Keep in Touch w/Exes?!

[StarScream35]

I was in a relationship where I was on the other end. He was still friends with his ex and they wanted me to deal with it. Turns out, he was sharing information about our relationship to her and without him or her realizing it, SHE had total control over our relationship. It wasn't fair to me at all. I never got a fair shot. I'll never be in a relationship with someone who keeps in touch with an ex. I don't do it out of respect and they should not either!

 

[StarScream35]

See this right here, I have NEVER understood and personally would have a huge problem with. My thing is, if you are that close, never wanna let go, I'll always love you, even if we marry other people type of deal. Why not just be together? That seems to be disrespectful to their relationship. I would never put up with this personally.

I agree, If yall can kick it like that then just be together. See what it is, is they don't want to put forth the effort to make "their" relationship work. It's too difficult for them so they want all the good stuff and not the bad stuff. In turn they go seek someone else who takes less work to be in a relationship while requiring them to be cool with their friendship with their ex. As someone who has been on ther other end, I know what it's all about!

 

[ChasingBliss]

I cut them completely off. I don't do that mess. No thanks. My husband feels the same and has done the same.

I was just coming to say the exact same thing. I see no reason to keep up with an ex or them keep up with me. Your/our time is done. DH and I had that discussion before we even married. We both see NO reason to keep contact with anyone you were with intimately.
Besides once some know you are married they generally do one of two things: keep up with you to see if you will cheat... or they may leave you alone all together.

It is not healthy to me to keep ties to ex's. If they became an ex... it was for a reason. LET GO.

 

[pookaloo83]

I only have one ex and yes we are friends on fb and barely say hi. We ask how's the kids, wife, hubby, that's it pretty much. We cool.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I was in a relationship where I was on the other end. He was still friends with his ex and they wanted me to deal with it. Turns out, he was sharing information about our relationship to her and without him or her realizing it, SHE had total control over our relationship. It wasn't fair to me at all. I never got a fair shot. I'll never be in a relationship with someone who keeps in touch with an ex. I don't do it out of respect and they should not either!

Sounds like you left that situation. If so. I'm so happy for you. NObody deserves that. I dont want to be with anyone who tells me that their ex has some place ANY place in their life and that I must live with it. Naw son, go be with her since she has so much power. I'm out.

 

[Angelinhell]

I agree, If yall can kick it like that then just be together. See what it is, is they don't want to put forth the effort to make "their" relationship work. It's too difficult for them so they want all the good stuff and not the bad stuff. In turn they go seek someone else who takes less work to be in a relationship while requiring them to be cool with their friendship with their ex. As someone who has been on ther other end, I know what it's all about!

That's exactly what it is.

 

[SmileyNY]

I'm friends with all of my exes except for 1. I don't have romantic feelings for any of them... Although, I love one of my exes like a brother. Is that weird? My friends think it's weird that we're so close. We talk about everything... even who we're dating. We've even been on a double date.

 

[natural_one]

I was in a relationship where I was on the other end. He was still friends with his ex and they wanted me to deal with it. Turns out, he was sharing information about our relationship to her and without him or her realizing it, SHE had total control over our relationship. It wasn't fair to me at all. I never got a fair shot. I'll never be in a relationship with someone who keeps in touch with an ex. I don't do it out of respect and they should not either!

Been there, done that...The same exact thing happened with me and it eventually broke us up..I refuse to play second fiddle to anyone!

 

[GulfCoastChica]

I think this is the case for 99.999999% of women in this situation.



It makes no sense to me, either and it would definitely be a deal breaker for me. The funny thing is, the women (and men) that I see in this type of situation are usually single. Whatever relationships they do have are usually ended shortly after they reveal their never ending love for the Ex. No sane person would deal with that. Because it's foolishness. It's only until one person falls back that things change. I've seen it with a lot of friends.

I 100% agree with the bolded. In fact, I have seen quite a few exes proclaim, "We gonna be cool forever no matter who we with." but as soon as one of them gets into a real serious relationship with someone they really care about everything goes sour.

That arrangement can only last as long as both parties are not in serious, committed relationships.

 

[Oneprettypa]

Been there, done that...The same exact thing happened with me and it eventually broke us up..I refuse to play second fiddle to anyone!

^^^^ that's what I'm saying!! All I know is unless u have a kid with her then all strings need to be cut with an ex..

The difference for me is I'm my husband's first gf so he didn't have any strings to cut... Just seems to me that exes are trouble... I'm not good at cutting romantic ties so I don't keep in touch...

 

[chocolat79]

I'm cool with all my exes. Actually an ex of mine called recently asking to get back together and I told him I was in a serious rlp and he wished me well. If they call, I have no problems answering and kicking it for a few minutes, but just to be chopping it up on a regular, nah. I don't initiate either.

SO has an ex that calls from time to time, but it's once every blue moon, according to him and let him tell it, she initiates, so it's about the same for me.

 

[Just11412]

i only keep in contact with one ex and i'm working on letting that go. but its still fresh. i really don't want to keep in contact with any ex because they aren't really worth keeping in contact with. if i see a couple of them in the street i can say hi, no hard feelings and keep it moving. but 2 of them... they better walk to the other side of the street and not look in my direction. seriously.

i just never really had a reason to keep in contact with them long term. when i'm done with something i am completely done. like i want you out of my life immediately. thats just how i operate and move on.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Nope, nada, nobody, no one. Had any of them been worth all that...we'd still be together. I'd be a fool...absolutely to put any man before the man who chose to marry me rather than play house.

It's the one I'm with who pays the bills, takes out the trash, does the laundry (even if he does hang clothes inside out...lol), cooks and cleans...chile my list is too long....AND THEN puts me to sleep.

I had no problem whatsoever telling negroes left and right DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER EVER CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN....lol..I am so serious. And it ain't even about been all head over heals in love with DH. It's because I RESPECT him and would never ever let someone else cause him any disrespect.

Folks put too much emphasis on the past, I say let the past be the past...I'm worth my "present"...because he truly is a gift!

 

[Oneprettypa]

Nope, nada, nobody, no one. Had any of them been worth all that...we'd still be together. I'd be a fool...absolutely to put any man before the man who chose to marry me rather than play house.

It's the one I'm with who pays the bills, takes out the trash, does the laundry (even if he does hang clothes inside out...lol), cooks and cleans...chile my list is too long....AND THEN puts me to sleep.

I had no problem whatsoever telling negroes left and right DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER EVER CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN....lol..I am so serious. And it ain't even about been all head over heals in love with DH. It's because I RESPECT him and would never ever let someone else cause him any disrespect.

Folks put too much emphasis on the past, I say let the past be the past...I'm worth my "present"...because he truly is a gift!

^^^Honey, this just gave me life!!! It was everything I needed to read and I'm not even really in touch with any exes!!! Especially the part about respect vs being head over hills... That's just good advice!

 

[glamazon386]

I agree with this. I wouldn't date a guy that had a problem with it. Because for me, it would mean he didn't understand how to be a friend. I let go of male friends when I started dating my SO right after college. Then he was gone and so were my friends. I vowed at that point I wouldn't let go of friends for anyone. Now if they are just an ex and not a friend, who cares. But the few that are still friends, nope.

But everyone is different. You have to do what works for you.

ITA. There are one or two that I keep in contact with mainly because we were friends first. I don't talk to them on a regular basis but here and there is fine. Mostly just to see how they're doing. They do the same thing. I didn't delete everyone from FB and my contacts just because I was in a serious relationship. *shrugs*