Incidents that only inspire you...

[BroadstreetBully]

I know this topic has been discussed over and over again in every different form but sometimes I think back throughout my school years and remember how hair seemed to be of the utmost importance to everyone. I feel embarrassed when I think about how I was always another one of the girls with short damaged hair that contantly broke off. Hair seemed to rule my life because I didn't have a whole lot of it and it was never healthy. People looked down on me because I never styled my hair. My hair always looked a mess. I remember all those comments ignorant people would make about hair like "only mixed girls can have long hair". I remember how girls would give me weird looks because my hair wasn't styled to a T with globs of hair grease and gel. It seemed like any girl whose hair was shoulder length had "long hair." A few months ago I was on campus when I came across this guy who I hadn't seen since elementary school. Now mind you he was white and as we sat down to talk about what we've been up to and our fellow classmates he commented on how I "still looked the same" with the "same short hair." Now that shocked me. I mean I know my hair hadn't grown at all throughout these years; however, it was a wakeup call for me. I don't really consider the comment rude and I am happy someone brought this to my attention. I don't wanna run into another classmate from the past and be the same girl with the same short, unhealthy hair. For once I want them to be like "wow!" In elementary school there was this girl who all the other girls admired because she had "long hair." Her hair was like maybe 2 inches past shoulder and quite thin and overprocessed, but the rest of us didn't care, to us it was LONG. By highschool it was still the same length and no thicker or healthier, but still, it was "long". We were in English class one day and I was wearing braids. One of the girls in class was talking to me about how she was thinking about wearing braids to grow her hair longer. The girl with the "long" hair joined in on the convo and commented that she would NEVER wear a weave. This guy near by says something like "you don't need to wear a weave, your hair is already long." Now I'd rather have short, shiny, think hair than have hair like hers. I've seen this girl on campus a few times and her hair is still the same length and in the same condition (funny how genetics CAN play a part in hair length, this is not the first time I've seen someone with damaged looking hair past their shoulders.) Somehow I can't wait to grow my hair longer and healthier and watch the look on her face when she sees that anyone can grow their hair long. I am happy to come across these incidents because it reminds me to keep my eye on the prize. I would love to read about other incidents ladies on this board have had and how it has inspired them. I would also love some before and after stories of those who have actually reached their goals and therefore stunned everyone who doubted them.

 

[Shine-On]

redRiot, thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. I wore false hair in my head from age 14 thru 24 (mostly full sew-in weaves). NOBODY except the girl in the mirror saw my real hair. Even when it did grow to a decent ponytail length, I hid it under the weave. Everyone knew it wasn't my hair but to me, having a do that was perfect, shiny, and easy was the best thing since sliced bread. I used to pride myself off of being the only one in my crew with perfect hair after a night out partying in college .

I hated the way I looked when I looked in the mirror while wearing my real hair out. I felt naked and ugly. I think at one point I was okay with wearing a weave for the rest of my life. I convinced myself that I would never in a million years be able to grow healthy shoulder-length hair so why even bother. I would cut and relax my hair to manage the thickness of the cornrows underneath the tracks but other than that, did nothing else to promote the health of my hair. What a shame.

People assumed I was bald-headed (although I wasn't). It didn't help that my edges began thinning and my scalp was a nightmare. I remember two incidents in particular. Once a coworker said to me, "your hair must be really long by now. You've been wearing weaves for years!" I wanted disappear not because she was being rude but because she was right, my hair SHOULD have been longer. Another time a guy was insulted that I didn't want to "get to know him better" and shouted out in a crowd of people, "it's all good. You ain't that cute anyway with your fake hair." It's so easy for peole to diss you when your hair is damaged and/or fake. I could go on and on . . .

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Wow, it seems like sometimes the rude comments actually do you some good. Unfortunately the comments never stop no matter how long or healthy your hair gets. Once it does reach that point people still find a way to insult you. It's a never ending battle in the black community. Now that I remember it, I don't know how I forgot about this other black girl I remember from middle and high school. Her hair was sooooo long and thick (it was natural). I think it was to her waist. Now her hair was quite silky and very healthy. She rarely wore it down and was very modest about her hair. I do remember someone commenting that the reason her hair was long was because she had some Native American heritage. I wouldn't doubt that because of her facial features and her actual hair texture; however, once again we assume that black women without a recent racial mixture will never have long, healthy hair. There was yet another female I remember in highschool with I think APL length hair. Her hair was very thick and healthy as well. She had a French last name and therefore used that as her claim to why her hair was "long." Now that I think of it perhaps I felt like because I didn't have any known recent admixtures my hair would never be long. But its funny how some of these girls who are quick to bring up their Native American or European admixure as their reason for having hair past shoulder length would have just been another "black girl" if their hair was neck length. Somehow long hair gives you the ability to change your heritage and people will actually believe it!!!

 

[remnant]

I feel both of you girls and was in the same boat years ago 'til last year, I'll cry for hair to the Lord for many years and he answers me And my hair who always was in "short" shoulder length and thin began to grow...then I discovered Hair site in internet:growafrolong hair and some natural hair care site which helped me but I was looking for motivation and more... because I was focus on healthy but LONG hair then....I discovered LHCF.
I thank God for all the site of course which helped but LHCF is My Home!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

BUMP, I wanna hear some more stories!!!

 

[Denim And Leather]

I have nothing to add, but to thank you, too, for sharing your story. Reading it brought back memories of my own of how the blacks in my school perceived those with long hair, short hair, etc.

I recall as a sophomore in high school (i was a new student), there was this pretty girl from Louisiana in one of my classes who had hair that was long, straight and mid-back length. I could not stop staring at her hair, and remember wishing that my hair was like that. I remember all those insecure feelings that went with having short, broken off hair.

Stay encouraged! Keep looking at those Fotki's, because they are truly inspiring! And I look forward to seeing progress reports from you, too!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Wow your post is so inspiring, i can't to see your hair success in a year or 2 and to hear the reactions of your old friends. I have always had shoulderlength hair (well except for the time when i wore one side short like Salt n Peppa) anywho..and I always considered it long even though the back was always short and breaking and i had no body whatsoever. i used to always always always have my hair in a ponytail in the back. That was all i knew...nobody was there to tell me how to blowdry and curl my hair so that i could wear it out and not look a hot mess, so it was always in a ponytail and i LONGED for healthy lookin hair that had body. i mean i wanted it really really bad. when i got a job i finally started getting my hair done and i started having swinging shoulderlength hair. but because i used to flat iron daily and not moisturize, it was very thing and breaking. and my stylist used to always cut it above shoulder, so i've basically been frusteated for the last 29 years wondering why my hair won't grow. that is my story. today i am APL and i cant wait to be a healthy BSL so i can wear cute curly styles daily...

 

[Denim And Leather]

redRiot, thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. I wore false hair in my head from age 14 thru 24 (mostly full sew-in weaves). NOBODY except the girl in the mirror saw my real hair. Even when it did grow to a decent ponytail length, I hid it under the weave. Everyone knew it wasn't my hair but to me, having a do that was perfect, shiny, and easy was the best thing since sliced bread. I used to pride myself off of being the only one in my crew with perfect hair after a night out partying in college .

I hated the way I looked when I looked in the mirror while wearing my real hair out. I felt naked and ugly. I think at one point I was okay with wearing a weave for the rest of my life. I convinced myself that I would never in a million years be able to grow healthy shoulder-length hair so why even bother. I would cut and relax my hair to manage the thickness of the cornrows underneath the tracks but other than that, did nothing else to promote the health of my hair. What a shame.

People assumed I was bald-headed (although I wasn't). It didn't help that my edges began thinning and my scalp was a nightmare. I remember two incidents in particular. Once a coworker said to me, "your hair must be really long by now. You've been wearing weaves for years!" I wanted disappear not because she was being rude but because she was right, my hair SHOULD have been longer. Another time a guy was insulted that I didn't want to "get to know him better" and shouted out in a crowd of people, "it's all good. You ain't that cute anyway with your fake hair." It's so easy for peole to diss you when your hair is damaged and/or fake. I could go on and on . . .

Hi, Shine-On! I will go ahead and add my story.

I totally feel you, Shine-On. I wore a sew-in weave from the ages of 19-35. I once felt like you did. I didn't like to how my hair looked without the weave, and always worried about kissing a guy, for the fear that he would run his hands through my hair and feel my tracks (and this did happen, often.) I've had girls call me out on my weave in an effort to make me feel bad about myself.

I resigned myself to wearing a weave for the rest of my life. I was convinced that my hair would never grow long, and that I lacked the ability to take care of it myself, because it would just result in it being more damaged.

When I began a relationship with Jesus Christ, He gradually helped me to overcome these insecurities regarding my hair (as well as the fact that I'm not a size 4) It was my heart that He was most interested in, not my hair or my weight. My security was in where I stood with Him and in nothing else. It was after these realizations, was when I got sick of my weave and had it taken out. I started getting my hair done regularly by another hairdresser, getting it relaxed every 6 weeks and trimmed often. My hair grew out pretty good, to past my shoulders. However, a little over a year after taking my weave out, I came upon the UBH website and bought the book. It was then that I realized how much damage my hairdresser was doing to my hair. I came to this wonderful board, and the rest is history.

I'm now on this quest for longer, healthier hair, and am enjoying the ride!

 

[caribeandiva]

my hair's been the same length my entire life and i never knew why. i never put in weaves, braids or even relaxed it until i was 14. I tried pomades, oils, and even pills that promise to make my hair grow. yet it was still short. my mom had APL (what she considered long) hair before she had me, yet those "good hair" genes seem to elude me. when i got a real job at 15 i started asking those black girls with APL hair (including my best friend) what they did. they always said the same thing: "i go to the salon regularly". so i thought that was the solution. i couldn't afford to go every 2 weeks so i went when i could, usually once a month. my stylist said that my hair is so damaged because i don't visit her often enough (once a week according to her). still my hair wasn't growing. the last straw came when my mom and sister said on my last salon visit: "how come your hair gets shorter each time you go to the salon?" my answer was cause my stylist trimmed it.. again. that's when my mom (who's damaged hair was shorter than mine then) suggested i stopped going and do my own hair. so i got inspired, did my research and found Shamboosie's book: beautifyl black hair. it litterarily changed my life. right now i got my mom and my sister on board trying to fix their hair. i gotta say we're making progress!

 

[Denim And Leather]

still my hair wasn't growing. the last straw came when my mom and sister said on my last salon visit: "how come your hair gets shorter each time you go to the salon?" my answer was cause my stylist trimmed it.. again. that's when my mom (who's damaged hair was shorter than mine then) suggested i stopped going and do my own hair. so i got inspired, did my research and found Shamboosie's book: beautifyl black hair. it litterarily changed my life. right now i got my mom and my sister on board trying to fix their hair. i gotta say we're making progress!

That reminds me of how I was feeling about my hair these past few months before I found this board. My hair was growing, but at the same time, it wasn't as long as I had expected it to be. A part of it was because I was letting my hairdresser trim it too often (a first, I let her do it every six weeks.) No wonder I wasn't seeing a progress in lenght.

Your mom gave you some great advice, btw. And I'm glad that the three of you are doing this, that's great!

 

[caribeandiva]

thanks! my mom always thought regular visits to the hairdress were a big a waste of money.