Is this considered abuse?

CurlsOnFire23

CurlsOnFire23

New Member
Yesterday I was at my friends house watching HP with her and her husband when an altercation took place.

I guess they got in an argument before I got there because hubby was distant and didn't want his wife to lay on him. She then said "How come when i'm mad at you, you still lay with me" then he said "because I'm stronger than you" in a "joking" manner. I tried to act like I was watching the movie but what took place next shocked me. She tried to lay on him anyways (with him saying "no get away from") she insisted then he said "ok fine" then put her in a headlock. :perplexed She wasn't laughing and he wasn't either...then I think she grabbed his watch and was pulling on it in attempt to make him let her go. He then put pressure on her head/neck area and she was begging him to let go. It wasn't until I threatened to call police that he let her go.

I've never experienced physical abuse and I don't want to jump the gun and make assumptions...

Could that be considered abuse? was it right from me to file an anonymous report?
 
Being that she was begging I figure it was a serious situation and either this is the start of abuse or things happen much worse to her when you aren't around and no u didn't overact. They could of at least avoided fighting in front of you
 
If your gut told you something was wrong then no especially since you witnessed it. That was pretty courage of you. I don't know how anonymous reports work but if they ever found out, they'd know it was you. Are you prepared to lose your friend?

What happened after he let go? Did they continue to argue, continued to watch the movie? Had she mentioned anything like this in the past?
 
It is abuse. I would call the police as well.

You may lose your friend and you may not but you did the right thing.
 
Lilmama1011 said:
Being that she was begging I figure it was a serious situation and either this is the start of abuse or things happen much worse to her when you aren't around and no u didn't overact. They could of at least avoided fighting in front of you
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At first I thought they were joking around. They were fine earlier on in the day and they rough house a lot!
 
Fine 4s said:
If your gut told you something was wrong then no especially since you witnessed it. That was pretty courage of you. I don't know how anonymous reports work but if they ever found out, they'd know it was you. Are you prepared to lose your friend?

What happened after he let go? Did they continue to argue, continued to watch the movie? Had she mentioned anything like this in the past?
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That's why I didn't want to say anything at first...They have kids but the kids aren't old enough to report something so they'll figure it was me. I don't mind losing a friend if it means protecting her well being.

After he let her go she sat away from him and I saw tears streaming down her face. She didn't speak nor do he...I was extremely uncomfortable but I didn't want to leave (in fear that they'd start up again).
 
diadall said:
It is abuse. I would call the police as well.

You may lose your friend and you may not but you did the right thing.
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What should I do now? I don't want to go over to their home again but I'm afraid that she'll retaliate against him. I don't want anyone to get hurt
 
CurlsOnFire23 said:
Yesterday I was at my friends house watching HP with her and her husband when an altercation took place.

I guess they got in an argument before I got there because hubby was distant and didn't want his wife to lay on him. She then said "How come when i'm mad at you, you still lay with me" then he said "because I'm stronger than you" in a "joking" manner. I tried to act like I was watching the movie but what took place next shocked me. She tried to lay on him anyways (with him saying "no get away from") she insisted then he said "ok fine" then put her in a headlock. :perplexed She wasn't laughing and he wasn't either...then I think she grabbed his watch and was pulling on it in attempt to make him let her go. He then put pressure on her head/neck area and she was begging him to let go. It wasn't until I threatened to call police that he let her go.

I've never experienced physical abuse and I don't want to jump the gun and make assumptions...

Could that be considered abuse? was it right from me to file an anonymous report?
Click to expand...
Yes. I understand some people like to play fight but there are boundaries. He was still pissed when he agreed to let her lay on him and decided to make her pay for it.

I find that my gut instinct is usually the correct one.
 
What "Big Strong Fool" would put his wife, no less, ina friggin headlock!!!

If neither were smiling, it was serious.
And oh, it wasn't the first time...
 
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Leesh said:
What "Big Strong Fool" would put his wife, no less, ina friggin headlock!!!

If neither were smiling it was serious.
And oh, it wasn't the first time...
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Yeah I don't think this was the first time it happened. I want to ask her but I don't want meddle in her business. What I was was enough...
 
cocosweet said:
Yes. I understand some people like to play fight but there are boundaries. He was still pissed when he agreed to let her lay on him and decided to make her pay for it.

I find that my gut instinct is usually the correct one.
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Do you think I should ask her if this has happened before? I feel terrible..They live right across from me and her husband is acting like nothing happened at all.
 
CurlsOnFire23 said:
What should I do now? I don't want to go over to their home again but I'm afraid that she'll retaliate against him. I don't want anyone to get hurt
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Call her to see if she is okay. I would not go back just yet.
 
cocosweet said:
Yikes at the proximity. If it were my friend, I know I'd ask.
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Yeah :nono:

I have only known her for 2 years so maybe friend is a "strong" word..We've hung around a few times a month and we are pretty cool with each other. I figured i'd ask if she brings it up in to me..If not I may just leave it alone and keep my eyes and ears open
 
diadall said:
Call her to see if she is okay. I would not go back just yet.
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I'll do that instead of going over to her home. I was going to ask her on FB but I don't know if he checks her messages or not. I don't want to provoke anything..Hopefully I'll speak to her today
 
Sorry but since you don't really know how they horseplay in their relationship I would not contact the po po. Well unless you don't mind losing her friendship and their fury.

At best you can voice your concern to your firend ,as well as, letting her know they made you feel some kinda way/uncomfortable. I had to tell my cousin and his girl I refuse to be around them because of their disrespectful and scary verbal altercations. They stopped all that mess when folks were around at least.
 
firecracker said:
Sorry but since you don't really know how they horseplay in their relationship I would not contact the po po. Well unless you don't mind losing her friendship and their fury.

At best you can voice your concern to your firend ,as well as, letting her know they made you feel some kinda way/uncomfortable. I had to tell my cousin and his girl I refuse to be around them because of their disrespectful and scary verbal altercations. They stopped all that mess when folks were around at least.
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I had an ex like that. He was a football player and I was a runner. We would wrestle-like serious wrestle. Just to see who was stronger and more agile. Of course he was stronger, but I was craftier and much more agile. We wrestled in front of his guy friend once and he was absolutely horrified. He tried to pull my ex off of me and I was like, "what are you doing? I am about to pin this sucka!" We had no idea really how it looked.

I dont know what was going on with your friend, but I would talk to her first.
 
So you all think they were playing? I guess I would have to have been there. I have never seen a couple behave in that matter.
 
diadall said:
So you all think they were playing? I guess I would have to have been there. I have never seen a couple behave in that matter.
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I have seen it. I can count on half of one hand the number of times I've done it. No headlocks were involved. Things can go haywire too easily. The last time I was goofing around like that, he didn't leggo when I told him to, so I sank my nails into him. He was not pleased.

I'm one for trusting your gut instinct though. I think OP is right to be concerned especially since this happened after earlier discord.
 
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I play fight from time to time. OP also mentioned that she had tears in her eyes. She could have been embarrassed at the whole situation as well.
 
As an adult I'm not used to couples horseplaying or fighting so I'd probably start crying and going off like I did with my cousin.

Now when I was in high school I witnessed a girlfriend get physically abused firsthand by my male friend. He stopped beating her in front of me because I became hysterical. That is some scary mess to see someone you know one way become someone totally different when filled with jealousy or lack of control.
 
I can understand if they were playing but this guy is easily 180-190 to her 120. He was putting pressure on her neck/head area so she grabbed his watch in an attempt to make him let her go. When she did that, he then increased pressure and said "let go of my f***** watch" and she said "no let me go. I asked you to let me go first" then he kinda of pushed her body off the couch which then made her instinctively let go of the watch to catch herself before hitting the floor. After that he adjusted his watch and sat away from her. She sat down on the far end of the couch and was quiet the entire time. She wasn't crying loudly but she was sniffling and tears were streaming down her face. I didn't know what to do or say at that point..I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life..Like how do you react to that?
 
CurlsOnFire23 said:
Yeah I don't think this was the first time it happened. I want to ask her but I don't want meddle in her business. What I was was enough...
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Meddle, chile please do....
If she's your friend and you genuinely care for her, I think it's your duty to at least discuss it and see where her head is at....
Who knows you can be a deciding factor on whether or not this continues...some ppl jus need to hear it from an outsider looking in.
 
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Woooo, I'm reading your update and that was serious...
She ended up crying, couldn't have been for fun.

Talk to you friend and see if she's ok...
 
OP all you can do is talk to your friend and encourage her to leave this abusive relationship. I would never enter their home again nor allow him inside of mine because if he loses control in front of you again you could turn into an innocent bystander.
 
I would stay away from both of them if I were you. And you already filed a report right? So they could both end up angry with you. I wouldn't have a filed a report but I would have been horrified by the situation you described. I'm like Firecracker, I think I would have been hysterical, crying, and everything. I think I would have yelled at him, let her go! And gotten out of their quickly. I can't believe they did that in front of you. They both sound very immature.
 
I spoke to her not too long ago. She said she was fine..I tried to get her to speak on the incident but she didn't. She apologized on their behalf and changed the subject.
 
hopeful said:
I would stay away from both of them if I were you. And you already filed a report right? So they could both end up angry with you. I wouldn't have a filed a report but I would have been horrified by the situation you described. I'm like Firecracker, I think I would have been hysterical, crying, and everything. I think I would have yelled at him, let her go! And gotten out of their quickly. I can't believe they did that in front of you. They both sound very immature.
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Security Forces drove past the home twice and the first time they parked on my side of the street and spoke with my other neighbor. I don't know if it was regarding what happened but they were brief. The second time (a few hours later) they just drove past the house slowly then drove away...
 
CurlsOnFire23 said:
I spoke to her not too long ago. She said she was fine..I tried to get her to speak on the incident but she didn't. She apologized on their behalf and changed the subject.
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I would let her know that you called security/police if that was what you did. Her reluctance to discuss the altercation is even more telling. If she is your friend I wouldn't leave her alone to a man the may be clobbering her. That isn't what friends do. If she leaves your friendship at least you tried and she will know in her heart that you cared enough to lose her as a friend.
 
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