I Refuse to Let this Continue....

[SimpleKomplexity]

I was in a relationship with a man that I thought I was in love with for a year. I showered him with love, attention, support, and everything else I felt a virteous woman should give to her man. In return this man walked all over me. At first all was well, but as time went by his phone calls were few. They were replaced by texts, and then txts where replaced by the occasional hi. He still claimed he loved me. I'd leave him, he'd buy me a few gifts and I'd come back. I'd come back because I felt it was the only one. I was born wit a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta (google it). I use a wheelchair to get around even though I can walk fairly short distances. I felt he was the only one who would love me. He said he loved me, would one day marry me, and I'd have his kids. I was happy because he felt this way, even if I knew he wasn't the one. After time, he no longer made me happy, he neglected me, abused my trust, but after it all I was still there. I found out 2 days ago the reason why I was neglected was because he was already engaged to a beautiful young lady....for about a year and a half. It hurt like hell, but maybe it's a wake up call, that I shouldn't settle. A disability does not disable a person from finding true love, and doesn't give anyone the right to walk over the emotions and heart just because Mr. Right may never come. I'd rather be alone that to be a doormat any longer.

 

[BobbieDoll]

Sorry this happened to you but I'm glad you learned from it. He didn't deserve you at all. You're way better off without some one as inconsiderate and heartless as him.

 

[MzLady78]

Unbelieveable!! Triflin' *** negro!

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you realize you're worth more.

Somebody will come along that will see you for the wonderful person you are and not care about your condition.

Shoot, Ray Charles was blind and couldn't beat the women off with a stick!!!!

(((HUGS)))

 

[carameldiva]

GF, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am glad that you were strong enough to realize that he is not the one. It took me a long time to stop settling and in doing so, I think Mr. Right and I were drawn to each other. I had stopped looking and was not even ready to do the relationship thing again. Your heart will heal in time. With him out of the picture, your "king" can now arrive. What he did was mean and scandolous, he will get his. Something 10x worse will happen to him when he is least expecting it.

 

[sonce]

I found out 2 days ago the reason why I was neglected was because he was already engaged to a beautiful young lady....for about a year and a half. It hurt like hell, but maybe it's a wake up call, that I shouldn't settle. A disability does not disable a person from finding true love, and doesn't give anyone the right to walk over the emotions and heart just because Mr. Right may never come. I'd rather be alone that to be a doormat any longer.

Darling, that man is a terrible user and justice will come his way. I am so sorry you were hurt like that. Please don't settle for any reason. You have a destiny unfolding each day you are alive, and compromising it by being with someone less than you deserve is betraying yourself. I am glad you found your inner strength again and I am so sorry you were hurt.

 

[Allandra]

You deserve better.

 

[donna894]

You deserve better.

You most certainly do. I am so proud and pleased to see that you realize this. That man is not worthy of you. His behavior speaks volumes about his character. I feel sorry for his finance because he certainly is no prize.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Shoot, Ray Charles was blind and couldn't beat the women off with a stick!!!!

(((HUGS)))

LOOOL You know you're right about that!! lol Even though he's deceased I love me some Ray Charles loool. Thanx yall for yalls support MWAH!! HUGZ!

 

[Honey6928215]

Sweetheart you deserve better. Men like him will get his. You don't do people dirty and walk all over them because they are disabled. Payback is a b***h so you best believe he will get his. God will bless you with someone who will love you unconditionally.

 

[caribgirl]

Sweetie,
You have learned so much from this one relationship and it has taught you how to be stronger and love yourself more. God knows all and your Mr. Wrong missed out on a beautiful person. Let him be and wish for is happiness b/c you are starting yours and you will get everything God has in store for you.

Many blessings!

 

[chichibean]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. But I truly believe there is someone special for everyone. And I'm happy you found the courage to walk away from that jerk. There is nothing worse than wasting your time with a trifling man when you could be leaving yourself open to find the right man.
Stay strong girl!

 

[MzLady78]

Oh, and another thing.

I just discovered the song "Be Okay" by Chrisette Michelle. Girl, had this song been out a year ago, I'd have had fewer meltdown days when I was going through my break-up.

Find it, learn the words and crank it up- put it on repeat if you have to. You'll feel a little better, I promise!!

 

[Syrah]

Why won't Mr. Right come??? Because of the wheel chair? I know I'm preaching to the choir - but I'll say it anyway - you are not the wheelchair. Nor are you Osteogenesis Imperfecta. It's just a part of who you are. And any dude who's blinded by that isn't Mr. Right. And any dude who tries to separate you from the Osteogenesis Imperfecta isn't Mr. Right either.

You want the Mr. Right who will walk across the room that first time and ask for you number (while you sit back and think - I dunno about him - cuz thats what we do HAHA) because he sees something in you, ALL of you, that's worth exploring.

And don't think that what happened to you has anything to do with the wheelchair. Cuz we all know females who have been cheated on or played. Who have been "the other woman" being promised the world and had NO idea. Hell, even Halle got cheated on - and he couldn't even man up, but instead tried to blame it on some nonsense "sex addiction".

All men aren't "trifling". Not even most. But sometimes it takes a couple of those dumb ones to really appreciate the good ones when they come along.

Now if only someone can hurry up and send him my way, cuz I'm getting a bit impatient...

 

[frostydoll]

Oh, and another thing.

I just discovered the song "Be Okay" by Chrisette Michelle. Girl, had this song been out a year ago, I'd have had fewer meltdown days when I was going through my break-up.

Find it, learn the words and crank it up- put it on repeat if you have to. You'll feel a little better, I promise!!

Chrisette Michele is the best!!!

 

[Sugar Brown]

GF, I am glad that you were strong enough to realize that he is not the one. It took me a long time to stop settling...

What she said.

KK, congratulations on moving on.

So many women have put up with some form of mental or psychological abuse in the name of true love before finding the strength or courage to value ourselves. It sounds like this dude saw your disability as a weakness and then, triflin menz do not discriminate...

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Good for you to show some strength. Don't take his crap. I know it hurts like heck, but you have to outshine your disability. If someone can pinpoint your insecurity they will use you and walk all over you.

In middle school there was this girl who had burns over most of her body, including her face. However, she has so much confidence that I often questioned myself as to why I lacked self esteem. She played sports and joined the flag girl squad. She outshined her disability, and people noticed that. She was THE most popular girl at school because of that. I wish I knew where she was today, I still think about her often.

He is not the only person out there who will except you. And you need not think like that. You have so much to offer out there, use your energy on someone who deserves it.

Good Luck and Stay Strong

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I was born wit a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta (google it). I use a wheelchair to get around even though I can walk fairly short distances. I felt he was the only one who would love me.

I know what you're feeling, trust me I do. When my mother was pregnant with me she had complications; one time she was bleeding while pregnant and thank god all was okay. But when I was born, some of the cells that would complete my left hand/arm were destroyed from her bleeding episode and as a result I was born with a condition called Ulnar Club Hand (google it). My parents didn't care about that, especially my mother - my half brother (she was married once before my father) is autistic and has severe mental retardation. She was just glad that I didn't turn out autistic as well.

Growing up as a child I really didn't care about it and neither did the people around me but growing into the teenage years where you have peers and are looking to 'impress' people and be apart of the crowd it starts to get to you. I would wear long sleeve shirts alllllllll year round and would ALWAYS keep my hand in my pocket because I didn't want people to ask questions or point/stare. I had very low self-esteem and thought that no one would want to be with me, who would want to marry me? Who would be proud to walk down the street with me when I wasn't even proud enough of myself?

Girl, when I tell you that I had relationships with people, I wouldn't even let THEM know. And if I was intimate with any of them, please... Lights better be off and completely dark! I managed to 'hide' this for some 17 years or so. Some would find out and surprisingly to me, they didn't think any less of me, or so they would say - but in the back of my mind, I'd always wonder what they're REALLY thinking. I have some friends who I've had for years now that know that I have a "difference", but I've never even shown them. That's how bad the insecurity is.

Well, I met a wonderful man back in November of 2006. We met at a club which isn't the "ideal" place, but we called each other, and eventually started dating. When it was time for us to become more intimate, I tried so so had to hide my imperfection - I mean this man was fine beyond fine and so great to me and I didn't want that to change. One time when we were finished he went to hold me and touched my arm, mannnn I couldn't pull away fast enough! He turned on the lights, was surprised, and then we talked about it for some 2 hours. He ended the conversation with something along the lines of "That doesn't make you who you are." In the back of my mind, I thought - "Okay, we'll break up any day now..."

Fast forward to a year later, and he proposed to me on November 17th. We're getting married and you want to know something funny? The thing that I thought made me such an unattractive person or so unwanted, is the one thing that he adores most about me. I still habitually sometimes hide my arm or hand, and I wear my engagement ring on my right hand rather than my left, but when he sees me getting shy or reserved - he grabs my hand kisses it and smiles at me and tells me how beautiful I am.

Believe me, I know what it feels like to wonder if there's someone out there who will love you for your good qualities as well as your imperfections. If you're anything like me, maybe sometimes you've asked God why you and not someone else. But you know what? It may make you different physically, but inside you're still a beautiful person, and it takes the right guy to make YOU realize that as well. Some people can be a$$holes, trust me I know. But in time, and believe me when I say this, there will be that guy who comes into your life and looks at you the way my SO looks at me and says to you "You're beautiful and I love you, no matter what."

I'm not one to really talk about these things especially not in public or with just anyone, but I can really feel your pain because I've been there, and I just wanted to be one of those people who shows you that it is possible and that no matter what, whether you have OI or I have a UCH, you are a beautiful woman and one day, you'll find a beautiful man who thinks that very same thing.

God Bless you.

 

[sharentu]

i am sorry you have gone thru this and so sorry for your pain. i will keep you in my thoughts.. you do deserve better.

 

[1QTPie]

SMCBarnett, that was really really sweet and congrats to you.


Krazynkute, you deserve better, your disability doesn't define you. You deserve respect, honor and love as much as the next person. He's a jerk because he's a jerk. Don't put any of that on you. Love yourself and the right one will come along, don't let this one make you miss HIM!

 

[poetist]

I am so sorry that this happened to you, but please realize that its not about you. Also remember that these SAME scenarios happen to women without wheelchairs, so you are just experiencing pain that we all go through (unfortunately).

Let your light and your beauty shine no matter what your situation. From your avi, you look like "That Girl." Dont let your "disability" get in the way of that. We are all stuggling with some sort of disability whether its physically, emotional, spiritual, or mental. Some are just more visible than others.

On a positive note, my friend suffers from MS and is usually confined to her wheelchair, but she just got married a few years ago. She walked half way down the aisle, and used her crutches the rest of the way. She looked beautiful and her hubby was in tears as he walked her walk into her future with him!!!! Be encouraged, sweetie!!!!

 

[misskris816]

I'm so glad you learned from this experience. I'd like to slap him on your behalf! Aren't you glad you found out when you did, rather than letting a few more years go by? You will find someone to love you, don't even worry about it. Focus on healing from this experience and doing what makes you happy. The rest will fall into place later.

 

[Country gal]

It doesn't matter that you have a disability. I don't have a disability and I have been guilty of settling for crumbs when I deserved a meal fit for a queen. I am glad you recognized that you deserve so much more. We sometimes forget that we are queens. Pray and be patient because God will send you the right man. Sometimes I forget that I am fine. I have been guilty of Forgeting all the great qualities and physical attributes that make me a phenomenal woman. We need to learn to love and appreciate ourselves first.

 

[Bunny77]

I showered him with love, attention, support, and everything else I felt a virteous woman should give to her man. In return this man walked all over me.

Hey girl... don't worry about your disability. You'll find someone who's right for you!

I pasted this paragraph because I wanted to say that while I'm sure you are a virtuous woman, don't ever give that type of treatment to a man if he hasn't earned it.

I know a lot of women will say that they gave so much to a man for so little in return, and I will ask why? What did he do to prove deserving of your love, attention, support, and all that?

Be a virtuous woman to a virtuous man only. You don't have to live up to any standard to be with a man unless he's showing you that he deserves it.

 

[Kiadodie]

Sweetheart you deserve better. Men like him will get his. You don't do people dirty and walk all over them because they are disabled. Payback is a b***h so you best believe he will get his. God will bless you with someone who will love you unconditionally.

Sure is...girl don't worry. Someone worthy of you will come long, trust God. It's the he[FONT=&quot]a[/FONT]rt th[FONT=&quot]a[/FONT]t counts & obviously you were too good for him.
I c[FONT=&quot]a[/FONT]n't st[FONT=&quot]a[/FONT]nd idiots like that. I've run cross many & they [FONT=&quot]a[/FONT]lw[FONT=&quot]ays[/FONT] regret it in the end, believe me.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I know what you're feeling, trust me I do. When my mother was pregnant with me she had complications; one time she was bleeding while pregnant and thank god all was okay. But when I was born, some of the cells that would complete my left hand/arm were destroyed from her bleeding episode and as a result I was born with a condition called Ulnar Club Hand (google it). My parents didn't care about that, especially my mother - my half brother (she was married once before my father) is autistic and has severe mental retardation. She was just glad that I didn't turn out autistic as well.

Growing up as a child I really didn't care about it and neither did the people around me but growing into the teenage years where you have peers and are looking to 'impress' people and be apart of the crowd it starts to get to you. I would wear long sleeve shirts alllllllll year round and would ALWAYS keep my hand in my pocket because I didn't want people to ask questions or point/stare. I had very low self-esteem and thought that no one would want to be with me, who would want to marry me? Who would be proud to walk down the street with me when I wasn't even proud enough of myself?

Girl, when I tell you that I had relationships with people, I wouldn't even let THEM know. And if I was intimate with any of them, please... Lights better be off and completely dark! I managed to 'hide' this for some 17 years or so. Some would find out and surprisingly to me, they didn't think any less of me, or so they would say - but in the back of my mind, I'd always wonder what they're REALLY thinking. I have some friends who I've had for years now that know that I have a "difference", but I've never even shown them. That's how bad the insecurity is.

Well, I met a wonderful man back in November of 2006. We met at a club which isn't the "ideal" place, but we called each other, and eventually started dating. When it was time for us to become more intimate, I tried so so had to hide my imperfection - I mean this man was fine beyond fine and so great to me and I didn't want that to change. One time when we were finished he went to hold me and touched my arm, mannnn I couldn't pull away fast enough! He turned on the lights, was surprised, and then we talked about it for some 2 hours. He ended the conversation with something along the lines of "That doesn't make you who you are." In the back of my mind, I thought - "Okay, we'll break up any day now..."

Fast forward to a year later, and he proposed to me on November 17th. We're getting married and you want to know something funny? The thing that I thought made me such an unattractive person or so unwanted, is the one thing that he adores most about me. I still habitually sometimes hide my arm or hand, and I wear my engagement ring on my right hand rather than my left, but when he sees me getting shy or reserved - he grabs my hand kisses it and smiles at me and tells me how beautiful I am.

Believe me, I know what it feels like to wonder if there's someone out there who will love you for your good qualities as well as your imperfections. If you're anything like me, maybe sometimes you've asked God why you and not someone else. But you know what? It may make you different physically, but inside you're still a beautiful person, and it takes the right guy to make YOU realize that as well. Some people can be a$$holes, trust me I know. But in time, and believe me when I say this, there will be that guy who comes into your life and looks at you the way my SO looks at me and says to you "You're beautiful and I love you, no matter what."

I'm not one to really talk about these things especially not in public or with just anyone, but I can really feel your pain because I've been there, and I just wanted to be one of those people who shows you that it is possible and that no matter what, whether you have OI or I have a UCH, you are a beautiful woman and one day, you'll find a beautiful man who thinks that very same thing.

God Bless you.

Aww!! You're blessed girl, and thanx cuz I really needed it. It's just krazy. You kno how you give your all to your first relationship. I thought that was all there was to gettin a man to stay. I gave this man my heart, my thoughts, and hell my virginity. It took me a year to woman up and investigate to find out he was cheating on me, becuase at one point I felt I didn't deserve to know. All I wanted was SOMEBODY. I didn't care if I had to be that 2nd girl, just as long as I had SOMEONE to call my own I was content. Didn't care if he was cheating, because he was still mine in my heart. But then, I got to thinking, "Why Me?" It didn't have to be that way, and I know deep down that I deserve better, even if my actions say otherwise. It's just one of the problems that i gotta deal with myself and not let everyone walk trample and run over me. I have a high as hell self-esteem. I gotta great personality, and I know it lool. I ain't conceited (Remy Ma), but if I was I gotta reason, lol but still my self image because of my disABLEity is lacking. (That's what led me to this board) I feel like since i'm not that pretty, I will go overlooked and stay alone for the rest of my life cuz MANY people have beautiful personalities. I've met many on this board alone that have those, but I just gotta find my inner and outer beauty from inside.

 

[MrsQueeny]

What a jerk. It is his loss so be thankful you didn't marry the loser. That's right girl don't ever settle. Keep doing you and the right man will come along and appreciate you for you. Q

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You deserve better.

Yep, and now that he's outta the way, you can make room for somebody better!

 

[natstar]

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that as^hole-but the lesson is so valuable. You are worth it and this story is inspirational to me cause I am going thru a situation where I feel like I am settling and (secretly) know it. Thank you...