Is it possible to be TOO close to a man....

[natural_one]

to the point that he stops seeing you in a romantic way? Backstory: I met someone about 5 mnths ago. We both decided to wait before doing anything because we wanted to get to know each other first. We started hanging out and seeing each other on a very regular basis. Nothing sexual going on, just hugging and kissing. Fast forward to now..Last night he said that he can't imagine being sexual with me because we are too close and too much alike.erplexed Needless to say I was thrown off..Basically he said that he sees like a sister, because we get along so well..HUH? Why is that a bad thing??

Seriously though to a point I am not really upset, because I am not loosing anything, but at the same time it kinda gave my self-esteem a kick in the stomach... Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or have you ever become so close to someone that you stopped seeing them romantically?

 

[FlowerHair]

This is a very unusual scenario IMO...
Whatever the reasons, you can be sure that he respects you

Most men would not hesitate to start a physical relationship with a woman regardless if she was wife material or just a short term girlfriend in their eyes...

It's weird because you hug and kiss and that's not what you do with a sister erplexed so something is not right with him.

I hope you find someone more interested in you...most men can't wait to do the deed even if they have to wait or want to wait.

 

[natural_one]

THanks for replying...I think he may just be looking for a physical relationship and not a real one. Reason being because he told me that he has had sex with other women, but he cant do it with me because he doesnt want me to be just another one of his conquests. So I guess its a good thing, but at the same time I am ready to go to that next level. I would hate to have to leave him and find someone else, but I think that is what I am going to have to do.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

THanks for replying...I think he may just be looking for a physical relationship and not a real one. Reason being because he told me that he has had sex with other women, but he cant do it with me because he doesnt want me to be just another one of his conquests. So I guess its a good thing, but at the same time I am ready to go to that next level. I would hate to have to leave him and find someone else, but I think that is what I am going to have to do.

Hmnmm....I think it's more so that he probably respects you and sees you as more than just a one-night-stand. Actually, I'd take what he told you as a compliment in a way. Most men would just sleep with the girl (no matter how "close" he is to her) and just ditch. But with you, it seems like he would rather preserve the friendship he has with you.

I think right now he may only be looking for a "quickie", and he doesn't want to do that to you because he feels deeper for you than say another woman. I think it could be the respect he has for you.

Then again....... I have never known a man to turn down sex, or not have any attraction to a girl that they are spending a lot of time with and hugging/kissing. That's just weird IMO. If he weren't kissing on you then I would say that it could be possible that he just sees you as a friend. But the fact that he doesn't mind being physically intimate with you by kissing means that something isn't adding up.

I don't know.... can guys friend-zone girls? I mean, I've always wondered this! Can a guy spend so much time with a girl that he starts to only see her as a sister?

Tell me this Natural_One: Do you two have ANY "tension" between the two of you whatsoever? Whether it's sexual tension, the occassional playful bantering back and forth, or just plain arguments sometimes...it doesn't really matter, but I think there HAS to be some masculine/feminine tension. Do you two have ANY tension? Because if you two get along SOOO well, then yeah...I can see why he would perhaps see you as being a sister or a "nice girl". I don't know... In my experience with guys, there usually has to be SOME kind of tension there for the attraction or excitement to linger. Even I like it when a guy is difficult to read, or there's some sort of unspoken tension between us. It's hard to explain. Maybe you should try bantering back and forth with him, or maybe a little heated debate... LOL!

Guys seem to like a "challenge".

 

[sonce]

Honestly, I think his physical attraction to you was never particularly strong. If he was strongly physically and romantically attracted to you, the deep emotional intimacy that has bloomed between you two could only lead to a passionate, intense romantic relationship. I've said what that guy said to you only when the strong physical attraction part of the equation was never really there to begin with but I gave things a chance to see if something could be stirred in me, and when it just didn't happen, I still wanted to keep the person as a friend because of the deep emotional bond we shared.

 

[drasgrl]

Sounds like he just wants to be friends. I wouldn't want to have sex with a man who thinks of me as a "sister" eww that sounds incestuous. From the looks of it you're into him sexually but he's not into you sexually anymore and just sees you as a friend at this point.

 

[Farida]

It is possible that he liked you initially but now that he has got to know you better he realizes you would fit better as a friend. Which sounds bad, but is actually a good thing, because it means holding off on the sex allowed the two of you to honestly explore each other and realize this before you complicated your relationship.

Another possibility is he wanted to have sex with you from the moment he met you, and thought you'd give in, but now seeing that you haven't, he is being a good man and realizing that you are not the woman to have just to quench his sexual desire...that if he is looking for someone just to have sex with and nothing more than you are not the one to use like that.

Another scenario...and this one is reaching and improbable...is that he is using reverse psychology to get you in bed with him. He is saying he can't see him self with you sexually and is hoping this will spur you to "prove" it to him otherwise...

Also, the 1st thing that came to mind is he is looking for an "easy" way to let you down.

It is not about being close. When you find the right man, close (but not like a stalker) will not send him packing.

 

[FlowerHair]

It is possible that he liked you initially but now that he has got to know you better he realizes you would fit better as a friend. Which sounds bad, but is actually a good thing, because it means holding off on the sex allowed the two of you to honestly explore each other and realize this before you complicated your relationship.

Another possibility is he wanted to have sex with you from the moment he met you, and thought you'd give in, but now seeing that you haven't, he is being a good man and realizing that you are not the woman to have just to quench his sexual desire...that if he is looking for someone just to have sex with and nothing more than you are not the one to use like that.

Another scenario...and this one is reaching and improbable...is that he is using reverse psychology to get you in bed with him. He is saying he can't see him self with you sexually and is hoping this will spur you to "prove" it to him otherwise...

I thought about the bolded too...some men try to say things like that to make the woman act desperately erplexed
Either way, I guess he's not "into you" as much as you would have hoped. Just be happy that you didn't have sex already and save yourself for someone who truly worships the ground you walk on He's out there!

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

I thought about the bolded too...some men try to say things like that to make the woman act desperately erplexed
Either way, I guess he's not "into you" as much as you would have hoped. Just be happy that you didn't have sex already and save yourself for someone who truly worships the ground you walk on He's out there!

ITA. Your worth someone that loves, honors, and cherishes you. ONLY YOU.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hehe...if some guy told me that he only saw me as his "sister", the devil in me would have replied right back: "That's okay, because honestly I only see you as my brother....old buddy ol' pal. More coffee??"

 

[Farida]

I asked for a guy's opinion and he said it is very possible to see a woman you haven't slept with as a sister.

Just be glad you didn't give it up and that he was man enough to admit it.

 

[glamazon386]

He's probably boning somebody else. I wouldn't worry about it. At least you didn't have sex with him first and then he sprung this on you.

 

[natural_one]

Tell me this Natural_One: Do you two have ANY "tension" between the two of you whatsoever? Whether it's sexual tension, the occassional playful bantering back and forth, or just plain arguments sometimes...it doesn't really matter, but I think there HAS to be some masculine/feminine tension. Do you two have ANY tension? Because if you two get along SOOO well, then yeah...I can see why he would perhaps see you as being a sister or a "nice girl". I don't know... In my experience with guys, there usually has to be SOME kind of tension there for the attraction or excitement to linger. Even I like it when a guy is difficult to read, or there's some sort of unspoken tension between us. It's hard to explain. Maybe you should try bantering back and forth with him, or maybe a little heated debate... LOL!

Guys seem to like a "challenge".

We are always fighting about something!...And trust there is a lot of sexual tension. He says little round about sexual things to me, gives me the "eye" alot. I dont know. I am just totally confused.

 

[natural_one]

Thanks ladies for the replies..I am not going to worry about it anymore. Yeah I am into him sexually, but I can accept that he doesnt feel the same about me. I guess I should be grateful that he was honest enough to tell me that instead of leading me on.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

We are always fighting about something!...And trust there is a lot of sexual tension. He says little round about sexual things to me, gives me the "eye" alot. I dont know. I am just totally confused.

What?? Then what the heck is his problem then?? I mean...

I'm sorry...but it's cases/scenarios like this that make me realize that men are an interesting breed indeed. I would expect that "If A....then B" right?? I mean, he's giving you the "eye", kissing on you, saying suggestive comments, flirting, etc.... And he STILL views you like a "sister"??? What???!?! What is up with some guys? Something's not adding up.

I think that (as others mentioned already) maybe he was testing you. He may have been trying to get you to "convince" him that you are not like his "sister". Because his actions are definitely not congruent with his words. And we all know that with guys...actions speak louder than words. Usually at least.

If I were you I would let him have his space. Put just a wee bit of distance between you two. We wouldn't want him having to struggle with incestuous thoughts about his "sister".

Some guys...I tell you... lol*

 

[TLC1020]

I agree with drasgrl, he sees you as a friend and not as a romantic partner or girlfriend but a girl/women he is cool with. Just think about it, when you say I see you as a big brother to a guy, you usually are cool with them but you just don't see it going any further than that. I've told many guys that but that's b/c I wasn't attracted to them in that way but they are mad cool though.

Sounds like he just wants to be friends. I wouldn't want to have sex with a man who thinks of me as a "sister" eww that sounds incestuous. From the looks of it you're into him sexually but he's not into you sexually anymore and just sees you as a friend at this point.