In The Mood

[Bunny77]

It really might not be your fault.

The thing I struggle with is this...as married women who are free to enjoy our sexuality and our husbands, who says what's enough?

What I mean is, if I desire sex 3 times a week, and my husband desires it every day, shouldn't we compromise at 5 times (just an example). Should a married woman feel obligated to have sex every time even if she doesn't want to?

I know about what the Bible says, and I don't dispute that at all. But the Bible also says that a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church. Christ made the ultimate sacrifice for His church (his bride), so shouldn't the husband sacrifice every now and again for his bride?

I'm just throwing this out there. I don't have the answer.

I've often thought about this.

I'm not married, but listening to my married friends and women on the board, I start to wonder when does it get to a point in which a husband is demanding too much?

For example, I don't think it's fair to the husband when a wife makes no effort to please her him sexually... I've heard stories of women going for weeks or months without having intercourse and doing nothing to make sure that there isn't another problem going on.

At the same time, just because a husband may want it everyday, does that mean he has to get it? Isn't that selfish on his part to not recognize that his wife might be tired from her job, her kids, etc.?

I hear so much about making sure that the wife has the libido to please her husband, but are there any messages out there to tell the husband to "chill out" sometimes if he's being too demanding?

Also... I think that some of these husbands also need to make sure that they are fulfilling their wives' needs in terms of helping her with the children, with some chores and completing his role as a provider. Many of the women I've met who've lost their sex drive appear to do so as a reaction to feeling that they have no help at home... so they withdraw in other ways.

Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud... but I do agree that there has to be some kind of compromise on both sides... a woman must work through whatever issues she has in order to please her husband, but a husband must not treat his wife as a sexual being only and expect her to be ready and willing every time he is.

 

[Bunny77]

BIG Question !!!

Is it married woman "ONLY' who have this problem with birth control?

I haven't heard about Single women having problems with sexual desire.

I've been out of the sexual 'loop' for quite awhile, so I have not had any need for the use of Birth Control. The last method I used was a diaphram and this was quite a while ago.

I know that this is the Christian forum, but we still know single women who are having sex and are on birth control. Do they share the same problems with low or no sex drives?

I've heard many Pastors say, that they have a hard time encouraging the Married couples to get IN the bed with each other and have sex and a challenge trying to discourage the Singles to not have sex. They've shared that it's harder with getting the married couples together than it is keeping the singles apart.

Now, I clearly see the adverse reactions as a result of hormonal balances with Birth Control methods; I sincerely realize that there are valid physical and natural reasons for lack of sexual desire.

But I"m still wondering if it has be tied to the emotional realm as well.

I only ask because I don't hear Single woman sharing that they have these problems.

Perhaps, they (Single women) are having these problems, but don't want to appear 'untouchable' to the man in their life...

I want to add 'Single Woman' who are cohabitating and Single Woman who are not living with someone. There may be a difference in the emotional realms.

Just a thought ...and this issue needs to be addressed in order to 'fix' it for many women. I applaude each of you for your boldness. You are truly courageous woman and you are victorious for God does have a plan to work this out.

I know for me, I'm not having anymore children when I remarry. But I don't have a clue about current Birth Control methods. You are each helping me far more than you realize. So, thank you...from the bottom of my heart.

This is another thing I've wondered myself.

For full disclosure... I am single, but not sexually active. (Over 3 1/2 years of celibacy!!!)

But before that, I can tell you how I was thinking... I didn't have problems at all with sexual desire, AND I was using BC pills. The only time that I noticed my sex drive diminishing was when my boyfriend started slacking off in other areas of his life and showing me traits of his personality that I didn't find appealing.

So that was definitely an emotional thing... as I became more frustrated with some of his character traits, I began to pull back sexually... which is something I often hear with married women who seem to lose their sex drives when their husbands aren't fulfilling their roles as men (not paying bills, not working or actively looking for work). Or... when a woman is tired from all of her duties and feel her husband isn't helping at all, but then expects her to be sexually ready for him.

Not married yet, so I can't say how I'll be in marriage... but that's my single story in a nutshell!

 

[ritzbitz78]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

 

[cocoberry10]

Wow Ladies! I have read this thread and the responses are overwhelming. Although I am not married, I know that all of you will be blessed!

 

[Southernbella.]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

Great post!

 

[MrsHouston]

Well...my only advice is to get off the pill. That was the ONLY thing that helped my libido.

Biologically, we are most aroused right before and during ovulation. Then, the hormones gradually taper off, then you have your period. The pill chemically interferes with this process, so you aren't going to have the same surges in hormones that you would around that time.

When I got off the pill, I literally tired my dh out! When I was on it, I had NO desire. I had to force myself to make love, when I normally had a very healthy sexual appetite.

Anyway, that's my advice. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I just wanted to add some practical to the spiritual.

I agree with Lauren450, I got off and there is a HUGE difference, of course I want to have a baby now, but I WILL NEVER GO BACK ON THE PILL. I love the results of being off... Did I remember to say that I LOVE the results!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, again I LOVE the results

 

[MrsHouston]

Also my doctor says that between days 10 and 18 are the days you can get pregnant (really between days 13 and 15), but to be extra safe, as to not get pregnant remember 10 to 18. Day one being the first day you cycle/spotting occurs.

I don't use anything now b/c I want a child sometime soon and if happens sooner, we're ok with that.

 

[Mom23]

This is a great post ladies!! I have to chime in on stopping the pill. I was on the pill when my husband and I first married, and got off after 2 years. That change alone increased my sex drive. I have never been back on it. We used the rhythum method and planned each of my pregnancies that way. It worked great for us. You just have to really know your body and keep track of your cycles. We used condoms as well.

 

[Shimmie]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

I cannot help but give God praise. Have any of you noticed how He has been moving in this forum with the threads on marriages?

And you don't have to be married to know any of this.

ASK ME HOW I KNOW. I'm only being real. The mystery of love and marriage has been under attack for centuries. And many are suffering that none of us know about, but may be reading these threads and finding deliverance.

The "Every Man's Battle...." book series by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker, I highly recommend. It addresses several topics for men; there is a book for each one.

The books are VERY reasonable here...

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/search?author=Stephen%20Arterburn&detailed_search=1&action=Search

I appreciate the hearts that it took for these men to write these. For

 

[Shimmie]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

I cannot help but give God praise. Have any of you noticed how He has been moving in this forum with the threads on marriages?

And you don't have to be married to know any of this.

ASK ME HOW I KNOW. I'm only being real. The mystery of love and marriage has been under attack for centuries. And many are suffering that none of us know about, but may be reading these threads and finding deliverance.

The "Every Man's Battle...." book series by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker, I highly recommend. It addresses several topics for men; there is a book for each one.

The books are VERY reasonable here...

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/search?author=Stephen%20Arterburn&detailed_search=1&action=Search

I appreciate the hearts that it took for these men to write these. For all

 

[Shimmie]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

I cannot help but give God praise. Have any of you noticed how He has been moving in this forum with the threads on marriages?

And you don't have to be married to know any of this.

ASK ME HOW I KNOW. I'm only being real. The mystery of love and marriage has been under attack for centuries. And many are suffering that none of us know about, but may be reading these threads and finding deliverance.

The "Every Man's Battle...." book series by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker, I highly recommend. It addresses several topics for men; there is a book for each one.

The books are VERY reasonable here...

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/search?author=Stephen%20Arterburn&detailed_search=1&action=Search

I appreciate the hearts that it took for these men to write these. For all men

 

[Shimmie]

There is so much I want to write on this subject, and I wish I could listen each of your stories personally. One thing I am doing, is praying for the women and their marriages in this thread.

I am going to recommend bookss because I can't begin to write on this thread the information that is out there. The best Book being the Bible.

In Songs of Solomon 5:2,3 - The shulamite woman rejects the man physically and emotionally when he made the advance. And she was beat up emotionally with guilt and remorse for being selfish.

BUT

In Songs of Solomon 4:4- this describes what Solomon did on their honeymoon. He slowly and creatively described and enjoyed every part of her body, from her head to her feet and back up again. He went slow and cared about her body, and was interested and pleasured and said it to her aloud.

So that was the type of man the shulamite woman was rejecting, you can tell she was selfish, because she didn't want to incovenience herself by taking of her houserobe, or getting her feet dirty again. (chapter 5 vs 3)

But many times husbands aren't so caring and loving like Solomon is and we women need that emotional love connection for things to flow.


Here are some reasons I thought of (not a complete list) that may hinder the 'mood' and a book that may help.

1. You don't like how you are tread by him in general. He just wants his, then he leaves you hanging, he doesn't help around the house, or sit and talk with you on deep stuff in your heart.

Book: The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye- both of you need to read it

Every Man's Marriage by Steve Arteburn and Fred Stoeker- this is for him, if he is willing to read it

2. You just don't want to be bothered. It is not a priority for you, nor does it fit into your scedule.

Book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

3. You find no physical pleasure or orgasm when you are with him.

Book: The Act of Marrriage by Tim LaHaye- read and practice the activities

4. You daydream that he would be another man with better qualities.

Book: Every woman's Battle by Shannon Etheridge

5. He is into pornography, so subconsciously you may feel worthless, like he isn't fully present with you when you are intimate.

Book: Every Man's Battle by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker - for him to read

Every Heart Restored same authors - for you

6. YOu have been sexually molested before and you are associating sex with that horrid experience.

you need to get counseling by a Christian counselor who is licensed.


I am praying for all of you, hope this helps.

(online, amazon.com is usually the cheapest place to get these books)

I cannot help but give God praise. Have any of you noticed how He has been moving in this forum with the threads on marriages?

And you don't have to be married to know any of this.

ASK ME HOW I KNOW. I'm only being real. The mystery of love and marriage has been under attack for centuries. And many are suffering that none of us know about, but may be reading these threads and finding deliverance.

The "Every Man's Battle...." book series by Steven Arteburn and Fred Stoeker, I highly recommend. It addresses several topics for men; there is a book for each one.

The books are VERY reasonable here...

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/search?author=Stephen%20Arterburn&detailed_search=1&action=Search

I appreciate the hearts that it took for these men to write these. For all men have a battle with something and it trickles down to us, as their wives.

Even our choice of and the decision for birth control. We want to be 'ready' when they are ready. Giving to them our all. We need to understand more and more about the men we love. It will help us in more ways than we can thank God for.

 

[Southernbella.]

There's a thread on this same subject on O/T right now. There are both single and married women who have experienced the same thing. Why can't they make easy BC that doesn't affect your hormones?

 

[Supergirl]

I love how this thread has panned out. There are so many wonderful points of view offered and such love and encouragement.

Of course it is also great to know that I am not alone.

I am thinking of the rhythm method seriously.

I'd like to clarify that I did not start this thread because my husband is constantly demanding sex or anything close. He is quite wonderful and it seems like he can read me well.

The thing is that he has just been so wonderful that I want to have the desire to pleasure him more often sexually. He's such a darling that it makes me want to "hook him up!" Okay, why is typing this turning me on? Maybe there's something to this.

 

[Southernbella.]

I love how this thread has panned out. There are so many wonderful points of view offered and such love and encouragement.

Of course it is also great to know that I am not alone.

I am thinking of the rhythm method seriously.

I'd like to clarify that I did not start this thread because my husband is constantly demanding sex or anything close. He is quite wonderful and it seems like he can read me well.

The thing is that he has just been so wonderful that I want to have the desire to pleasure him more often sexually. He's such a darling that it makes me want to "hook him up!" Okay, why is typing this turning me on? Maybe there's something to this.

 

[Radianthealth]

www.fredstoeker.com

Great Site!!!

 

[pebbles]

I love how this thread has panned out. There are so many wonderful points of view offered and such love and encouragement.

Of course it is also great to know that I am not alone.

I am thinking of the rhythm method seriously.

I'd like to clarify that I did not start this thread because my husband is constantly demanding sex or anything close. He is quite wonderful and it seems like he can read me well.

The thing is that he has just been so wonderful that I want to have the desire to pleasure him more often sexually. He's such a darling that it makes me want to "hook him up!" Okay, why is typing this turning me on? Maybe there's something to this.

LOL!! All I can say is that God is working!!

Seriously, I think that we as women need to understand that men and women feel loved in different ways. For women, a beautiful card and flowers says a lot to us, and for the most part is enough for us to feel loved. For men, physical intimacy is what lets them know that they're loved. It's more than just the sex. There's a lot of affirmation for them that comes through the physical that they really need to feel loved and wanted. I'll have to try to explain that more when I have some time. When we can understand what husbands really get out of sex, we may be more inclined to give them what they need to really feel loved and accepted. I hope that made some sense. :Rose:

 

[cocoberry10]

There is also a couple that come on tv. I've seen my parents watch them before (my parents have been married for 33.5 years). They minister to married couples.

Their website is

www.marriagetoday.org

I just went to the site and you can watch videos online! Although I'm not married, I hope this helps some of you that are .

 

[Shimmie]

There is also a couple that come on tv. I've seen my parents watch them before (my parents have been married for 33.5 years). They minister to married couples.

Their website is

www.marriagetoday.org

I just went to the site and you can watch videos online! Although I'm not married, I hope this helps some of you that are .

Cocoberry, you are planting good seed into to good solid ground. And don't ever forget, 'you reap what you sow.'

And whatever you make happen for someone else, God will make happen for you.

Ephesians 6:8

"Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free."

Key words here: 'be he bond (married ) or free (single ) the SAME shall he receive of the Lord...whatsoever good thing Any man doeth.

I took a little spiritual / scriptual liberty with the "bond and the free" But it all ties in. God's word still prove itsself...one meaning, many applications to and in our lives.

Time and again, I've lived His word which always comes to pass just as He gives it to me.

Here are some more websites...actually, I listen to both of these on the radio everyday and love them. Many of you are familiar with them as well.

www.family.org (Dr. James Dobson - Focus on the Family)

www.fltoday.org (Bob Rainey - Family Life Today)

 

[Supergirl]

Thanks for the website ladies.

Shimmie, I listen to Focus on The Family and Family Life Today on the radio when I can. They are great programs.

 

[Sky]

Hi Supergirl,

I seem to remember posting on a thread similiar to this a while back so forgive my reptition if I did. I am posting this on the thread instead of a PM because it might be helpful to others.

I agree with others that it might be the pills - at least in part because none of the brands agreed with me and I had horrible side effects, one being "not feeling in the mood". Now I use cyclebeads which help me track my most fertile days and VCF. VCF is a clear film that you can buy at any drug store and you insert it very simply at least 15 minutes before intimacy and it works up to 3 hours after. My husband and I also use the withdrawl method. So in conjunction with these three I feel pretty confident. There are times that we resort to condoms if it is sponataneous ( read no VCF) and I am on my most fertile day. Having said all that the pill did bring me great comfort in knowing that the chances of me getting pregnant were basically nil...but the craziness I was experiencing wasnt worth it. I believe children truly are a blessing from God and so even though I am not trying to conceive if I did it would be okay. This is important because if you absolutely do not want a child right now be sure that you are comfortable with other methods outside of the pill because the thought of becoming pregnant alone is enough stress to effect your "mood".

I also agree with Shimmie in that a lot of times for me it was other things---emotional things that effected my being in the mood - they didnt even necessarily have to do with my husband and I *definitely* felt that shame of like "Oh now I am married and sex is okay?" since I was celibate for some time before marriage . That is why I think it is important to be mindful about projecting to shame on to others that might be having sex outside of marriage--the shame doesnt just go away because you are married - but thats a whole different topic. But Shimmie's post was right on target --be patient with yourself and listen to that still voice within for guidance and direction.

 

[sithembile]

I'm not married yet but my pastor did speak to us about this. He talked about us having self-control before and within marriage, as it is part of showing true love, we need to be considerate, unselfish and gentle. He gave the example of a church member married to an elder approached him and his wife to complain that her husband was being excessively demanding and it was making her feel used. After discussing it, my pastor agreed that it was excessive and they tried to talk to the elder. He refused to come for counselling, eventually left his wife and backslid. So his behaviour in the bedroom was a sign of other character/spiritual issues.

On the other hand, women should not be continuously refusing their husbands as they may me giving the devil a foothold or causing him to feel insecure or inadequate.

In essence, I think it is about compromise, having a servant spirit when it comes to meeting sexually needs and making the effort to keep intimacy exciting an fulfilling. I am about to be officially engaged and we have begun praying about our future sex life, asking God to bless us.