Okay, this is from personal experience. If you have heat damaged, it will look like that lady from the Garnier Nutrist commercial, basically just a frizzy hot mess. If this is the case, you have to put down the heat and idea that you can stomp or train your hair into submission which is what heat damage is.
How I found out my true curl pattern was when wearing braids. I didn't have to use anything, it just came out of my head like that. I found the best thing to do was leave it alone and you will see how the strands just grow in that particular clumped pattern from your scalp.