"It's not official until it's facebook official!"

[PraisedBeauty]

How do you ladies feel about this? Personally....If I am your girlfriend and we are exclusive. You're putting it on facebook. Point blank. Because the world is going to know I am your girl and the world is going to know you are proud. I have several friends who have "boyfriends" whose profiles say "single" while their own say "in a relationship" ...Like seriously? What gives? I know some people will say "oh it's just facebook" well then if it's "JUST facebook" then why NOT?

My male friend was talking to me and he basically said relationship statuses on facebook are the same things as wedding rings. Meaning. They are for the woman to throw in the faces of other women. It elevates a woman when a man is willing to commit to her and let the whole world know. Hence the reason (in his opinion), why many divorced women don't say that they are single. They say that they are divorced. So that the world knows, that at SOME POINT someone was openly willing to claim her publicly.

So my question to you all is.... Do you want your man to put that he is in a relationship with you/married to you on his profile?

Do you look at girls differently when their "man" DOESN'T have that on their profile?

If a man doesn't want to put it on his profile that he is with you, do you feel differently about him?

Do you think a woman who gets a man to claim her publicly is on a different level than a woman who can't get a man to claim her publicly?

 

[tinkat]

FB does not mean anything. Real life is what matters. I have definitely learned that sometimes its best to not even be friends with your SO on fb. eliminates drama and leaves mystery in the relationship.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

FB does not mean anything. Real life is what matters. I have definitely learned that sometimes its best to not even be friends with your SO on fb. eliminates drama and leaves mystery in the relationship.

Unless your last name is Knowles or Carter... There is no need to keep it a secret.

 

[tinkat]

Unless your last name is Knowles or Carter... There is no need to keep it a secret.

Why do you need to be famous for it to be kept a secret (well not secret private) and when i meant mystery i meant mystery amongst the couple instead of knowing eachother every move. And to me a more secure relationship does not need fb approval.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

Why do you need to be famous for it to be kept a secret (well not secret private) and when i meant mystery i meant mystery amongst the couple instead of knowing eachother every move. And to me a more secure relationship does not need fb approval.

You can have security in a relationship on facebook and out of a relationship on facebook. Neither weighs more than the other. But for me personally I love the fact that when I go to my mans page it says that I am in a relationship with him and that I know all of his friends IRL and on facebook and they all know me. I think too many women allow themselves to be hidden, and lie to themselves, in order to make up for their significant others shady ways. I'm not saying that this will keep a man from cheating. So please don't take it that way. But it still means something. To me at least.

 

[tinkat]

You can have security in a relationship on facebook and out of a relationship on facebook. Neither weighs more than the other. But for me personally I love the fact that when I go to my mans page it says that I am in a relationship with him and that I know all of his friends IRL and on facebook and they all know me. I think too many women allow themselves to be hidden, and lie to themselves, in order to make up for their significant others shady ways. I'm not saying that this will keep a man from cheating. So please don't take it that way. But it still means something. To me at least.

I guess...To me you can still be played and everybody know you. Some females know there place unfortunately when they mess with someone in a relationship. FB is different than real life bc you choose what you want to put on there.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

I guess...To me you can still be played and everybody know you. Some females know there place unfortunately when they mess with someone in a relationship. FB is different than real life bc you choose what you want to put on there.

erplexed I did post above that this does not keep one from cheating, maybe you didn't see it? Anyhow. I've never equated facebook with real life. It just simply says something to me when a females profile says "in a relationship" and her 'man' has "single" or the relationship status completely removed from his page.

 

[tinkat]

erplexed I did post above that this does not keep one from cheating, maybe you didn't see it? Anyhow. I've never equated facebook with real life. It just simply says something to me when a females profile says "in a relationship" and her 'man' has "single" or the relationship status completely removed from his page.

You must have went back and changed it bc it was not up there before. I have learned that just bc I see a status on fb it does not mean nothing. But that is just me. Let me edit that...just bc i see anything posted on fb it does not mean a thing bc people withhold so much.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

You must have went back and changed it bc it was not up there before. I have learned that just bc I see a status on fb it does not mean nothing. But that is just me.

I didn't change it. And curious. Are you in a relationship right now? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. But if so, is it on f/b?

 

[tinkat]

I didn't change it. And curious. Are you in a relationship right now? You don't have to answer if it is too personal. But if so, is it on f/b?

oh ok. maybe i overlooked it...nope i am not in a relationship but when i was in one i did.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Eh....Facebook is not the authority on everything. How did we allow a silly little networking site start to mean sooo much in our lives? People getting into fights and arguments over Facebook drama? Pft..... I prefer real life interaction to Facebook.

I mean, it's JUST an internet site!! It's the creators of that site (and people using it) who have fooled people into making them think that it means so much more than it actually does. In reality, it's so superficial.

 

[Skyfall]

Eh....Facebook is not the authority on everything. How did we allow a silly little networking site start to mean sooo much in our lives? People getting into fights and arguments over Facebook drama? Pft..... I prefer real life interaction to Facebook.

I mean, it's JUST an internet site!! It's the creators of that site (and people using it) who have fooled people into making them think that it means so muh more than it actually does. In reality, it's so superficial.

Boooooo

 

[Skyfall]

Its either gonna go two ways with me:

1. We both don't put it on FB but everyone that we encounter on a regular basis in real life knows or when we're out together and run into someone we introduce each other as SO's.

2. We both put it on FB. I refuse to be that girl that puts she's in a relationship while her man's page says single, HA

Number 1 is my preferred option.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

Its either gonna go two ways with me:

1. We both don't put it on FB but everyone that we encounter on a regular basis in real life knows or when we're out together and run into someone we introduce each other as SO's.

2. We both put it on FB. I refuse to be that girl that puts she's in a relationship while her man's page says single, HA

If that's the case. Then I honestly believe that the woman is in a respectable position. She is not being hidden.

 

[MochaMooch]

It's nonsense like this why I don't have a facebook account. If I didn't trust my boyfriend than I wouldn't be with him which is why his facebook status means nothing. Also most of the couples I know who seem to be in stable relationships don't have a relationship status at all, it's usually the ones who are breaking up every five minutes who have a status.

 

[iCandyc]

FB does not mean anything. Real life is what matters. I have definitely learned that sometimes its best to not even be friends with your SO on fb. eliminates drama and leaves mystery in the relationship.

I agree with almost everything you have said in this thread. People take Facebook a bit too serious. It's not real life. I have seen it cause sooo much drama and I just sit back and laugh. Exactly why I got rid of my fb account. People let it consume their lives a bit too much and that's NOT going to be me.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I've never put my relationship status on my fb page(I don't have my email ccoumt on there, my birth year, I don't even think I have my city on there). People in my life know when I'm in a relationship. And if someone I don't know well wants to know they can ask. I don't like all my business being out there and easily searchable. And depending on my SO it might not be safe to. The guy I'm dating is a federal agent so I am not plastering his fine arse and name all over the Internet and jeopardizing his safety.

I think people take fb way to seriously. It is not the authority nor the end all be all.

 

[asakeba]

I'm on fb but I don't have a relationship status even tho
I got a man. My name is not on fb but for sone reason wants me to put my relationship status on the site. As far as I'm concerned fb means nothing to me, as long as my real friends know the deal then that's all that matters.

 

[RegaLady]

I guess...To me you can still be played and everybody know you. Some females know there place unfortunately when they mess with someone in a relationship. FB is different than real life bc you choose what you want to put on there.

tinkat
I also agree with everything you said. I know a plenty of married folks who post loving pictures of themselves and claiming each other all over the place and post on each others walls, and many of them are cheating on someone that was on fb, or have cheated on someone on fb and IRL. To me, all this 'claim me on fb' and so on looks a bit immature and anyone who thinks that fb portrays real life is looking at this immaturely. I agree with tinkat when she says to not befriend your SO, because there is drama that comes with it.

When I had my fb account, it said I was married and that was that. Only because I knew what my life consisted of and that was fine for me. Anyone wanted to know anything else, could shoot me a pm.

 

[indigoCniqy]

FB statuses are a double edge sword.

On one hand it allows everyone you both know whether friend/family/acquaintance/work colleague/fb buddy to become aware of your situation but it also opens the door to possible intrusion and drama. Some people take fb to another level, discuss-question things that are inappropriate and harass people in ways they couldn't in real life. It isn't worth it to me, if you were supposed to know you already would, before it was put on fb.
I guess the status can be used as a deterrent to others trying to get with them.

My status is blank and removed, if he wanted me to put a status I would put in a relationship but I doubt I would link him. I've seen how some people are quick to add your/boyfriend/girlfriend even though [a] they've never met them, don't know them from adam, [c] will probably never meet them.

 

[nappystorm]

I'm the opposite. My status is staying single until he puts a ring on it. I'm a pretty private person and I come from a small town and the last thing I need is people getting all the tea on my relationship.

 

[Triniwegian]

I am on Facebook and so is my SO, we are in a relationship so why would we not put it up there?
People keep saying that people take Facebook too seriously, but honestly Facebook is an extension of your real life.. I don't see why I would hide my relationship status on Facebook when on a daily basis I am holding hands with my SO in public.

 

[greight]

I am on Facebook and so is my SO, we are in a relationship so why would we not put it up there?
People keep saying that people take Facebook too seriously, but honestly Facebook is an extension of your real life.. I don't see why I would hide my relationship status on Facebook when on a daily basis I am holding hands with my SO in public.

I agree. IRL, you can potentially get drama from outsiders in your relationship. You can also get into that on facebook. What separates drama from you is how you handle it. The individuals in the relationship, at the end of the day, choose to be together so they should act accordingly.

That said, if you think putting your relationship out there in the internet is going to allow negative nonsense in your relationship, then that's your choice.

Disclosure: I'm not on facebook, but I didn't have drama when I was on it. I just didn't like how negative/in your face the site had gotten which was why I left.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I agree. IRL, you can potentially get drama from outsiders in your relationship. You can also get into that on facebook. What separates drama from you is how you handle it. The individuals in the relationship, at the end of the day, choose to be together so they should act accordingly.

That said, if you think putting your relationship out there in the internet is going to allow negative nonsense in your relationship, then that's your choice.

Disclosure: I'm not on facebook, but I didn't have drama when I was on it. I just didn't like how negative/in your face the site had gotten which was why I left.

When you say negative and in your face, what do you mean exactly? Examples?

I know one thing, Facebook better watch out....it has gotten too big too quickly recently and I think that because it has become so ubiquitous on almost every website these days (no, I do NOT want to "share" every site I surf on the net w/my Facebook friends), I thnk it has the potential to eventually crash and burn out one day. I mean, over the two few short years I've been on fb it has become almost ridiculous.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

fb is corny as hell. that is all

 

[racheljay1985]

In my case I was a little late joining facebook (I still don't have nor want a twitter either lol) and it was just meant and still is meant for my close friends and family.

When my DB and I started dating, he bugged me for ages to "change my fb status". He in fact sent me the relationship requests as well as after we'd break up and get back together lol.

I definitely disagree with your friend OP. It may be true is some cases but definitely not mine. I was and never have been concerned with people knowing I'm taken, privately or publicly unless they ask. I was more concerned with my family (especially my uncles) peeping out my man and asking questions I noticed my youngest uncle has already requested my DB on fb just to peep him on the sly.

However, I do understand the need for a request to express a relationship. A lot of people get hit on through fb with messages, etc. from outsiders or people on your list. If you are in a relationship and your status says single then you are bound to have to explain things. Also, everyone's relationship "status" as a whole is no one's business so I do understand that point as well. But fb is a big social part (if not all social) of our lives for those of us involved. Seeing someone's status change raises eyebrows all the time and as humans we are naturally curious.

I will say this, if he/she is on fb all day everyday and has questionable friends and doesn't want to change their status it may be that they wish to appear single. For others it's just not all that big of a deal.

 

[greight]

When you say negative and in your face, what do you mean exactly? Examples?

I know one thing, Facebook better watch out....it has gotten too big too quickly recently and I think that because it has become so ubiquitous on almost every website these days (no, I do NOT want to "share" every site I surf on the net w/my Facebook friends), I thnk it has the potential to eventually crash and burn out one day. I mean, over the two few short years I've been on fb it has become almost ridiculous.

People going on and on about "haters" in their life, or my favorite: statuses with passive aggressive meanings.

E.g "You know what you did, but that's okay because karma will teach you a lesson." Or some type of variation. Ya'll know what I mean.

And then these are the same people who then state:

"Why is everyone always up in my business???? SMH."

I also think that people DO post pictures in order to put themselves on blast to show off to their "haters." It's cool to put your best foot/picture forward, but c'mon son...

See, I like the positive aspects of celebrating good news (graduation, children, engagements, etc) so if you are sharing that you are in a relationship, that's a good thing. But if you are saying, "People are just jealous because I've got X, Y, Z" it's so crazy to me.

It is as if people WANT the negative energy and feedback since they are so paranoid about what others think that it was tiring seeing it so I just let it go.

This is why I think that if there are relationship problems then it doesn't matter if it is FB exacerbates them or not. They existed, period. Some other wedge would have occurred in its place.

ETA: Also the News Feed. I think things were okay up until then. Then I had all this nonsense in my face every other day until I figured out how to block it.

 

[chocolat79]

FB does not mean anything. Real life is what matters. I have definitely learned that sometimes its best to not even be friends with your SO on fb. eliminates drama and leaves mystery in the relationship.

Thanks is not enough! This is exactly how I feel. I haven't been friends with any SO's on FB and don't plan on starting and exactly for the reasons you stated.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Facebook is not the authority on relationships and I enjoy my privacy but I refuse to be a man's GF while he still has his status as single.

 

[wednesday]

For me it's the other way around. My SO sends me that relationship request confirmation thing all the time and i keep clicking ignore. lol. I've explained to him i don't want to put my relationship status on facebook because it's no-ones business but ours. I tend to be private about my relationship and facebook folk are SO nosey. His page still says he is in a relationship. Mine says nothing.