IR Relationships - Ever Been Called a Racial Slur?

BEAUTYU2U

BEAUTYU2U

Well-Known Member
So I'm wondering - in the heat of the argument - has your BF/SO/DH ever called you a racial slur? How'd you react? If it never happened, how do you think you would act?

I'm just asking because I remember reading in a book about IR relationships that it's a prominent fear of black women who don't date outside their race. Is it valid or is it something "we" should let go?

ETA: *Disclaimer* This is not a bait post, I want to know if this is a "myth" so to speak. :yep: Please be respectful in your responses.
 
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Yeah.. I was dating an asian & in an argument he said to me ''I knew I shouldn't have dated a knee-grow."

I replied with .. sorry I can't ''see'' what your saying. :look:
 
If someone I was dating called me a racial slur word, I would leave him STAT & never look back :nono: :nono:. I will then proceed to tell every1 I know and every1 he and I know together (especially if they ask) the reason for the breakup, so they all know what a racist SOB he is.... SMDH! HISS!!!....

I hope I am never in that situation though. I am someone that takes things to heart a bit too easily and it would bug me for a very long time, that I was with someone who can let loose with racial slurs willy nilly like that.
 
Kachi said:
If someone I was dating called me a racial slur word, I would leave him STAT & never look back :nono: :nono:. I will then proceed to tell every1 I know and every1 he and I know together (especially if they ask) the reason for the breakup, so they all know what a racist SOB he is.... SMDH! HISS!!!....

I hope I am never in that situation though. I am someone that takes things to heart a bit too easily and it would bug me for a very long time, that I was with someone who can let loose with racial slurs willy nilly like that.
Click to expand...

What if you were married to the person? Could you leave so easily?
 
I would just call him one right back. If this was someone who I loved and who loved me, I would set him straight about boundaries about where to not go...
 
No, he never called me a racist name (maybe a female doggie), but that's it.

IMO, that should be an "unspoken" rule. Don't call each other anything racist. Respect me and I'll respect you back.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
What if you were married to the person? Could you leave so easily?
Click to expand...

It would depend on what he said exactly, but I wouldn't blame someone for filing for divorce based on this cos lord know in this society of ours, ppl have divorced for much less reasons than being called a racial slur.

Like I said, It would depend on what he said exactly as I do view marriage as a serious business not to be entered into or departed from lightly. If he said something like "you black ppl... e.g.: are always crying racism, getting pissed off easily, or something equally "harmless- to white folks anyway" etc" I would be able to forgive that comment after I have checked him & we have REALLY discussed it and the implications of a repeat offence.

Now if he called me the N-word, or worse, it's buh-bye!:nono::nono: because not only is he being racially insensitive to someone he 'supposedly' loves, he has shown me that he has no respect for me at all and after that my trust in him will be shattered and I will really find it difficult to exist in that marriage cos who's to say it won't happen again? and again?:yep:... I ain't gonn' put up with that, no sir!

I would hope that this is what I would do in a situation like this, but we all know reality doesn't always play out like we plan.
 
My ex was not black and although I broke up with him b/c he called me out of my name, it was not a racial slur. That wouldn't have gone right with his 'I only date black women' mantra:rolleyes:.
 
:nono: I think most of the white guys I dated thought they were REALLY AA too ((shrugs)), but no. never happened
 
My SO has never said anything to me or anyone else( and he never would), but one time I said his comments about a situation( heated topic-drug use in the caribbean) were ignorant and could be seen as racist. Admittedly I said this provocatively....

I was driving, he got so mad he got out of the car and left. Wouldn't speak to me for hours, was extremely upset I would ever think he was racist.
 
This thread reminded me of this post I got from http://microaggressions.com/

  • Fiancé and I are in the car, listening to the radio.
  • Me:: What is this song about, how hard it is to be a white man?
  • Him:: Well, it actually is hard to be white and male. There's all those scholarships and programs to help people who aren't.
  • Me:: Those programs are there to level the playing field, not raise anyone up above the other.
  • Him:: But you don't have to do anything to get the help. You just have to fit the qualifications. If you're white, you have to apply yourself extra hard and actually prove yourself instead of just sitting around.
  • Made me feel sad. Like my non-white-male status was a burden for him. Like maybe I was making a mistake in marrying him.
 
I've been with my bf for 10 years and it has never happened. If anything, I'm the one that will bring up race--shut your white :censored: up! :lachen.

On a serious note, he has never gone there.

We are so much alike that we don't really see race.
 
No no no hell no. :nono:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5YsrYQS2kI

For something like that to "slip out" ...those stereotypes were there and playing in the background of his mind. I can't imagine being with anyone who was stupid enough to think that the color of my skin had an influence on my personality.
 
RachelRegina said:
This thread reminded me of this post I got from http://microaggressions.com/

  • Fiancé and I are in the car, listening to the radio.
  • Me:: What is this song about, how hard it is to be a white man?
  • Him:: Well, it actually is hard to be white and male. There's all those scholarships and programs to help people who aren't.
  • Me:: Those programs are there to level the playing field, not raise anyone up above the other.
  • Him:: But you don't have to do anything to get the help. You just have to fit the qualifications. If you're white, you have to apply yourself extra hard and actually prove yourself instead of just sitting around.
  • Made me feel sad. Like my non-white-male status was a burden for him. Like maybe I was making a mistake in marrying him.
Click to expand...

Cry me a river :rolleyes:... I hope she didn't/doesn't marry him
 
SleekyHair said:
Cry me a river :rolleyes:... I hope she didn't/doesn't marry him
Click to expand...

RachelRegina said:
This thread reminded me of this post I got from http://microaggressions.com/

  • Fiancé and I are in the car, listening to the radio.
  • Me:: What is this song about, how hard it is to be a white man?
  • Him:: Well, it actually is hard to be white and male. There's all those scholarships and programs to help people who aren't.
  • Me:: Those programs are there to level the playing field, not raise anyone up above the other.
  • Him:: But you don't have to do anything to get the help. You just have to fit the qualifications. If you're white, you have to apply yourself extra hard and actually prove yourself instead of just sitting around.
  • Made me feel sad. Like my non-white-male status was a burden for him. Like maybe I was making a mistake in marrying him.
Click to expand...
Really? I dont think it was that serious...
I dont see this as him being racist, but rather that he doesnt understand how the system works and why it exists.
Anyway we need a spinny on being with a bm and being called racial slurs, is it as bad?
For the record this has never happened to me in any relationship...
 
My Husband will never call me a racial slur. I wont be with anyone Black or any color who will ever call me out my name or use a racial slur towards me.
 
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