"I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibility"

[Daeuiel]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

So is that what people consider Oprah: single with no children?

What else do you call someone who is unmarried and has not raised any children? I don't think it's a negative or a positive statement, it is just the truth, isn't it? Or did she adopt and I missed it? erplexed

 

[DSP]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

You can be with a man for 50 years with no problems, but if you get married on the 51st year, everyone and their mama tries to impose their definition of marriage and gender roles on you.

I understand Oprah's cooking metaphor for what it is. Getting married changes the dynamics of a relationship and adds a whole new level of internal expectations (what do I believe a wife/husband is and does my partner agree?) as well as external scrutiny from family, friends and society. Not everyone want to deal with that.

Marriage is not for every couple. If you decide to say "I do," you'd both better know what you expect of yourselves and each other. Also, be prepared to re-evaluate those expectations because they will change over time. "Know that." (TM Allison Dubois)

 

[Oasis]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

why do folks always have to explain themselves when it comes to them taking a nontraditional path?

but does Oprah even cook for herself?

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

You can be with a man for 50 years with no problems, but if you get married on the 51st year, everyone and their mama tries to impose their definition of marriage and gender roles on you.

I understand Oprah's cooking metaphor for what it is. Getting married changes the dynamics of a relationship and adds a whole new level of internal expectations (what do I believe a wife/husband is and does my partner agree?) as well as external scrutiny from family, friends and society. Not everyone want to deal with that.

Marriage is not for every couple. If you decide to say "I do," you'd both better know what you expect of yourselves and each other. Also, be prepared to re-evaluate those expectations because they will change over time. "Know that." (TM Allison Dubois)

you typed what i was thinking, so I won't bother to re-type

she didn't literally mean having to cook for him (yes I'm sure she has a cook etc)..she means that she doesn't want to feel obliged or obligated to do certain things.

...and if down the road she's not happy in the relationship she can pack her toothbrush and go her merry way.

 

[DSP]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

you typed what i was thinking, so I won't bother to re-type

she didn't literally mean having to cook for him (yes I'm sure she has a cook etc)..she means that she doesn't want to feel obliged or obligated to do certain things.

...and if down the road she's not happy in the relationship she can pack her toothbrush and go her merry way.

Ol' Boy had better call Tyrone... and he can't use her phone.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

You ladies can stone me and call me old school. But I believe it's a wifely duty to cook. Of course some relationships the man likes to cook or you take turns and that's fine. Or because of schedules it works out different. But for the most part, I think of it as a wifely duty.

But how would you like it if your husband said to you:

I don't feel like taking the trash out
I don't feel like getting the car fixed
I don't feel like killing that spider
I don't feel like opening the door for you, etc.

That's just my view on how every partner has duties and trade-offs.

This also seems like a socioeconomic thing where upper class guys are NOT doing this. They're paying someone to do that...

Oprah's world is different. Stedman is not taking out the trash, getting the car fixed, killing spiders...oh sure he's opening doors but really? Is that enough for a woman (who works insane hours to run an empire) to stand over a stove (after running an empire) every night?

Again, it depends on the dynamic. Stay at home mom, sure...and even then money comes into play because wealthy home makers have help doing those jobs and they are doing other things like managing their help (instead of being the help).

So again I think there are lots of things that come into play: views on role responsibilty, and/or wealth, stay at home vs working woman, etc...that will change those dynamics

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

I'm so glad this thread opened because I had a thread that asked what are wifely duties and this thread is answering those questions. LOL I had like 5 people respond in mine, but now that it's about Oprah I'm sure this thread will be HUGE.

 

[FlowerHair]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

Most multi millionaires don't cook for anyone...why would they? Isn't she busy enough with her media empire??

I don't think Steadman chose her for her cooking skills...

Let Oprah do what she wants, that's her prerogative.

 

[Hairsnob]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

This also seems like a socioeconomic thing where upper class guys are NOT doing this. They're paying someone to do that...

Oprah's world is different. Stedman is not taking out the trash, getting the car fixed, killing spiders...oh sure he's opening doors but really? Is that enough for a woman (who works insane hours to run an empire) to stand over a stove (after running an empire) every night?

Again, it depends on the dynamic. Stay at home mom, sure...and even then money comes into play because wealthy home makers have help doing those jobs and they are doing other things like managing their help (instead of being the help).

So again I think there are lots of things that come into play: views on role responsibilty, and/or wealth, stay at home vs working woman, etc...that will change those dynamics

You made a good point about the socioeconomic status changing this. But if he's not taking out the trash then she's probably not cooking either.

But this might be irrelevant but it reminds me of something Eddie Murphy said about his wife at the time. It was something about how her job is to ONLY look good and keep herself up for him. They have maids to do everything and people to look after the kids. But I mentioned this because of the difference in the status like you mentioned.

 

[ebonylocs]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

I think her statement makes perfect sense. She will do what she wants to do when she does it. Stud-y can take it or leave it and he is free to do the same...

But that's not what she said though, is it? It's almost like she's saying "I can't be the type of wife that he would want, so I won't marry him." Not, "This is me, Steadman, take it or leave it!" It seems Steadman has not yet accepted Oprah as she is, if he would have those expectations that conflict with her actions and statements for most of her adult life.

I don't think you understood my posts(s). Again, I am not questioning her decision not to marry or to do as she pleases. I am not exactly pro-marriage.

why do folks always have to explain themselves when it comes to them taking a nontraditional path?

but does Oprah even cook for herself?

Exactly. 1) Why does she have to explain herself? She should have told the interviewer it was her life, her prerogative. 2) Steadman would expect her to cook??? Really???

 

[Maracujá]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

What else do you call someone who is unmarried and has not raised any children? I don't think it's a negative or a positive statement, it is just the truth, isn't it? Or did she adopt and I missed it? erplexed

She's been with him for 20 years, no? In the country where I live and where I am from that would be called a serious relationship, no one would consider her single.

 

[Daeuiel]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

She's been with him for 20 years, no? In the country where I live and where I am from that would be called a serious relationship, no one would consider her single.

That's fair. Legally though, unmarried is still single. I'm in a serious relationship, but until my SO marries me, I'm still single in every legal, relevant way. You are either single or married. There's no 'in a serious relationship' box on tax forms.

 

[poookie]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

I agree with her statement wholeheartedly!

 

[Godyssey]

Re: "I want to cook for him when I feel like it, I don't want it to be my responsibil

I totally feel that way about EVERYTHING! I don't like feeling like I have duties. I love to clean but cooking is a whole other ball park. Anyway, I don't want to have to do things around the house because it's "womans work" as my husband says. But he's all talk. He cooks more than I do. If I had kids it wouldn't be pretty though.