I'm in love with him but know it won't work out.

[Vinyl]

Something happened regarding my ex today... not gonna say what because that would end up with me posting several paragraphs about what happened. Although I should clarify that we're not friends/I'm not still talking to him.

But basically, the emotional part of me is saying, "I still love this person and want to try again," and the logical part of me is saying, "NO, NO, NO, you already know why it's not going to work out and even if you love him, he STILL fits several of the "do-not-date" criteria that you made based on your experience with him."

It's obvious of what I SHOULD do... I just don't know how to deal with these mixed emotions.

I mean... ugh. I'm having so many issues pertaining to this that I just can't talk to my friends about it anymore. They're all tired of hearing about this guy... (We were on and off for 4 years so imagine me complaining for the final 3...) so even when I did make the decision to finally let him go (we haven't spoken in a few months,) any emotions that crop up resulting from that are still going to make my friends say, "He's a jerk" and leave it at that.

 

[MissNina]

Well IDK what happened but I was with someone off and on for 3 years and it finally ended for real for real a lil earlier this year. 3 years at random times, my friends were mad and I was getting mad that they were mad b/c I'd listen...go right back....on n on. IDK. You already know. There isn't much to say except remind you that missing someone doesn't mean you're supposed to be with him. It will get easier. One day you will wake up and not care half as much...uh as long as you leave him alone for real. It sucks but you'll get over it.

But that's on you b/c you have to get there and not go back to him. Get in your mind this is it for real. Like in the back of your mind clear that thought that one day you'll get back together...I know it's back there lol. But honestly some ppl get addicted to drama or heartbreak though. Not saying you do but I'm saying if you know it's not gonna work out then you know what it will lead to. Don't delay the inevitable.
I've been somewhat there so I'm just being honest. You already know so make a decision. Don't hurt yourself bc that's just silly lol. You deal with the emotions as you go. It will be mixed for awhile but just live your life. He surely will. He already knows what you're trying to figure out. Surprise him. Lesson Learned.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I think it's fine to be honest w/ yourself in knowing that you do still love him. That's okay. At the same time, you don't need to be (and won't be) with every person you love.

 

[MzLady78]

I think it's fine to be honest w/ yourself in knowing that you do still love him. That's okay. At the same time, you don't need to be (and won't be) with every person you love.

I agree.

I have exes that I will love until the day I die, but that doesn't mean that I'd like to revisit being in a relationship with them.

 

[new-life]

Sounds like me.

Something happened regarding my ex today... not gonna say what because that would end up with me posting several paragraphs about what happened. Although I should clarify that we're not friends/I'm not still talking to him.

But basically, the emotional part of me is saying, "I still love this person and want to try again," and the logical part of me is saying, "NO, NO, NO, you already know why it's not going to work out and even if you love him, he STILL fits several of the "do-not-date" criteria that you made based on your experience with him."

It's obvious of what I SHOULD do... I just don't know how to deal with these mixed emotions.

I mean... ugh. I'm having so many issues pertaining to this that I just can't talk to my friends about it anymore. They're all tired of hearing about this guy... (We were on and off for 4 years so imagine me complaining for the final 3...) so even when I did make the decision to finally let him go (we haven't spoken in a few months,) any emotions that crop up resulting from that are still going to make my friends say, "He's a jerk" and leave it at that.

 

[firecracker]

You already know he is a waste of your precious time. Work on getting over him, forgiving and moving forward.

 

[Vinyl]

Thanks guys... sometimes it just takes someone to tell you that even though you're still experiencing those feelings of love, doesn't mean you should pursue a relationship again.

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

Word to the wise...
Just leave it be...Like everyone said...
Its nothing wrong missing him or even remembering the good times.
You gotta move forward with your life.
I am sure he has..

FYI-i just found myself the man I thought was going to marrry was a dirty dog..
So trust i relate but you don't have to settle for less. A man isn't going to change unless he wants too and three yrs of the same more than likely he won't change..

It will get easier..

 

[shawniegee]

I say allow yourself to miss him -it's ok and normal. I think missing someone and not running back is all in the process of getting over someone. There are so many things I miss about my ex, but I don't miss HIM. If you know what I mean. All this proves is that you're human. Sometimes friends and even we can be hard on ourselves when it comes to complex emotions. Look forward to missing him without the pain, and eventually not at all. But wherever you are in journey to healing, find someone that can be supportive and not judgemental. Family and friends can be downright insensitive. Keep ya head up no mater what!

 

[itismehmmkay]

Thanks guys... sometimes it just takes someone to tell you that even though you're still experiencing those feelings of love, doesn't mean you should pursue a relationship again.

Exactly
It's one of those bittersweet things. Residual feelings don't equal a meaningful relationship.
I think it's safe to say that you still need some time apart from him. So your "operation-no-talking" should stay in effect

 

[Aveena]

I know this is a very hard thing to deal with because you do love this person and it is hard to let go. I will add that I am no stranger to this situation....but; trust - You must let go.

You are in the center of a vicious cycle.... I'm sorry hun but the cycle will not end.

Ask yourself:

Do you want to spend your life breaking up - getting back together - breaking up - getting back together?

 

[tiara76]

I agree with those who say acknowledge your feelings...don't hide from them, dont try to act like they don't exist dont even try to fight them....having those feelings doesn't mean you are supposed to be with that person.....and most people who have really loved someone doesn't ever stop loving them in a sense they will always care for them...to be mad, hold grudges, try to fight emotions is all a losing battle that will keep you trapped from moving forward in life to potentially bigger and better things and people ..... once you figure out that the love you have for yourself is more than enough and more than what anybody else can give you its easier to let go and move on.....

 

[Highly Favored8]

Can I share a little bit. Just last night God is so Good!

I was ALL Emotional Over my EX/FH I mean I wanted to go back with him and start over RIGHT!

Well, I Prayed from 11:30 p.m.-1:30 a.m. I was so sick deep down inside. Loving, Missing Him ETC.

Then today I saw him and we talked and it got kind of wordy in a bad way. Then on the phone it got WORSE:

My EX Fiance blamed me for out realtionship break down (OUCH) even though he was very verbally abusive to me as well as physically. God is so good to me and for me b/c he revealed if I would of told him my true feelings WOW! Not only that he does not want accpet 50-50 of out realtionship break down! NOPE HF8 gets all the Blame! I feel you! I feel what you are going through!

 

[GinnyP]

Something happened regarding my ex today... not gonna say what because that would end up with me posting several paragraphs about what happened. Although I should clarify that we're not friends/I'm not still talking to him.

But basically, the emotional part of me is saying, "I still love this person and want to try again," and the logical part of me is saying, "NO, NO, NO, you already know why it's not going to work out and even if you love him, he STILL fits several of the "do-not-date" criteria that you made based on your experience with him."

It's obvious of what I SHOULD do... I just don't know how to deal with these mixed emotions.

I mean... ugh. I'm having so many issues pertaining to this that I just can't talk to my friends about it anymore. They're all tired of hearing about this guy... (We were on and off for 4 years so imagine me complaining for the final 3...) so even when I did make the decision to finally let him go (we haven't spoken in a few months,) any emotions that crop up resulting from that are still going to make my friends say, "He's a jerk" and leave it at that.

you already know the answer you said he was a jerk and whatever he did you don't want to talk about it so I would just listen to my inner self-- believe me it does not get better it only gets worst over time unless he was struck by a miracle or have some out of body experience(heeeeee) just listen yourself or try to change him which will only change you! it will make you stronger or make you bitter over time.....