary, because i feel like i'm not surrounded by understanding ppl, and i don't make the conscious effort to seek out ppl who are understanding, i just put up with those that are naturally in my life. My mother and sister trivialized my issues and told me to 'just get married to him' but as you say I know what is right for me and I made the decision. But his response to my decision has just been completely over the top. I don't know, I'll let him be for the time being, and see if he gets back to me.
why do i always get myself in messy situations
