I'm getting the feeling he's no longer interested..

M

*~Mocha~*

Well-Known Member
I need help!!! Lol

So I've been talking to a guy I met in late January. We clicked, everything seemed cool but he is not talking to me as often as he's had in the beginning. I thought at one point he was doing the fade but he assured me he's not. He said he does like his space at times and if he was not interested he would tell me straight up.

Anyway, last week be texted me that he wants to see me at lunch but he's busy at work and it'll be a quick lunch. Lunch time rolls in and I haven't heard from him. So I text him and ask if he's coming. ( I work from home and lunch was suppose to be at my house) he replied that he ended up having a last minute meeting at work but he'll come to see that night. Well that night came and he didn't call or show. I didn't force the issue or bring it up because I know he was going to be traveling out of the country the next day. He told me a few days ago that he's going on vacation. The day of the vacation comes by and I didn't hear from him. So I texted him 'have a safe trip' I got no response but I stalked his Facebook and saw that he was active. He then texts me the next day that he left early for his trip and just got to his destination (which he did- but he was replying to ppl on fbook but not my text :( ) . I didn't respond but yesterday, per the advice from a friend, I texted him ' hey how's your vacay going, when r u coming back? ' he responded, but didn't answer the 'when are you coming back'

I'm getting the sense that he no longer wants to talk to me anymore, it's just a feeling I get and I'm usually right. And him not showing up the other night , to me, was maybe him sending signs of disinterest and telling me to back off.

I'm itching so bad to ask him if he's not into talking to me anymore, but don't know if that's inappropriate since he's on vacay... But then, I don't even know when he's coming back. Should I text him asking? I feel like I should just take a hint and back off and if he's into me still he'll contact me but I have this thing where I need to ask ppl straight out.
 
Back off! If he wants to talk to you, he will. I understand wanting to confront this outright, but I think you need to look at his actions and judge for yourself if you want to be involved with a man who can be on Facebook with others but can't respond to your texts.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
I'm itching so bad to ask him if he's not into talking to me anymore, but don't know if that's inappropriate since he's on vacay... But then, I don't even know when he's coming back. Should I text him asking? I feel like I should just take a hint and back off and if he's into me still he'll contact me but I have this thing where I need to ask ppl straight out.
Click to expand...

I know how you feel. I'm very bold and I like people to be plain with me and not play the guessing game. Standing up someone twice in one night is extremely rude. I get the last minute meeting excuse, but, if he wasn't going to make it in the evening he should've said so. I would've let it go after that. I firmly believe though that if a man wants to see a woman he would make every effort to.

If however you still want to work it out, don't ask him anything and don't come across as though you're pursing him. Stop initiating conversations. Fall back and go out with your girlfriends and continue to live your life. Meet new people etc. If he asks you out again, be bold then and ask him if it's confirmed because you may have other plans.
 
Hey hun, I know others will post but yeah you're right. He's giving you the fade. Directly asking like you've already done will prompt someone to lie and reassure you that's not the case. People try to avoid messy situations by hoping you can take the hint. I've done it and it's been done to me more times than I can count. I also understand needing closure so how about texting him "hey, I know you're probably busy but things seem different between us and you no longer seem interested so I'm gonna back off. Take care." He may feel relieved and will prob not respond or he'll feel guilty and start reassuring you again which is not good. If he does respond asking why you feel this way, let him know everything and don't ever take "busy" as an excuse. I wouldn't challenge him if he uses being "busy" as an excuse but I'd give him the :rolleyes: face over the phone and chalk it up as BS and someone trying to waste my time. Some people just want someone to talk to and text every once in awhile.
 
Last edited:
janiebaby said:
Hey hun, I know others will post but yeah you're right. He's giving you the fade. Directly asking like you've already done will prompt someone to lie and reassure you that's not the case. People try to avoid messy situations by hoping you can take the hint. I've done it and it's been done to me more times than I can count. I also understand needing closure so how texting him "hey, I know you're probably busy but things seem different between u and you no longer seemed interested so I'm gonna back off. Take care." He may feel relieved and will prob not respond or he'll feel guilty and stsrt reassuring you again which is not good. If he does respond asking why you feel this way, let him know everything and din't ever take "busy" as an excuse. I wouldn't challenge him if he uses being "busy" as an excuse but I'd give him the :sarcastic: face over the phone and chalk it up as BS and someone trying to waste my time. Some people just want someone to talk to and text every once in awhile.
Click to expand...

janiebaby,

I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted!! I want to back off like the other ladies suggested but then I want to text using that example you posted. Now, if I do text him should I do it while he's still away or wait a good enough time from now when he may be home.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
janiebaby,

I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted!! I want to back off like the other ladies suggested but then I want to text using that example you posted. Now, if I do text him should I do it while he's still away or wait a good enough time from now when he may be home.
Click to expand...

Do it now. It's not going to change the outcome. If anything it'll drive you crazy because you may think if he doesn't respond it's because he's on vacay and didn't have time to....however, if you wait it'll drive you crazy and you may do or say something you may regret. My friend has an app that allows you to see when people read your texts but I don't know the name of it. If you're interested I can find out for you. Maybe that'll also ease not knowing.
 
janiebaby,

I wouldn't want to know if he read it and is not responding. He did say he can only message using wifi to communicate. This morning we exchanged texts ( the response to my message) and he said he'll talk to me later because he's heading out. So he prob won't get it until later, if I decide to text him.
 
Last edited:
O, I didn't know you guys exchanged texts this morning. That changes things. You'd probably do better to wait and see if he makes good on his pronise to get back to you. If you don't hear from him today and still don't hear from him by tomorrow then send the text on Tuesday. Just don't send it too early in the morning or late at night.
 
Hey Mocha
This guy is going about living his life and you should too. If he was feeling your friendship, he'd be getting closer not dismissing you like that. He's being "Captain Obvious" and what he's doing is more than a hint.

You really just met (January isn't a long time) so not a big loss.
If I were in your shoes, I'd keep it movin'. He's not the one.

Sometime in life, you just have to take people at face value and refrain from digging any deeper. It usually ends up being a waste of precious time.
 
He is not the one. And he isn't giving you the fade but the hang on one minute. He will always be there but not that close for you to feel comfortable. Sorry to say it but there is probably another woman who he is on vacation with. You can try to be direct but I don't think this is the type of guy who shoots straight. He already knows you pay more attention to what he says versus what he does. He knows he can string you along. Don't live off hope. Let him go and find someone who respects you. This guy doesn't.
 
janiebaby said:
O, I didn't know you guys exchanged texts this morning. That changes things. You'd probably do better to wait and see if he makes good on his pronise to get back to you. If you don't hear from him today and still don't hear from him by tomorrow then send the text on Tuesday. Just don't send it too early in the morning or late at night.
Click to expand...

faithVA said:
He is not the one. And he isn't giving you the fade but the hang on one minute. He will always be there but not that close for you to feel comfortable. Sorry to say it but there is probably another woman who he is on vacation with. You can try to be direct but I don't think this is the type of guy who shoots straight. He already knows you pay more attention to what he says versus what he does. He knows he can string you along. Don't live off hope. Let him go and find someone who respects you. This guy doesn't.
Click to expand...

faithVA I agree with what you said, but I know he's on vacation alone. He flew space A and could only fly with a companion if he's married.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
faithVA I agree with what you said, but I know he's on vacation alone. He flew space A and could only fly with a companion if he's married.
Click to expand...

So because she didn't fly with him means she isn't vacationing with him? I've been on vacations with guys and not traveled with them.

Maybe you are right. Just keep your eyes open. Don't put to much trust in what you hear.
 
He's doing the fade. Men are very passive agressive when it comes to situations like this .they rather let the woman figure out he's no longer interested through his actions ,hoping she will stop contacting him and "get the message".

Eta: he doesn't have to be married or have a girlfriend ,he might have several options he wants to explore . Don't believe a man's words ,believe in his actions.

He s probably emotionally unavailable.
 
Last edited:
Leave him alone. When you look back on this, you will be glad you did.

It's really not that complicated. If he wants to talk to you and see you he will do just that. Believe, he will find the time and the way if he is interested.

In fact, you texting him friendly messages and looking for him after he basically stood you up probably puts you low on the priority list.
 
I would say slow fade... I always realize if I have to question and give myself a headache about whether he's interested or not, he's not the one. Also when I see he is still alive and well, communicating with others via social media that kind of confirms it for me. It's so easy to text and keep in contact with others these days, so there's no excuse to me. I used to try to figure out why, but that would drive me crazy (another woman, something I said, etc etc) but it doesn't even matter. Now when it's early and no relationship has been established, I feel salty for a few days then cut my losses.

ETA: The slow fade happened to me last August, then he came back in October (right when the weather changed) like hey! How are you? I didn't respond. I was taken anyway but he realized after his summer of fun that I am a good catch. I'm straight...then he realized I deleted him from my FB and requested me again. Guys who do the slow fade are so cowardly to me.
 
Last edited:
Don't ask or message him.

'He's just not that into you'.

You should read the book of the same name too or reread it if you already have.

You shouldn't be wondering this much already..If he's this vague now, when he should be putting his best foot forward and wooing you, it sounds like he'd be a nightmare in a relationship.

On to the next one!
 
DreamLife said:
I would say slow fade... I always realize if I have to question and give myself a headache about whether he's interested or not, he's not the one. Also when I see he is still alive and well, communicating with others via social media that kind of confirms it for me. It's so easy to text and keep in contact with others these days, so there's no excuse to me. I used to try to figure out why, but that would drive me crazy (another woman, something I said, etc etc) but it doesn't even matter. Now when it's early and no relationship has been established, I feel salty for a few days then cut my losses.
Click to expand...

Now that I'm thinking about it, it's so silly of me to dwell on this. And yea, whatever the 'reason' is, it doesn't even matter. Sometimes seeing things in print helps to make sense of the situation. I won't text or contact him at all.
 
Last edited:
This guy I know has been doing the same thing to the point where I've completely stopped texting him and deleted his number. He texted me the other day making plans for dinner on Friday, and then asked to reschedule on Friday! So I was just like ok and kept it moving, didn't address it because I didn't want to be labeled as 'nagging'. He texted the next day asking how I was doing I said 'great and u' and never got a reply back, I wasn't looking for one either though, but I've come to realize that he's unavailable emotionally, and he even told me a girl he's been seeing dropped him recently, so because I've known him for 3 years as friends, my friend mode turned on and my dating mode clicked off. But, I'm just like stop texting me when you feel like it, and fading out during the convo. The whole men love B's is so real. He told me about how this girl works, and how she uses him etc. So it's funny that he's all broken up over her, especially if she's done him so wrong as he claims.

My advice to u delete him from your social media and his number. If he doesn't respect your time or your feelings he never will. Just move on and find someone you won't have to hound to hang out with.
 
Last edited:
I'm sorry but a guy stands you up and doesn't even call to apologise, you're the one that had to chase him up ... and all you're getting is a "feeling" that he's not interested? He downright disrespected you and he's definitely not interested.

We need to start demanding better for ourselves ladies.
 
Yup. He's with someone else. He's stringing you along and you're falling for the crumbs. Dude is in Mexico, not Malawi - he could communicate with you more regularly if he wanted to do so. He CHOOSES not to do so. That's his choice yet you are giving him pass after pass for not doing so.

When you demand more from a man, you'll weed out not only this type of behavior from a man, but sometimes the man himself.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
faithVA I agree with what you said, but I know he's on vacation alone. He flew space A and could only fly with a companion if he's married.
Click to expand...

Maybe his wife flew with him. He's married was my first thought when I read about how he responds to your text messages. I really hope for your sake he is not married.
 
I learned when I was dating to never pay attention to a man's words but listen only to his actions. You wilk save yourself a lot of stress and heartbreak that way. His actions show that you aren't high on his priority list. It also shows his character because to stand someone up twice & not notify says that he is not a man of his word & not considerate. He may not have told you when he is coming back because he doesn't want to go out with or hear from you as much. You deserve better than that.
 
DO NOT text him and ask him a damn thing. Regardless of his response, he is showing you with his actions that he's not that interested.
 
Meemee6223 said:
Maybe his wife flew with him. He's married was my first thought when I read about how he responds to your text messages. I really hope for your sake he is not married.
Click to expand...

He is not married. I know, how do I know? .. I get a lot of info from his fbook. He is single, he posts a lot about that because he wants to get married and settled soon. He tells me this too and has said he wants to make the right the decision so he may be talking to other women and fell more for another than me.

To others saying he is vacationing with another woman. I highly doubt it. In the beginning he did share with me that he goes away often on military flights, if space is available. So I'm pretty sure he's alone. I'm not making excuses because I'm over it but I believe him on that.
 
Love isn't supposed to be this complicated. He will probably get worse with time (this is the "fun" courting stage. Doesn't seem much fun) so let it go.

ETA: I hate passive aggressive people and their mind games. OP I'm sure you're a great person and deserve better.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
He is not married. I know, how do I know? .. I get a lot of info from his fbook. He is single, he posts a lot about that because he wants to get married and settled soon. He tells me this too and has said he wants to make the right the decision so he may be talking to other women and fell more for another than me.

To others saying he is vacationing with another woman. I highly doubt it. In the beginning he did share with me that he goes away often on military flights, if space is available. So I'm pretty sure he's alone. I'm not making excuses because I'm over it but I believe him on that.
Click to expand...

Okay, I fly space a all of the time. He probably is meeting someone. He caught a hop on a military plane to another base to meet someone. He is either meeting someone at the base he hopped to or they are catching a hop to meet him or something like that.

Dude isn't worth it. Military men can have women scattered about the world, catching hops to meet them. I really doubt all his "vacations" are just because he likes traveling. The military is always going tdy (traveling on duty) so his traveling bug is suspect to me. If he wasn't disrespecting you I wouldn't be accusing him of having another woman. His actions are very suspicious. You are wasting energy on this one man. Get out and meet more men. You need better and more options.

I do not believe in pursuing men. If they want you they will go through hell and high water to be with you.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
I do not think he is "doing the fade". He met someone else and he's "back-burnered" you to see how things work out with the other person. IMO, this behavior is worse because they have the nerve to come BACK and we actually fall for it...until the next woman comes along then it's the back-burner again.

You've stated before you have the cookies under lock and key and that's fantastic! But you have to realize with a lot of these cats, all they really want is COOKIES and once they determine the cupboard is bare, they move along to explore other kitchens. This is NO LOSS on your part, you don't want this type of guy ANYWAY. Nobody lives happily ever after with the Cookie Monster. Let them go FREELY and with no sadness. He wasn't the one for you.

Look at it this way...the Cookie Monster NEVER stays around. He eventually moves on to the next either way. I'd much rather he go away hungry than with a belly full of my cookies, leaving me with a jar of crumbs. Those cookies are irreplaceable.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

**SaSSy**
He's so irresistible...
Replies
9
Views
293
Lucky's Mom
Lucky's Mom
A
Am I wrong for feeling this way??
Replies
9
Views
284
CurlyMoo
CurlyMoo
S
Is he playing games with me?!
Replies
29
Views
1K
Slave4Hair
S
lady_godiva
Is he trying to tell me he's bisexual or gay?
Replies
16
Views
464
myronnie
myronnie
yokoyokogirl
To text him or not??
Replies
21
Views
461
sugarwater
sugarwater
Back
Top