"I wish my hair looked like the white neighbor's"

[Lovelylocs]

I had no opinion thinking back I was glad to have a doll - family often had no money no food so getting any doll was fine by me. I didn't go say Ma I want a white doll only. Family members really didnt point out differences either - I think a strong basis kept me level headed and comfortable with myself.

And that's fine. Maybe you didn't have a problem with the way God made you. But, the little black girl in this scenario does (according to OP). So, she needs positive images of black people.

And I didn't read anything here that said that the parents in this scenario could not afford to buy her a black doll. So, I don't think this is a case of you take what you can get.

 

[sj10460]

Just an inquiry...

To the women who rock straightened hair, what would you say to your own daughter if she expressed disdain for her natural hair and a strong preference for a little white girls straight hair? What would you say to her?

I'm sure most women would tell their daughter that her har is just as good/pretty but what would you say if she asked about your own perpetually straightened hair? Just curious.

I don't have children yet, but I will tell my daughter what my mother told me as a child. "Everybody has something special and unique about them. Your hair makes you special." And that worked for a while (she said the same thing with glasses) then once I got older, it was "When you become an adult, you can do whatever you want with your hair." (this was the same when I asked to get a tattoo.

 

[Tiye]

erplexed
TF? I babysit a white girl who has a black baby doll and I don't hear anyone saying "Who the hell bought her a black doll??"

Y'all are too much sometimes.

A white girl in a white majority culture playing with a black doll is not the same thing as a black girl, a minority in a white majority culture playing with a white doll. Factor in the legacy of slavery, colonialism, institutionalized racism, etc., that we all live with ... there is a difference.

I'm not too much - but a little clarification is in order.

I wasn't going to chime in in this thread coz the way I see it - this is up to the child's parents, not the OP. Furthermore plenty of black people will tell you that they had similar thoughts or said the same things when they were young. Many of them grow up to be some of the most afrocentric people you'll meet so there's no real cause for panic.

 

[Lovelylocs]

I wasn't going to chime in in this thread coz the way I see it - this is up to the child's parents, not the OP. Furthermore plenty of black people will tell you that they had similar thoughts or said the same things when they were young. Many of them grow up to be some of the most afrocentric people you'll meet so there's no real cause for panic.

Totally agree! I wish I hadn't even gotten involved in this thread. These race threads are so repetitive. I rarely learn anything new and they will always be here.

 

[sensi sweetie]

A white girl in a white majority culture playing with a black doll is not the same thing as a black girl, a minority in a white majority culture playing with a white doll. Factor in the legacy of slavery, colonialism, institutionalized racism, etc., that we all live with ... there is a difference.

I'm not too much - but a little clarification is in order.

I wasn't going to chime in in this thread coz the way I see it - this is up to the child's parents, not the OP. Furthermore plenty of black people will tell you that they had similar thoughts or said the same things when they were young. Many of them grow up to be some of the most afrocentric people you'll meet so there's no real cause for panic.

Right. I realize this. I respect this. But saying something such as "Who the hell bought her a white doll?" sends the wrong message to childern. Hell, it sends the wrong message to adults. Are we striving for our children to live in a well integrated society of equality, no? So why segregate ourselves with a mindset such as "black dolls are for black girls and white dolls are for white girls."

Sure, the child should have some dolls in her own likeness. I 100% agree. But I also would not want my child playing with only black dolls because I am not trying to instill a sense of segregation within my child.

Let her play with white dolls. Let her play with black dolls. Let her make the dolls play with each other. Let her see that both have features that make them beautiful, as do real human beings.

By only exposing your child to images in her likeness you will ultimately cause her an unconscious complex- a sense of "you are so different then me" whilst around children of other races. That is not what I want for my child. However if you expose your child to images of diversity she will grow up to live a well balanced life where color is not the deciding factor. This way she will be able to attract like minded individuals to her, which at this point in time, is what we need to strive for.

 

[SND411]

Right. I realize this. I respect this. But saying something such as "Who the hell bought her a white doll?" sends the wrong message to childern. Hell, it sends the wrong message to adults. Are we striving for our children to live in a well integrated society of equality, no? So why segregate ourselves with a mindset such as "black dolls are for black girls and white dolls are for white girls."

I think many people assumed the mother was aware of her daughter's complex but continued to buy her white dolls regardless.

 

[shunemite]

How odl is youe neice? Sorry if you said her age I just skimmed this post. But what I have noticed is that when girls get to that age where they care way too much about their looks they always compare themselves to their friends, no matter the skin color. I had a friend (white) who hated her hair! Her hair was straight and she wanted curly hair so bad. And I wanted long hair so bad. And trust me, the poor self image did not stop at hair. It's important for her to love her whole self. Not just her hair. Sorry if this post is all over the place my kids are acting crazy and I keep losing my train of thought.

She is six, almost seven. It sure is a whole self image thing, because I think that other things will follow

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

Just an inquiry...

To the women who rock straightened hair, what would you say to your own daughter if she expressed disdain for her natural hair and a strong preference for a little white girls straight hair? What would you say to her?

I'm sure most women would tell their daughter that her har is just as good/pretty but what would you say if she asked about your own perpetually straightened hair? Just curious.

leave it to you to kick open the can of worms! now lemme read these responses. ♥

 

[Hairness]

Just an inquiry...

To the women who rock straightened hair, what would you say to your own daughter if she expressed disdain for her natural hair and a strong preference for a little white girls straight hair? What would you say to her?

I'm sure most women would tell their daughter that her har is just as good/pretty but what would you say if she asked about your own perpetually straightened hair? Just curious.

There was a story of how a mother cut off her hair and went natural precisely for this reason. The newscaster reporting the story also went natural.

YouTube - Special-NEWS-Report-Black woman,Going-Natural

 

[SuchaLady]

I dont really say much but this thread caught my attention. With the doll baby thing I cant really say that childs ethnicity have to match their dolls. What about Dora should only Hispanic girls own one? Or what about Kai Lan (from Nickelodeon) should only Asians own one? As far as the hair thing yes she should be told that her hair is beautiful but that should not be focused on. What if she develops a condition where she loses her hair? Then the one thing she was praised for is gone and now she has no self confidence. I love natural hair but I am relaxed. When I have a daughter if she chooses to get a relaxer that will be fine with me. I think when you really look at the situation forcing a child to remain natural so she will not hate herself is doing more harm then allowing her to get relax her hair. There are many features that one just may not like about themselves which does not indicate self-hate. Hair just happens to be one that is more controllable.

 

[godsflowerrr]

My young family member was the same way. She hated her natural hair and wanted to look like her white classmates. I think thats she learned this from her mom who also hated her hair.

 

[jennboo]

leave it to you to kick open the can of worms! now lemme read these responses. ♥

Funny thing is, nobody answered the second part of my question

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

Just an inquiry...

To the women who rock straightened hair, what would you say to your own daughter if she expressed disdain for her natural hair and a strong preference for a little white girls straight hair? What would you say to her?

I'm sure most women would tell their daughter that her har is just as good/pretty but what would you say if she asked about your own perpetually straightened hair? Just curious.

Okay, let me go get something to eat because I already know................that's better. Hypothetical questions stress me out and I am a stress eater. Anywho, if I got this question from my daughter I would just explain to her that there is nothing wrong with wanting to relax her beautiful 4a hair if she wants to.

I would explain that relaxing those sexy curls does not make her a sell out or anything else but a woman who is choosing to do her hair differently. I would tell her that God gave her those curls to protect her scalp from the hot African sun thousands of years ago and if she chooses to relax she has to make sure she protects her scalp so she will always have an option to change back to curls if she wanted. I would then tell her the girl down the street does have pretty hair but it not better, only different. We would talk about things that are different does not necessarily mean better. An example would be tall verses short.

I would tell her I understand she wants to get in the shower and have her hair hang down. I would then tell her that later on when she's older we would give her the option to relax but for right now lets put your hair up in some twists and go get some new barrettes for those beautiful coils .

 

[imaccami]

Just an inquiry...

To the women who rock straightened hair, what would you say to your own daughter if she expressed disdain for her natural hair and a strong preference for a little white girls straight hair? What would you say to her?

I don't really anticipate a daughter of mine expressing disdain for anything about herself and having a preference for the white counterpart. I say that because I was raised in a completely white environment and looking back at my childhood I can see how my family instilled self confidence in me, I never wished to be white or have hair like the white girls around me. I anticipate doing the same thing with my children.

I'm sure most women would tell their daughter that her har is just as good/pretty but what would you say if she asked about your own perpetually straightened hair? Just curious.

I would just say that it's for adults. I spent the majority of my childhood natural and I've spent the majority of my adulthood relaxed. She can't relax her hair as a child for the same reason she can't wear make-up as a child. She can decide for herself if she wants to wear it straight when she gets older.

If I wear make-up I won't give my child a complex about her face without make-up. If I wear heels I won't give my daughter a complex about her height. It doesn't follow that just because I wear my hair straight my daughter will have a complex about her hair.

 

[southerncitygirl]

I dont really say much but this thread caught my attention. With the doll baby thing I cant really say that childs ethnicity have to match their dolls. What about Dora should only Hispanic girls own one? Or what about Kai Lan (from Nickelodeon) should only Asians own one? As far as the hair thing yes she should be told that her hair is beautiful but that should not be focused on. What if she develops a condition where she loses her hair? Then the one thing she was praised for is gone and now she has no self confidence. I love natural hair but I am relaxed. When I have a daughter if she chooses to get a relaxer that will be fine with me. I think when you really look at the situation forcing a child to remain natural so she will not hate herself is doing more harm then allowing her to get relax her hair. There are many features that one just may not like about themselves which does not indicate self-hate. Hair just happens to be one that is more controllable.

fyi: hispanic is an ethnic group, not a race. hispanic denotes a group of people regardless of race that speak spanish...just so ya know.

 

[qchelle]

I don't really anticipate a daughter of mine expressing disdain for anything about herself and having a preference for the white counterpart. I say that because I was raised in a completely white environment and looking back at my childhood I can see how my family instilled self confidence in me, I never wished to be white or have hair like the white girls around me. I anticipate doing the same thing with my children.



I would just say that it's for adults. I spent the majority of my childhood natural and I've spent the majority of my adulthood relaxed. She can't relax her hair as a child for the same reason she can't wear make-up as a child. She can decide for herself if she wants to wear it straight when she gets older.

If I wear make-up I won't give my child a complex about her face without make-up. If I wear heels I won't give my daughter a complex about her height. It doesn't follow that just because I wear my hair straight my daughter will have a complex about her hair.

But make-up and heels are symbols of growing up and 'becoming a woman' and femininity. So you'd prefer it if your daughter associates relaxed hair with a 'rite of passage' to womanhood sort of thing? And associate her natural hair with being a child?

 

[knt1229]

Right. I realize this. I respect this. But saying something such as "Who the hell bought her a white doll?" sends the wrong message to childern. Hell, it sends the wrong message to adults. Are we striving for our children to live in a well integrated society of equality, no? So why segregate ourselves with a mindset such as "black dolls are for black girls and white dolls are for white girls."

Sure, the child should have some dolls in her own likeness. I 100% agree. But I also would not want my child playing with only black dolls because I am not trying to instill a sense of segregation within my child.

Let her play with white dolls. Let her play with black dolls. Let her make the dolls play with each other. Let her see that both have features that make them beautiful, as do real human beings.

By only exposing your child to images in her likeness you will ultimately cause her an unconscious complex- a sense of "you are so different then me" whilst around children of other races. That is not what I want for my child. However if you expose your child to images of diversity she will grow up to live a well balanced life where color is not the deciding factor. This way she will be able to attract like minded individuals to her, which at this point in time, is what we need to strive for.

There are plenty of white girls who only play with white dolls. Would you say they develop the same complex?

The US is so white focused I don't think that any minority child could develop the complex you speak of. Playing with black dolls and seeing black people other than family members doing positive things will go a long way in boosting a black child's self-esteem.

 

[SuchaLady]

fyi: hispanic is an ethnic group, not a race. hispanic denotes a group of people regardless of race that speak spanish...just so ya know.

Thanks

 

[imaccami]

But make-up and heels are symbols of growing up and 'becoming a woman' and femininity. So you'd prefer it if your daughter associates relaxed hair with a 'rite of passage' to womanhood sort of thing? And associate her natural hair with being a child?

No, just that it's something that's for adults. If something is for adults only it doesn't automatically become a rite of passage. Is working a rite of passage? Not to me. Or how about paying bills or cooking dinner for yourself everynight? Those are things that I never did as a child and saw adults do around me everyday and it wasn't a rite of passage when I did them myself as an adult.

 

[chocolatedoll18]

And that is precisely why we have the ignorant black ladies we have now. if we're not taught at a young age that our hair and skin is beautiful and have our hair taken care of so that we can see that it will grow long, then the cycle will never end....shame

 

[hair_rehab]

IMO regardless of race or gender, every child goes through a phase when they wish they looked like someone else. It's not a black-white thing, it's what all humans go through in life even though I wish it weren't that way. That's why it's so important for them to have people in their lives who encourage them and live as good examples in front of them.