Is there a ladylike way to get a man to pop the question?

ms.mimi :look:

hancocks-40-014-l.jpg
 
ms.mimi said:
Lovely!
:lol: Do you realize what that thing costs, young lady?!!!!!!
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Not sure actually. Arcadian, any idea?

Cushion cut natural yellow diamond mounted in platinum with a brilliant cut diamond frame and diamonds mounted in platinum down the shoulders. GIA Certificated diamond.

Colour: Fancy Intense
Clarity: IF
Weights: 4.69ct/0.96ct
 
Lurkee said:
Not sure actually. Arcadian, any idea? Cushion cut natural yellow diamond mounted in platinum with a brilliant cut diamond frame and diamonds mounted in platinum down the shoulders. GIA Certificated diamond. Colour: Fancy Intense Clarity: IF Weights: 4.69ct/0.96ct
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Girllllll.....you'll be waiting a few more years for that!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Lol girl just wait... Last thing you want to do is pressure him into doing it. And your right y'all are young, do you have cars+car payments, student loans, careers?

Me and my bf have been together 8 years tomorrow, have 2 children, live together and all and aren't married. Not because we don't want to, we've had the convo many times but because we are working towards goals and have bills = I paid my 2012 Acadia Denali off but his 2010 cadillac has a few thousand left on it, my schooling is paid for but he still has over 10,000$ to pay... We just got pre approved for a home loan and are working towards that.

Point is don't push for the engagement and marriage because you think that's the next step. Create a solid foundation for you guys to come back to after your honey moon. Our dream is to get married out of the country which will cost $$$... That's what we want so until we can do it the way we want we're going to keep working on our short term goals.

I hate to see people with huge expensive rings and lavish weddings but come home to renting their place, no car or one that's barely working, etc. I'd rather spend my money on more then just a memory
 
ms.mimi said:
I'm guessing almost $100,000.

For just the intense yellow diamond alone is $89,000!
http://www.icestore.com/search/yellow_diamond_detail.asp?ID=2024
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Briabiggles said:
Girllllll.....you'll be waiting a few more years for that!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
Click to expand...

Yuppp, easily 100,000, especially if it's a real yellow diamond and platinum setting. Rings are a lot more expensive than people think. You have to pick the diamond which can range anywhere from 2,000 up and the setting separately (gold is like 1,800 an ounce, platinum even more) which adds up quick.

If you think the ring is expensive, wait to you hear how much weddings cost!
 
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My focus was on the marriage and not the other stuff. We bought our rings on sale at a local department store and had a courthouse ceremony. Money we didn't spend on a big wedding went on the downpayment on our home.

Dh made a big deal about getting our upgrade rings though. I still get compliments on this rang!
 
Mjon912 said:
Lol girl just wait... Last thing you want to do is pressure him into doing it. And your right y'all are young, do you have cars+car payments, student loans, careers?

Me and my bf have been together 8 years tomorrow, have 2 children, live together and all and aren't married. Not because we don't want to, we've had the convo many times but because we are working towards goals and have bills = I paid my 2012 Acadia Denali off but his 2010 cadillac has a few thousand left on it, my schooling is paid for but he still has over 10,000$ to pay... We just got pre approved for a home loan and are working towards that.

Point is don't push for the engagement and marriage because you think that's the next step. Create a solid foundation for you guys to come back to after your honey moon. Our dream is to get married out of the country which will cost $$$... That's what we want so until we can do it the way we want we're going to keep working on our short term goals.

I hate to see people with huge expensive rings and lavish weddings but come home to renting their place, no car or one that's barely working, etc. I'd rather spend my money on more then just a memory
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I have to respectfully disagree with this. If you are looking for a partnership in marriage, no need to individually do as much as you can then save enough for a dream wedding. If you have children with a man and he is not your spouse, if something tragic happens to him and he dies, you wont even have a say in how his funeral goes down. I know that's a morbid example but there are way more benefits to marriage than financial status and having cars paid off. This situation may have worked for you but in a bigger picture that's not the most ideal situation.
 
Browndilocks said:
I have to respectfully disagree with this. If you are looking for a partnership in marriage, no need to individually do as much as you can then save enough for a dream wedding. If you have children with a man and he is not your spouse, if something tragic happens to him and he dies, you wont even have a say in how his funeral goes down. I know that's a morbid example but there are way more benefits to marriage than financial status and having cars paid off. This situation may have worked for you but in a bigger picture that's not the most ideal situation.
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Yeah I definitely wouldn't advise someone to have kids and buy a house with someone they aren't married to. You could get married for a couple hundred bucks and take a nice vacation or have a party later.
 
Hmm....Idk....Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, or just older and don't feel like wasting my time anymore lol :lol:, but I don't think I would want to be with a guy who I had to hint or ask around the bush to marry me. :look:

I want a guy to marry me cause he can't see himself living his life without me. I can't be dating a guy for 6 years without an engagement. :perplexed

At the same time though, my view might be a little different simply because I'm waiting for marriage and I'm OLDER, so....Maybe I'm just over the whole dating for years thing.

Be thankful that you and your SO are young OP. :yep:

I agree with the ladies that day DON'T pressure him.....but at the same time, if getting married is what you REALLY want, then it would be nice to have a little casual talk with him. :yep:

You guys are still so young. :yep:
 
Browndilocks I understand where you are coming from but like the op we met when we were young, I was 17 he was 18 and we dated all throughout college and had our daughter who just turned 3 in our last year of school. We've really only been in "The real world" together for a couple of years, I'm 26. My situation isn't ideal but the op's isn't either, IMO, were ahead of the game as far as knowing each other, living together, going to school, etc... I was saying it because the op doesn't even live in the same city as her bf but is hoping for engagement. I feel instead of her worrying about "The Ring" she should be focused on the short term goals like living in the same city, paying down student loans/ car payments, get some sort of foundation under their feet as one, a unit, before worrying about marriage. And going to the courthouse is cool for some just to have the paper but it's not what we want, I'm very blessed that I am very close with his immediate family and in the case that something were to happen and they flipped on me he works for the state, has life insurance where I am the primary beneficiary, our children are secondary and both of our names are on both vehicles and every bill we have. Right now we're saving for the wedding we want in the future but still a unit.

FoxxyLocs I am 100% with you on the kids, OP most definitely wait a few years until after your married for the babies, that just happened to be the situation we found ourselves in and did what we thought was best. I do however this they should atleast be living together before they get married. They may find that the distance is what kept them together, living with someone, especially when your young can be challenging
 
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Mjon912 you are living your life the way you want and what works for you. No need to expound on it.

However, as a courthouse bride myself, it was about our marriage and not some piece of paper. We were actually planning a church wedding with all the fixings. I'm the one who called it off. Even with the extreme generosity of family/friends and my deal hunting, our out of pocket costs kept rising.

I always thought we'd do a vow renewal at some point, but nah. I'd rather take a trip or something.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using LHCF
 
Mjon912 said:
Browndilocks I understand where you are coming from but like the op we met when we were young, I was 17 he was 18 and we dated all throughout college and had our daughter who just turned 3 in our last year of school. We've really only been in "The real world" together for a couple of years, I'm 26. My situation isn't ideal but the op's isn't either, IMO, were ahead of the game as far as knowing each other, living together, going to school, etc... I was saying it because the op doesn't even live in the same city as her bf but is hoping for engagement. I feel instead of her worrying about "The Ring" she should be focused on the short term goals like living in the same city, paying down student loans/ car payments, get some sort of foundation under their feet as one, a unit, before worrying about marriage. And going to the courthouse is cool for some just to have the paper but it's not what we want, I'm very blessed that I am very close with his immediate family and in the case that something were to happen and they flipped on me he works for the state, has life insurance where I am the primary beneficiary, our children are secondary and both of our names are on both vehicles and every bill we have. Right now we're saving for the wedding we want in the future but still a unit.

FoxxyLocs I am 100% with you on the kids, OP most definitely wait a few years until after your married for the babies, that just happened to be the situation we found ourselves in and did what we thought was best. I do however this they should atleast be living together before they get married. They may find that the distance is what kept them together, living with someone, especially when your young can be challenging
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Mjon912, thank you for sharing your story. I totally respect what you have with your partner and I'm sure whatever you are doing works best for your family.

We do not have any debts at all not even student loans and we are fortunate to both have OK paying jobs. Also, he has enough savings from inheritances and his job to put down a down payment on a house AND have a good wedding so finances is not our problem thankfully. I agree with you that we should be in the same city as a short term goal and he is working towards it but I don't understand why we can't be engaged while he sorts it out.

We have lived together before in university with other people and I always recommend living with someone for a little while before agreeing to marriage. He knows that even if he moves to my city we will not move in together without him committing to me.

Not trying to make excuses or whatever, just saying I know where you are coming from and everyone has given good advice.
 
Don't just keep waiting. Ask him where he sees the relationship going and in what timeframe. This is why I think women should keep more than one man around to have more options.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
Don't just keep waiting. Ask him where he sees the relationship going and in what timeframe. This is why I think women should keep more than one man around to have more options.
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Hmmm. I would be pissed to find out he has other options so I'll never do that to him. I don't want anyone else. I want him :sad:.
 
Lurkee... Side note but your hairs getting long, I remember you from a challenge last year, I think it was last yr lol... Why do you have to be engaged? Is that really what you want or just feel like it's the next step, honestly I think your young, regardless of how long you've been together, you didn't even realize how much it would cost for the type of ring you want... And What if he's not ready but feels pressured and ends up thinking he can get engaged to pacify you and stay that way for 6 more years

Eta I honestly feel like at 23, fresh out if college I was still finding myself, not that I'm much older then you but having children has given me a different type of responsibility and so different outlook on things. Living as an adult couple is very different then being college sweethearts. I still say give it some time but most definitely let him know that marriage is something you are looking for sooner rather then later.
 
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Lurkee said:
Hmmm. I would be pissed to find out he has other options so I'll never do that to him. I don't want anyone else. I want him :sad:.
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I wasnt saying you should do that to him. I'm saying that situations like this are why I think women should have several options available.
 
That's progress! A job offer in your city is great news. Good luck to you and him :). Look forward to more updates.
 
beautiful ring Lurkee

not sure why people are immediately assuming that he cant afford it..we dont know his situation. he could very well afford such or find something close since its what she wants

anyway good luck and hopefully you get that proposal soon
 
OP DH and I got married young. You can PM if you would like. We have been together more than 10 years despite the naysayers. I have an advanced degree and we are happy and doing better than many of our single friends.

When it comes to marriage and relationships consider the source. People are quick to dole out advice but they need to back it up whether based on their mistakes or success, not just talk.

For a person who is marriage-minded I do not recommend prolonged relationships. You have been long distance so that is a bit different. If you are both working and you both know what you want why wait? People say you are too young but age is a matter of maturity. If you are a mature 20-something old then you may not need as much time as an immature 35-yr old. It also depends on where you are in life with your goals at a given time. Don't wait just because...have a legitimate reason otherwise one or both of you are just waiting for enough time to break up.

It is a good sign that he is taking steps to move where you are. Also be direct as has been said and repeated so I won't beat a dead horse. And please do not move in, have kids, buy a house the whole nine without marriage. At that point I don't even know what you are waiting for. There will always be homes to buy, bills to pay and you could postpone indefinitely waiting for the perfect scenario.
 
Mjon912 said:
Browndilocks I understand where you are coming from but like the op we met when we were young, I was 17 he was 18 and we dated all throughout college and had our daughter who just turned 3 in our last year of school. We've really only been in "The real world" together for a couple of years, I'm 26. My situation isn't ideal but the op's isn't either, IMO, were ahead of the game as far as knowing each other, living together, going to school, etc... I was saying it because the op doesn't even live in the same city as her bf but is hoping for engagement. I feel instead of her worrying about "The Ring" she should be focused on the short term goals like living in the same city, paying down student loans/ car payments, get some sort of foundation under their feet as one, a unit, before worrying about marriage. And going to the courthouse is cool for some just to have the paper but it's not what we want, I'm very blessed that I am very close with his immediate family and in the case that something were to happen and they flipped on me he works for the state, has life insurance where I am the primary beneficiary, our children are secondary and both of our names are on both vehicles and every bill we have. Right now we're saving for the wedding we want in the future but still a unit. FoxxyLocs I am 100% with you on the kids, OP most definitely wait a few years until after your married for the babies, that just happened to be the situation we found ourselves in and did what we thought was best. I do however this they should atleast be living together before they get married. They may find that the distance is what kept them together, living with someone, especially when your young can be challenging
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I really advise you to have you and your SO write wills. Marriage provides a lot more protection, for example in many jurisdictions you cannot change the beneficiary on your insurance from your wife without her notarized, after legally advised consent. So, get yourself in his will and make sure you and yours are protected.

Plus I have seen people's families act a plum fool after their loved one dies even when he was married to the woman! You never know what may happen. Even if you were married I would advise getting a will and or trust because you have kids. I wish you all the best and hope nothing bad happens to either of you.
 
Bump :grin:

He moved to my city in August '14. I moved into his flat Sept '14. We got engaged today. Here is my ring.
 

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