I really can't tolerate this b**** (his mother)

I

Innocent_Kiss

Well-Known Member
And the only reason I would feel any remorse for calling my SO's mother a b**** is if it's against forum rules? If so, sorry mods! Anyway, ladies, this has gotten out of hand. My boyfriend's mother is a bitter *** forty something year old woman that wishes she was twenty something. I can be having a conversation with someone else, and she'll butt in with some bull ish just to disagree with me. WTF? I'm a pretty refined young lady. Ya know, "yes ma'am, no sir" ..polite, respectful. But I can be a totally different person if you try me. I mean gutta, black yo momma's eye in HER house and drive home like nothing happened BEFORE the police gets there. So, I love my boyfriend, right? And I'm like, as long as I'm with him, to some extent, I'll have to atleast see his mother or deal with her on some level from time to time...so I won't black her eye (lucky bastard). So, I decided that I'll stay the hell away from her even if that meant giving me and him some space from time to time (after 3 years we're still in this honeymoon phase where we have to talk and see eachother all the time :barf: ..that's playing out)

So, my bf's grandfather passed (RIP) and his burial is tommorrow. Of course, he asked me to be there, and of course this broad will be there. How do I get through tommorrow? I really hate to catch a case..:nono: How do you ignore someone who tries so hard to start ish with you?
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
And the only reason I would feel any remorse for calling my SO's mother a b**** is if it's against forum rules? If so, sorry mods! Anyway, ladies, this has gotten out of hand. My boyfriend's mother is a bitter *** forty something year old woman that wishes she was twenty something. I can be having a conversation with someone else, and she'll butt in with some bull ish just to disagree with me. WTF? I'm a pretty refined young lady. Ya know, "yes ma'am, no sir" ..polite, respectful. But I can be a totally different person if you try me. I mean gutta, black yo momma's eye in HER house and drive home like nothing happened BEFORE the police gets there. So, I love my boyfriend, right? And I'm like, as long as I'm with him, to some extent, I'll have to atleast see his mother or deal with her on some level from time to time...so I won't black her eye (lucky bastard). So, I decided that I'll stay the hell away from her even if that meant giving me and him some space from time to time (after 3 years we're still in this honeymoon phase where we have to talk and see eachother all the time :barf: ..that's playing out)

So, my bf's grandfather passed (RIP) and his burial is tommorrow. Of course, he asked me to be there, and of course this broad will be there. How do I get through tommorrow? I really hate to catch a case..:nono: How do you ignore someone who tries so hard to start ish with you?
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This whole post screams more "gutta" than "refined" to me. :ohwell:
 
Well, I apologize if this isn't refined enough for some of you, but I think I'm entitled to vent. @michelle81, it really doesn't have to be that serious! That's the point. I say hello out of respect, and leave it at that. She somehow manages to say or do something to ignite an argument. Like random "She gone try and take my son from me!" rants at his grandfather's repast :smh: or "I bet she wouldn't even let me see my grandbabies." I'm not prego and don't plan on being for a looong time...where is this coming from??? @CoCoChanel ...girl, I can't even begin to describe. He's my heart :yep:
 
Wow. That is some strong words and feelings towards someone that you love mother.
I couldn't imagine myself having that much discord and animosity toward my SO mother.
I would suggest just being there for your SO and being respectful towards his family.
 
nikki2229 said:
Wow. That is some strong words and feelings towards someone that you love mother.
I couldn't imagine myself having that much discord and animosity toward my SO mother.
I would suggest just being there for your SO and being respectful towards his family.
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Well, they're two entirely different people and I'm so happy for you that you wouldn't feel that way toward your SO's mother :yep:
 
Just keep it cordial...say very little to her, but enough to show respect.

A close friend of the family has these feelings toward her DH's mother...and they've been married for 10 years, so there is a way to get through it.
 
Helpmeblongagain said:
Just keep it cordial...say very little to her, but enough to show respect.

A close friend of the family has these feelings toward her DH's mother...and they've been married for 10 years, so there is a way to get through it.
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I knew I couldn't be the only woman on this earth. Well, that's encouraging... 10 years is a long time.
 
Have you talked to SO about it? Have you ever just came out, in FRONT of him, when she makes one of these comments (or in front of whoever she's talking to) and just asked her, "Oh, Mrs. So-and-so... why do you always make such derogatory statements/comments regarding me? It really isn't conducive towards fostering a good relationship between the two of us... how the heck are we supposed to be comfortable with each other?"

Maybe calling her out in front of somebody in a nice non-threatening way will make her look like the @ss and she won't be able to say anything bad about you... (?) I don't know? Let us know how it turns out! Good luck!
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
Well, I apologize if this isn't refined enough for some of you, but I think I'm entitled to vent. @michelle81, it really doesn't have to be that serious! That's the point. I say hello out of respect, and leave it at that. She somehow manages to say or do something to ignite an argument. Like random "She gone try and take my son from me!" rants at his grandfather's repast :smh: or "I bet she wouldn't even let me see my grandbabies." I'm not prego and don't plan on being for a looong time...where is this coming from??? @CoCoChanel ...girl, I can't even begin to describe. He's my heart :yep:
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Obviously, if she is making these kind of comments at the grandfathers' repast then she must be having an attachment to her son and feel threatened by your relationship. With that said, I couldn't imagine myself arguing with my SO/DH parents. Elder people can say or do things to make us angry/upset but I would never argue with them. There is a way to be respectful and keep your distance.

I appreciate your trying to say hello and KIM but I think the I will punch her in the eye in HER house says a lot. I would hope my DH or any guy that I ever dated would ever feel comfortable enough to even think they would hit my dad(i.e. black his eye) or disrespect my mom. If so, our relationship may be in serious question. IMO, this speaks volumes.
 
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I'm sure you can ignore it for the burial tomorrow. That is not the place.
Does your SO know how you feel about his mother? (Based on your posts, I doubt it :lol: ) I don't know what to tell you. But really, one day won't kill you. Suck it up for the burial and talk to your SO about it at another time.
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
Well, they're two entirely different people and I'm so happy for you that you wouldn't feel that way toward your SO's mother :yep:
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Thank you. I am not talking about my DH's mother. I just couldn't imagine feeling such strong feelings about anyone's mom unless they did the most heinous things to me.
I am not trying to negate your feelings. I just think that you should say something to her instead of building up such strong feelings. When someone says something hurtful to me, I quickly tell them that I did not like what they did/said and explain how it made me feel.(This includes my MIL too)
I hope it works out for you. Couples do survive through the In-Law drama.
My condolences to your SO and his family.
 
krikit96 said:
Have you talked to SO about it? Have you ever just came out, in FRONT of him, when she makes one of these comments (or in front of whoever she's talking to) and just asked her, "Oh, Mrs. So-and-so... why do you always make such derogatory statements/comments regarding me? It really isn't conducive towards fostering a good relationship between the two of us... how the heck are we supposed to be comfortable with each other?"

Maybe calling her out in front of somebody in a nice non-threatening way will make her look like the @ss and she won't be able to say anything bad about you... (?) I don't know? Let us know how it turns out! Good luck!
Click to expand...

Honestly, I haven't. For a very long time, I didn't say anything because that's how I am with my own mother. When my own mother says something, even if she's wrong, I'll just say yes ma'am and maybe explain to her later. When I do say something to his mom, I'll pull her aside in private and talk to her, but the conversation is never about her continual hassling, I always seem to entertain her irrational ideas. Like for instance, try to explain to her that I'm not trying to "take" her son away. I'm definitely going to try that, though. And my boyfriend knows how we feel about each other. He'll tell her "Mom, why are you starting stuff with her, what's your point?" but then she'll bounce off walls and tell him he's wrong for putting me before her? He just lost his grandfather, his best friend, I'm not really looking to him to step in right now because he's dealing with so much.
 
Um... OP please clarify... did you actually hit her, or are you speaking hypothetically... I think the latter, but some are hinting towards thinking you've actually DONE this it seems?
 
I saw the title and was like "oh, sweet Jesus" because I had a feeling who you were talking about before I even read it:lachen: :lachen: :lachen:


i felt the same way with my ex's mother and she would pull the same type of behavior on me just because I said hello. She would hurt my feelings and I would get so upset that I would pretend to be not feeling well just so I could go home. She was so mean and evil. But one day, she was going at me and I just said to myself:

"on my worst day, I will never be her" meaning I will never be so disrespectful, mean and evil. I continue to carry myself like I am better than her and will not allow her to drag me down into the gutter with her just because she has issues. I was raised better and just because she disrespected me, I refused to disrespect myself just to put her in her place.

Everytime she got out of pocket, I would repeat that line over and over in my mind. Eventually, it was very easy to ignore her, if I even bothered to be around her. My ex did not defend me(that is another whole issue), so I stopped going anywhere she was going to be present and let them talk and my ex be mad. I would go to the burial stay, 30 min at the repast to be nice and tell my SO holler at me later when he is done with his people.
 
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nikki2229 said:
Obviously, if she is making these kind of comments at the grandfathers' repast then she must be having an attachment to her son and feel threatened by your relationship. With that said, I couldn't imagine myself arguing with my SO/DH parents. Elder people can say or do things to make us angry/upset but I would never argue with them. There is a way to be respectful and keep your distance.

I appreciate your trying to say hello and KIM but I think the punch her in the eye in HER house says a lot. I would hope my DH or any guy that I ever dated would ever feel comfortable enough to even think they would hit my dad(i.e. black his eye) or disrespect my mom. If so, our relationship may be in serious question. IMO, this speaks volumes.
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:lol: Wow, I wasn't serious...I guess. I'm not really planning to fight my boyfriend's mother, people! Gosh. I come here and console in you all because when I try and confide in my family or friends, it involves them in a way I really don't want them to be. You all don't know any of us, and so I get honest advice from experienced women who don't have any emotional attachment or personal relationship with anyone invoved. I know she feels threatend by our relationship, but what can I do about it? Don't think for a minute I'm happy that I'm very close to hating the love of my life's mother. I'll always have open arms for her just because I love him that much. You all have no idea what I've been through for the past three years, so trust me when I say that I have good reason to feel the way I do. I'm going to have to conduct an attitude detox tonight.

As far as tommorrow, I wouldn't dare entertain her drama. It just puts me in a difficult place because he doesn't want me to leave, but he wants to be with the rest of his family at the same time.
 
krikit96 said:
Um... OP please clarify... did you actually hit her, or are you speaking hypothetically... I think the latter, but some are hinting towards thinking you've actually DONE this it seems?
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No, I haven't hit her and I don't plan to. But Lawd King Jesus!!!!!!! It seems like she wants me to lol

daydreem2876 said:
I saw the title and was like "oh, sweet Jesus" because I had a feeling who you were talking about before I even read it:lachen: :lachen: :lachen:


i felt the same way with my ex's mother and she would pull the same type of behavior on me just because I said hello. She would hurt my feelings and I would get so upset that I would pretend to be not feeling well just so I could go home. She was so mean and evil. But one day, she was going at me and I just said to myself:

"on my worst day, I will never be her" meaning I will never be so disrespectful, mean and evil. I continue to carry myself like I am better than her and will not allow her to drag me down into the gutter with her just because she has issues. I was raised better and just because she disrespected me, I refused to disrespect myself just to put her in her place.

Everytime she got out of pocket, I would repeat that line over and over in my mind. Eventually, it was very easy to ignore her, if I even bothered to be around her. My ex did not defend me(that is another whole issue), so I stopped going anywhere she was going to be present and let them talk and my ex be mad. I would go to the burial stay, 30 min at the repast to be nice and tell my SO holler at me later when he is done with his people.
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OMG! SEE! That's why I love you all :bighug: That is so powerful "On my worst day, I will never be her." Is it disrespectful to actually tell her this or should I just repeat it in my head? :lol: You make a good point about tommorrow, though. After the burial, I'll invite him to lunch or to my house, but if he insist on staying at his grandma's house - which he probably will, I'll leave.
 
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let him go be with his people, but invite him over when he is done. He, therefore you, would be disrespectful if he did not.

And no you cannot tell her, even though it can be hard as gell not to.
 
daydreem2876 said:
let him go be with his people, but invite him over when he is done. He, therefore you, would be disrespectful if he did not.

And no you cannot tell her, even though it can be hard as gell not to.
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LOL ok! Girl, thanks so much, I really needed to hear this. I feel 100% better about the situation, even if she doesn't change :)
 
I would think it is your SO's role to put his mom in her place if she gets out of line like this.

If you're going to the funeral, just ignore her. Let her make a fool of herself and remain dignified. If you feel like you're about to lose it, just tell your SO it's time for you to leave, say bye and walk away. Just walk away.
 
There are no easy answers in situations like this. My MIL can be a handful, but with time and maturity I’ve learned how to just let the things she says roll of my back (and this woman can say some stuff). You love your boyfriend, so the focus should be on comforting him and being there for him. You can be polite and cordial to his mother and go on your merry way and nothing about that is disrespectful. If she says something to try you, simply smile and walk away. And that is something you can do no matter the occasion because once she sees that she can’t get under your skin, she’ll stop. There is something to be said about “killing people with kindness.”
 
I unda stand exactly how u feel chile, but see, i'm from a different breed. knowin me, i prolly wouldn't go to the funeral, cuz i would catch a case. i'm too outspoken, and have no tact, so i knowin me, i would put her in her place n keep it movin.

however, respect is respect and like any other woman, you deserve just that. i can't tell you when to do it, but there will be a time and a place when respect will go out the window, because she obviously has none for you, and you will demand it, in whateva fashion you see fit.

i put my my ex momma in law in her place....a place she's neva been, trust me. she respects me now. even to this day.
 
go and be there for you guy but stay away from momma. Offer her your condolence and KIM.
Have a talk with him about her sooner than later because if your mate mother does not like you she will give you grief to no end and then comes the break up
 
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