I’m His Partner But He Is Buying His Sister A Car

[Crackers Phinn]

Ain’t no period. lol Some “wife privileges” can be extended to girlfriends. It depends on the relationship. DH and I have only been married for 3 years, but I’ve been his #1 for quite a bit longer than that. A boyfriend who wouldn’t put me first in situations similar to this would never become my husband.

Ordinarily I'd agree with you but the situation isn't the sister and the gf both have unsafe cars and the sister is being prioritized. The partner agrees that the sister has a legit need and the partner has a want that it sounds like he/she hasn't even asked for until they found out sis was getting a car.

I would look at the situation differently if the partner said that she been asking for a car, got all kinds of excuses but as soon as the sister need a car he can find the money to pitch in because a closed mouth don't get fed. What Meghan say? Ask for a car while you riding that !

Many a woman has received a first class trip to disappointment and resentment by depending on a man's mind reading skills so you got to tell them exactly what you want. When men guess what you want that should be treated like a stupid pet trick that just happened to go right.

 

[Theresamonet]

Ordinarily I'd agree with you but the situation isn't the sister and the gf both have unsafe cars and the sister is being prioritized. The partner agrees that the sister has a legit need and the partner has a want that it sounds like he/she hasn't even asked for until they found out sis was getting a car.

I would look at the situation differently if the partner said that she been asking for a car, got all kinds of excuses but as soon as the sister need a car he can find the money to pitch in because a closed mouth don't get fed. What Meghan say? Ask for a car while you riding that !

Many a woman has received a first class trip to disappointment and resentment by depending on a man's mind reading skills so you got to tell them exactly what you want. When men guess what you want that should be treated like a stupid pet trick that just happened to go right.

Sis needs a safe car. Sis does not need a new car. Her taking a free, safe car from the girlfriend shouldn’t be an issue. 3+ years ago, when I was just a girlfriend, DH would have said “hey, my sister needs a new car, and you don’t want this one anymore, so how about we get you a new car and my sister can have yours?”... But I don’t have a closed mouth problem (or a WAP problem ), so... completely agree with the last part of your comment.

All the posters saying that if the girlfriend doesn’t like what’s happening she can just step off, is weird to me. How about she can talk to her man about it? Cause boyfriend might not want her to step off. His girlfriend might be worth something to him. I know that’s a novel idea around here.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Does "partner" mean wife or husband? Cause it seems that we tend to give the relationship more importance than its worth.

He is helping his family get a car. Obviously his partner is someone he's seeing. That partner likely won't even be in the picture next year.

I suggest the person writing start looking for a real life partner. This person is not it.

 

[nyeredzi]

Why do we think the brothers are going to buy the sister a nice pretty new car? I know it says new, but I also just got a "new" (to me) car, that is used. Seems like a more likely thing they are to do is buy the sister a used but reliable car.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Sis needs a safe car. Sis does not need a new car. Her taking a free, safe car from the girlfriend shouldn’t be an issue. 3+ years ago, when I was just a girlfriend, DH would have said “hey, my sister needs a new car, and you don’t want this one anymore, so how about we get you a new car and my sister can have yours?”... But I don’t have a closed mouth problem (or a WAP problem ), so... completely agree with the last part of your comment.

All the posters saying that if the girlfriend doesn’t like what’s happening she can just step off, is weird to me. How about she can talk to her man about it? Cause boyfriend might not want her to step off. His girlfriend might be worth something to him. I know that’s a novel idea around here.

I will admit that since everybody in this story is driving jalopies, I took "new" to mean "new to her", i.e., the brothers are scraping a few thousand a piece to get a "newer" car than what she already has. I didn't think sis was going to get a brand new 2020-2021 joint paid for in cash. I'm admitting none of that is in the OP just me speculating because these people don't sound like they are a new car crowd.

 

[Evolving78]

Why do we think the brothers are going to buy the sister a nice pretty new car? I know it says new, but I also just got a "new" (to me) car, that is used. Seems like a more likely thing they are to do is buy the sister a used but reliable car.

That just shows you how people think.

The brothers are putting some money together to get their sister some safe transportation. The partner wants a new car.[/QUOTE]

 

[caribeandiva]

If you don’t think a boyfriend should buy you a car, then you don’t get one. That has nothing to do with the rest of us. We are able to set our relationships up however we want them to be. That’s what I meant when I said there’s no periods in this.

Gotcha

 

[Evolving78]

Sis needs a safe car. Sis does not need a new car. Her taking a free, safe car from the girlfriend shouldn’t be an issue. 3+ years ago, when I was just a girlfriend, DH would have said “hey, my sister needs a new car, and you don’t want this one anymore, so how about we get you a new car and my sister can have yours?”... But I don’t have a closed mouth problem (or a WAP problem ), so... completely agree with the last part of your comment.

All the posters saying that if the girlfriend doesn’t like what’s happening she can just step off, is weird to me. How about she can talk to her man about it? Cause boyfriend might not want her to step off. His girlfriend might be worth something to him. I know that’s a novel idea around here.

How is telling the girlfriend if she has a problem with a brother getting his sister a car, she can find her a man that will only look out for her?
She has options and doesn’t have to be bothered? The partner feels bothered and left out about The boyfriend looking out for family. That’s a big red flag. Maybe he should leave her alone?
And why would this sister want the girlfriend’s car? Now that is weird and would be a big conflict of interest.

 

[Zaz]

I get the feeling this is not a male/female relationship.
Either way, you are correct. This person is not a spouse and should not expect spouse privileges.

Does "partner" mean wife or husband? Cause it seems that we tend to give the relationship more importance than its worth.

He is helping his family get his car. Obvpisu his partner is someone he's seeing. That partner likely won't even be in the picture next year.

I suggest the person writing start looking for a real life partner. This person is not it.

I was getting man/woman vibes. I find that people who've been together for a while but aren't married will use "partner" to sound more serious than boy/girlfriend. And since it's about (her) wanting a car, she threw in that partner to give it more legitimacy.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

She wants him to offer to buy her a new car too huh? Closed mouths don't get fed.

 

[silverbuttons]

This is what brothers are suppose to do... care for thé safety of their little sisters. I don’t see anything offensive here.

 

[JudithO]

Stories like this annoy me. If the car is unsafe and the brothers are in a position to help their sister, then so be it. Would she rather the car let the sister go on the road or she get into an accident? The fact that the wife is annoyed because her car will now be the "older"/embarrassing one is selfish. So basically her husband can only help others if the help he gives doesn't result in that person having/getting something that is newer or better than what she has? Trash.

LOL girl she is not even the wife... girlfriend! I can't even wrap my mind around this... I mean a man/husband is allowed to bless his sister in any way he wants... I'm allowed to bless my family in any way I want. Why is the girlfriend complaining about her ugly car only now that the brothers want to come together to buy their sister a car? Car doesn't have to be unsafe.... he is allowed to show love to his sister however his heart desires. Did she tell her man that she wanted a new car and he told her he couldn't afford it?

 

[JudithO]

Ma

I'm more disturbed by the fact that the brother bought a new car for his sister instead of a newer used car, which would've shaved a few thousand off. Other than that, this sounds like the partner is insecure and wishes that they were getting a new car. How long has this couple been together? Are they thinking about marriage? How are their finances? Without these answers I can't say much more but from the letter, the partner sounds insecure and jealous.

If they are serious and thinking about marriage then I'd say it's time to talk about priorities and boundaries with families of origin.

Maybe he only likes new cars.... or hell... maybe sis is such a good person, or has blessed everyone so much in the past that she deserves a new car? Either way, he can buy his sister whatever he pleases even a house if he can afford it and it doesnt hurt marital family (of which is has none currently)

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Ma


Maybe he only likes new cars.... or hell... maybe sis is such a good person, or has blessed everyone so much in the past that she deserves a new car? Either way, he can buy his sister whatever he pleases even a house if he can afford it and it doesnt hurt marital family (of which is has none currently)

He’s a grown man. It’s his money, he can buy whatever he wants for who ever he wants. But I side eye most new car purchases because that’s me. It’s called having an opinion.

 

[Kurlee]

LOL girl she is not even the wife... girlfriend! I can't even wrap my mind around this... I mean a man/husband is allowed to bless his sister in any way he wants... I'm allowed to bless my family in any way I want. Why is the girlfriend complaining about her ugly car only now that the brothers want to come together to buy their sister a car? Car doesn't have to be unsafe.... he is allowed to show love to his sister however his heart desires. Did she tell her man that she wanted a new car and he told her he couldn't afford it?

The partner jargon threw me off. I agree that he should be able to support his sister in any way he sees fit. I find the competitiveness strange. They clearly have different values.

 

[lesedi]

There are no blanket should or shouldn’t rules when it comes to girlfriend and wife ‘privileges’. We don’t get get to dictate what a woman should or shouldn’t receive based on her marital status. If the man sees fit to give it to her, then she was supposed to receive it.

I don’t think we have to earn the right to be spoiled, sorry.

 

[Evolving78]

There are no blanket should or shouldn’t rules when it comes to girlfriend and wife ‘privileges’. We don’t get get to dictate what a woman should or shouldn’t receive based on her marital status. If the man sees fit to give it to her, then she was supposed to receive it.

I don’t think we have to earn the right to be spoiled, sorry.

It’s not about gifts and being spoiled. Being an actual, legal wife is different and comes with obligations and rights. Girlfriends don’t have those same legal obligations or rights. Just like women are told don’t give a boyfriend husband privileges. That’s what’s wrong now. The lines are blurred and there is a lack of honor, boundaries, and respect. Nobody respects marriage anymore, because people are playing married without what all comes with it.
As you can see there is a Relationship/dating thread, then a Marriage thread.

 

[lesedi]

It’s not about gifts and being spoiled. Being an actual, legal wife is different and comes with obligations and rights. Girlfriends don’t have those same legal obligations or rights. Just like women are told don’t give a boyfriend husband privileges. That’s what’s wrong now. The lines are blurred and there is a lack of honor, boundaries, and respect. Nobody respects marriage anymore, because people are playing married without what all comes with it.
As you can see there is a Relationship/dating thread, then a Marriage thread.

It may be a marriage thread but the people in the story aren’t married.

Obviously I understand the legal differences but I really don’t care what other people do in their houses. If they are ‘playing married’ but are happy, why would that affect me? I think each couple need to set the parameters for their relationship across all of those areas you mentioned.

I don’t think that a man prioritising you Only starts the moment you walk down the aisle.
That being said I don’t see an issue with the man buying his sister a car.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Given that the car was unsafe and they would obviously rather she be alive despite her financial irresponsibility - she is being dumb whether wife, or partner. As a wife I would be ok with this as long as it was a basic, safe car. If they went way above what was needed I'd feel annoyed if it impacted our own plans.

Though as a partner I think she should watch out for the relationship dynamic and take note silently. Moreso when it comes to actual manipulation, crocodile tears and entitlement from family members. I have seen this play out badly after marriage, where the wife and kids are still secondary to sob stories from extended family members and feelings of duty no matter what.

 

[Evolving78]

It may be a marriage thread but the people in the story aren’t married.

Obviously I understand the legal differences but I really don’t care what other people do in their houses. If they are ‘playing married’ but are happy, why would that affect me? I think each couple need to set the parameters for their relationship across all of those areas you mentioned.

I don’t think that a man prioritising you Only starts the moment you walk down the aisle.
That being said I don’t see an issue with the man buying his sister a car.

We can agree to disagree.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Why do we think the brothers are going to buy the sister a nice pretty new car? I know it says new, but I also just got a "new" (to me) car, that is used. Seems like a more likely thing they are to do is buy the sister a used but reliable car.

We don't. We're adding filler details. One I would add is that he probably offered to get her a car and she declined. Now she sees sis getting one and is mad.