Is there such thing as TOO high standards?

[ComfortablyNumb]

In reference to who you date. I feel that no man is perfect, but I do want a man who is perfect for me. However, I have this one friend where the guy can look at her wrong and he's out the door. She has a list in her head of the perfect man and she won't settle for anything less than perfect. She doesn't believe in second chances AT ALL! A guy picked her up late from work one time and he was OUT the door. Men fear her. She thinks they're intimidated, I think they ACTUALLY fear her. I've asked her why does she treat men so bad and she says she just has high standards.

So my question is, is tere such thing as TOO high of standards, and, if there is, where do we draw the line?

 

[notsomebody]

I don't think there is such a thing as having too high standards. But there is such a thing as being too high maintenance. I think your friend falls into that category.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think that there is such a thing as having too high standards, but many women's (and men's) standards aren't high enough.
Mostly however it is just finding someone compatible.
For instance, you may have a husband who works long hours but will still come home and cook half the time, but doesn't want to iron his clothes. Another woman may have a man who works and irons his own clothes but doesn't want to cook dinner. It's all in what would work best for you. You shouldn't ever compromise on the fundamentals that are most important (to you), however.

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think there is such a thing as having too high standards. But there is such a thing as being too high maintenance. I think your friend falls into that category.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm hmmm

I've noticed as I've grown older, however, that I've relaxed my "standard" on physical appearance.

I used to would only date tall, dark and handsome. Very hard to find, especially when these types only wanted something else (not me).

In any event, I'm now attracted to a broader variety of men. Different races, body types, etc. He doesn't have to be 6'. He can be 5'8 and this "relaxation" has provided me a larger dating pool

But ALL men must be groomed (hair combed/teeth brushed) and if those standards are too high, I pity them. Ha!

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I don't think there is such a thing as having too high standards. But there is such a thing as being too high maintenance. I think your friend falls into that category.

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm hmmm

I've noticed as I've grown older, however, that I've relaxed my "standard" on physical appearance.

I used to would only date tall, dark and handsome. Very hard to find, especially when these types only wanted something else (not me).

In any event, I'm now attracted to a broader variety of men. Different races, body types, etc. He doesn't have to be 6'. He can be 5'8 and this "relaxation" has provided me a larger dating pool

But ALL men must be groomed (hair combed/teeth brushed) and if those standards are too high, I pity them. Ha!

[/ QUOTE ]
__
Ditto! He no longer has to be a god but he must be groomed. I can't stand an ungroomed or greasy looking man. I also HATE facial hair. Inevitably, a crumb always gets stuck in his beard no matter how neat it is.

 

[notsomebody]

I guess I am thinking of Standards differently. I am talking about those few things that you absolutely won't give in on. Standards are not usually long lists of things- those are likes and dislikes. As for my High Maintenance comment- you yourself said that she doesn't intimidate men, she frightens them. That in itself is not a sign of high standards, its a sign of high maintenance. Dumping a guy because he was late to pick her up once with out hearing him out- high maintenance. Dumping a guy because he refuses to do something to better himself- high standards.

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
I guess I am thinking of Standards differently. I am talking about those few things that you absolutely won't give in on. Standards are not usually long lists of things- those are likes and dislikes. As for my High Maintenance comment- you yourself said that she doesn't intimidate men, she frightens them. That in itself is not a sign of high standards, its a sign of high maintenance. Dumping a guy because he was late to pick her up once with out hearing him out- high maintenance. Dumping a guy because he refuses to do something to better himself- high standards.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep! Right on target.

I hate to admit this, but, I'm sort of guilty of something similar.

The only thing is I was already with my boyfriend when I began my "training" camp. LOL!

I used to hate him always being late to pick me up, so I complained, like women do, and of course he continued doing things HIS way until I began penalizing him.

Since we've been together on and off for almost 10 years, if he didn't like the "penalty" he knew where the door was. Ha!

So, one day he was late more than 15 minutes. I decided all dates would have a grace period of 15 minutes. He was late about 20-25 minutes. No phone call or anything. Okay, if you're going to be more than 10-15 minutes late, use your cellphone. That's why you have it.

So not only did I penalize him for being late, he was also penalized for being inconsiderate. So when he finally arrived, I told him our date was cancelled. He had been warned BEFORE to picke me up on time or call to let me know he's on his way if he's going to be late.

It was so funny because he lives an hour away! LOL! Oh well. Guess what? He was never LATE again.

Hhhhmmm, I think to myself. I may be on to something. LOL!

I decided I didn't like him coming over to visit me wearing his work clothes. Sometimes he likes to come by before going to work or after getting off.

I told him his work clothes smell and it's a turn off. Before you come over, you need to put on street clothes. Well, one day (I guess he forgot the new rule-LOL!), he appeared wearing his work clothes. He didn't even get into my apartment! LOL!

Uh-uh-uh, YOU are not dressed appropriately. I asked you not to wear your work clothes over here, so you can either go and change your clothes and come back or we'll do this some other day!

My mother thought it was a riot! Guess what? He only wears regular clothes to come visit!

Anyway, just something funny I thought I'd share. He's well trained now. Same thing with opening car doors. Ha! Worked like a CHARM!

So CH, in a way, he was a fixer upper but I was about 28-29 then. No way would I start training men at my age (34). He better know from jump to open doors and not to wear smelly clothes, but when you've been with someone a long time, you tend to let things slide and I decided to put him "back on track"

 

[Supergirl]

I think there is such a thing as un-realistic ideals about how a man should be. However, I believe that a woman should not settle. I believe a woman's intuition will tell her whether or not something's right (even when the person does not meet 100% of your criteria)

 

[pebbles]

[ QUOTE ]
I think there is such a thing as un-realistic ideals about how a man should be. However, I believe that a woman should not settle. I believe a woman's intuition will tell her whether or not something's right (even when the person does not meet 100% of your criteria)

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree!

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

[ QUOTE ]
I think there is such a thing as un-realistic ideals about how a man should be. However, I believe that a woman should not settle. I believe a woman's intuition will tell her whether or not something's right (even when the person does not meet 100% of your criteria)

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree!

 

[keylargo]

i went out with this guy thursday night. it was our second date. on our first date, his cell phone rang alot and he talked on his phone several times while we were having lunch. it was very uncomfortable for me...plus, they were all women calling him. he was very open about it. so, when he asked me out again i said,"well, take me some place that has entertainment so that i can occupy my time when you get your phone calls....." i said this in a very sarcastic way. well, that night, he did not accept any phone calls and actually turned his phone off. we had a really nice time.

i also told him that i refused to have sex with a guy unless we were exclusively committed- girlfriend/boyfriend. he was shocked when i said that because i know he's use to women giving in first with the hopes of later becoming a couple. i use to be that way but no more.

so, i don't know if he and I are right for each other because i really think that he is a dog. but, i have to eat and rarely cook. if he's willing to take me nice places regularly and pay-then that works out well for me.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Keylargo, good for you!

 

[cocoberry10]

Bumping!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MissScarlett]

In reference to who you date. I feel that no man is perfect, but I do want a man who is perfect for me. However, I have this one friend where the guy can look at her wrong and he's out the door. She has a list in her head of the perfect man and she won't settle for anything less than perfect. She doesn't believe in second chances AT ALL! A guy picked her up late from work one time and he was OUT the door. Men fear her. She thinks they're intimidated, I think they ACTUALLY fear her. I've asked her why does she treat men so bad and she says she just has high standards.

So my question is, is tere such thing as TOO high of standards, and, if there is, where do we draw the line?

When I was single I kept my standards high.

BUT I based my standards on things of character and personality rather than material and personal worth like alot of women tend to do. If you only look for a baller or someone with money, this and that...well then to me that's being silly.

I think your friend needs to take a chill pill. LOL.

 

[glamazon386]

YES!!! Your standards should reflect (and be equal to or higher than) what you're bringing to the table. If you're not bringing anything to the table then you should not expect to have the cream of the crop. That's just unreasonable.

Also I think rules and standards are two different things. Like somebody mentioned not having sex until you're in a committed relationship I don't really see that as a standard. I guess it could be but it's more like a rule. And there's nothing wrong with rules. You set them so that you remain in your comfort zone.

 

[andreab]

i went out with this guy thursday night. it was our second date. on our first date, his cell phone rang alot and he talked on his phone several times while we were having lunch. it was very uncomfortable for me...plus, they were all women calling him. he was very open about it. so, when he asked me out again i said,"well, take me some place that has entertainment so that i can occupy my time when you get your phone calls....." i said this in a very sarcastic way. well, that night, he did not accept any phone calls and actually turned his phone off. we had a really nice time.

i also told him that i refused to have sex with a guy unless we were exclusively committed- girlfriend/boyfriend. he was shocked when i said that because i know he's use to women giving in first with the hopes of later becoming a couple. i use to be that way but no more.

so, i don't know if he and I are right for each other because i really think that he is a dog. but, i have to eat and rarely cook. if he's willing to take me nice places regularly and pay-then that works out well for me.

Good deal. I made this decision for the best. The next man I dated I married. We talked for months getting to know each other.

 

[caltron]

I think people who have unreasonable standards are usually people who deep down inside fear commitment. There are men who are like this too.

I think a person has the right to set the standards as high as they want as long as they don't complain that they are alone.