Is It Hard Finding Men Over 35- Spinoff of Oprah show

[Country gal]

I was watching the Oprah show which featured hot men over 35. Gayle was stating that it is hard finding dateable men 35 and over. Has that been your experience? I found and seem to attract a lot of older men. So it really has been an isse for me with men over 40. It is hard finding men closer to my age that meets my qualifications for a date.

My qualifications at least being my equal or higher financially, intellectually, funny, great dancer, sincere and kind hearted and sexy. I find it hard finding these qualities in my men my age (32) that are still single.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I won't be 30 until later this year, but I haven't had any problems meeting available "qualified" men between the ages of 34-37 (which is my dating age range).

 

[Country gal]

I won't be 30 until later this year, but I haven't had any problems meeting available "qualified" men between the ages of 34-37 (which is my dating age range).

Summer Rain, you don't count. What man in his right mind would not find you appealling. Heck, I am a straight woman and think you are hot.

Just kidding, your opinion is appreciated.

 

[FlowerHair]

I haven't had any problems either, but I'm on another continent LOL
Actually, I have it a lot easier finding dates now than I did when I was younger

 

[Summer_Rain]

Summer Rain, you don't count. What man in his right mind would not find you appealling. Heck, I am a straight woman and think you are hot.

Just kidding, your opinion is appreciated.

lmao. Yeah...well, if thats the case - tell me why my ass is still unmarried CD!! Riddle me that!!

But thank u lol

 

[Country gal]

You are a beautiful person. God will get the frogs out of your way to make room for your prince. Enjoy being single.

 

[blackbarbie]

My friends and I are all over the age of 35 and we ponder this sometimes as well. I don't think it's necessarily hard to find these men, but for the women that say it is, it may be the fact that they have so many stipulations. (I'm not saying lower your standards, just carefully analyze them to see if they are realistic, or to see if you are going to have to make this man up yourself if you really want him to exist )

What I mean by that is that when you reach that age,(and sometimes before) you have had time and experience on your side to let you know what you will or will not put up with. A few of my friends are quick to say "I want a man with this, this, and that.", when I tell them that for me, instead of making a list with all the things I MUST have, it's much easier to come up with a short list of the things that I can't tolerate. That way, when these red flags come up I am not blinded by the man having all those OTHER things on that imaginary "must have" list (that will confuse the heck out of me and give me that feeling that I have met my Knight in Shining Armor) and know exactly that those deal breakers won't be tolerated.

Sometimes when we come up with these cut and dry long lists of "must haves" in a desirable mate, we come up short if the person doesn't meet every single standard on the list, when some of them may not really be that major (in the big scheme of things). It's just that some of the things seem major alongside all the other qualities we may list..

Just my .02

 

[DragonPearl]

I saw that show. They had a black woman on the panel who was pretty, but ohhh sooo negative, she was poo-pooing every advice she was given. I was wondering why she was there in the first place... erplexed

 

[firecracker]

Heck no! There are a bunch of qualified single men that love torture.

 

[Evolution76]

I saw that show. They had a black woman on the panel who was pretty, but ohhh sooo negative, she was poo-pooing every advice she was given. I was wondering why she was there in the first place... erplexed

I saw the show, too and I completely agree with you. Why go if you're going to shut down all the advice that's given to you?

I don't think it's too difficult to meet men over 35, I think it's just that past experiences makes us a lot more selective about whom we choose to spend our time with and get to know. At least in my opinion.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Maybe some of the dateable men over 35 are checking for women way younger than them (still in their 20s). I've had plenty of older men try to chat me up.

 

[Country gal]

My friends and I are all over the age of 35 and we ponder this sometimes as well. I don't think it's necessarily hard to find these men, but for the women that say it is, it may be the fact that they have so many stipulations. (I'm not saying lower your standards, just carefully analyze them to see if they are realistic, or to see if you are going to have to make this man up yourself if you really want him to exist )

What I mean by that is that when you reach that age,(and sometimes before) you have had time and experience on your side to let you know what you will or will not put up with. A few of my friends are quick to say "I want a man with this, this, and that.", when I tell them that for me, instead of making a list with all the things I MUST have, it's much easier to come up with a short list of the things that I can't tolerate. That way, when these red flags come up I am not blinded by the man having all those OTHER things on that imaginary "must have" list (that will confuse the heck out of me and give me that feeling that I have met my Knight in Shining Armor) and know exactly that those deal breakers won't be tolerated.

Sometimes when we come up with these cut and dry long lists of "must haves" in a desirable mate, we come up short if the person doesn't meet every single standard on the list, when some of them may not really be that major (in the big scheme of things). It's just that some of the things seem major alongside all the other qualities we may list..

Just my .02

Great point.

 

[Country gal]

I saw that show. They had a black woman on the panel who was pretty, but ohhh sooo negative, she was poo-pooing every advice she was given. I was wondering why she was there in the first place... erplexed

I was thinking the same thing. She and Gayle were trying to tell this guy he was so wrong.

 

[ambergirl]

I didn't see the show, but there was an article in my local paper talking about how San Jose, California (basically where I live) has all these men over 35. Well, okay, granted there may be some numbers here, but unless you're into pasty, geeky, socially challenged, and questionable hygiene, it's probably not much better then anywhere else...and no brothers...not a big issue for me, but if you want em brown don't come to my town.

As for dating, yes I passed the over 35 mark awhile ago and I don't think the problem is finding dates, it's finding quality.

I haven't given up....really...but I've noticed that what I'm looking for has changed dramatically over the years. I wouldn't say I'm picky about most things. Age, race, size, looks only matter to the degree that I would be willing to do the deed with them! Career and livelihood matter only to the degree that they are self-sufficient and have a plan for their lives. But I am much pickier about character, how they treat me, their willingness to be true partners in the relationship, and their willingness to accept me as I am, just as I am willing to accept them. No makeover kings who want you to lose weight, change your hair, change your clothes, don't talk too much, don't spend time with your friends, blah, blah, blah.. (and I've had men who have tried to do all of that).

THIS has made it much, much harder to find a suitable partner. There are good men out there...I know that...but the sad fact is that there are more together women (of any race) then there are men (of any race).

The good news is as they get older, alot of the ones that were clueless when they were younger are ready to get a clue. Older men (particularly those who were married before and realize they messed up the relationship) are often more willing to be full partners in the relationship. So even though the pool of men is more like a raindrop, there are some real gems in that little drop of water!

 

[mermaid]

I was watching the Oprah show which featured hot men over 35. Gayle was stating that it is hard finding dateable men 35 and over. Has that been your experience? I found and seem to attract a lot of older men. So it really has been an isse for me with men over 40. It is hard finding men closer to my age that meets my qualifications for a date.

My qualifications at least being my equal or higher financially, intellectually, funny, great dancer, sincere and kind hearted and sexy. I find it hard finding these qualities in my men my age (32) that are still single.

I think women over 35 may be a little more picky (and so they should be), and therefore don't get as many "takers".
I think as long as you have a pleasant personality, keep your looks good and put together, you kow clean and look like you care about yourself (there has to be something to draw the man in initially, otherwise how will they know what a wonderful person you are??), and don't try too hard (you know how some people just have that desperate vibe about them??) there should be no problem.
I am nearly 40 and have never had a problem attracting a man that I may have my eye on (see that? CONFIDENCE helps, too) . I just usually get bored with them after a while and throw them back in the sea.
Seriously though, there are some things you have to decide if they are deal breakers; like I like to go out and kick it in the clubs every now and then and like to dance, but my bf doesn't dance and I can't convince him to try it (really. He sucks at it. I don't want him dancing.erplexed ), but he doesn't mind that I go out with my friends and dance with guys at the club OR even go out with my ex who DOES like to dance- it gets him off the hook and keeps me happy. That compromise works for us and keeps the peace.
If you have qualities that are absolute and youwill not give in on soe things, then chances are you WON'T find anyone to live up to your expectations because these men in their 30's and above ALSO have become set in their ways (like we have) and have already been molded into the men they are (probably by some other woman, lol!) and ALSO have their own expectations of a woman that most of US can't meet, so the compromise is critical.
Anyway, long story short. They're out there. It just depends on what is more important; the dream list we create or the chance to be happy with someone, despite their failure to live up to "the list".

 

[Cleve_gryl]

I saw the show also, and I was thinking to myself there are single men over 35 but not here!! I do think it depends on LOCATION!! I live in Cleveland and haven't been on a date in months .

 

[justsimply]

I have this problem. I'm 40 and would like to date someone about 45ish. I keep getting the 37 and under guys. It may be a compliment in it's own wierd way ('cause I'm no Summerrain), but I would really like someone older who the thought of them touching me doesn't make me want to run.

Normally with young guys, come young children. My youngest is 14 and I'm hoping after he leaves that I can follow him around ... (lol) ... it's hard letting go.

 

[hennagirl]

I was thinking the same thing. She and Gayle were trying to tell this guy he was so wrong.

I saw the show and I could understand the POV of Gayle and the viewer. It appeared to me that the "expert" and Gayle were talking about two different things from two different POV's. The expert IMO appeared to advocate/recommend dressing "sexy" and approaching men which is fine if you are comfortable dressing sexily and approaching strange men. It seemed as if the expert wanted women to act a certain way to attract men but the women seem to be focused on finding a serious relationship. I think the whole exercise was very male-oriented. In addition, I didn't catch that guy's credentials. Did he have any?

 

[DragonPearl]

I saw the show and I could understand the POV of Gayle and the viewer. It appeared to me that the "expert" and Gayle were talking about two different things from two different POV's. The expert IMO appeared to advocate/recommend dressing "sexy" and approaching men which is fine if you are comfortable dressing sexily and approaching strange men. It seemed as if the expert wanted women to act a certain way to attract men but the women seem to be focused on finding a serious relationship. I think the whole exercise was very male-oriented. In addition, I didn't catch that guy's credentials. Did he have any?

I was not under the impression that the "expert" was advocating women dressed sluttily. To me, being sexy is not the same as being slutty, and I don't think being sexy as part of your overall package is a deterrent to finding serious relationships. On the contrary. Men are visual creatures and sexual creatures, and there is nothing wrong with being sexy and attractive.

As for them approaching strangers, unless a woman is going to restrict her dating pool of men to her place of workship, her workplace (which I don't advocate), people she meets through friends, family and acquaintances, most of the men she will be approached by or she will approach will be strangers in some way.

My problem with Gayle and that woman on the panel was that they're complaining about not meeting men, so obviously, whatever they've been doing before is not working. So, unless they want to throw themselves at the mercy of God and just pray for a mate and go on with their lives, they have to be willing to try different ways and put themselves out there.

 

[zora]

I saw the show and I could understand the POV of Gayle and the viewer. It appeared to me that the "expert" and Gayle were talking about two different things from two different POV's. The expert IMO appeared to advocate/recommend dressing "sexy" and approaching men which is fine if you are comfortable dressing sexily and approaching strange men. It seemed as if the expert wanted women to act a certain way to attract men but the women seem to be focused on finding a serious relationship. I think the whole exercise was very male-oriented. In addition, I didn't catch that guy's credentials. Did he have any?

I think the guy's point was that before you can even have a serious relationship, you have to catch the guy's eye first. I think the women were equating sexy with slutty. It's not necessarily the same thing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think the guy's point was that before you can even have a serious relationship, you have to catch the guy's eye first. I think the women were equating sexy with slutty. It's not necessarily the same thing.

Bingo. So true. When I was younger I would be offended that guys wanted to get my number when they didn't even know me, or really take the time to know me deeply.

HOWEVER, as I got older, I realized that men are visual creatures. They can't help it! Before a guy can get to know the "real me" on the inside, they have to like what they see on the outside. It kind of stinks...but I have a totally different outlook now, so I don't see it as offensive anymore.

 

[hennagirl]

I was not under the impression that the "expert" was advocating women dressed sluttily. To me, being sexy is not the same as being slutty, and I don't think being sexy as part of your overall package is a deterrent to finding serious relationships. On the contrary. Men are visual creatures and sexual creatures, and there is nothing wrong with being sexy and attractive.

As for them approaching strangers, unless a woman is going to restrict her dating pool of men to her place of workship, her workplace (which I don't advocate), people she meets through friends, family and acquaintances, most of the men she will be approached by or she will approach will be strangers in some way.

My problem with Gayle and that woman on the panel was that they're complaining about not meeting men, so obviously, whatever they've been doing before is not working. So, unless they want to throw themselves at the mercy of God and just pray for a mate and go on with their lives, they have to be willing to try different ways and put themselves out there.

Fact: He recommended that the viewer wear a short skirt to a Farmer's Market and approach strange men. I made no reference in my post about "sluttiness", that is entirely your attribution. I stated and I will reiterate:

"The expert IMO appeared to advocate/recommend dressing "sexy" and approaching men which is fine if you are comfortable dressing sexily and approaching strange men. It seemed as if the expert wanted women to act a certain way to attract men but the women seem to be focused on finding a serious relationship."

Gayle and the viewer expressed concern about altering their personality to attract a man and the effect of the alteration on the relationship in the long run.

I agree that finding men in the workplace has a number of attendant negative consequences. However, given the number of humans with serious issues, approaching strangers has it own set of potentially disastrous consequences. We have seen a number of threads on this board concerning the fallout from stranger relationships. At the end of the day, it is up to each woman to decide what she is comfortable with doing to find a partner.

 

[nicki6]

I am in Houston and, in my opinion, its very difficult to meet QUALITY men over 35. I typically date 5-10 yrs senior to myself and they're STILL not ready.

I recently met a 45 yr old and he has NO conversation! I don't think that I'm asking for a laundry list of impossibilities. Its a Sahara out here in the real world for those of us that want an intelligent, attentive, and attractive guy

 

[SUPER SWEET]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I've met so many more single men over 35 with no kids, never been married,nice home and a modest paycheck in the south it blows my mind!
I think the problem comes when WOMEN have a checklist that is unreasonable. No one will be 100%, so not to say settle but look for 90-85% match. Because most likely you wont be his 100% either. Look deeper to what you really dont want.

 

[DragonPearl]

Fact: He recommended that the viewer wear a short skirt to a Farmer's Market and approach strange men. I made no reference in my post about "sluttiness", that is entirely your attribution. I stated and I will reiterate:

"The expert IMO appeared to advocate/recommend dressing "sexy" and approaching men which is fine if you are comfortable dressing sexily and approaching strange men. It seemed as if the expert wanted women to act a certain way to attract men but the women seem to be focused on finding a serious relationship."

Gayle and the viewer expressed concern about altering their personality to attract a man and the effect of the alteration on the relationship in the long run.

I agree that finding men in the workplace has a number of attendant negative consequences. However, given the number of humans with serious issues, approaching strangers has it own set of potentially disastrous consequences. We have seen a number of threads on this board concerning the fallout from stranger relationships. At the end of the day, it is up to each woman to decide what she is comfortable with doing to find a partner.

He mentioned farmers' market as ONE place to meet men, along with the golf course and other places. Farmers markets are great places to meet men!! Especially if you're into healthy foods. In upscale towns, at the farmer's market, there can be tons of interesting SINGLE men who are there to get healthy, fresh and organic food. Nothing wrong with that. I would rather meet a man in a Farmer's market than in a bar.

On the short skirt issue, how short was he talking about? Slightly over the knee, which I wear ALL the time (and I am not even looking for a man, LOL!!) or right below-the-butt short? Again, I don't think you can assume sluttiness if a woman is wearing a "short" skirt. And yes, I am using the term sluttiness because it is implied in the "expressed concerns" about wearing a "short skirt". Why else would a woman be concerned about wearing a short skirt?

On the issue of approaching a man, there are a myriad of ways a woman can approach a man without throwing herself at him. A smile and comment about the weather, a request for help or opinion on a product on the shelf if you're at Home Depot for instance, etc.... nothing here screams "I am on the hunt for a penis". I think that mastering the art of small uncommital talk can be a great asset.

If a woman think it's below her to wear a "short" skirt and approach a man in any way, she shouldn't force herself. She can project an asexual look if that's what is in her soul, and wait for men to come out of the sky. Hey, it happens... She also needs to stop asking for advice that she is not willing to follow.

 

[hennagirl]

He mentioned farmers' market as ONE place to meet men, along with the golf course and other places. Farmers markets are great places to meet men!! Especially if you're into healthy foods. Depending on the town, at the farmer's market, there can be tons of interesting SINGLE men who are there to get healthy, fresh and organic food. Nothing wrong with that. I would rather meet a man in a Farmer's market than in a bar.

On the short skirt issue, how short was he talking about? Slightly over the knee, which I wear ALL the time, or right below-the-butt short? Again, I don't think you can assume sluttiness if a woman is wearing a "short" skirt.

On the issue of approaching a man, there are a myriad of ways a woman can approach a man without throwing herself at him. A smile and comment about the weather, a request for help or opinion on a product on the shelf if you're at Home Depot for instance, etc.... nothing here screams "I am on the hunt for a penis". I think that mastering the art of small uncommital talk can be a great asset.

If a woman think it's below her to wear something sexy and approach a man in any way, she shouldn't force herself. She is obviously hoping that somehow, her prince will find her, and that's fine. It happens. But then, she shouldn't be sitting at home bemoaning the lack of men...

One last time, I never mentioned slutty. Slutty is your reference not mine. I never made a reference to social class or whether the behavior was beneath the viewer. I don't consider the art of small talk or noncomittal conversation to be the point in this situation. The viewer appeared to be an attractive, urbane woman with a number of interests. She appeared more than capable of noncommital small talk should she choose to engage in such conversation. My point remains the comfort of the woman with these tactics. The viewer was obviously uncomfortable so the strategy was not appropriate for her.

One last point, men are not stupid, they are aware of the books and strategies marketed to single women. They know what is happening when a woman approaches them for an opinion.

 

[DragonPearl]

One last time, I never mentioned slutty. Slutty is your reference not mine. I never made a reference to social class or whether the behavior was beneath the viewer. I don't consider the art of small talk or noncomittal conversation to be the point in this situation. The viewer appeared to be an attractive, urbane woman with a number of interests. She appeared more than capable of noncommital small talk should she choose to engage in such conversation. My point remains the comfort of the woman with these tactics. The viewer was obviously uncomfortable so the strategy was not appropriate for her.

One last point, men are not stupid, they are aware of the books and strategies marketed to single women. They know what is happening when a woman approaches them for an opinion.

Oh, I agree with you. If they are interested in the woman that's approaching them in this way, then they can take it from there. If they're not interested, they don't have to pursue it. It's all done without anybody having to lose face or feeling rejected, which is the whole point of this exercise. Bottom line, the woman didn't throw herself at him.


I need to ask you : Here you have women who are complaining that they don't meet men. I am sorry, but the world is crawling with men, yet these women are not meeting them. What do you suggest they do? Should these women just wait for the seemingly elusive men to continue to elude them or can they proactive and approach men that they think are interesting? What is wrong with approaching men? Nobody is saying to approach a strange man in a deserted country road at night. We're talking about meeting men in open and safe settings. Do you have any constructive suggestion for those women other than just wait it out?

 

[Stormy]

Wow! This is news to me! Well, I don't date anymore, but when I did I never had a problem finding quality men over 35. In fact, the closer I got to 30 and over, the more seemed to approach me. All over 35. Good men too!

 

[Stormy]

My friends and I are all over the age of 35 and we ponder this sometimes as well. I don't think it's necessarily hard to find these men, but for the women that say it is, it may be the fact that they have so many stipulations. (I'm not saying lower your standards, just carefully analyze them to see if they are realistic, or to see if you are going to have to make this man up yourself if you really want him to exist )

What I mean by that is that when you reach that age,(and sometimes before) you have had time and experience on your side to let you know what you will or will not put up with. A few of my friends are quick to say "I want a man with this, this, and that.", when I tell them that for me, instead of making a list with all the things I MUST have, it's much easier to come up with a short list of the things that I can't tolerate. That way, when these red flags come up I am not blinded by the man having all those OTHER things on that imaginary "must have" list (that will confuse the heck out of me and give me that feeling that I have met my Knight in Shining Armor) and know exactly that those deal breakers won't be tolerated.

Sometimes when we come up with these cut and dry long lists of "must haves" in a desirable mate, we come up short if the person doesn't meet every single standard on the list, when some of them may not really be that major (in the big scheme of things). It's just that some of the things seem major alongside all the other qualities we may list..

Just my .02

Damn girl you are smart! And so right! I heard something like this on the Steve Harvey show one morning too.

 

[hennagirl]

Oh, I agree with you. If they are interested in the woman that's approaching them in this way, then they can take it from there. If they're not interested, they don't have to pursue it. It's all done without anybody having to lose face or feeling rejected, which is the whole point of this exercise. Bottom line, the woman didn't throw herself at him.


I need to ask you : Here you have women who are complaining that they don't meet men. I am sorry, but the world is crawling with men, yet these women are not meeting them. What do you suggest they do? Should these women just wait for the seemingly elusive men to continue to elude them or can they proactive and approach men that they think are interesting? What is wrong with approaching men? Nobody is saying to approach a strange man in a deserted country road at night. We're talking about meeting men in open and safe settings. Do you have any constructive suggestion for those women other than just wait it out?

As I stated, I think that women should utilize the strategies they are comfortable with in the pursuit of men. Some women are comfortable with approaches that make other women feel uncomfortable. I will agree with you that if the approach you select is not fruitful, you must live with that consequence. If you ask for my personal opinion, I would network through friends, family, sorority and professional connections. I would not approach a stranger anywhere at any time or place which is the right decision for me, but not the right decision perhaps for other women.