I'm embarrassed to admit that my biggest insecurity in relationships is..

[saved06]

Also check out youtube for cooking videos....I did not know how easy it is to grill salmon..and there are many step by step videos so you can't go wrong. Just invest the time to learn

 

[tada1]

out it, and yes..that is the truth. I never was taught to cook nor do I LIKE to cook. I know that’s what MOST men like, but I don’t possess that. As for my place, I keep it tidy for the most part BUT there are times it’s a mess and I wouldn’t want anyone to come in.

Can anyone relate or any advise?

I have to disagree with the bolded. I believe that men like people that are comfortable with themselves. IMO you are focusing on the wrong thing--it's not a bad idea to learn to cook and clean, but you first have to work on being comfortable in your own skin--lack of culinary skills and all.

let me tell you, i can cook like i work for food.com because, despite working full time, my mom would cook 99% of our meals when i was younger, but she made me stay in the kitchen to watch what she was doing

However, I don't make it my duty to cook for my SO. He cooks for me about as much as (or even more than) I cook for him. and if he doesnt know how to cook something, he allows me to teach him so that he can cook it next time he is also fully aware that this will not change when we get married if we are both working full time. I can never understand people that slave after the SOs, and then wonder why the man doesnt help out around the house when they are married--but that's a different story.

so my point is, whether you can cook and subtly refuse to do it (like me) or whether you dont know how to cook and hence dont cook, I think any man worth his salt will get to know you for you ...instead of looking for a cook to call a SO.

So get your fabulous self out there, and dont let this prevent you from living your best life.
this is my 2 cents.

 

[Prelude to a Kiss]

I remember being "domesticated" when I was young, around 7 or 8. I remember my mami saying, "No daughter of mine will be unable to keep her husband!" I really hated it growing up, but looking back on it, it was really a good thing. LOL She made sure I learned everything domestically, but she also made my brother (who's three years younger than me) learn the same thing. She didn't want him to grow up depending on any woman to cook and clean for him, especially if he could do it himself.

 

[Kiadodie]

I have to disagree with the bolded. I believe that men like people that are comfortable with themselves. IMO you are focusing on the wrong thing--it's not a bad idea to learn to cook and clean, but you first have to work on being comfortable in your own skin--lack of culinary skills and all.

let me tell you, i can cook like i work for food.com because, despite working full time, my mom would cook 99% of our meals when i was younger, but she made me stay in the kitchen to watch what she was doing

However, I don't make it my duty to cook for my SO. He cooks for me about as much as (or even more than) I cook for him. and if he doesnt know how to cook something, he allows me to teach him so that he can cook it next time he is also fully aware that this will not change when we get married if we are both working full time. I can never understand people that slave after the SOs, and then wonder why the man doesnt help out around the house when they are married--but that's a different story.

so my point is, whether you can cook and subtly refuse to do it (like me) or whether you dont know how to cook and hence dont cook, I think any man worth his salt will get to know you for you ...instead of looking for a cook to call a SO.

So get your fabulous self out there, and dont let this prevent you from living your best life.
this is my 2 cents.

Yeah, you're very right. I'm working on that too. I guess I felt that no man would be able to love/accept me if I couldn't do this either. Oh well, it always comes down to self acceptance in the end...but I still want to learn to cook

 

[ebonylocs]

Now, on a different note... I guess I'm wondering why all these men who are NOT your boyfriend (I assume) or husband are asking you if you cook or to cook for them. I think that's kinda overstepping their bounds... I mean, sure I understand that they want to be with someone who is a good cook. That's fine.

That's what I was wondering too. I can cook. And I have no problem cooking for a man I care about. But not if it's some expectation or demand. Men who request my cooking in that kind of way before even knowing me well get a subtle check mark against them. It gives the sense that they have a sense of entitlement and probably rigid gender roles.

I've also never met or dated any man for whom a good cook was a highly important criteria for a woman. Of course, it was desirable - who doesn't like to eat delicious food? But it's a learnable skill, and all my previous boyfriends could take care of themselves in that arena. Most cooked for me more than i cooked for them, just because they could.

If you want to learn, go for it. It's a good thing to have under your toolbelt. But it's not this mysterious, unattainable thing. Get some recipe books, buy ingredients and start making things that you like.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

One of my biggest fears that I realized I have is that a man will realize that I am not domestic enough. I can’t cook and I have a hard time keeping my place tidy therefore he will not accept me as I am. I know this sounds scary and maybe stupid to some, but it’s real to me.

Now, let me update you guys. Growing up, my mom had 2 jobs and was barely home. She didn’t teach me a thing..confidence, cooking, about men, how to maintain my hair etc. name it. I had to grow up and learn some things the hard way and some things...I just never learned.

For the longest time, I held a grudge against her but then chose to forgive her because of her upbringing. She couldn’t give me what she herself wasn’t given.

So now, when I do get into relationships I keep them at a distance. erplexed At first I really thought it was because I didn’t want to get hurt. Then recently my aunt told me, you’re scared they are going to find out that you can’t cook and you’re not domestic enough. I had to think about it, and yes..that is the truth. I never was taught to cook nor do I LIKE to cook. I know that’s what MOST men like, but I don’t possess that. As for my place, I keep it tidy for the most part BUT there are times it’s a mess and I wouldn’t want anyone to come in.

I know that this all sounds petty and something to overcome but it has REALLY become a true insecurity of mine to the point that it keeps me away from having relationships.

Can anyone relate or any advise?

I don't think is as big of a problem as you're making it out to be in your head. I'm not no Suzy Homemaker type - and the man that I partner with will have to understand that.

I can cook a lil' something something.... As a wise person once told me, you don't have to be Betty Crocker, just pick about 12 dishes and learn them to perfection. That took a lot of pressure off of me. I'm up to about 5 now, but I'm still working on it.

I'm not no cleaner either, so we will need to outsource, and write housekeeping service into our budget. As a single woman, I would have that for myself.

My worth as a woman/wife is more than cooking or cleaning, and any man who gets with me will understand that because I know how to play up my strengths. If you "market" yourself to the correct audience, you really shouldn't have a problem. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, that would be me. You guys made me feel so much better abt things.

To be honest, I do want to learn. I just asked a close friend of mine if we could cook together on weekends and she could teach me a few meals and she said sure. I realize I really DO want to be more domesticated and the fact that I"m not really bothered me. I'm going to try to learn a few different dishes and be confident in cooking those.
Thanks everyone !!!!

You said that you want to learn, so you WILL learn. There are tons of basic dishes that you can cook in 20 minutes. Putting together something tasty doesn't have to be hard.

My biggest mistake when I was first learning to cook was trying to work above my skill level. Then when things came out terrible, I was discouraged and wanted to give up. Never occured to me that a beginner probably shouldn't be trying to make things that were for advanced cooks.

Just start out small and work your way up.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

This is a great thread! Thanks for starting it. Like you i grew up not being taught about cooking, cleaning doign hair etc due to an absent mother (working) father didn't teach.

So I learned on my own as a grown up with some assistant from friends.

I don't love being in the kitchen, I clean but not a freak.

My current guy likes to cook so that works for both of us. He is fully aware i don't love the kitchen and doesn't mind.

 

[Shimmie]

Most of the men that I know, lovvvveeee to cook. Especially on the grill. They have their own aprons, and cooking utensils and they just love it and they love cooking for their wife, family and friends.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. The two of you can cook together and this gives you both 'quality time' to spend together. This way you can relax and learn what he likes and make note of it for later.

Relax and enjoy your marriage. Being domestic is not what it used to be. With careers, and active lifestyles of couples these days, it's not a prerequisite for marriage anymore.

Your future husband fell in love with you....for you. He'll adapt and accept everything else about you. The two of you will grow together in and out of the kitchen. He may even hire a maid and a cook just to spend more time with you.

 

[Divine_Order]

I lucked out....me and my mom lived with my granny when I was growing up. So a lot of what I know about cooking and home making I learned from my granny. My granny also had (and still has) great advice where it concerns men. I get relationship advice from her. Even fashion and keeping up appearences (hair, nails, pedicures, spa, shopping) I got that all from my G-G. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I would have learned the same thing from my mom....but since granny was the Alpha female of the house, all of her mannerisms stuck with me the most.