Is it shallow to want him to loose weight?

[angenoir]

Sorry ladies... Yet another 'Is it shallow' thread...

I just read through the thread where the OP had talked of a situation where the guy was not well-spoken and where she tried to coach him but it really wasn't working.

So my question is - Is it shallow to want a guy to loose weight? He is a great guy all round. A really really great guy. But he is overweight. And you on the other hand take care of your fitness and weight and are in good shape.

You've spoken openly about health and weight and he is committed to eating healthy and even exercising. And some you've even seen some weight has slowly begun to come off.
You encourage but always in a kind manner and never nag.

He is also a little bit shy and its obvious some of it comes from the weight issues. But overall he is a great guy.

Is it shallow to want/hope some of the weight comes off before the friendship moves to the next level?

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UPDATE TO THE POST
HI Ladies

Thanks for all your comments. Just to reiterate. It is not a personal situation. I was just interested in the concept of "shallowness" because if you read the other thread someone else had started earlier about the guy not being well-spoken, it was a general opinion that it was not shallow to want someone to be well-spoken etc. So I wanted to see if this is also the general thought with regard to weight or indeed any other issue.

I see that the opinions are pretty evenly split. I agree 100% that it is wrong to lead someone on.
BUT I do think and believe it is ok to help someone if they want to be helped to be healthier, better-spoken, better-dressed etc But this should never be done as a pre-requisite for friendship.

I do think it is shallow and pretentious to want to change someone to suit you before you can accept them

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Yep, if you're not happy with him as is and you are that shallow that you can't date him because he has a few extra pounds, you're the one who needs some work done not him.

Imagine if someone stepped to you and said "I will not date you until you change x, y, z about your appearance because I don't think you look good enough as is" ?


Are you making excuses so you won't have to date him? Because that is what it seems like.
If you're not physically attracted to him, it might never work regardless of how much weight he will lose.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Nope. Just like I wouldn't consider the situation shallow in reverse.

 

[complexsimplicity]

idk really. when it comes down to it, if he stays overweight whether you're w/ him or not, he could have future health problems. that's one way i look at it. i don't want him to stay that weight and possibly continue to gain more weight and leave me widowed at an early age bc of possible heart issues and diabetes.

 

[dlewis]

I don't think it's shallow but don't date him and continue to hope that he loses the weight.

 

[JustKiya]

I think it's kinda early to try to change a man - you at least try to wait until after you get married for all that.
I just - wouldn't date him, personally.

 

[MonaLisa]

*I saw shallow and came running just to see responses... *

 

[FlawedBeauty]

i dont think its shallow. if your not attracted to bigger men there is nothing you can do about that. i just cant do it as far as the sex goes. i've dated a man that was a complete uggo but it didnt matter cuz his personality made him cute. and i've also had a guy that wanted to date me, was way cuter than the uggo, but i just couldnt do it because i could not make myself become physically attracted to him even though he was an awesome guy.

 

[angenoir]

Thanks for your responses ladies.

And no, I am not trying to change someone. I am just asking about a situation I know of.

PS - I don't think its a bad thing to want someone to live more healthy.

 

[angenoir]

Yep, if you're not happy with him as is and you are that shallow that you can't date him because he has a few extra pounds, you're the one who needs some work done not him.

Imagine if someone stepped to you and said "I will not date you until you change x, y, z about your appearance because I don't think you look good enough as is" ?


Are you making excuses so you won't have to date him? Because that is what it seems like.
If you're not physically attracted to him, it might never work regardless of how much weight he will lose.

Wow. OK.

Thanks for your response.
Just to clarify. I am not the one in this situation and I am not making excuses not to date anyone . If I don't want to date someone I don't. Simple.

Thanks anyway.

 

[eyunka]

If it is then I'm shallow...let me add i didn't read the thread just the title....i would love for DH to loose for health purposes and looks at well.

 

[michelle81]

I don't think it's shallow at all. Do you know if he has ever been thinner and has recently gained for some reason?

Some people take health, fitness, and exercise very seriously (not sure if you're one of those), but I think it can cause major problems later on if you get deeper in the relationship and he hasn't changed.

Like JustKiya said, I wouldn't date him either, but it depends on how much it really means to you.

Weight/health/obesity is a very touchy subject, and I don't even know how I would bring it up without offending him if we were just dating.

 

[eyunka]

Now that I have read the thread is it shallow, I don't think so, people have perferences and his physical is not a preference to her. If the young man takes to the idea of losing weight what's the problem she may be helping in him the long run.

This is a sensitive subject and others may disagree with me. I feel like you should not be embrassed to be with the person you are with if you are then you don't need to be with them

Sorry ladies... Yet another 'Is it shallow' thread...

I just read through the thread where the OP had talked of a situation where the guy was not well-spoken and where she tried to coach him but it really wasn't working.

So my question is - Is it shallow to want a guy to loose weight? He is a great guy all round. A really really great guy. But he is overweight. And you on the other hand take care of your fitness and weight and are in good shape.

You've spoken openly about health and weight and he is committed to eating healthy and even exercising. And some you've even seen some weight has slowly begun to come off.
You encourage but always in a kind manner and never nag.

He is also a little bit shy and its obvious some of it comes from the weight issues. But overall he is a great guy.

Is it shallow to want/hope some of the weight comes off before the friendship moves to the next level?

 

[angenoir]

Now that I have read the thread is it shallow, I don't think so, people have perferences and his physical is not a preference to her. If the young man takes to the idea of losing weight what's the problem she may be helping in him the long run.

This is a sensitive subject and others may disagree with me. I feel like you should not be embrassed to be with the person you are with if you are then you don't need to be with them

You make a good point!

 

[Aveena]

I don't think it's shallow.. look...

I've dated guys that were fit, a few extra pounds.. fat etc.... and I enjoyed them

I was attracted to them- the body type or the personality afforded grace etc.. etc...

There was a very nice guy that liked me that was not EVEN the fatest but I just didn't like the way his body was shaped.

I have a type and I'll like it whether is trim or fat plain and simple and I'm not shallow.

IF you don't like it -- you don't like it...period.

 

[eyunka]

I had to learn that the hard way...always got my feelings hurt when a certain boy didn't like me. Now I just say He may like a tall girl or thicker girl or one with short hair or natural hair...dare i say a light skinned which i am neither of those things and it's ok...someone out there likes me for me. It shouldn't be taken as a personal blow.

You make a good point!

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

I think everyone has a right to want who/what they want....

Men do it all the time..and I think women feel bad when they do it.

I personally am not attracted to overweight men...

The difference with me is that...when he initially approached me, I would not have engaged him...

I'm a firm believer in not leading people on...that way you won't have the current dilemma.

 

[Ramya]

Umm if she is not attracted to him, why is she wasting his time? Leave him alone and find someone you are attracted to. Simple.

 

[jennboo]

Hmmm....might be shallow, but who cares?...It's your personal preference.

This isn't pc to say, but i cannot be with an overweight person...awesome personality or not, i just can't do it. I am fit and trim and i expect my mate to be the same...when i get fat, thats when i'll start checking for bigger dudes bc at that point i'd have no room to talk.

To the OP, i wouldn't lead the guy on. If the attraction is'nt there right now, i don't think you should be operating off of "potential" or the hope that he'll lose a considerable amoung of weight.

 

[Filmatic]

I don't think it's shallow to have a preference, but I do think it's shallow and a lead on to try to change someone.

If he was fat when he met you, why lead him on making him think you want him? There is no need to always change someone, go get who you really want.

I like tall dudes, I'm not going to start dating a short dude then start throwing him hints that he needs to grow.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

No, it's not shallow. But you can't change him - he has to want to change. You can help him but I really don't like it when women pick 'project' men. I know they don't all come perfect but..

 

[AnnDriena_]

Yep, if you're not happy with him as is and you are that shallow that you can't date him because he has a few extra pounds, you're the one who needs some work done not him.

Imagine if someone stepped to you and said "I will not date you until you change x, y, z about your appearance because I don't think you look good enough as is" ?


Are you making excuses so you won't have to date him? Because that is what it seems like.
If you're not physically attracted to him, it might never work regardless of how much weight he will lose.

If I'm not shallow but I don't want the "few extra pounds either". It's not desirable to me. There's nothing wrong with me.

And being overweight isn't a few extra pounds. It's gross.

Women tend to fall in love with mens potential and then end up unhappy when they don't live up to that potential. When men want a swimsuit model they don't pick a fat woman and try to make her into one.

 

[angenoir]

HI Ladies

Thanks for all your comments. Just to reiterate. It is not a personal situation. I was just interested in the concept of "shallowness" because if you read the other thread someone else had started earlier about the guy not being well-spoken, it was a general opinion that it was not shallow to want someone to be well-spoken etc. So I wanted to see if this is also the general thought with regard to weight or indeed any other issue.

I see that the opinions are pretty evenly split. I agree 100% that it is wrong to lead someone on.
BUT I do think and believe it is ok to help someone if they want to be helped to be healthier, better-spoken, better-dressed etc But this should never be done as a pre-requisite for friendship.

I do think it is shallow and pretentious to want to change someone to suit you before you can accept them.

 

[lux10023]

i dont think its shallow--my boo and i go out to eat alot--plus he comes from a family of chefs--and i realized the foods i eat he shouldnt eat as frequently---since his stomach area--was looking a lil pot-belly-ish


so i politely told him in a nice way and he has opted to change his eating habits--and step up his morning work out routine--which our coloring sessions were interferring with lol--and i make sure i dont eat tempting foods around him---

i like a nice stomach on a man--doesnt have to be a 6/9 pack but not hanging over the waist line

also its not healthy for a man to be over weight they have just as many issues health-wise as we do