Learning Lessons And Wasting Time

[Curlykutie]

Yesterday was the 3 yr anniversary of my hubby moving out. For a long time I thought we'd get back together and then he said he wanted a divorce, but in my heart of hearts I thought he'd change his mind. The last time we talked about our marriage he told me he no longer wanted to be married period because he saw no benefit in it! It hurt my feelings to say the least, but I still hoped and prayed we'd work it out! ( I know I'm a dumbass but I honestly love him) Well fast forward to the first of this month. My son was murdered in October of 2003, so that day I was weepy and crying just missing my baby and wishing I could just hold him one more time. I texted my hubby and told him how I was feeling and he ignored me. It made me think long and hard, it's over and I'm moving on I hadn't file for divorce but I had the papers drawn up and you know what I'm not going to because I need his insurance I'm working as a temp. I can't be friends with at this time and I can no longer share my body with him again. I'm just tired of holding on to nothing and I feel like I wasted 3 yrs of my time because he knew when he left it was over but he wasn't willing to honest about it. And I need so bad to remove this man from my heart!!!!!!

 

[LivingInPeace]

Yesterday was the 3 yr anniversary of my hubby moving out. For a long time I thought we'd get back together and then he said he wanted a divorce, but in my heart of hearts I thought he'd change his mind. The last time we talked about our marriage he told me he no longer wanted to be married period because he saw no benefit in it! It hurt my feelings to say the least, but I still hoped and prayed we'd work it out! ( I know I'm a dumbass but I honestly love him) Well fast forward to the first of this month. My son was murdered in October of 2003, so that day I was weepy and crying just missing my baby and wishing I could just hold him one more time. I texted my hubby and told him how I was feeling and he ignored me. It made me think long and hard, it's over and I'm moving on I hadn't file for divorce but I had the papers drawn up and you know what I'm not going to because I need his insurance I'm working as a temp. I can't be friends with at this time and I can no longer share my body with him again. I'm just tired of holding on to nothing and I feel like I wasted 3 yrs of my time because he knew when he left it was over but he wasn't willing to honest about it. And I need so bad to remove this man from my heart!!!!!!

Sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself.

 

[Curlykutie]

Thank you it's getting better and I no longer communicate with him!

 

[biznesswmn]

Thank you it's getting better and I no longer communicate with him!

Thats your ticket out! No more communicating. Its hard, esp when u love...but its necessary

 

[Curlykutie]

Thats your ticket out! No more communicating. Its hard, esp when u love...but its necessary

I miss him like crazy, however I'm not going back again!!!!

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Is it wasted time? I think it's a very serious thing you're going through - you need time for you to "get it". For the rest of you to catch up.

I've never been married/divorced but I went through the same thing of " wasted time " and I needed that time to just check myself and perspective.

 

[biznesswmn]

Is it wasted time? I think it's a very serious thing you're going through - you need time for you to "get it". For the rest of you to catch up.

I've never been married/divorced but I went through the same thing of " wasted time " and I needed that time to just check myself and perspective.

Yes!
Your time was spent learng lessons. You now know what situations will take your joy away, and you know you wont go back. Your remaining choices will be more likely to give you joy. Find a way to feel good about that time

 

[Curlykutie]

Is it wasted time? I think it's a very serious thing you're going through - you need time for you to "get it". For the rest of you to catch up.

I've never been married/divorced but I went through the same thing of " wasted time " and I needed that time to just check myself and perspective.

I say wasted time because believe him when he said we would get back together and I am finding myself and my worth! I know he can't give me what I want and need so it's over! And I'm okay with that now!!!!

 

[Curlykutie]

Thanks Ladies it's good to have people to talk to about this!!!

 

[Kim0105]

Thanks Ladies it's good to have people to talk to about this!!!

I am right there with you. After 10 years of marriage my husband has filed for divorce. I lost so much of me I am playing catch up. Hindsight is 20/20, he is narcissistic and blames me for the mess we ended up in. I have no clue how I stayed so long and stayed sane. I felt like I was going crazy every day last year. He's already moved on to his next target and of course as he explains it that too is my fault. I would love to do no contact but can't as we have 2 children.

 

[Curlykutie]

I too got blamed for how things ended up also! He didn't acknowledge the fact that he wouldn't communicate! Just talk to me not at me! Now just wish he would file for divorce and get it over with! It's done for me I want to learn to love me more and find a someone new!

 

[biznesswmn]

Why do they always blame us!!!

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

All the ladies..

 

[Curlykutie]

God is good!

 

[Kim0105]

Why do they always blame us!!!

What I've learned is the blame is projection. To be fair I've done this to him too. Blaming others prevents us from seeing how we contribute to what's not right in our world.
Whereas I've been actively doing what I need to in order to see and take responsibility for my share in the breakdown of our marriage, he is okay with blaming me.
I can only control me and my responses to my situation so that's what I am focusing on. If I keep focusing on what he's done and is doing it will prevent my healing. I've already given too many years to him; not about to give anymore.

 

[Kim0105]

I too got blamed for how things ended up also! He didn't acknowledge the fact that he wouldn't communicate! Just talk to me not at me! Now just wish he would file for divorce and get it over with! It's done for me I want to learn to love me more and find a someone new!

I am on a journey of learning to really love myself too. I was expecting him to do for me what I didn't do for myself. That wasn't fair to him.

 

[Curlykutie]

What I've learned is the blame is projection. To be fair I've done this to him too. Blaming others prevents us from seeing how we contribute to what's not right in our world.
Whereas I've been actively doing what I need to in order to see and take responsibility for my share in the breakdown of our marriage, he is okay with blaming me.
I can only control me and my responses to my situation so that's what I am focusing on. If I keep focusing on what he's done and is doing it will prevent my healing. I've already given too many years to him; not about to give anymore.

This is were I am today, looking deeply at myself and the part I played in the break up. I take full responsibility for my part and I'm not trying to make myself feel better by blaming him! However he feels that everything wrong was my fault!