Is love a human/Western invention?

[Maracujá]

My sister who has been married for close to 7 years says that love does not exist, only mutual respect and admiration. The longest married couple in the world gave advice for couples on Valentine`s Day and they spoke about respect and communication, not love. I believe it`s the general concensus of this board that one shouldn`t marry for love. So my question is: is love just an invention? something humans came up with for little girls and boys/fairy tales/Disney?

Feel free to add your 2 cents ladies.

 

[Faux]

I'd also love to hear other members' opinions.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

This is very interesting because for a year now I've told people I wouldn't marry for ''love'' (which they can't seem to understand),.. anyhuu I'd marry a man who I'm compatible with and we have great respect for each other, and can communicate well.

If your relationship has a strong foundation of core values, and you both adhere to them, well then I think that's the recipe for a successful relationship. A lot of people don't know what love is. They mix lust and like, with a bit of butterfly feelings and think it's ''love.''

I don't believe love is an invention, but I believe the word is thrown around loosely. Love comes after yeaaaaaaaars. But before love can come... there needs to be a lot of mutual respect, and good communication. Without respect or good communication, love can't exist, there will only be a feeling of resentment.

 

[nikolite]

I guess I might be in the minority on this board, but I did marry for love and I don't understand why people say that you shouldn't marry for love.

IMO, love isn't just some chemical reaction that automatically happens and it doesn't contradict feelings of respect, admiration, or compatability. Respect, compatability, friendship, and mostly, commitment is all a part of it. If those things weren't already there then it probably isn't love in the first place.

I also think you can choose to love someone or not. Typically two people fall in love and then for whatever reason decide not to love anymore. 9 times outta 10 it doesn't work out because love is imbalanced with one loving enough to remain loyal and the other not at all.

There are plenty of couples that fall in love in every culture, as there are probably even more that don't, but that doesn't mean its a Western invention. Its something that happens and that most people have witnessed in some form or fashion. It may not be the norm for everyone, but it happens and I think this may be because some people actually choose to be in love (in addition to the other attractions they feel towards a person).

Talk about love not existing just rubs me the wrong way, because I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling and have been for a long time is real. Sure, it waxes and wanes but the respect and commitment for each other is what keeps it going. I admire my husband and all that, but I don't see how that's not a part of love (since I admire, respect and communicate well with lots of other people). I know its cliche but if I had to be stranded on a desert island I'd choose him and that tells me there that its love.

On that note, why is that BFF's of the same sex can share a deep bond and love for each other for years and this isn't seen as problematic or strange or Western but people find it impossible for two people of the opposite sex to do the same? The difference I see is that friends tend to get their space, forgive and forget after a fall-out, while couples take disputes so seriously its the end all be all. Doesn't mean it can't happen though.

I just spewed some random thoughts, so I hope you were able to follow me. That's probably about 3 cents. Keep the change.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I definitely believe that love exists. I love myself very much. However, I did not marry him solely for love. I married him because we were compatible, which was #1 on my list.

 

[Maracujá]

Thanks for sharing your opinion on the matter ladies, please keep it coming.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

My sister who has been married for close to 7 years says that love does not exist, only mutual respect and admiration. The longest married couple in the world gave advice for couples on Valentine`s Day and they spoke about respect and communication, not love. I believe it`s the general concensus of this board that one shouldn`t marry for love. So my question is: is love just an invention? something humans came up with for little girls and boys/fairy tales/Disney?

Feel free to add your 2 cents ladies.

I don't think loves an invention. I am marrying for love. I wouldn't get married otherwise and would rather stay single anyways. I'm an all or nothing kinda person: so I want to have all my important requirements in a mate met, or not get married at all. Though I'm marrying for love, I'm not marrying JUST for love.

I will say that love is NOT everything but it IS important.' It for me should be a requirment but not the onlyone.

I think just marrying for love can be tragic. What he loves you and you love him but he beats you, or verbally bashes you, or you're not compatible? Sure go ahead and marry him lol! Yeah, no. Not for me. So there is more to this whole love thing than just that.

I always say if you date compatible people who are already in line with your goals (and ideas of what you want in a partner), you can't fall in love with an incompatible guy. That's something you weed out in the dating stage, and the minute you know, you cut it loose (imo). So after that you're only choosing from guys who have what you're looking for, and when you fall in love all that other stuff will be there: mutual respect,love,

and for me other requirements such as:
commitment, communication, like mind:like goals, and someone who was intelligent, caring, honest, funny and had career together (financially they are already successful and/or were headed in that direction through school).

So I think that the way I went about it is this: if a guy didn't have the qualities I deemed necessary, they were out the door and I was on to finding a guy with those qualities. Then it was about dating guys with the qualities necessary and finding the one I loved.

And that's how I found my sweetie. I like that he also thinks and says I have all the qualities he's looking for as well, and also that we embrace our quirks. We don't try to change each other and I also think that's important. Find someone whose compatible (is my mantra so to speak), and then of course there has to be love, or else it's onward to the next person whose compatible.

 

[anon123]

I wouldn't say love is a Western invention. I would say that how love is thought of, its relevance and role in life, varies across cultures. That is, it's no more of an invention than those other feelings/thoughts she mentioned, respect and admiration. But what it means to respect/admire/love someone can differ from culture to culture and person to person.

 

[msdeevee]

Love is not an invention of any culture. Love is mentioned in the Bible.

Love and marriage and many other things have been so devalued in society that now we question if it even exists. Just like many feel that marriage is just a piece of paper.

If I didn't marry for love I would have been divorced many years ago.

 

[Sequoia]

Love isn't a western invention, it exists in all cultures. But western cultures tend to believe in love then marriage whereas other cultures believe love grows after marriage.

Personally, I'd rather marry for love but there are many other factors that are important like mutual respect, compatibility, spirituality etc.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I assume you're talking about romantic love, which isn't a Western invention. Some of my favorite love stories are from non-Western cultures. I will say the West has a different definition of love from the rest of the world. I'm a hopeless romantic so I want to believe in love and it's role in relationships. No it's not everything but it is important. I couldn't imagine marrying someone I didn't love. I think it depends what love means to you. IMO the mistake people make is falling in love with someone for the wrong reasons.

Some things that makes me fall in love with someone is shared beliefs on practical issues and a mutual respect and admiration for each other.

 

[abcd09]

Im not sure I could marry for compatibility and companionship only.

If love is just an invention then I will never marry. Romantic love may be childish, poems and strong emotional feelings may be romanticised, but without it life would be dull. I am all for rationality, but when you rationalize everything you take the magic out of life. You only live once so why not embrace that feeling, nurture it, reconnect with it when it "fades", etc.

Sometimes love just feels like an ideal, though, I have to say.

 

[MichelleMyBelle]

I've decided a while ago that love is not th reason I would get married. I would have to know that we are compatible, respect one another, enjoy each others conversation and company. To me, there are so many components to making marriage work successfully. Love is not one of them. There are plenty of married couples who love each other that end up in divorce court.

 

[Britt]

Im not sure I could marry for compatibility and companionship only.

If love is just an invention then I will never marry. Romantic love may be childish, poems and strong emotional feelings may be romanticised, but without it life would be dull. I am all for rationality, but when you rationalize everything you take the magic out of life. You only live once so why not embrace that feeling, nurture it, reconnect with it when it "fades", etc.

Sometimes love just feels like an ideal, though, I have to say.

I agree with this.
I have to marry someone I love dearly. Will that be the only reason? NO....
But for *me*, I def have to marry someone I love dearly. I know that's what will make me happy deep down. I don't just want to marry someone that I am compatible with, likewise, I don't want to marry someone that I love and is broke or bad w/ money, or someone unstable, etc. I think it's that real love that will have you going the extra mile for your spouse, it's a deep care that surpasses a lot. I know what it's like to love someone dearly and care about them that is not sexual, it's just a deep love. That's the type of love I'd like to have for hubby, but even deeper.

 

[TayMac]

I don't think of it as a human or Western invention. I know some people who did not originally marry with love at the top of the list but years later....I would not say that they don't love their spouse deeply.

There are different types and levels of love. Love can blossom over time. I agree that the ideas of how love should make you feel and act are exaggerated.

 

[Britt]

I don't think of it as a human or Western invention. I know some people who did not originally marry with love at the top of the list but years later....I would not say that they don't love their spouse deeply.

There are different types and levels of love. Love can blossom over time. I agree that the ideas of how love should make you feel and act are exaggerated.

I agree with this. Just b/c you love someone dearly doesn't mean you're always going to be gushing over them and feel flutters in your stomach all the time . Likewise, if you're with someone that you truly don't love, you'll look at them at times and know deep down, I like this person, I respect, this person.. but I don't love this person.

 

[abcd09]

Liking, respecting, enjoying someone's company etc- I thought these are all part of loving someone.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

I don't think there is a lot of love in the West, period.

I know myself well enough to know I'd have to marry for companionship and perks then love would develop later.

If I otherwise approved of someone, the only reason I wouldn't marry them is if they were unattractive.