Is it wrong to let your hair length....

[NubianAngel]

be a source of confidence?

Sometimes, I admit that my confidence levels are not as high as I would like them to be. I feel confident when I achieve in school, but its not enough to make me feel secure. I want to feel both intelligent and beautiful. My hair is not long now, but sometimes I feel more confident because my natural nails are long or when my butt looks extra big in a given day LOL!

Sometimes I feel like when my hair is long again I will be a much more confident person. Im not saying that long hair makes you all that, but I think its empowering to have something naturally that other people pay for.

Do you think its shallow to be more confident because your hair/nails are long naturally?

 

[Brownie]

NubianAngel,
I hate to say this, but I don't think hair length will change your confidence level. I mean, sometimes you might feel on top of the world because your hair looks good, but true happiness and confidence HAS to come from the INSIDE. If you feel beautiful and peaceful on the inside, then you could be bald and you'd still be able to strut your stuff like a queen.

 

[pebbles]

Hi NubianAngel,

I don't think that there's much doubt that a persons' appearance can greatly influence how they feel about themselves. Some years ago, I was very heavy. I didn't feel much like socializing and wasn't comfortable meeting people. Once I lost the weight, I felt like a new person. I went out more, socialized more, etc., and I did a lot of shopping because my confidence level was very high. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

I think it's important to find something else about yourself to feel confident about other than your outward appearance, but I also know that for many people, how they look on the outside affects how they feel about themselves on the inside. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Pebbles,
I understand what you're saying in your post, BUT there are a lot of thin, beautiful and rich people who have low self-esteem and confidence levels (Does anybody watch the news? Beautiful, rich people who seem to have it all, do all kinds of things to mess up their lives every day). Some people seem to have it all, but they're still not happy with themselves because they haven't learned to accept and value themselves as a person. Peace, acceptance and valuing yourself has nothing to with personal appearance because many people who don't have ideal outsides seem to have positive self images; for example, Star Jones, Camren Mayheim (spelled wrong--lady on The Practice), Jill Scott, Oprah Winfrey, etc...etc...

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Brownie,

I'm not disputing that there are a lot of thin, beautiful people who have low self-esteem. There's no doubt about that. What I am saying is that for some people, they feel better facing the world if they look good. I used myself as an example because I can understand how looking your best can make you feel more confident. I'm not saying it's right, but I don't think it's wrong either. What's important to one person will seem trivial to another. Everyone is different. /images/graemlins/smile.gif Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

[Julia]

This is a good thread.

I agree with you Pebbles! I think that there should be balance. We have seen examples of what can happen when there is an imbalance where one's opinion of their appearance is the sole focus. Girls with eating disorders such as Anorexia/Bulimia Nervosa etc. are prime examples of this.

I am trying to keep this whole hair "length thing" in perspecitve. While I do want to grow long healthy relaxed hair, I noticed that a few months ago, I was becoming so obsessed with my hair to the point that it began to scare me. It seemed to be all that I thought about, seemed to always come up in conversations with my husband, mom and aunts etc. - even work mates! (Good grief C.B!) It just got to be too much. I recognized this, and did not want to be defined as a person soley because of my hair so I have been trying to curtail it. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I am trying to keep this whole hair "length thing" in perspecitve. While I do want to grow long healthy relaxed hair, I noticed that a few months ago, I was becoming so obsessed with my hair to the point that it began to scare me. It seemed to be all that I thought about, seemed to always come up in conversations with my husband, mom and aunts etc. - even work mates! (Good grief C.B!) It just got to be too much. I recognized this, and did not want to be defined as a person soley because of my hair so I have been trying to curtail it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Julia,/images/graemlins/wave.gif

I think there definately needs to be some sort of balance. If something becomes obsessive, then it's probably good to take a step back and try to put things in perspective. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[henrilou]

You know, it's not really hair length for me. I MEAN, that when my nails are fresh, my skin is acne-free, and my hair is freshly washed and bouncy---that's when I have a wonderful day. I look forward to work. I feel that way when I when I have a new pair of shoes, or a new outfit, sweater, whatever. Yes how you act and TREAT others matters, but so does having a nice head of hair (whether it's long, or not, weaved or not, but when it looks GOOD!!)

 

[Paris Belle]

Nubian Angel,

It's normal to feel like this. To think that your life would be better and you would be happier if you were (for example): richer, thinner, or thicker, had longer hair, etc. etc.

The challenge that we all face is to be happy with who we are and what we have at this moment in time. And I mean to really be happy---to feel happiness. It's hard, and it is something that you must be constantly reminded of.

Someone said pick something that you have and be confident about that, and I agree. There is something in each and every one of us that is beautiful and that we appreciated and feel confident about. The key is to add to that list and really stick to it.

What makes one person less confident (such as weight) may not be a hindrance to another. It's all about perception.

HTH /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[caress]

I feel this way right now. My boyfriend met me a few months ago at a time when my hair is not as long or healthy as it has been in the past. I feel very self-conscious around hime because of this. I was always known for being the girl with the long hair. I had hair that was almost br strap length at one time. When I wore my hair out and got all dressed up, you couldn't tell me nothin! Now with my hair being the way it is I feel like even my clothes don't look as good on me. I don't even wear half the clothes I have.

It's like I know I'm intelligent. I know I'm a nice person but it's like I forget that sometimes. I think it's normal to ant to have both inner and outer beauty.

Oh I also want to add that having beaitiful hair for me mainly means healthy hair. I feel my hair detracts from my beauty because it's not very healthy. I think hair length without hair health means nothing anyway.

 

[rayne]

Hi NubianAngel,

No, I don't think that's shallow at all. This w/e I tried the flexi-rods again and my husband took a pic. I was totally surprised when I saw the pic, it came out REALLY nice!! Lately I've been having confidence and self-esteem issues and that pic was an instant lift me up. Now granted I won't be looking like that everyday, but it was a big boost to know that I could /images/graemlins/wink.gif

I once read in a book, forgot the name of it, that people trying to boost their self-esteem should learn to love themselves conditionally and then learn to love themselves unconditionally. There was actually something else between those two but I forgot what it was /images/graemlins/tongue.gif So getting back to my point, there's nothing wrong with it as long as you have the balance like Pebbles said.

 

[NubianAngel]

Thank you all for the honest replies /images/graemlins/smile.gif I do agree that balance is key, but I honestly get tired of going through my ups and downs. For example, This past week i've felt bad b.c I was having an "off week" when I felt unattractive. Friday I did a little shopping and felt so much better seeing the cute clothes I had, but it reminds me that sometime I let the little things have too large an effect on my mood. I wish I can honestly say that if I chopped my hair off tomorrow, and wore all of my old clothes and no cute lipglosses that I would still feel beautiful, but i cant /images/graemlins/frown.gif Its also hard to stray away from that type of attitude when people seem to have certain perceptions of you. In school, im the black chick who does well in her classes. In my family, im the "skinny" girl. Dont even let me gain a couple of pounds, or my cousins will start rejoicing that im finally "catching up to them",


Im sorry, now i'm just rambling. But I feel umempowered knowing that my hair, nails, clothes and grades can have such an effect on my self confidence levels, because at any given time I can lose it all and then where would I be?

How do I learn to appreciate my personality and other abilities more?

To the moderators: sorry! This was initially about my hair LOL.

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Im sorry, now i'm just rambling. But I feel umempowered knowing that my hair, nails, clothes and grades can have such an effect on my self confidence levels, because at any given time I can lose it all and then where would I be?


[/ QUOTE ]

Imagine that you did lose all of those things tonight. You wouldn't be able to kill yourself over it; (at least I hope not!) What else is there about you that other people can't see, but makes you the wonderful person that you are? /images/graemlins/laugh.gif Everyone has an inner quality about them that makes them unique and special. Outward appearances are superficial, and don't accurately tell who you really are. Don't let other peoples' opinions of you influence your opinion of yourself. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[ngaa]

hey nubian angel i think i got issues wit that as well coz i wudnt leave my house with a twa coz i want to have hair so long i got pple askin me were i had my weave done /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Lindy]

I definitely hear what you're saying, NubianAngel. I think it also has a lot to do with how other people treat you when you wear nice clothes, are slim and toned, have long hair, etc. If you're dressed nice, your hair is looking good, and all that, you're just naturally gonna get more (positive) attention than someone who goes around in shabby clothes and messy, undone hair!!!

It also has to do with feeling good about yourself, but it isn't easy to feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror and see someone who looks like she doesn't care about herself.

I can honestly say that I do feel more attractive with my hair longer. I think that's just a personal preference though. I have always liked long hair. But there are also many people who prefer short hair. My confidence doesn't come solely from the way my hair looks, however. I work out on a regular basis, and it's been proven that people who exercise have more confidence and self esteem. I think that comes from loving yourself enough to do something you know is good for you on a regular basis...

Confidence can also come from spirituality...

So I think there are many other factors besides hair which figure into a person's confidence level... /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[azul11]

i think how you feel inside also reflects how you look on the outside and vice versa. like when you feel crappy and you dont take care of yourself you may not look your best. but when you do feel better you may take more efforts into your look to reflect how you feel on the inside. but a new look or outfit etc can boost your self esteem and make you feel more confident. confidence is a part of whole package with the inside and the outside and if something is lacking then you may not be able to put your best foot forward. the healthier my hair looks, the shine the body the length the greater i feel about my accomplishments and the better i feel about myself. /images/graemlins/smile.gif God bless you all.

 

[Supergirl]

There's an expression that goes "When you look good, you feel good." It's actually a psychological thing, but it's true. Not to say that 100% of the self and feelings is derived from how you look, but it does play a part. It's with men and women too. However, more pressure is placed on women (atleast in the U.S.) to look good.

The Bible does say that a woman's hair is her glory and isn't it peculiar that when stressed or emotionally down, one of the first things to show it is the hair. It may start thinning or breaking. In other words, when the devil attacks, he wants you to lose your glory.

That's just MY two cents. Okay...Thanks for readin'

Oh, and by the way, you said "a" source of confidence, not "the" source of confidence or "your" source of confidence. So, you're right on sista. I know that you just meant one of many sources. You're tight /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[OneShinyface]

I'm feeling the same way. My hair was my crowning glory and a shield for when my skin was very broken out. Now my hair is thin while my skin looks wonderful. I don't think I'm asking for too much to have great skin and hair.

It's going to take a while for my hair to recover and unfortunately, no amount of vitamins will speed the passage of time. I'm not a very patient person so right now, I consider myself pretty obsessed over my hair. It will be a long, long while before I feel confident about wearing my hair down and seeing anyone who thought I had a weave before.

 

[adrienne0914]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Brownie said:
for example, Star Jones, Camren Mayheim (spelled wrong--lady on The Practice), Jill Scott, Oprah Winfrey, etc...etc...

[/ QUOTE ]

why do you only name people who aren't stick thin as "people who don't have ideal outsides?" just curious...

adrienne

 

[adrienne0914]

nubianangel, i think whatever works for you is okay!! /images/graemlins/smile.gif it takes more than what's on the outside to have true happiness, but i think every little bit helps. and i'm telling you from experience that i feel much more confident when i wear my hair down vs. up.

adrienne

 

[Honey Vibe]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Brownie said:
NubianAngel,
I hate to say this, but I don't think hair length will change your confidence level. I mean, sometimes you might feel on top of the world because your hair looks good, but true happiness and confidence HAS to come from the INSIDE. If you feel beautiful and peaceful on the inside, then you could be bald and you'd still be able to strut your stuff like a queen.

[/ QUOTE ] I understand your point, NubianAngel. That's a true long-run analysis, and if I tried to argue I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

But perhaps if we thought of it this way: if you feel that your short hair is a source of insecurity, longer hair will give you confidence. Er, pragmatically speaking. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

 

[pebbles]

Hi Brownie, /images/graemlins/wave.gif

We understand what you're saying and we're all cool. /images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/smile.gif