I'm really discouraged...

naturalglory041490

naturalglory041490

New Member
Hey everybody,
I just had a conversation with my mom and she told me she believed that some people can't grow their hair long. After a little disagreement she finally said I don't think you have the hormones, genes, or whatever to have hair down to here ( pointing to mbl) . So I don't know ladies. at the moment I'm 4a natural and a little below sl when straightened. My goal is to be full SL (or with a braidout) but I don't know if I can make it there. I'm in a curly weave that's a little below SL. And I really think this is how I want my hair. But I just don't know if I can get there.
 
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Look at it scientifically. Most people have between a 2 and 6 year growth cycle. So just suppose you are on the low end at 2 years. that means your hair will be maximally 12 inches at 1/2 in a month growth rate. 1 foot of hair is usually beyond SL on most people. The only way to know how long your hair will grow is to not cut it and see.

Don't be discouraged. We all get discouraged now and then. The best thing is to prove everyone wrong! Sweet success.
 
:bighug:
Hon,
You cannot share this hair dream with everybody:nono:. Some ppl IRL just will not understand. The truth is for the vast amount of women here, once you learn what products and practices work best for you and learn how to maintain/ retain growth, the sky is the limit:yep:. You need to incorporate a total life health routine- dietary, emotional, exercise, the whole nine. All of those factor into your hair health also. Oftentimes in life the things that speak the loudest are our actions. When your hair is at your desired length, there will be no more debates. I noticed you have been on board since 2009-ish. That's not a ton of time to decide things are not working. I would say go hard and commit for at least 3 years. You have a lifetime of incorrect behavior to de-program concerning AA hair and product choices. That's not going to happen in 12 months. It's too early for you to throw in the towel. You can do it! We are here to encourage each other!
 
if you are already below sl then whats to stop you from growing more? your hair can grow however long you want.
 
That's the thing I haven't shared my goal with her. It was originally about another woman and how she was looking for a style, and I mentioned that I liked Sasha and malia's hair ans she told me not everyone can achieve a press out like that because they have direct white blood and that can't be ignored then we had a disagreemen on hair texture and then she said what she did. And for some reason it hurt when she said it and I don't know why.
 
Hunnaaaay, this forum is FULL of people told the exact same thaaaang wit hair swangin all down their back.
Your mom is exposed to ppl irl
you are exposed to ppl with real hair practices.
Show her, n don't tell her.
Starting at SL, checkin in. :grin:
 
naturalglory041490 said:
Hey everybody,
I just had a conversation with my mom and she told me she believed that some people can't grow their hair long. After a little disagreement she finally said I don't think you have the hormones, genes, or whatever to have hair down to here ( pointing to mbl) . So I don't know ladies. at the moment I'm 4a natural and a little below sl when straightened. My goal is to be full SL (or with a braidout) but I don't know if I can make it there. I'm in a curly weave that's a little below SL. And I really think this is how I want my hair. But I just don't know if I can get there.
Click to expand...
Wow, this didn't sound like a very positive conversation at all imo. When she said 'or whatever to have you hair down to here' exactly what did she mean by that? It sounds like you're going to let this conversation dictate that you cannot grow your hair long. Are you natural or relaxed?
 
I'm a mostly 4a. And no I'm not going to let her opinion dictate my hair journey. It just showed me that even people like my mom (best intentions and loving) have been taught incorrect things about AA hair. It just hurt me a little is all. And I'm natural incase I didn't mention it. You're all right it's just going to take a little more dedication(being in college makes it difficult) but I'm going to try harder. Thank you ladies.
 
It sounds like your mother is using hair texture to determine growth and that is just way off. There are plenty of ladies w/non-direct white blood as she put it who have long hair. I think the average person who doesn't have some type of medical problem causing hair loss can atleast reach APL. But the thing is you will never know unless you try. I have figured out that my hair growth cycle is about 5 years so even though my hair grows rather slow I can reach somewhere between wl and hip length if I retain most of my hair. Just aim to have healthy hair and see how much you can retain.
 
It looks like your mom just believes that you have to be mixed or white to have long hair. I'm not mad at her because I used to believe the same thing. Education is the key. If you learn how to take good care of your hair, you will retain a lot of your growth. YOU CAN DO IT!:yep:
 
Only time and good hair practices will show you what your length limit is. You need to give it time (years). And moms just have some beliefs stuck in their heads. When I told my mom I was going to grow my hair to waist length she thought I was being delusional. She was like come on now lets be reasonable lol. This is the same mom that tells me stories about how overwhelmed she was with "all that hair" I had as a child. I'm not WL yet but I'm growing strong and now my mom barely recognizes me if I wear my hair down. I just chuckle at that initial conversation. Don't take everything to heart. Have patience and some fun while you're growing. Just stick with the board for encouragement.
 
Don't be discouraged. You can get to SL definitely, just give yourself the time to get there. :bighug:
 
Thank you ladies. I guess I lost sight of this being a journey and a process. You're right it's going to take time to learn my hair ans what it likes and doesn't like. My mom means well, but I should seriously consider the source. Thanks again.
 
Often, it's better to have tried and failed, than to not have tried at all, therefore, not knowing what might have been. I say, just keep trying, and don't worry too much about negative comments. They don't mean too much in the grand scheme of things, when the main thing is to do what makes you happy :)
 
Aren't these ladies great? Everything that they said, I ditto that...One of my life motto's is "Don't Speak About It, Be About It"...Be about your hair OP! You can and will reach your goal, but you have to be the first to believe it's possible, as long as you do- you've got nothing to worry about!!!
 
I would take that as a challenge and an opportunity to teach your mom something. Your hair will grow and if you take care of it, you will retain some good length. When your mom sees that hair swinging even past what your goal is now, she will know without a doubt that a natural 4a can have long hair too. Every time you get discouraged, think of your personal goal, about showing your mom just what you are cabable of and picture yourself with that hair!
 
I'm sorry to hear your mom isn't bring supportive. My mom and Gma were kind of negative when I started my HHJ and they don't even know my long-term goal! Now, my Gma offers to press my hair and seems to like playing in it ( she likes I don't. Got me sounding like a scene from The Color Purple. "ow... ow... ow..."). It's not even long yet!

Don't let anyone steal your thunder OR stir up negative, counterproductive thoughts. Thoughts turn into words/visualizations and those have power.

Hair grows.

Period.

There isn't any science to it, just elapsed time. Of course, hair grows faster/healthy if you eat well, drink lots of water, get all the vits/nutrients you need, and don't have any illnesses that slow growth. Maintaining a healthy moisture/protein (ceramide?) and low manipulation will help you keep it.

I'm anemic, so I try to make sure I get enough iron (couldn't afford all that I needed in '09 and it did make a difference). I'm not sure how ling you've been on the forum, but here are some tips.

Things that helped me catch up:

-GNC UltraNourish or their other hair, skin, nails vitamin

-garlic

-Nori seaweed

-MSM (I took it orally)

- sulfur (just started, but I think it's working)

-aloe

-protective styling... Even when I don't feel like it

Listen to your hair, not the naysayers!

HHG!
 
"Genetics" is the scapegoat. People don't want to admit that it's their own unhealthy hair practices that prevent them from attaining longer lengths. I see people surpassing the scientific standard everyday!
 
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You're right, your mum means well. She's just misinformed ... much like a lot of the ladies here before getting more educated about our hair. I wouldn't try to debate the issue any further with her. Just let your length speak for itself.

I'm pretty sure from the information you've learnt here, you know that hair is always growing ...unless you're severely, and I mean SEVERELY malnourished or you have scalp disease like alopecia. If you don't have any of those, your hair is growing and will continue to grow. It's up to you to retain what's growing out of your head. Logically, if you're retaining what's growing, your hair will get longer over time.

Simple as that.
 
Just look around you. There are many 4a ladies here with long hair.

It is achievable but just realize it'll take patience, doing protective styling and taking care of the hair that is underneath the weave.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
curlyninjagirl said:
"Genetics" is the scapegoat. People don't want to admit that it's their own unhealthy hair practices that prevent them from attaining longer lengths. I see people surpassing the scientifics standards everyday!
Click to expand...

So true. Having certain genes doesn't 100% predict anything. For example, just because you have the "diabetes gene" it doesn't mean that you will most definitely develop diabetes. Your environment plays a large part in that too. Genes cannot, for the most part, act without interacting with your environment.

So if you have kinky hair that is prone to breaking (coded for by your genes) and you treat your hair in a manner that minimizes breakage (the environment) ..... well then, I think your have a formula for long hair right there :grinwink:.
 
:yep:I think you will do it you are almost at your goal, I was told the same thing by a beautician and good friend of mine, I just made shoulder length and I my hair is in better shape than it ever has been, thanks to the help of LHCF. I want to grow more and retain. We can do it together!!!!
 
Op, I got this too from my mother, and guess what? She is a 4a/b with TBL:ohwell:. She said I have hair like my dad and that it will take forever for my hair to get long. I don't listen to her, and I don't need her encouragement.
You can do it! Believe you can. Visualize what you want and work toward it!:yep:
 
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Also,I suggest choosing mini goals that you know you can reach in a given time period. This will give you positive reinforcement and encourage you to continue. For example you are shoulder length now. Choose collar bone length by the summer. Many ladies are very lofty with their growth goals but I think a conservative approach keeps you motivated. I didn't set out with waist length or any length as a goal ( just natural hair), but as I made CBL, then APL, then BSL year by year, the belief that I just may reach longer goals gets stronger.

Based on what I have seen, I think it is highly likely that you can reach APL which will give you a shoulder length braid out.
 
You can show people better than you can tell them. And you're in good company here. Stick around...you'll make it.
 
Most black people were raised to think that way. Your mom is no different, but that is okay. After you grow your hair longer, she will understand.
 
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