Is There Anyone Here Who Does NOT Want Marriage?

[TinyBlu]

I think I stand in the minority here, but I wanted some additional opinions. I got into a healthy debate this afternoon with some female counterparts about this topic.

As I approach 35, I am coming to realize that my long term ambitions no longer include a ring and "til death do us part". I have had so many women tell me "When the right man comes along, you will change your mind...", and he hasn't come along. I find that the older I get, the more OK I am with that.

Some of it may have to do with the fact that I am divorced, but even when I was married, I did it because I thought that was expected of me. I was completely miserable during the entire marriage.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a bitter, man-hating woman. It's just that the longer I stay single, the more comfortable I become with myself and the more set in my ways I become. I even get a little antsy when thinking about a "committed" relationship if it involves co-habitation.

I like my space, I like doing things my own way, I like my freedom. I always felt marriage was "confining" in some way.

Besides, most of the married people I know don't necessarily want to be married anymore. They want to save face with the church or stay together for the kids or they need the financial stability of a dual income house.

Me? I am thankfully financially stable on my own and don't feel validated by the presence of another person in my life. I have truly found that place where I am content "doing me" and wouldn't feel the least bit slighted if it ended up being "just me" for good. I have a wonderful support system of great friends that fulfill me, and I don't feel like being single leaves a particular void in my life...

Am I an oddball here or do other women echo the sentiment that marriage is not a desire?

PS I am SOOOOO mad at Brad and Angelina for getting engaged! They were my "go to" couple for being happily un-married.

 

[sunnieb]

You are not alone. Lots of women don't want to be married. Nothing wrong with that.

I've made it clear to both of my children that not getting married is an option. We never want them to think they have to get married.

Sent from my Comet using LHCF

 

[MzLady78]

There are actually quite a few women on here who feel this way.

I'm having serious doubts but it doesn't look like I'll need to make that decision anytime soon. Like you, I think the longer I'm single (almost 6 years now without a committed relationship), the less appealing it gets to me.

 

[hopeful]

You are definitely not an oddball. You know what you want and you are happy, that's all that matters. Having a unique perspective does not make you weird or strange, it makes you unique, special, beautifully you.

 

[tinkat]

There is nothing wrong with what you prefer. Like hopeful said it sounds like you know what works for you. I'm only 26 but I can see how some choose to stay single. Its a huge adjustment letting someone be a part of your world especially when you are use to and content with yourself.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Fine 4s]

Real talk-

I haven't really thought through what marriage is really about on my own terms. The message I get from the world on this topic is that marriage is a way that a man proves to his woman/ partner you are special TO HIM above all else. That you are worthy of love and a virtuous woman. So it's almost like a failure to have never been 'chosen.'

Because of this message, I'm clearly unprepared and have no idea what it truly means. Never really thought deeply about it before this relationship so i just repeat to myself and to others "oh of course I want to be married."

Until then...

 

[JustKiya]

*raiseshand*

I think that the right man for me at the point in my life that I was in DID come along. And I did get married. And I got divorced. And I don't plan on ever doing it again - been there, done that, got the jewelry. *lol* I mentioned in another thread that my teenage self had somewhat the right idea - I never planned on getting married - the amount of self-sacrifice and compromise involved didn't seem attractive to me - but when I met 'Mr. Right' it seemed - unreasonable of me to NOT try.
And I thought that I could create a marriage that didn't involve self-sacrifice and a semi-loss of 'me' into the 'we' - hah. HAH. So wrong. And looking back, I think that what's unreasonable is even expecting that to be possible. Considering the way our society is, and the way we are socialized - it's not possible to be an independent person within a marriage - it rather defeats the 'concept' of marriage. It almost makes being married - pointless.

So. You aren't alone. I suspect we're a minority - esp. if you are talking to never-married women - but I think a LOT of divorced women feel that way and just keep it on the low - esp. if they are under 40/have no children.

 

[anon123]

*blinks* Did I read the above post right



Anyway, that's not my story, but it seems a fair bit of divorced women and men have no problem with never getting married again.

 

[firecracker]

I didn't want to get married again until after my child was grown since the first bs didn't work out/just doing something to be doing it. I was happy dating and being in one on one relationships. Men never defined me but they are useful and good for making my life a lot easier.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I do want marriage (although I may change my mind again), but don't view it as essential for a legit long term relationship. Or judge individuals and couples that don't want to be married.

 

[Starronda]

*raises hand*
I never want to get married. Will I ever change my mind, who knows, but as of right now, no thanks!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

You are not an oddball!
You are doing alright.

Question: If you find, "HIM" and you both have the same wants and needs and can provide them to each other, but he wants to be married, would you do it?

 

[B_Phlyy]

I do want marriage (although I may change my mind again), but don't view it as essential for a legit long term relationship. Or judge individuals and couples that don't want to be married.

This is were I'm at as well. I'm only 26 and have been single for less than a year, but I do sometimes miss the companionship and intimacy of relationships. But I know me and how I'm already set in some of my ways. I don't know if I can (or even want to) make some of the sacrifices I think need to be made for a marriage.

 

[1QTPie]

I knew that I didn't want to get married in my 20s. I avoided it at all costs. I thought I would just wait and see what happened in my 30s. I'm well into my 30s, and I still go back and forth because now I'm comfortable with my situation. I only have one reason that I would get married at this point (future kid) but I'm still not gung-ho. I keep thinking about the fact that I can't get rid of him. (not that I want to, but still...) I blame my age and life experiences.

 

[Katherina]

I'm not against marriage but I'm not pressed.

I don't see myself holding onto any relationship (including marriage) that isn't right. If my current mindset persists, if I were to get married, I would write my own vows and they would not include "til death do us part, no matter what." Because I really like to keep my promises.

Things change in life - I change, he changes, situations change. If I could go back in time and have a chat with the 15 y/o me, she wouldn't recognize her future self!

I only have one life to live - I don't see the point in spending it with someone you no longer love or want to be with - much less in unnecessary pain and drama with someone who turned out to be a cheater or psycho.

I may sound jaded or pessimistic, but I don't feel that I am. I just don't believe it's healthy to believe in fairy tales. If I fall in love and want to get married, so be it. I will look at it as a fluid commitment, just like I try to view most everything else.

 

[Hairsnob]

I'm a walking contradiction. I want the stability of marriage but I also want the freedom to bounce easily if I get tired of being with that person.

I just can't be miserable. Not saying marriage is miserable but I'm so afraid of being stuck. At the same time I want to build a house together with the two-car garage with the matching cars....and rings, of course. SIGH!!

 

[ElegantPearl17]

I also go back and forth with the idea. The older I get, the more I realize that there are some things I would not like about marriage. I want to feel free to be myself, but I have found a lot of the guys I meet want their wife to cater to their needs.

I had one guy tell me that he wanted to be able to spend ALL his free time with his wife (which he would consider his best friend) and would not have the desire to spend time with his other male friends. erplexed I just don't see me signing up for that.

I don't know, I do want kid(s) but I do not know if getting married to have them is the way to go.

 

[Farida]

I'm already married, but If something happened to my husband I'd probably be OK with not being married again.

I don't believe in having kids outside of marriage so I would not have any. I'd be willing to adopt because the kid is already here and I can help improve/save a life but I would not create a new life.

There's a lot be enjoyed in life and a lot you give up when you marry. Every choice has benefits and limitations, and as long as you know what you want there should be no shame in it.

 

[manter26]

I'm quite liberal when it comes to 99% of issues. I don't think girls (or boys really) should be socialized to believe marriage is the purpose of life. I think being single and being childless is always seen as a negative thing.

I'm quite independent but I'm a bit of romantic as well. I would like to find someone who can deal with my aloofness and distance when it comes around. I also think it's great that I could possible have someone who is contractually obligated to put up with me.

I would like a male partner to live out my life with...it doesn't have to be a marriage, I guess, but a traditional marriage is good too. I don't want kids so ultimately it doesn't matter.

If someone says they don't want marriage because they've given up on finding a partner, I'd probably question them about it. If someone just doesn't want anyone, that's cool.

 

[YasashiiSekai]

Marriage is not a requirement.
I don't know why society says it should be on our checklist in life.
It's not for everyone, and that's fine.
There's plenty of people who think otherwise and force themselves into marriage and are unhappy because of it.

 

[Poopiedo]

I'm married but if for some reason our marriage doesn't last, I don't want to get married again. I would prefer to have a life partner.

 

[NewDayNewMe]

I am married and want to get divorced. After that I don't plan to ever get remarried. Like you I didn't want to be married in the first place. I felt pressured from my family, his family and society, espescially since we had a baby. It was the worst decision I have ever made and I have been miserable for the last 3 years. But I am not bitter. I just don't believe in the whole concept. How can I make a decision today and guarentee how I am going to feel twenty years later? People grow and change and the people that both of you grow into may not even like each other let alone be in love with one another. I'm not with all that until death do us part stuff either. I'm sorry but my love is conditional. If I'm not happy or don't feel loved, appreciated or respected I'm out.

 

[varaneka]

I don't like the idea of legal marriage right now but I might change my mind

reading Osho's Being in Love didn't help lol

 

[Ganjababy]

I never wanted to get married. Got engaged a few times and broke them off because I really did not see myself as someones wife.

I felt I would have to sacrifice too much of myself. I agreed to marry DH because the other option was to not have him in my life. He does not believe in shacking and wanted to get married. So I compromised. He also compromised by accepting that I am not the traditional kind of wife. Not like his momma. I am glad I did get married. It was rough adjusting. 12 years later I'm glad I stuck it out.

 

[Ltown]

*raiseshand*

I think that the right man for me at the point in my life that I was in DID come along. And I did get married. And I got divorced. And I don't plan on ever doing it again - been there, done that, got the jewelry. *lol* I mentioned in another thread that my teenage self had somewhat the right idea - I never planned on getting married - the amount of self-sacrifice and compromise involved didn't seem attractive to me - but when I met 'Mr. Right' it seemed - unreasonable of me to NOT try.
And I thought that I could create a marriage that didn't involve self-sacrifice and a semi-loss of 'me' into the 'we' - hah. HAH. So wrong. And looking back, I think that what's unreasonable is even expecting that to be possible. Considering the way our society is, and the way we are socialized - it's not possible to be an independent person within a marriage - it rather defeats the 'concept' of marriage. It almost makes being married - pointless.

So. You aren't alone. I suspect we're a minority - esp. if you are talking to never-married women - but I think a LOT of divorced women feel that way and just keep it on the low - esp. if they are under 40/have no children.

You said all for me, marriage is not for everyone. i've done it twice first time for love because i was young, second time for the baby i wanted. Ex told me you just married me for a baby, he was jealous i told him when i met him i wanted a child i married him because we both were in military and lived apart can't make a baby living in FL and CA is it hard being single yes, but i like to do me, without negotiating or asking someone else.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I DON'T KNOW.

I always assumed I wanted to get married. It was the plan and set agenda, whether my heart was in it or not. I've always lived very methodologically and planned. Hell, I was born and bred to be a wife but I don't know if that's what I want. But honestly, the thought of being legally bound to someone sends feelings of entrapment and claustrophobia down my spine. I've been extremely commitment phobic--when compared to my peers-- for moist of my life even tho I've had my fair share of relationships. I'm also unashamedly selfish and self-absorbed. I love doing for other people but within the confines as it fits me and my schedule....

I'm also indifferent about children. I can take them or leave them. I love children but birthing them, I'm not pressed nor am I turned off. When I asked my mom if she sees me having a baby itch, she said no.

At present, marriage doesn't interest me.

The only way any man is convincing me to go down the aislke and sign a legal contract is by dragging me kicking and screaming. I won't do it. And they/he can't make me.

But alas, I honestly don't know if marriage is for me or now. Again, I'm not opposed but I'm not pressed and feel I could do without it. So the answer is: I DON'T KNOW.

 

[barbiesocialite]

*raiseshand*

I think that the right man for me at the point in my life that I was in DID come along. And I did get married. And I got divorced. And I don't plan on ever doing it again - been there, done that, got the jewelry. *lol* I mentioned in another thread that my teenage self had somewhat the right idea - I never planned on getting married - the amount of self-sacrifice and compromise involved didn't seem attractive to me - but when I met 'Mr. Right' it seemed - unreasonable of me to NOT try.
And I thought that I could create a marriage that didn't involve self-sacrifice and a semi-loss of 'me' into the 'we' - hah. HAH. So wrong. And looking back, I think that what's unreasonable is even expecting that to be possible. Considering the way our society is, and the way we are socialized - it's not possible to be an independent person within a marriage - it rather defeats the 'concept' of marriage. It almost makes being married - pointless.

So. You aren't alone. I suspect we're a minority - esp. if you are talking to never-married women - but I think a LOT of divorced women feel that way and just keep it on the low - esp. if they are under 40/have no children.

JustKiya I miss your posts