If he want you..he just want you!

[Mortons]

But who says a jump off has to have a low moral compass?

Everyone who is not trying to save her or find some deep soulful thought in what she is doing vis hood philosophy. A side chick is fine being on the side. Not being s priority. Waiting for scraps of affection. How high and might can one be when they are at that point, with relationship wise or side piece.


We have all fallen to the wayside before or done thing we may have said we wouldn't do. But as adults we should get older and wiser at some point or we just aren't growing.

 

[Fine 4s]

My world view doesn't allow me to agree with what I perceive to be judgement against the women we are calling jump offs.
I understand both sides of the argument but I just can't bring myself to say these women have low morals. *shrug*

 

[LiftedUp]

But who says a jump off has to have a low moral compass?

Infidelity => immoral

So if you are practising infidelity, which includes being an accomplice, it's not far fetched to believe that you are immoral and hence possess a low moral compass.

 

[Fine 4s]

Ah I see....I def. didn't understand the definition of a jump off. I thought that was simply someone u have sex with every now and then. Didn't think it meant the other party was attached. However, even if the person she is sleeping with is attached, I still would be quick to judge her as having low morals. So many things come into play.

This is one topic most people are black and white about so I'll have to gracefully bow out and chuck it up to perception, world view, life experience, religious beliefs, upbringing etc.

I hope we don't get caught up later in your lives *gulp* life has a funny way of teaching us certain truths.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Ah I see....I def. didn't understand the definition of a jump off. I thought that was simply someone u have sex with every now and then. Didn't think it meant the other party was attached. However, even if the person she is sleeping with is attached, I still would be quick to judge her as having low morals. So many things come into play. This is one topic most people are black and white about so I'll have to gracefully bow out and chuck it up to perception, world view, life experience, religious beliefs, upbringing etc. I hope none of y'all get caught up later in your lives *gulp* life has a funny way of teaching us!

I'm with you 100%. I wrote all that earlier stuff because life is too life to judge other people for how they are living theirs.

I maybe wrongly assume that we are all doing the best we can to make ourselves feel the most whole. I know I'm trying and so far I've come to the conclusion that unless otherwise specifically stated I will not assume that someone's decisions that happen to affect my life are actually about me.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Ah I see....I def. didn't understand the definition of a jump off. I thought that was simply someone u have sex with every now and then. Didn't think it meant the other party was attached. However, even if the person she is sleeping with is attached, I still would be quick to judge her as having low morals. So many things come into play.

This is one topic most people are black and white about so I'll have to gracefully bow out and chuck it up to perception, world view, life experience, religious beliefs, upbringing etc.

I hope we don't get caught up later in your lives *gulp* life has a funny way of teaching us certain truths.

I appreciate everyone's opinions in this whole discussion. We of course can't always agree and seldom do at lhcf. I just found it odd that everyone was on the yeah train for a second and when an alternate perspective was provided people became defensive. When it is just simply an alternative perspective.

For the bolded:

This is what people say as a reverse judgment so to speak. It's like a wagging finger. It's kinda like I said to you "I like proper posture instead of improper. I think it is a great way to care about your body, plus it's good for your health by keeping your organs in alignment, helping energy to flow according to alternative health sites, and looks elegant". Keep in mind I didn't say, "And those without it should burn in hell." so you say "What makes the opposite posture improper?" So I answer with "Because here's the definition" and I give it to you.

So then you say finally, "To each their own... I hope you don't trip on that staircase as you mentioned you want to walk with proper posture. People who walk with that type of posture, life has a way of teaching them." Uhm okay then. Sure we all fall, no one is perfect but gosh darn it I'm going to try to do what I want to do regardless of if someone laughs at me and says, "See you just couldn't make it could you? You tried but you fell just slightly short of your objectives." I can't live my life in fear of that. Because most times I get what I set out to do, and sometimes I don't but I'm pretty happy that I at least tried and did it under my beliefs, ethics, and no one elses (including my mothers and fathers, and preachers, and teachers, and mentors, and especially society, and so on). I decide for me. I assess and filter what works and what doesn't so that I feel confident in my decisions and I learn from them when they go wrong.

I know you didn't mean any harm. To me that sounds like policing which seems like the opposite of what you say when you're not judging others.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I promise I'm done with the thread. I don't want to start perceived derision so to speak as it seems most are aligned and aren't excited about opposing views and that's okay. But I'll check in out of curiosity to read the comments. It's always good to see different perspectives even if I don't agree.

 

[barbiesocialite]

some of this thread reminds me of "how you get him will be how you lose him."

which is honestly total utter bs. in real life it's true just as often as it's false. The whole idea is really just a person philosphy or preferred saying of validation & affirmation that some women subscribe to in order to make sense of perceived unfair treatment or simply to themselves feel better.

some things are what they are.. fact of the matter. but making unpopular choices or taking the road less traveled isn't always indicative of a character flaw or lack of moral compass. everything doesnt work for everyone, including deviating from the norm instead of succumbing to peer pressure and choosing to reject externally imposed judgments as the basis for one's life decisions.

 

[MzLady78]

some of this thread reminds me of "how you get him will be how you lose him."

which is honestly total utter bs. in real life it's true just as often as it's false. The whole idea is really just a person philosphy or preferred saying of validation & affirmation that some women subscribe to in order to make sense of perceived unfair treatment or simply to themselves feel better.

some things are what they are.. fact of the matter. but making unpopular choices or taking the road less traveled isn't always indicative of a character flaw or lack of moral compass. everything doesnt work for everyone, including deviating from the norm instead of succumbing to peer pressure and choosing to reject externally imposed judgments as the basis for one's life decisions.

So funny you mentioned this, cuz I was thinking the same thing. Every time I see that phrase, I kinda .

 

[barbiesocialite]

So funny you mentioned this, cuz I was thinking the same thing. Every time I see that phrase, I kinda .

mannn, I've seen family members, friends' parents, associates and the like start a relationship or marriage on some questionable, sometimes messy, arse ish. karma never showed up because most likely she's not coming. Fast forward damn near 2 decades later still going strong, relationship no more or less effed up than everybody else.

 

[Fine 4s]

I appreciate everyone's opinions in this whole discussion. We of course can't always agree and seldom do at lhcf. I just found it odd that everyone was on the yeah train for a second and when an alternate perspective was provided people became defensive. When it is just simply an alternative perspective. For the bolded: This is what people say as a reverse judgment so to speak. It's like a wagging finger. It's kinda like I said to you "I like proper posture instead of improper. I think it is a great way to care about your body, plus it's good for your health by keeping your organs in alignment, helping energy to flow according to alternative health sites, and looks elegant". Keep in mind I didn't say, "And those without it should burn in hell." so you say "What makes the opposite posture improper?" So I answer with "Because here's the definition" and I give it to you. So then you say finally, "To each their own... I hope you don't trip on that staircase as you mentioned you want to walk with proper posture. People who walk with that type of posture, life has a way of teaching them." Uhm okay then. Sure we all fall, no one is perfect but gosh darn it I'm going to try to do what I want to do regardless of if someone laughs at me and says, "See you just couldn't make it could you? You tried but you fell just slightly short of your objectives." I can't live my life in fear of that. Because most times I get what I set out to do, and sometimes I don't but I'm pretty happy that I at least tried and did it under my beliefs, ethics, and no one elses (including my mothers and fathers, and preachers, and teachers, and mentors, and especially society, and so on). I decide for me. I assess and filter what works and what doesn't so that I feel confident in my decisions and I learn from them when they go wrong. I know you didn't mean any harm. To me that sounds like policing which seems like the opposite of what you say when you're not judging others.

I hear you...
Yeah my last statement was half joking and half serious. More along the lines of Mortons comment about how people might change their views if they get caught up in a "situation."
I like that you say you make your own decisions.
That's why I say let the heaux just be, living life on their own terms.

Nothing I said was only directed towards your comments though. As soon as I read the OP I knew how it would go down. The OP sounded like a judgement type thread.

All interesting thoughts and opinions and something to def. take in consideration.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Very well said barbiesocialite

I think men understand this because it's inherent in their nature to just do what they want and what feels good. Men like what they like, messy or not. Which is interesting in a patriarchal society where the rules were written by men. Those rules seem to be strongly enforced by the women.

 

[aribell]

Ehh...I think the underlying impulse here is to say there aren't consequences for what we choose to do. And that is completely false. Now, are the consequences always painful for us? Not necessarily. But they often negatively impact others (the man's family, for instance). And you are playing Russian roulette...even worse than that because for every anecdote showing how it worked for someone, there are plenty more women sitting around with regrets.

The truth is that you don't necessarily know if you'll get kicked in the behind for doing x, y, or z, but the probability/wisdom of it all says probably you will, even if only eventually. And for whatever it's worth, I do think that karma can manifest itself in ways outside of the relationship, meaning that the relationship might not break up, but something inexplicably hurtful occurs nonetheless. I have a specific family member in mind.

And let's not be confused. Saying, if a man wants you, he wants you, doesn't mean he doesn't care about your past behavior, it means he has already judged your past behavior/your present self and decided whether that is good enough for him or not. Yes, men are definitely judgmental, they just don't go out of their way to make women feel bad and will more often than not keep their judgments to themselves. Men's judgment comes in the form of simply passing over a woman who is not good enough for them. Or worse yet, being committed for a time either knowing he will eventually bounce because deep down he knows this is not the kind of woman he will devote himself to for life, or ultimately realizing that when the infatuation wears off.

If anything, I see women eager to "settle" for commitment/a ring and call it a victory. Given the extremely brief length of star marriages in particular, I'm not sure what it proves anymore.

 

[ckisland]

I like conversations like these .

Infidelity is interesting when dealing with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, because the concept was built for marriage, and it's been widened to include dating relationships. People are in these relationships for so long that it's become equated with marriage, but it's not . On a real technical sense, everyone's single, a free agent, until they're married. In my opinion, outsiders don't have an obligation to respect the boundaries of your non-marital relationship. By not being married, you're publicly signaling that you're still keeping you options open. You're partner should respect whatever parameters expected or agreed to for the relationship (being all relationships don't require monogamy), but that's between the people actually in the relationship.

That's the basis of my side-chick moral compass. I won't touch a married person, couples who have children together (but I'm a believer in you impregnate her, she owns you for life ), or SO's of people I love. Outside of that is fair game . But I also support polygamy and polyamory . I acknowledge that sometimes that one person isn't enough, that people can be in love with more than one person at once, and there's not a one-size fits all for relationships. So my moral compass exists. I don't have a "hood mentality", and I'm not desperate for emotional crumbs . Women don't always have the same wants or needs at the same time. Some women don't always want the baggage that comes with a boyfriend, and they run across guys who want the same thing.

The person who owes you fidelity isn't the side-chick, it's your partners, but women love to stretch the blame to the woman who has no connection to them. It's more comforting to think that she has magical slut powers, than to find out that your partner is a liar, unhappy, unsatisfied, just doesn't give any flucks, whatever. Maybe that's why men are supposedly more hurt by cheating :scratchch. Maybe they know that the outside person isn't the problem, but the issue is with him, her, or both of them.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Very well said @barbiesocialite

I think men understand this because it's inherent in their nature to just do what they want and what feels good. Men like what they like, messy or not. Which is interesting in a patriarchal society where the rules were written by men. Those rules seem to be strongly enforced by the women.

which begs the question of the real truth about the inception of patriarchy as paradigm and it's subsequent survival, past and present.

"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." ~Audre Lorde
​

men are the head. women are the neck. who's really running thangs????

They say the downfall of every great man has been a woman. Women are manipulative. Women are competitive. Most of all, women don't like women. Enough women benefit from the power over men patriarchy provides while simultaneously enjoying its existence as a vehicle to satisfy the female need for oneupmanship to win againsgt other women in a passive-aggressive way. typical chick ish. sneaky & shady af. using other people to "win" w/o taking the bullet. men are so simple, dey some suckers. Always lettin a woman get them in trouble.

A lot of women don't want men to change. They like them just the way they are and will do whatever it takes to keep them there. As long as one woman can lose it gives another the chance to win. Given the choice between morality and winning, w/o warning a lot of moral compasses mysteriously stop working.

 

[Fine 4s]

which begs the question of the real truth about the inception of patriarchy as paradigm and it's subsequent survival, past and present. "The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." ~Audre Lorde men are the head. women are the neck. who's really running thangs???? They say the downfall of every great man has been a woman. Women are manipulative. Women are competitive. Most of all, women don't like women. Enough women benefit from the power over men patriarchy provides while simultaneously enjoying its existence as a vehicle to satisfy the female need for oneupmanship to win againsgt other women in a passive-aggressive way. typical chick ish. sneaky & shady af. using other people to "win" w/o taking the bullet. men are so simple, dey some suckers. Always lettin a woman get them in trouble. A lot of women don't want men to change. They like them just the way they are and will do whatever it takes to keep them there. As long as one woman can lose it gives another the chance to win. Given the choice between morality and winning, w/o warning a lot of moral compasses mysteriously stop working.

Lmao! At that last line. Ain't it the truth!
We can only assume where we stand on various life matters until TESTED.

 

[carcajada]

Another reason why the best love advice is to take care of you first. Men are simple and there isn't much you can do to sway them when they've made it up in their head to like you or not. Just do you and the man will fall in line.

I've been saying this for years. And also the phrase "Be ready so you won't have to get ready" comes into mind.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Steve Harvey's situation is not one I'd use to make a generalization about men marrying their side chicks. Although he has relationship books and gives relationship advice, I'm not sure why anyone takes his advice. He is on wife number 3. He is not some 30+ year married man that I'd go to for advice. The people I ask for relationship advice have been married for 29 - 47 years.

Yes, when a man wants to be with a woman, he will pursue her and that woman generally becomes his wife. However, leaving your wife for the side chick isn't the norm and creeping isn't the norm.

 

[Blackbird77]

[QUOTE="barbiesocialite;20648645"[*]stanksarse b*shes get married at the same rate as polite nice sweet as pie.[/QUOTE]

iGuffawed

10 characters

 

[syze6]

Nobody is saying that at all.

Of course, no one should aspire to be the side-chick or the jump-off. I think the overall point is that men want who they want, even if the way they get her is less than ideal, and regardless of how the rest of the world views that woman.

People like to make things really black and white around here, and it's not. There are shades of gray. There are folks having affairs who are probably better for each other than the one they're with, they just didn't find that person first. Like ckisland said, there are men that actually fall in love with their side-chicks, and some even go on to have long, happy lives with them. People don't wanna believe that because it goes against everything they think SHOULD be true, but it happens.

To be clear- I'm not condoning it or saying the right thing to do isn't to sort your current situation out first, just saying life is unpredictable.

Yep...all I was saying is just this, It doesn't matter if she was an affair, a dating relationship or someone he marries. My point is if he wants her, he wants her whether they got together when someone was married, in a committed relationship or single. Yes...I know couples who were married and cheating and are STILL together and are happy with each other. Neither are pondering on HOW they got together but rather that they ARE together. It may not be right but the reality of it is that is happens ALL the time. That man isn't viewing the woman any less, because he wants to be with her. This isn't limited to affairs or side chicks etc. It's just a man wanting a woman...period!

 

[hopeful]

Yep...all I was saying is just this, It doesn't matter if she was an affair, a dating relationship or someone he marries. My point is if he wants her, he wants her whether they got together when someone was married, in a committed relationship or single. Yes...I know couples who were married and cheating and are STILL together and are happy with each other. Neither are pondering on HOW they got together but rather that they ARE together. It may not be right but the reality of it is that is happens ALL the time. That man isn't viewing the woman any less, because he wants to be with her. This isn't limited to affairs or side chicks etc. It's just a man wanting a woman...period!

I think the bolded is what threw things off. You were just using the side chick thing as an example. It's just a very charged example.

 

[MizAvalon]

Please, I would bet that half of all second and third marriages are the result of an affair.

Men don't care about that stuff. If it wasn't so taboo, a lot of them would probably even marry their ex's sister or cousin or best friend that they always thought was attractive. Men just don't think like women do. If they want a woman, they go after her. Period.

 

[Mortons]

So peer pressure has no affect on men?

 

[Poohbear]

It's true that men want who they want, but we as women shouldn't tolerate immoral behavior or lower our standards just because it's popular or more mainstream for men to go from woman to woman.

 

[Arian]

So funny you mentioned this, cuz I was thinking the same thing. Every time I see that phrase, I kinda .

I definitely don't subscribe to that way of thinking anymore. I used to be all about karma and what-not, but now...

The things I've seen just don't allow it to hold up anymore... *shrugs*
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