BIG ISSUE

[blasianbeauty]

I think six weeks is way too short for you to be introducing your daughter to him and family and likewise for him.

Take a deep breathe and take a step back. Ask him for the reason he kept this from you and move on from there.

The reason he withheld that info was to give him the opportunity to put his best foot forward and woo her so that he wouldn't look TOO bad...and it worked. erplexed I wouldn't care how good he treated me in six weeks...once I know there's a baby on the way that changes EVERYTHING and I'm done. That was so low down and deceptive on his part to string her along like that. Yeah...she wouldn't have given the time of day if she knw this from the get go but apparently that means he KNOWS this situation is wrong, and he's wrong. I'm still going with my gut that they recently broke up and he's been with her for the entire year that the OP and this man was working, and that explains the six week relationship. I just... couldn't do this one. And THEN when it's time for her to give birth and he's there by her side at the hospital, who's to say that HE won't change his mind and work things out once he sees his baby? This is just too much for me.

 

[watchmegrow]

Ok everyone. Just to give you an update, I got the scoop of the story. I didn't know any details because I was too upset to talk to him. This woman wasn't his girlfriend. It was one night and someone that his sister knew. He found out about this in the beginning of August through a text message. It's questionable as to whether the baby is his and a paternity test will be done.At that time we had known each other for a year but were getting to know each other and working towards becoming a couple. And we knew each other for the year but weren't together because I was in another relationship.

 

[darlingdiva]

I'm with some of the other posters in that I always wonder how a man who has an (ex?) girlfriend/jumpoff/whatever pregnant can so easily move on to start dating another woman and talk about building a life with her when not long ago, he was potentially saying the same to another woman. He's willing to move on THAT quickly? And if she was a jumpoff, then I'm mad that he was careless enough to be raw-dogging it....

Then, if a man is about to become a father, then I'd question his priorities... I'd be expecting him to be focusing on his new child (and by default, the mother of said child), not moving on to the next woman. If he's doing that to someone else, then what "might" he do to me if he gets bored with me? (And hopefully, I wouldn't be pregnant).

Also, folks blame the devil too much for stuff that people do by their own volition. The devil didn't get busy in this situation... ole boy is just a liar (by omission) and perhaps not the great guy he made himself out to be.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but I know that one of my rules is not dating a man with a newborn and CERTAINLY not a man who has a baby on the way.

The bolded is DEFINITELY something to think about, watchmegrow. I've heard men say that, unlike women, they don't necessarily need closure to move on to another relationship or situation. I don't know how much I believe that, but his moving on so quickly does send a negative message about his character IMO.

It also signals that he lacks stability. From your initial post, it seems like you really like this guy and would like to settle down with him at some point. Is he stable enough to do that, given his current situation? I understand that he has children to think about but so do you. You also have to think about yourself. Your happiness should not be compromised because he has a baby on the way.

 

[darlingdiva]

Ok everyone. Just to give you an update, I got the scoop of the story. I didn't know any details because I was too upset to talk to him. This woman wasn't his girlfriend. It was one night and someone that his sister knew. He found out about this in the beginning of August through a text message. It's questionable as to whether the baby is his and a paternity test will be done.At that time we had known each other for a year but were getting to know each other and working towards becoming a couple. And we knew each other for the year but weren't together because I was in another relationship.

I hate to sound like a negative Nancy, but the bolded sounds messy. Every man and woman should know to wear a condom during a one-night stand, especially in this day and age. I stand behind what I said in my previous post about his actions raising a red flag about his character--especially given this information:

The woman wasn't his girlfriend???
It was a one night stand, AND someone his sister knew???

How many other possible children does he have?

 

[caltron]

There is too much potential for drama and heartache with this guy. I can't imagine that a guy with a baby on the way doesn't have serious baggage. I'd be trying to look at my other options or at the very least wait a few months to see how things develop with this situation.

I mean really. If you were a man, would you be getting serious with a pregnant woman?? I think the same issues are involved here.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Ok everyone. Just to give you an update, I got the scoop of the story. I didn't know any details because I was too upset to talk to him. This woman wasn't his girlfriend. It was one night and someone that his sister knew. He found out about this in the beginning of August through a text message. It's questionable as to whether the baby is his and a paternity test will be done.At that time we had known each other for a year but were getting to know each other and working towards becoming a couple. And we knew each other for the year but weren't together because I was in another relationship.

The one night stand lie ehh erplexed Yeah...I'd leave him alone. He's just telling you that so he won't look bad. They were together for a while. Yall worked together for a year but only within the past six weeks yall started spending time together? Do the math!! Why didn't he approach you any sooner if that was the case? And IF his story is true (which I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt) then would you want to be with someone that got a one night stand pregnant? This man has planned everything out from treating you like a queen and having your mind twisted to the lie about her being the one night stand. I mean really...think about it and put the pieces together and you'll see that things aren't adding up. ETA Ok you said you've been in a relationship the entire year but at the same time you and coworker were getting to know each other? I think you should just take time off and think everything through. Are you entirely over your past relationship too?

 

[Love Always]

Ok everyone. Just to give you an update, I got the scoop of the story. I didn't know any details because I was too upset to talk to him. This woman wasn't his girlfriend. It was one night and someone that his sister knew. He found out about this in the beginning of August through a text message. It's questionable as to whether the baby is his and a paternity test will be done.At that time we had known each other for a year but were getting to know each other and working towards becoming a couple. And we knew each other for the year but weren't together because I was in another relationship.

Watchmegrow, I still feel like you should fall back on the situation. It's so funny that when a situation arises like this the baby is "questionable" . Time will tell if he's the father but until then he needs to be there for the "mother" of his child.

 

[JustKiya]

You don't think his leaving a woman that he has impregnated and moving on to the next chick while the kid is still cooking is a big deal? Um, yeah .

Considering he left the mother of his other two children already, Not really. I don't see the difference between moving on prenatally or postnatally - you're still ditching the mother of your kids. *shrug* Ditching the mother of your kids is a big deal to me - but it doesn't appear to be a big deal to the OP, since she was cool with him ditching the mom of the first two. *shrug*

Personally, I didn't date men who had children with women they weren't married to, period, and I preferred them to be like me, and not have any kids at all. Clearly, the OP doesn't have those same sort of boundaries, which is why I was puzzled as to her emotions around the third child.

But apparently, ditching a pregnant woman is worse than ditching the mother of two kids already outside the womb. I wasn't aware of the distinction.

 

[TayMac]

So he had unprotected sex with a one night stand..that loses more points. I don't know what to say OP. It's just messy all around and I wouldn't want any parts of it. You can find a man on equal ground with you..one child and none on the way!

 

[watchmegrow]

Thank You everyone for your opinions and advice. This might be the last time I even look at this post so that I can think for myself about the situation. Of course, I left out some details or might have not been clear about some of the things that might affect your opinions. But, for the questions about the two kids prior to this, they were not out of wedlock and my daughter also, wasn't out of wedlock. He liked me from the beginning of us working together and asked someone about me. He was told that I was married, didn't approach me and moved on. We only knew each other as co-workers. When I did get a divorce,a few months later was the beginning of us. We dated for a month and became a couple a month later. As far as how I feel about the third child, it isn't about the number of kids, it's just the fact that I am in a relationship with someone who has a child who is not here yet and it's not from me. And he told me at the next level after both of our families and everyone in church got to know me. As far as the two kids that he has, he does provide for them time and money wise more that he's mandated to and is stable financially. He's not making excuses for what happened. He knows that it was dumb. It was stupid to have willy nilly sex with someone without using protection. To make matters worse, I said the child is questionable because the female involved told him that she was in a relationship when she told him she was pregnant. But at the end of the day, if this is his child, he will take care of him or her, and the kids involved.

 

[TayMac]

If you feel he is worth it, best of luck! I just don't like having things to overcome in a relationship so early on.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*sighs and lights up dat newport one hunnert*

six weeks of datin? some otha chick is pregnant from a one night stand?

~~pufffffffff n plops ash~~

if u believe dat bullshyt, u crazee. he ain't one night stand no chick n got her pregnant off da jump. see, das dat bullshyt i be tellin yall bout. he must be young....i got him bein in his late 20s. if that is da story HE told u, he lyin. i bet if u ask dat otha chick how it went down, you'll get a whole notha version chile....

bottom line, he knew when he met u he got dat chick pregnant. he ain't just find out she was pregnant thru no text eitha....i dunno chile. dat sounds kinda sketchy to me. u know a sista like me woulda been on da phone bassin in his ear tawkin bout some..."i'm pregnant, now whatchu gone do" lolol...

but seriously, i think u need to pump ya breaks n lean back n chill out for a minute. i think ur in love with the idea of him spendin time with u and what not. i wouldn't audition for da role of his girl just yet. anytime u gotta put too much thought into sumfin, it's usually not worth it. but if ur willing to take the chance to go thru da drama, etc, then go for it. i wouldn't wait around for no paternity, etc. he already got two kids, and a possible on da way. next, he'll be gettin u knocked up, then what? all i'm sayin is becareful cuz i think he fulla shyt.

u said u prayed for him...well don't forget, da devil hears ur prayers too chile....

*still puffin*.....

 

[Love Always]

^^^Now I see why you have Madea in your avatar

 

[MissJ]

Ok everyone. Just to give you an update, I got the scoop of the story. I didn't know any details because I was too upset to talk to him. This woman wasn't his girlfriend. It was one night and someone that his sister knew. He found out about this in the beginning of August through a text message. It's questionable as to whether the baby is his and a paternity test will be done.

He sounds like a gem!

 

[Irresistible]

He may have been the man you were praying for, but his failure to be straight up from the getgo about the impending birth of his third (?) child with the same woman doesn't quite convince me that God sent him for you.

yeah I agree
and what's so secretive about having a baby

She deserved to know that upfront

to make her own choice how she feels about it

this relationship is moving too fast also

now you will always question if he will tell you things up front as well

i would step back

I wouldnt want to deal with my new man having a new born with someone else, that just wouldnt work for me

 

[Xavier]

OP are you still interested in him?

 

[Silkycoils]

I'm with some of the other posters in that I always wonder how a man who has an (ex?) girlfriend/jumpoff/whatever pregnant can so easily move on to start dating another woman and talk about building a life with her when not long ago, he was potentially saying the same to another woman. He's willing to move on THAT quickly? And if she was a jumpoff, then I'm mad that he was careless enough to be raw-dogging it....

Then, if a man is about to become a father, then I'd question his priorities... I'd be expecting him to be focusing on his new child (and by default, the mother of said child), not moving on to the next woman. If he's doing that to someone else, then what "might" he do to me if he gets bored with me? (And hopefully, I wouldn't be pregnant).

Also, folks blame the devil too much for stuff that people do by their own volition. The devil didn't get busy in this situation... ole boy is just a liar (by omission) and perhaps not the great guy he made himself out to be.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but I know that one of my rules is not dating a man with a newborn and CERTAINLY not a man who has a baby on the way.

Bunny77 you are like my FAVORITE poster in these types of threads b/c you KEEP dropping jewels!!!!

 

[Khaiya]

^^Believe it or not, men are human to and they do some crazy, dumb @#$%, whatever the reason/excuse, the baby is on the way and it cant be helped. Just cause he made a mistake doesn't mean he's some horrid dog type creature.

I do agree that you should take a break and think about this carefully, weigh all the pros and cons and decide if its worth it, me personally, if i was a man i would not be telling you on the first date that i have a child on the way, he knew darn well you probably would turn him away if he did that and he wanted to show you that despite all that he was worthy of your time, i mean come on its been a month and a half, i would be really appreciative of the fact that he did tell me and someone else didnt have to.

Take a break, decide whats best for you and all the best!

 

[newbiemom]

I think you should leave this man alone. Sorry. If the baby isn't born yet that means less than a year ago he was in a serious relationship which has produced a child is he ready to walk away from that with out trying to work it out wit this woman. If yes, what does that say about his charater. He has other children and still hasn't mastered bc. The time frame in which he told you is acceptable to me. It is need to know and before he was sure about you, you didn't need to know. But are you sure about him? Why has he met your kids if this is only 6 weeks old? He may be the perfect guy for you but not now. He needs to figure out why he has all these children but not a wife? When he can work that out for himself and come correct then maybe you can give him a go since you have chemistry.If you have 2 kids, you don't have time help him figure this out. That is his own journey and you both have your own priorities and his list is growing. Let it go for now.

 

[jamaicalovely]

I'm with some of the other posters in that I always wonder how a man who has an (ex?) girlfriend/jumpoff/whatever pregnant can so easily move on to start dating another woman and talk about building a life with her when not long ago, he was potentially saying the same to another woman. He's willing to move on THAT quickly? And if she was a jumpoff, then I'm mad that he was careless enough to be raw-dogging it....

Then, if a man is about to become a father, then I'd question his priorities... I'd be expecting him to be focusing on his new child (and by default, the mother of said child), not moving on to the next woman. If he's doing that to someone else, then what "might" he do to me if he gets bored with me? (And hopefully, I wouldn't be pregnant).

Also, folks blame the devil too much for stuff that people do by their own volition. The devil didn't get busy in this situation... ole boy is just a liar (by omission) and perhaps not the great guy he made himself out to be.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but I know that one of my rules is not dating a man with a newborn and CERTAINLY not a man who has a baby on the way.

This is what was running through my mind while reading the thread. He would be a red flag to me and unfortunately would need to let this one go. Sorry.