I’m His Partner But He Is Buying His Sister A Car

[Transformer]

Dear Carolyn: My partner and his brother have decided to go in on a new car for their sister, who has been driving around in an unsafe jalopy for a while. She can't afford to buy her own for a number of reasons that all boil down to poor financial management.
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This is really generous and brotherly of them, and I would support it, but I've been driving a crappy old car for years and can't quite believe my partner is prioritizing his sister's need over mine. Granted, there is a big difference between unsafe (her car) and simply embarrassing (mine), but there is also a big difference between one's duties to one's sibling and one's partner. Right, or am I being a jerk?

 

[awhyley]

Hate to say it but she'll always be their sister. She needs to be glad that bro isn't shouldering the entire expense.

 

[Charmingchick1]

Unless there’s more to the story, I don’t see a problem with it. I would assume that the sister doesn’t have anyone else who could help her and it sounds like the partner just wants a new car for aesthetic reasons.
As long as helping the sister isn’t causing financial strain then it seems ok.

 

[Transformer]

Unless there’s more to the story, I don’t see a problem with it. I would assume that the sister doesn’t have anyone else who could help her and it sounds like the partner just wants a new car for aesthetic reasons.
As long as helping the sister isn’t causing financial strain then it seems ok.

She wants a pissing contest and confirmation of her place in the pecking order.

 

[Kanky]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man where I didn't come first.

 

[Transformer]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man where I didn't come first.

There is need and then there is want. She wants a new car versus need and she admits this.

 

[Kanky]

There is need and then there is want. She wants a new car versus need and she admits this.

I expect my wants to come before other's needs in my relationship. For example if his sister is having trouble paying her rent and I want to go on a vacation and we can't afford both then I expect to be sipping a cold drink on a hot beach while she gets evicted because I am first.

But this is why it is a bad idea to marry men from poor families.

 

[Reinventing21]

She sounds insecure and is questioning her value to her guy and their relationship status (doesn't sound like they are married). Does she really expect the brothers to let their sister risk her life in order to provide a car for the girlfriend who just wishes she had a prettier car??!!


To be clear tho, I do not think the boyfriend going in on a car with his brother for the safety of their sister has to mean the girlfriend isn't 'first' to her boyfriend.

 

[Reinventing21]

I should add however that if your partner is always having to bail out others at your expense, then that is definitely a problem.

 

[Evolving78]

I expect my wants to come before other's needs in my relationship. For example if his sister is having trouble paying her rent and I want to go on a vacation and we can't afford both then I expect to be sipping a cold drink on a hot beach while she gets evicted because I am first.

But this is why it is a bad idea to marry men from poor families.

she is a girlfriend not a wife. Girlfriends don’t get wife privileges.

 

[mrselle]

They aren't married. This person does not need a new car. This person wants a new car. Had the guy not committed to helping his sister get a newer car, this person would be no parts bothered by the vehicle they are driving. This is nothing more than someone feeling insecure in their relationship.

 

[mrselle]

she is a girlfriend not a wife. Girlfriends don’t get wife privileges.

I get the feeling this is not a male/female relationship.
Either way, you are correct. This person is not a spouse and should not expect spouse privileges.

 

[Saludable84]

I expect my wants to come before other's needs in my relationship. For example if his sister is having trouble paying her rent and I want to go on a vacation and we can't afford both then I expect to be sipping a cold drink on a hot beach while she gets evicted because I am first.

But this is why it is a bad idea to marry men from poor families.

The sister makes poor financial decisions/management and the brothers are buying her a car. TL;DR it as enabling.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

A partner is not a spouse. Spouses are family and so are sisters. At a minimum, if it were me, I would bring up my feelings with my "partner" and see what he said.

If this is a same sex relationship, I think the dynamics differ depending on whether the couple is close in age and income. If there is a huge age/income disparity then the set up usually looks more like a traditional same sex financial situation but two dudes that are nearly the same age and making nearly the same money generally, I said GENERALLY don't look to the other to take care of them.

 

[Transformer]

I get the feeling this is not a male/female relationship.
Either way, you are correct. This person is not a spouse and should not expect spouse privileges.

I think it is a male/female relationship because SHE is bothered that he is spending money on another woman.

As for poor financial decisions, that’s just her assessment. The two brothers have a family bond with their sister and have decided to help. If she doesn’t get a more reliable vehicle her financial hole might get deeper.

 

[Evolving78]

The sister makes poor financial decisions/management and the brothers are buying her a car. TL;DR it as enabling.

If he or she feels that way, then they should leave the partner alone and find somebody to give them what they. People forget there is always the door if they don’t like how things are going.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Person mentioned in OP is selfish.
her car is ugly, the sister’s car is unsafe.
Also does partner = long term girlfriend/boyfriend?

 

[Saludable84]

If he or she feels that way, then they should leave the partner alone and find somebody to give them what they. People forget there is always the door if they don’t like how things are going.

I agree. That’s what the TL;DR is for. There are more ways I feel but that and what you said pretty much sums it up.

 

[KimPossibli]

break up with him

I dont personally have a problem with the scenario the OP described but if this bothers her, a sister/ sibling with no money is a problem that isnt going anywhere anytime soon so head on out.

 

[KimPossibli]

also I'm not sure I trust this persons assessment of the sisters situation...
if she wants what she wants thats ok.. but I suspect that poor financial management thing was thrown in to bolster their argument.

 

[Transformer]

Also, is the boyfriend’s share coming from a joint account? If not, she just has to deal.

 

[Reinventing21]

Side Bar: Ok. So when it was first mentioned that this was poossibly written by a same sex couple, I thought 'really?!'. But. I reread it and yeah it def does sound like it could have been same sex partner.

That said, all the advice already given still applies.But it is still interesting spin and point to consider.

 

[Kanky]

Also, is the boyfriend’s share coming from a joint account? If not, she just has to deal.

I assumed that they'd mingled finances based on the nature of the complaint. It would be weird for her to be concerned otherwise.

 

[january noir]

Hate to say it but she'll always be their sister. She needs to be glad that bro isn't shouldering the entire expense.

Yup! Partners come and go... I wish I had siblings that would have bought a car for me.

 

[january noir]

The sister makes poor financial decisions/management and the brothers are buying her a car. TL;DR it as enabling.

Enabling, maybe, but if I was in the brother's shoes, I'd choose to make sure my sibling was safe first, then read her the riot act about her finances.
Helping a sibling stay safe should not require punishment for financial missteps.
The brothers can stress that this is a one-time deal and not to expect any other help any time soon.

 

[Shimmie]

Give the sister the ‘old’ but safe car. The girlfriend can have the unsafe car until she learns to stop being petty / selfish.

 

[LiftedUp]

So the alternative is for her partner and his brother to go half on a car for her? Because from what I understand, he only has half the money.

Anyway, it's a nice brotherly gesture. I love to see brothers taking care of their sisters. Secondly, she is a girlfriend not wife. He doesnt have to consult with her first. Lastly if she wants her boyfriend to buy her a new car she should say something.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

She sounds a little jealous and a lot of broke.

 

[LushLox]

Why can't she save up and buy her own car? In life one must strive to be self sufficient and stop relying on others so much.

 

[dancinstallion]

I expect my wants to come before other's needs in my relationship. For example if his sister is having trouble paying her rent and I want to go on a vacation and we can't afford both then I expect to be sipping a cold drink on a hot beach while she gets evicted because I am first.

But this is why it is a bad idea to marry men from poor families.

Sis you are cold blooded, I like it