Introducing him as their potential son-in-law...

[Everything Zen]

I might have already caused a mess.

We were friendly flirty associates for over a year before dating. First date he talks about our second child over dinner- I lost my appetite. We've been together 9 months. I hate bringing anyone home that isn't gonna stick around becasue I'm super picky and because you know how family can latch on to a guy like vultures even long after you're not together. He meets all of my criteria and goes above and beyond what I ever expected.

1. Is okay with no sex until I'm ready (married). I'm a reluctant virgin with a painful past and he understands and has walked me through a lot of bumps along the way. This man held my hand through my first gyno exam. (very traumatic)

2. Supports my goals in life. He understands that there are so many things that I want to do before settling down and having a family. He is even okay with adoption if I wanted to go that route.

3. Charming thoughtful and more loving than anyone I've ever met.
To the point of being annoying sometimes! He cooks, begs to rub my feet, helps with my hair... I don't always feel like going along with his playful googley (sp?) banter. What do you want MAN!!!

4. Met the family and they adore me. He's white so I consider that clutch. Mom is letting us stay at her condo for a week while she's out of town next month.

5. Our time together has been very much like the courtship thread. Every action has basically been about our future together. No ambiguity. We've started looking at houses, joint savings accounts, he's talked about the ring... I'm so surprised I never thought I would ever be in a situation like this so fast- if ever!!!

Okay so how do I bring someone home like that now? Any advice ladies?
Thanks in advance...

 

[drasgrl]

This is a problem? Is the problem because he's white and you don't think your family will accept him? If that's not the case girl you are grown your not 16. Take him and say this is my man and we are serious. You don't need their permission.

 

[Lucie]

I might have already caused a mess.

We were friendly flirty associates for over a year before dating.First date he talks about our second child over dinner- I lost my appetite. We've been together 9 months. I hate bringing anyone home that isn't gonna stick around becasue I'm super picky and because you know how family can latch on to a guy like vultures even long after you're not together. He meets all of my criteria and goes above and beyond what I ever expected.

1. Is okay with no sex until I'm ready (married). I'm a reluctant virgin with a painful past and he understands and has walked me through a lot of bumps along the way. This man held my hand through my first gyno exam. (very traumatic)

2. Supports my goals in life. He understands that there are so many things that I want to do before settling down and having a family. He is even okay with adoption if I wanted to go that route.

3. Charming thoughtful and more loving than anyone I've ever met.
To the point of being annoying sometimes! He cooks, begs to rub my feet, helps with my hair... I don't always feel like going along with his playful googley (sp?) banter. What do you want MAN!!!

4. Met the family and they adore me. He's white so I consider that clutch. Mom is letting us stay at her condo for a week while she's out of town next month.

5. Our time together has been very much like the courtship thread. Every action has basically been about our future together. No ambiguity. We've started looking at houses, joint savings accounts, he's talked about the ring... I'm so surprised I never thought I would ever be in a situation like this so fast- if ever!!!

Okay so how do I bring someone home like that now? Any advice ladies?
Thanks in advance...

I don't understand what you mean about the bolded red.

I agree 100% with what DrasGrl said .

Good luck!

 

[Everything Zen]

I don't understand what you mean about the bolded red.

I agree 100% with what DrasGrl said .

Good luck!

He literally started talking about children on our first date!
"After we have our second child..."

 

[Lucie]

He literally started talking about children on our first date!
"After we have our second child..."

LOL, sounds like my husband. He told me after 2 weeks, I was going to be his wife and I was like, "sure thing pal !"

I guess I have egg on my face now .

 

[Everything Zen]

This is a problem? Is the problem because he's white and you don't think your family will accept him? If that's not the case girl you are grown your not 16. Take him and say this is my man and we are serious. You don't need their permission.

It's not his race. Although it's a personal rule of mine that if I date outside of my race I have to meet your family first. My parents are accepting but they know how ignorant people can be and it would bother them to think I was being disrepected. I probably couldn't even be in a relationship like that.

No the problem is I live with my folks and have been "visiting friends out of town" or "staying in the city because I work so late". They like to get in my business when it comes to that kind of stuff. I stay over there all the time unless I'm am really hanging with friends. I wouldn't care if I had my own place. Maybe that's the next step. I just started this new job last month so I guess I'll try to save some cash and get a place of my own over the summer. Is that a waste of money considering the fact that we want to put a down payment on a home early next year?

 

[Everything Zen]

LOL, sounds like my husband. He told me after 2 weeks, I was going to be his wife and I was like, "sure thing pal !"

I guess I have egg on my face now .

It is scary but then again I had to respect him because he had a plan and he is a man that knows what he wants and what his intentions are for me.

ALSO... He's almost 11 years older... Don't know how the folks are gonna take it... The first and only one I bring home is white, 36, AND potential DH???!!! They're old. I don't want to put them in the ground over this.

 

[Everything Zen]

LOL, sounds like my husband. He told me after 2 weeks, I was going to be his wife and I was like, "sure thing pal !"

I guess I have egg on my face now .

BTW- Love your "peep show" picture!

 

[Lucie]

BTW- Love your "peep show" picture!

LOL I "borrowed' the Peeps picture from someone's blog.

My dad was 31 when he married my mother. She was 20 . I've always liked older men but go figure I am 18 months older than DH.

I don't think his age will affect your parents. I think what matters most is how he treats you and what his plans are for his and your future.

I think you should try to stay with them a little longer until you get your own home. A few months will go by quicker than you know and then you'll have your home. Worst case scenario you can get a roommate on www.craigslist.org for a fraction of what you rent would be if you were totally on your own.

Good luck sweetie and be happy. You are going through some pretty exciting stuff and I am sure your future DH is an awesome man .

 

[drasgrl]

I just don't understand why your hiding him and why you're so scared to bring him to meet your parents. If you really love him and want to be with him you should be showing him off to everyone you know regardless of who he is or how old he is.

 

[Laginappe]

It's not his race. Although it's a personal rule of mine that if I date outside of my race I have to meet your family first. My parents are accepting but they know how ignorant people can be and it would bother them to think I was being disrepected. I probably couldn't even be in a relationship like that.

No the problem is I live with my folks and have been "visiting friends out of town" or "staying in the city because I work so late". They like to get in my business when it comes to that kind of stuff. I stay over there all the time unless I'm am really hanging with friends. I wouldn't care if I had my own place. Maybe that's the next step. I just started this new job last month so I guess I'll try to save some cash and get a place of my own over the summer. Is that a waste of money considering the fact that we want to put a down payment on a home early next year?

No. It would be a waste of money for you to invest in a life with him before you've matured on your own. Someone who is not grown enough to stand up to everyone and claim another person as their SO/Fiance/Co-homeowner, is not mature enough for serious consideration for a commitment at that level.

You need some time to come into your own. And he deserves someone who is able to create a life with him without the childish mince-and-simper about what other people think.

 

[UmSumayyah]

OP, is the problem that you are afraid of them always bringing him up if it doesn't work out?

Or that you have to say "by the way this is the guy I am probably going to marry. I know I didn't tell you about him before but it was strictly 'need-to-know'. ?

 

[Farida]

I can tell you right off the bat that your parents are not going to like him.

It is nothing personal about him (unless they have a race issue), but they don't even know this man exists, and then the first time they meet him is you telling them that you are going to marry him?

No matter how open and friendly some families are, they would STILL be upset that they were not included in this AT all. How do you think they'll feel knowing even his family knows you and they don't even know you have a man? It's embarrassing.

Now, you need to be objective, why is your family in your business so much? Families often do that, not to make you miserable but because they care about you. It is misplaced but usually has good intentions behind it.

Also, how long have you enabled them? My mom was always in my business and I appreciate her concern but I had to lay down the law and also move out. Now she knows to hold back and respect my choices. She gives me advice but respects my choices as an adult.

What have you told him about why he hasn't met your family?

So, step number one, is start giving yourself some freedom and learn to put your foot down.

 

[tthreat08]

Girly,

Be blessed and BE happy!