Is it true that women look for attributes of their fathers in men?

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
I just wonder often. It seems like the men I am attracted to are very much so like my father. They are active, charismatic, street smart, and handsome. On the other hand they are wishy washy, broke, unconsistent, and sometimes verbally abusive.... hmmmmm but I tend to fall in love with those men.

My current boyfriend is the absolute opposite. As you all know from previous posts we were having a hard time....I wonder is it because I'm still looking for that man "just like daddy".

Anybody relate?
 
I think we all use our parents as a guide to what a mate and a marriage should be like...consciously or subconsciously. That said, I want the opposite of my father. :look: He gets on my nerves for real. But there are a few little things about my parents marriage that I would want for myself.

I tend to date extremely passive men because my dad is nothing like that. I need to find a good balance but I don't typically date with my long term future in mind...
 
One of my college professors, a social psychologist, said we either marry just like, or very different. In my case, very different. Dad was the deadest of deadbeats, dh is very supportive, not just of me, but my mother and sister.

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No. I don't want a man anything like my father, unless I want a man to ignore me, lie to me, treat me like a retard, and make me feel like sh*t on a daily basis like he does my mother. And she just eats it up.

Any man I'm with will look and act NOTHING like my father.
 
My father is very intelligent, kind, and supportive. These are all must-have traits in a mate for me. I think it would be odd to look for the same physical characteristics but I've noticed that young boys do this frequently where their GFs often have a similar complexion and sometimes hairstyles as their moms.
 
yuhlovevybz said:
No. I don't want a man anything like my father, unless I want a man to ignore me, lie to me, treat me like a retard, and make me feel like sh*t on a daily basis like he does my mother. And she just eats it up.

Any man I'm with will look and act NOTHING like my father.
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AGREE!!!! I will admit i dated men that looked and acted like my father. (I didn't realize it at the time).

I will never go that route again.
 
I realized that baby daddy is just like my dad...drug problems, jokester, unable to take responsibility. I didn't do this on purpose but it definitely happened and I think it happened this way cause of my daddy issues.
 
I would never date a guy who acts or looks like my dad. He is a very irresponsible, dishonest, selfish person.
 
Tis true for me. Although my father passed away when I was 4 yo, I do know how brilliant he was...and how much my mom admired him. He was a visionary. So, I'd like to marry a man that is intelligent ...someone I admire.
 
OMG, thankfully my Dh is nothing like my Father.

I grew up in such a world of confusion and fear because of his verbal, physical and emotional abuse. He was non supportive even though he lived in the apt with us & made a good salary he didn't spend it on us. My Mother had to provide everything for us including food & also pay half the rent on a teachers aid salary.

My father is illiterate , selfish, paranoid and sometimes tries to pit me & my siblings against each other even though we are all fully grown & living on our own. Unfortunately the years of dealing with His abuse has caused us all problems.

Thankfully, my hubby is nothing like him. He's very supportive, totally supports me. Pays all the bills, very intelligent and has a great career. Doesn't hurt that he's also very handsome. He's not perfect but he is NOTHING like my father.
 
Some of my father's traits I look for in men... he's very family centered, intelligent, ambitious career wise and he has a dry wit.:look::grin:

And some traits I've learned to run from the like plague:nono:...my father is too passive on things not career related, afraid of intimacy, too secretive, quiet and not intellectual at all.

The first guy I fell for had most of the qualities I mentioned... the good and the bad.:perplexed
 
Sounds like we look for men that are like or unlike our father whether we like it or not. We subconciously have our fathers in mind when we date. If they hold traits that annoyed us in our fathers, we run like the plaque. Not even giving them a chance. If they carry traits that we loved in our father, then that's a good thing. Ironically, we judge men based on our fathers without even knowing it.
 
I think we definitely do judge men based on our fathers.

My dad has a lot of qualities that I require in a man. But he has others I could do without.

Overall, I would be happy if I had a man similar to my dad, but he shouldn't remind me of my dad. Like I shouldn't see my father when I look at him
 
I started to come in here and say heck no! When I think of my dad, I dont any man to have his attributes. But when I think about it, I have a strong attraction to Jamaican men. Yet (before getting married) I would NEVER EVER date one. Funny how that goes.
 
Its true for me. The guys that have made it to relationship status definitely have my father or stepdad traits (which is a good thing and sometimes annoying too). My current SO is a mixture of both. He actually reminds me of my dad in alot of ways. They have the same temperament. But he is also restless like my stepdad and has that go-getter entrepreneur mindset. They are both full of ideas. To me both of my dads are what I think a provider should be.
 
I do in some ways. Unfortunately my father wasn't in my life for the majority of my life but the positive traits in him I look for in a man. I think had my father been in my life I would have had a better understanding of men.
 
ambergirl said:
Definitely true for me.
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Same here. :yep: Not physically, but personality wise definitely.

Livingmylifetothefullest said:
I don't on purpose but sometimes I don't realize until he says/does something to remind me of my father.
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Same here. My mom made the comment one day and I realized she was right. They are VERY similar! My father is a great man with many great attributes and I am glad I found a man that is similar to him. :yep:
 
I've always looked for the exact opposite which has served me very well. :yep:

Its funny how some women turn to more of the same (when the father is absent, or a douche) and others turn the other way.
 
^^^^ actually the opposite for me. My Dad is one of the most unique and honorable people I know. A very progressive and non traditional free thinker who also embraced the value of family and the traditional role of provider. Plus he treats my mother like royalty (most of the time - I mean they have been married forever! :lol:).

I wish I could find some one like him!
 
Kinky4Agirl said:
Sounds like we look for men that are like or unlike our father whether we like it or not. We subconciously have our fathers in mind when we date. If they hold traits that annoyed us in our fathers, we run like the plaque. Not even giving them a chance. If they carry traits that we loved in our father, then that's a good thing. Ironically, we judge men based on our fathers without even knowing it.
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I never had my father in mind when I dated. I looked for certain qualities I needed. I did get guidance from my ministers mother years ago though.
 
It never occurred to me that I was looking for a partner who had attributes similar to my dad until recently.

My dad is always provided for his family, worked all kinds of jobs he probably hated, but did it all to make sure his kids were taken care of. He was always financially responsible and always drummed into me the importance of planning ahead and to always work hard for what I wanted.

And he is always emotionally strong - he's had some major set backs in his life and got right back up and did what he had to do as a man. I get all the above attributes from him.

He has other attributes I wouldn't want in a man, but then I never said he was perfect lol
 
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I think a lot of women would if they've had a father in their life....it just seems like something that would subconsciously happen to most women.
My father has never been in my life (by his choice), so I looked for men that were the complete opposite of what my mother looked for...because obviously the men she had weren't that great.
 
I know that my dad wasn't a perfect man but he definitely carried traits and strengths that I am looking for in a husband/partner. I only hope to meet someone as half as great as him.
 
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