Last night my husband told me that I really upset him at an event we attended when I referred to this guy that we know as being "dorky" because he was wearing a bowtie (when everyone else had on ties). He said when a woman puts a random guy down to her spouse, it means she's attracted to the guy. He said he's felt that way since January, when we first met this guy (and we see him frequently and can't avoid that), because I'm quiet around the guy. He said HE KNOWS I think the man is attractive and he can tell because I won't talk to the man very much and I don't have anything positive to say about him. When I'm usually bubbly and very talkative to men AND women.
Finally this morning (after a sleepless night for me) he told me that I should have just made him feel better when he's being insecure or jealous because that's what he strives to do with me. He said instead of denying it and telling him that HE must have a problem, I should have just said, "The man isn't attractive or handsome and I don't like him."
My feelings are that he is bringing baggage into our relationship and putting bad motives on me. I know the man he's referring too and I think he's "overdone" and tries to have that affect on women like he's so this and that. I think it's stupid and the guy appears vain, so I really have nothing to say to him when we see each other. I say a polite "hello" and keep it moving. That's about it. I also think my husband tends to think he knows what I THINK or FEEL and that's inappropriate. He also accused me of lying when I was referring to the man cause I used the wrong name as if I didn't know who wore the bowtie and looked dorky.
I admit that I wanted to downplay how upset he got over that remark so I purposely used the wrong name. I have to work on that because I felt backed into a corner even though his accusations are not true. I did not even address the lying comment. I was wrong and I know it now, but I was thinking "Are you serious! Nobody cares about that man!"
I asked my husband if he thought I would ever be unfaithful or cheat and he said, "no."
This is our first year of marriage and I need some advice please on what to do when your spouse is jealous. Please....
Also I feel so defensive and wronged! I really feel like he hurt me not the other way around. I feel accused I guess. I did reassure him that the man is not attractive to me, that I don't like him and that I only love my husband and find my husband very attractive (and I really do). But that was this morning, not last night.
Finally this morning (after a sleepless night for me) he told me that I should have just made him feel better when he's being insecure or jealous because that's what he strives to do with me. He said instead of denying it and telling him that HE must have a problem, I should have just said, "The man isn't attractive or handsome and I don't like him."
My feelings are that he is bringing baggage into our relationship and putting bad motives on me. I know the man he's referring too and I think he's "overdone" and tries to have that affect on women like he's so this and that. I think it's stupid and the guy appears vain, so I really have nothing to say to him when we see each other. I say a polite "hello" and keep it moving. That's about it. I also think my husband tends to think he knows what I THINK or FEEL and that's inappropriate. He also accused me of lying when I was referring to the man cause I used the wrong name as if I didn't know who wore the bowtie and looked dorky.
I admit that I wanted to downplay how upset he got over that remark so I purposely used the wrong name. I have to work on that because I felt backed into a corner even though his accusations are not true. I did not even address the lying comment. I was wrong and I know it now, but I was thinking "Are you serious! Nobody cares about that man!"
I asked my husband if he thought I would ever be unfaithful or cheat and he said, "no."
This is our first year of marriage and I need some advice please on what to do when your spouse is jealous. Please....
Also I feel so defensive and wronged! I really feel like he hurt me not the other way around. I feel accused I guess. I did reassure him that the man is not attractive to me, that I don't like him and that I only love my husband and find my husband very attractive (and I really do). But that was this morning, not last night.
) you probably feel this way because much of what you do is put under a microscope. You're human Lana and people can only take so much of another person drawing negative conclusions about what they do before they have an adverse response. Picking your battles is really important in a marriage and I'm not going to knock you for feeling that things might have ended up better if you had responded differently. However (and again, this is strictly my opinion), you really shouldn't feel as though much of what you say and do is an attempt to avoid having WWWIII break out over the smallest interactions. I wish you the best of luck 
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