Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this off?

[BlackHairDiva]

OK,

I have a prospective guy that I like. However, he is younger 25 and Im 32. He is at his last year of university. When it comes to maturity level he is not exactly what I want to end up with....Simply put he is not the one.

However, I know that I find him attractive and vice versa. We like spending time together. I realized what I wanted from him. I want to be closer to him be friends and still have the benefits of going out with him and making out with him, but no sex( i want to keep my virginity)....Should I say a summer/autumn fling?

Is this normal??? I want him but I dont want to get too serious with him. Can this be done? Have any of view succeeded in obtaining this type of arrangement?

 

[poookie]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

Let him know up front that you don't want anything serious, and allow him to make the decision whether or not he'll go along with it. No point in wasting his time if he's dating to find The One & you've already ruled him out as such

 

[BlackHairDiva]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

Let him know up front that you don't want anything serious, and allow him to make the decision whether or not he'll go along with it. No point in wasting his time if he's dating to find The One & you've already ruled him out as such

See that is the thing If I tell him that I don't want anything serious, I don't want to lose his respect.

 

[Makenzie]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

Maybe you could send out feeler questions - 'do you see this friendship between us progressing',if so, 'where'? Or casually comment on how you like the way things are and happy for them to stay that way.

 

[panamoni]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

OK,

I have a prospective guy that I like. However, he is younger 25 and Im 32. He is at his last year of university. When it comes to maturity level he is not exactly what I want to end up with....Simply put he is not the one.

However, I know that I find him attractive and vice versa. We like spending time together. I realized what I wanted from him. I want to be closer to him be friends and still have the benefits of going out with him and making out with him, but no sex( i want to keep my virginity)....Should I say a summer/autumn fling?

Is this normal??? I want him but I dont want to get too serious with him. Can this be done? Have any of view succeeded in obtaining this type of arrangement?

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself and be honest with him. Good luck.

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

what do you mean lose his respect..?? it seems that may be a projection onto him based on what you feel a "respectable" woman would or wouldn't do...engage in a non serious relationship that you pretty much know at this present time isn't what you want....and if you aren't dating for marriage then what are you dating for...?? ask yourself are you okay with this type of relationship, anytime we put it out there that we hope somebody else (him) is okay and that they won't feel a certain way, its because we are looking for validation for ourselves and have yet to make it okay with ourselves

yes that type of relationship is possible if both people are on the same page and its communicated well....

if there is no sex is he willing to be just into you or will it be open where he can go out and be with other people sexually if thats what he chooses....will you still be open others who may come along in the period of time you are with him who may be more of what you are looking for...?? gotta put it all out on the table

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

See that is the thing If I tell him that I don't want anything serious, I don't want to lose his respect.

But if you aren't going to see him after this year, why do you care about keeping his respect?

In general, I don't really think about whether some dude is going to "respect" me for a certain decision I make. As long as I respect myself and am comfortable with my choices (whatever they might be), that's all that matters.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

See that is the thing If I tell him that I don't want anything serious, I don't want to lose his respect.

Do mean respect as friends? If you pursue a make-out relationship with him, he's not going to take you seriously. You'll be viewed as lesser degree jump-off.

 

[poookie]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

i agree. this sounds like a lose - lose situation. go with it, and eventually you'll lose his respect. but if nothing develops, you'll lose the chance to experience ... um... fun?

i've been in an experience like this. we were friends, we wanted to see where things went... then things got awkward, because we both developed feelings for one another. i knew he wasn't the one for me from the get-go, and we were entirely too different... but we still latched on. months later, the friendship's gone, we avoid each other like the plague, and we're both wishing we hadn't gotten involved at all.

i say scrap him. why not invest your energy into someone you actually want to be around for the long term?

 

[FluffyRed]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

i say scrap him. why not invest your energy into someone you actually want to be around for the long term?

ITA. What's the real benefit if it does work out? You make out with someone who doesn't care? Or you use someone that does care?

I don't see an upside to FWB relationship that cannot be better gained by a B.O.D.

ETA - but then, I'm old.

 

[1QTPie]

Re: Is it ok for me to want this???? Has anyone ever done this?How did u pull this of

I have a friend in this situation. She's older. Neither are virgins, but she was very upfront with him about the sex thing (she is abstaining for religious reasons.) He enjoys her company and they spend a lot of time together. He's not banking on "hitting it." He really likes her, BUT he is also honest, he told her that he cannot be in a relationship with someone unless it's intimate. So a few times a weeks for months, they hang out, they sleep over, they go on dates. The only thing that makes it different from having just a girlfriend in a man's body is that they kiss and make-out. Nothing further than that. And no, neither one of them are confused, they know that it's just a friendship. (For now.)

If you're upfront, maybe he'll be down with what you want. Good luck.